


It Was Always You

by Simaril



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Bella/Carlisle Friendship, Cop Bella, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Post-New Moon, Protective Carlisle Cullen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 146,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22083262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simaril/pseuds/Simaril
Summary: Bella has created a new life for herself in the five years since Edward left her. When she bumps into Carlisle in an Oregon ER, she has to make some choices about whether or not the Cullens have a place in that life, and they have to get to know the new version of the girl they left behind.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 452
Kudos: 766





	1. Second First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2015 I finished writing The Girl In The Meadow after a long break from Twilight. I enjoyed being back in that world and had an idea for a story, so I started writing it with the encouragement and support of Gredelina1. I lasted maybe a month before my new fandom — Supernatural — pulled me back in, and I left the story with only a handful of chapters written. I came back to it in 2016 and IamTheAlleyCat began to beta. I got another handful of chapters written before Supernatural summoned and I left the story behind again. 
> 
> Jump to Autumn 2019 I realized it was time to finish for Gredlina1 who has been so supportive and patient with me as I flip-flopped on this story, even though she was more eager to see it finished than anyone. I sat down again and got to work. This is the result. IamTheAlleyCat has signed up to continue to beta and Ncsupnatfan has pre-read. Thanks to those ladies and Gredelina1, there is now a story for you to read. 
> 
> I gifted this to Gredelina1 as an eBook for Christmas, and now she’s had a chance to be the first to read, I can start posting here. 
> 
> My other Twilight works are posted on FFnet under the penname Simaril and my Supernatural words are on FFnet and AO3 as Clowns or Midgets. 
> 
> Happy New Year to you all. I hope for a blessed 2020 for us all xxx

**_Carlisle_ **

A calm voice called me on via the intercom. “Doctor Cullen to the ER.”

My shoes whispered against the carpet as I crossed my office and hurried into the hall. There was no need for me to concentrate in order to keep my pace human; I had been playing the part now for so many centuries it was second nature for me.

This was one of the moments that I enjoyed most—the mystery of not knowing what I was heading into. It could be anything, any injury or illness. There were negatives to my vocation, the worst being the loss of lives that I was unable save, but the multitudes of lives I had _saved_ outweighed the negative tenfold. There were people out there that had mothers, fathers, grandparents, children, and siblings because I had saved their lives with my knowledge and experience. These people could continue with their lives and become college students, teachers, or a multitude of other things due to the great power of medicine.

Even before I reached the Emergency Room, I could hear the patient I was sure I had been summoned for. He was making a great deal of noise. Other voices were reassuring and trying to calm him, but his was the loudest by far.

“Morphine, dammit! I want morphine! And not that watered down stuff you give to the uninsured. Give me the real deal. That bitch will pay when I sue her ass!”

I walked into the ER and caught the eye of one of my favorite nurses—Amanda, mid-thirties and one of the kindest people I had ever had the good fortune to meet. I gestured toward the second trauma bay, where the majority of the noise was coming from, and she nodded. “Yes, we’ve got our very own Billy the Kid in there today.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Amanda.”

I opened the sliding door of the bay and entered. The man was thrashing around, despite the handcuff that shackled him to the bed by his left wrist, and shouting. I could tell by the pinched looks of the staff trying to help him that they were running out of patience. There was also a police officer standing by the door, hands at his sides and a look of perfect professional indifference on his face.

“What have we got here?” I asked.

“No name given,” the intern running the room said.

“It’s Max Briers,” the officer said.

“Injury sustained to the right scapula,” the intern continued. “Bleeding stopped before patient regained consciousness. Morphine administered twenty minutes ago upon complaints of elevated levels of pain.”

“I heard,” I said dryly. “Well, Mr. Briers, I need you to calm down so I can get a look at your injury.”

The man on the bed scowled up at me. “I would if I wasn’t in _agony_! Do you know how much it hurts to get shot?”

“I don’t,” I admitted. “But I imagine it would be painful.”

“It is,” he said. “These bastards gave me the weak crap. Tell them to bump it up a little. I have money.”

I glanced at the intern. “Is he maxed out?”

“We gave him four IM.”

“Perhaps we should give him just a little more,” I suggested. “Add five milligrams to his IV.”

“That’s the stuff, Doc. Someone competent at last.” He grinned at me.

As the intern injected the morphine into the IV, I addressed the patient. “Now, I am going to examine your injury. It would be easier for me and better for you if you could stay still.”

“Don’t touch it though, okay?” He sounded a little afraid now.

I nodded. “I will do my best to avoid it.” I moved along the bed to his side and gently removed the gauze pad covering the gunshot wound. “What do you see?” I asked the intern at my side.

“GSW to the axilla,” he said confidently. “Possible nerve damage to the brachial plexus.”

“Very good. What is our next step?”

“Electromyography for the muscles and nerves.”

“Good,” I nodded. “You arrange the EMG and an x-ray to exclude bone damage, and I will organize a neuro consultation.”

He hurried from the room, and I continued to examine my patient for more wounds. After a few moments, I asked if there was still pain. He was calmer now the opiates were working and answered civilly.

I turned and spoke to the officer standing by the door. “Is this cuff strictly necessary? It will complicate things for us.”

He shrugged. “It’s not down to me. You’ll need to speak to Officer Swan.”

I raised an eyebrow. It was not a particularly common name, but there was more than one Swan family in existence. Just because this name meant something to me, it didn’t mean it was Charlie. From what I understood, he had been born and raised in Forks, never leaving for a prolonged period of time. What could have made him relocate to this small, Oregon town?

Then I heard the door sliding open behind me, and the room was filled with the most familiar scent. Had my heart been beating, it surely would have stuttered. As it was, I felt a jolt of shock pulse through me like electricity.

I turned slowly, taking it all in—brown eyes, mahogany hair, and ivory skin. For a moment, I froze, my natural reaction to stress, and then I forced myself to relax.

She beamed at me. The smile lit up her face. “Hey, Carlisle.”

I felt my lips curving into a returning smile. “Hello, Bella.”

“Doc wants to know whether we can lose the cuff,” the officer asked Bella.

The officer. He was asking Bella!

I was not stupid. I had had an above average intelligence even as a human, and now I was a centuries-old vampire with an enhanced intellect, so why, _why_ had I not seen the uniform Bella was wearing? The navy shirt and pants, the metal badge, the gun on her hip. The gun!

My eyes widened.

“We need to keep the cuff on,” she said calmly, professionally. “This man is a flight risk.”

The man on the bed blinked drowsily at her. “Hey, if it isn’t Officer Goose. You getting your story straight with the good Doc so I can’t sue?”

Bella ignored him and turned to me. My eyes were still wide. “Yeah, things are a little different now,” she said with a hint of amusement. “We should catch up.”

I nodded. “Yes. Yes! We should. That is exactly what we need to do.” I was babbling. I never babbled. I was a doctor in my work setting. I was not acting like myself. I blamed the shock. It wasn’t every day you saw your son’s reason for being; the sweet, innocent girl she had been, toting a gun and dealing with a criminal as if it was any other day.

“Great,” she said cheerfully. “I’m guessing you’ll be busy fixing up Max here for the next while, and I have a _bunch_ of paperwork to fill out. Shooting a man means a ton of work.”

“Shooting a man?” I asked dumbly.

“Yeah,” the man on the bed slurred. “Bitch shot me.”

I looked to Bella, expecting her to argue, to deny, to defend. She just shrugged and turned to her colleague. “Matheson is coming to spell me. You want company here?”

He responded, I was sure, but I did not process what he said. My mind was caught up in what was happening. After five years apart, Bella was back. Bella was back, and she had shot a man.

Things had really changed.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I took a deep breath as I stepped out of the hospital doors before walking to the patrol car. There were many things that had changed in my life, but my discomfort in hospitals wasn’t one of them. I still hated them. But when it was necessary, I sucked it up and got on with it.

The roads were quiet, and I made good time, despite the fact I was going under the speed limit. The ride over had been a thrill, lights running and sirens blaring as I followed the ambulance, but now I drove at a more sensible pace. It was a shame. My love of speed was something else that had developed in the last five years. Stemming from the motorbikes and quiets roads around Forks and La Push, it had overpowered the fear from before.

I pulled up at the station and climbed out. I wasn’t sure what my reception would be when I got inside. The adrenaline was now seeping out of my veins, and it was leaving nerves behind. I was better than to show it, though, even when I opened the door and walked inside to find almost absolute silence greeting me. The station was open planned with the cells and the Chief’s office being the only exceptions. Almost all the desks behind the reception area were manned by officers, and they were working in silence; the only sounds were the rustle of papers and the clicking of keyboards.

Sophie, our secretary and my friend, was behind the front desk. She glanced up ~~a~~ s at me as I entered then quickly looked down again.

“Hi, Sophie,” I said in a falsely cheerful voice.

“Bella,” she said, without looking up again. “The Chief asked me to tell you to go right on in.”

“Great. Thanks.”

My heart relocating to my polished boots, I rounded the desk and weaved my way to the back of the room, where the Chief’s office was located. He had said to go right in, but I knew better than to do that. I knocked and waited for him to reply.

“Enter,” a gruff voice called out.

I went in and clicked the door closed behind me. He didn’t look up from his desk. He was writing on a piece of paper, and he finished what he was doing first, giving me time to cross the room and come to attention in front of his desk.

With a fierce jab of his pen, he marked his last sentence with a period and then, finally, slowly, he raised his eyes to mine. There were two chairs in front of the desk, but he didn’t invite me to take one.

“Swan,” he said.

“Chief,” I said without inflection.

He narrowed his eyes. “I just got off the phone with Astoria Memorial,” he said. “They told me Max Briers is in surgery for a shoulder injury.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And I spoke to Officer Green.”

Frank had been with me on patrol ~~with~~ at the time. He was a good man, and we got on well, but he wouldn’t have had a choice but to tell the truth of what I had done.

“Yes, Sir?” I framed it as a question.

“Yes, Swan. He gave me his version of events, but I would surely like to hear yours, too. So, go ahead, tell me what happened.”

Keeping my eyes on a spot above his head and my stance stiff, I began. “We got the call over the radio for a robbery in progress at Mark’s Mini-Mart. We reported as attending and ran the code. Upon arrival, I observed what I believed to be four civilians in the store with Max Briers. Our priority was to protect the civilians, so we each took a point of entry—Officer Green taking the rear and me the front. The suspect was armed with a knife that he was using to threaten the salesclerk. Upon entry, I called out a warning, and the clerk and civilians dropped to the floor. Judging them safe, I approached the suspect, directing him to drop the knife. He did, but pulled a gun as soon as the knife was on the floor.” I drew a breath. “I judged myself and civilians to be in danger, so I took my shot to disarm him.”

“Where did you shoot him, Swan?” he asked in a cold voice.

“The right shoulder, the gun arm. At the same moment, Officer Green arrived. The suspect dropped the gun, and Officer Green retrieved it while I read the suspect his Miranda and restrained him with handcuffs. Officer Green arranged medical assistance while I dealt with the civilians. Sir,” I finished respectfully.

He sighed tiredly. “You know what an officer-involved shooting means, don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re on administrative leave until we conduct our investigation. Tomorrow, I want you back here to give a statement, and then we’ll do a step-by-step at the scene.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He looked up at me at last, and I thought I saw some give in his expression, a small quirk of the lips. Knowing now wasn’t the time to return it, I kept my expression blank so he could find no fault. 

“You’re dismissed,” he said.

“Thank you, Sir.” I made for the door.

“Oh, and Swan,” he called after me.

I turned reluctantly and then smiled as I saw the wry smile on his face. “Well, done, kid. Your father will be proud.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

The main office was as quiet as I had left it. I crossed to the cabinet to get the forms I needed to fill out, feeling like I was doing the walk of shame. Then I heard someone humming. A few notes in, someone else started, until the whole room was humming a tune I recognized but couldn’t name.

Confused, I looked around the room to see every person smiling at me, and then Lewis, one of the older cops in the department, stood up and started to sing at the top of his voice. “Hit me with your best shot. Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Hit me with your best shot. Fire away!”

Loud applause and many wolf whistles followed their song. 

Laughing, a blush warming my cheeks, I glanced back at the Chief’s office and saw him standing by the window. His image was distorted by the frosted glass, but I thought—or perhaps hoped—that I could see his shoulders lifting as he laughed, too.

xXx

There was a huge amount of paperwork involved in a weapon’s discharge, even more when the discharge included a suspect getting shot in the shoulder. It was well into evening by the time I pulled up in the driveway in front of my small two-story house. I threw myself down onto the plush couch soon after walking inside and leaned my head against the back.

My mind was buzzing with thoughts. Now that the tension of what had happened at the Mini-Mart had faded, my thoughts turned to what had happened at the hospital.

I had seen Carlisle Cullen again.

It was incredible. I had never imagined I would see any of them again, ever. It was a big country, and they were just seven people among millions. What were the odds we’d end up in the same town again, let alone in the same hospital at the same moment?

Stupidly, I had expected him to have changed as much as I had in the intervening years. Perhaps he was different, but not physically. He was as handsome as he ever was, with the face of a movie star and hair so blond it was like a halo around his head. If there was one Cullen that the image of an angel fitted, it was Carlisle. He was one of the best men I had ever known—gentle and kind, open and honest with me always. He was the kind of person I had wished I could be. I had since learned that I could model myself on no one. I had to make myself into the person I wanted to be without influence. To do anything else was to pretend.

It had been a shock to see him again, but I thought I’d done an admirable job of hiding it, aided by the fact my thoughts were busy processing what I had just been forced to do.

I chuckled as I remembered his face when his gaze had fallen on the gun at my hip. It must have been an incredible shock for him. Bella Swan armed. Bella Swan admitting to shooting a man.

The thing was, I was different now. I had lived through five years since I had last seen him, years that had taken me from a teenager on the cusp of adulthood into a woman. I was a cop now. I was a college graduate. I was not the girl he had known. The girl I _had_ been would have crumpled had I seen him again.

There was a time when seeing Carlisle or any other Cullen would have brought me to my knees, back in those dark days after they left, before Jacob, but that time had come and gone. Back then, I had yearned for them in the most incredible way. I would have given almost anything to see them, _him¸_ again.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see them now—they had once been like family, and I still held affection for them—but it didn’t control me anymore. Now, I could enjoy the moment, embrace the reunion and possibility of more, the others, my once beloved family.

I was jerked from my thoughts by the ringing of my phone. I leaned over the arm of the couch and checked the caller display. It was Charlie. I should have expected the call. He and my chief were buddies from a while back. They’d met on an interstate cop-training retreat, and their friendship racked up a notch when I took the job in Astoria. By now, Charlie had to know what had happened.

Knowing it was better to have the conversation now rather than later, when he’d had more time to worry, I answered, “Hey, Dad.”

“Bells. How was your day?”

I smiled to myself. It was better than I expected. I wasn’t Isabella at least. “It was intense.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I closed my eyes. “How about you tell me what you already know to save me repeating?”

He drew a breath. “There was an officer-involved shooting. You were there. Someone pulled a gun on you.” I realized his voice was unsteady. I had been preoccupied with thinking of him as another police chief that I hadn’t remembered he was also a father dealing with the fact his daughter had been in the sights of a gun that day.

“I’m fine, Dad,” I said. “The only shot fired was my own. No one else got hurt but him.” 

“And how do you feel?” It was an unusually solicitous question from my father, and it brought home just how worried he must be.

“Honestly, I’m okay. There’s a bunch of hoops I’m going to have to jump through with work before I can go back, but that’s okay. What matters is that there was a gun pulled, and no one was killed.”

“You’re right,” he said. “Of course you are. You did good, Bells. I’m proud.”

I smiled. Charlie wasn’t verbose at the best of times, which meant praise wasn’t often given. Not that I minded. I didn’t need reassurance from someone else that I had done the right thing. I already knew that in my heart. Still, it was nice to hear I made him proud. I’d only heard that a couple of times in my life from him. 

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Anything else happening for you?” he asked.

“No,” I said quickly. “Nothing at all.” I didn’t even think for a moment about telling him I’d seen Carlisle. I had no idea what his reaction would be seeing as he’d suffered almost as much as I had in those dark days after Edward had left. He might not take the reminder well.

Besides, there was no guarantee I would see any of them again. No. It was better to wait. If I did see Carlisle again, or any of the Cullens; I would tell Charlie about it. Not yet, though. It could wait.


	2. Coffee Date

**_Carlisle_ **

I did not see Bella again for the rest of the week, though I thought about her often. I considered seeking her out through the police department, but I decided against it. She may not want see me again.

When we had met, she had been so casual, so blithe, that it could just have been her way to save me face in front of other people, pretending she actually wanted to see me again. I didn’t want to force my company on her if it would be unwelcomed. There was a time in which I would have gone to her without hesitation, back when we had been family, but that time had come and gone.

Having lived for three centuries, I had gained many regrets, but perhaps the biggest was the night I had stood with my son against others in my family and agreed to leave Forks. I regretted that night not because of Bella, for she had blossomed and seemed to bear no ill marks from their parting. It was all for Edward. He had destroyed himself thoroughly with that choice, made in the heat of the moment, mere hours after she had almost been killed.

But he had been so desperate for us to go. He had come back to the house that night, after seeing her home, and his careful façade of calm had still been in place. He had merely called us all together in the dining room, the first time since the day of another near-death experience for Bella, and decreed that we had to leave. Naturally, we argued with him. Esme, Alice, and Emmett, the ones were most open with their love for the sweet, fragile human that had stumbled into our family, were the strongest opposers.

Esme had been the first to come around. Edward needed but a handful of words to gain her agreement, _“Think, Esme, she could have died tonight.”_

She had been moved out of love. She wanted Bella safe.

Emmett and Alice had not been so easily persuaded.

Alice had loved Bella before she had spoken even a word to her. She’d seen them become the best of friends in her visions, and that was all she had needed. Then they had spoken, and that was all Alice had needed to cement it in her mind that Bella and she were forever linked. They were best friends. She hadn’t wanted to leave her behind, and she hadn’t wanted to see her brother destroy himself as only she could see how terribly he would. She didn’t tell us what exactly she had seen for him, but it had been spelled out in the look on her face. It wasn’t until months later that I saw for myself what her vision must have shown her.

Emmett had been persuaded by Rosalie that leaving was right. She had used the right words. _“She deserves a human life, Emmett. She will be safer without us here. You have to let go of her for her own good.”_

I knew, as did we all in our hearts, that Rosalie had been less concerned about Bella than she had been herself. She envisaged life returning to normal for us all without Bella. She wanted her brother back the way he had been. She had been foolish in the extreme. Without Bella, he would never be the same.

But I had stood with him, supported his decision, as I believed it was his to make. After so many years of obliging the rest of us when it was time to move on, I obliged him. I hadn’t known, God forgive me, I hadn’t seen, that I was making the greatest mistake in allowing him this choice.

I had allowed my son to break himself.

We had packed what was needed that night and stolen away into the darkness, headed to Alaska. The plan was for Edward to join us there when he had settled things with Bella. We would then make plans for where to go next.

We waited a week, but he didn’t arrive, so I broke the vow I had made myself to allow him time and called him. I hadn’t expected to find him happy, I knew him better than that, but the man that spoke to me was devoid of all animation. His voice was a dead thing, monotone, empty, lost. It hurt me in a way no physical wound could.

Since their parting, I had asked Edward if he had made the right choice on two separate occasions. He had assured me he had. The second time he had not been so sure, but it had been too late then.

The first time had been on the phone. I had left the room the family were gathered in, not because walls could block my voice from them but because they would allow me privacy then out of respect. “Son, are you sure you have done the right thing? It’s not too late to go back.”

His reply had been quick, prepared. “I love her enough to let her go.”

I knew he did, I just wished for them both that he didn’t.

Then he broke my heart a little more. “I am not coming with you, Carlisle. I can’t. I am going after Victoria.”

After Bella had left the hospital in Phoenix, Edward and I had discussed Victoria and the danger she posed. He was certain that he himself would be a target, as it had been him that James had intended to lure by killing Bella. She had no way of knowing that the actual killing had been done by Jasper and Emmett and not Edward. At that time, the conclusion we had come to was that she would strike at some point, Alice would see it coming, and Victoria would be dispatched with in short order. He would have gone after her then had it not been for Bella. Now, without Bella, there was nothing holding him in place . He had a mission, a distraction.

When they learned what he was going to do, Jasper and Emmett offered to go with him, but he refused their company. He didn’t say it to them, but he confided in me that he wouldn’t separate them from their mates now he knew how that felt.

xXx

A week after our first meeting, I finished an early shift at the hospital and was just making my way through the halls to the exit when I caught Bella’s scent. I considered for a moment, wondering whether to follow it and see her again or let her be, when the decision was made for me by the fates as Bella appeared at the end of the hall.

She looked distracted, annoyed even, and for a moment I stood poised on the verge of ducking into a room to let her pass untroubled, but she looked up then and saw me. Her reaction caught me completely off guard. She beamed and hurried her pace towards me. I found myself returning the smile.

“Carlisle,” Bella said happily, coming to a stop in front of me.

I was momentarily stunned wordless by her reaction. I had spent a week fretting over whether or not she would want to see me, and here she was, her smile saying it all. My inertia lasted less than a second, too short a time for her to notice, before I was smiling back at her and saying, “Bella, how are you?”

She grimaced. “I’m having a reasonably awful day so far, but it’s looking up now.”

“Is it anything you would like to talk about?” I asked, and as I did, my thoughts traveled back through the years to the summer of Bella and Edward. She would come to the house, even when Edward was away hunting, to spend time with us all. Alice often monopolized her time, but Bella did her best to be with the rest of the family in turn. We would talk about the things she loved and worried over, the most dominant of which was Edward.

Perhaps she was remembering the same as she smiled slightly. “Only if you have time.”

“I have just finished my shift. I have all the time in the world to talk.”

“Brilliant,” she said, then she glanced out of the window at the pouring rain. “Okay, the park’s out. How about we meet at Starbucks and you can pretend to drink a coffee while I indulge?”

“That sounds perfect,” I said, wondering at how easy it was with her still. How, for all my worry about her not wanting to see me, I was slipping into comfort without even realizing it.

“I’ve just got to run by the station and drop something off,” she said, waving an envelope. “Give me fifteen and I’ll be there.” 

I nodded, and she carried on along the hall. I turned and watched her go, noting the bounce in her step that hadn’t been there before. She had said it was a reasonably awful day, and I had made it look up.

It made me happy.

xXx

I only had to wait five minutes after my arrival, long enough to purchase a coffee I would not drink and find a table, before I spotted her through the glass door of the store. Bella didn’t have the same bounce in her step as she had when I had left her at the hospital, but she looked happy still. She pushed open the door, and her eyes roved around until they fell on me at a corner table. She shook her umbrella out the door and then folded it and stowed it in the bucket with others.

Bella held up a finger to indicate she would be a minute and then joined the short queue at the counter. I watched as a young man with sandy blond hair approached her, welcoming smile in place, and said, “Officer Swan. The usual?”

“Yes, please,” she said happily.

“Donut?” he asked, laughter twinkling in his eyes.

“Ha-ha. No, thanks.”

He nodded and smiled. “Coming right up.”

She rooted through her purse while he fixed her drink. She was evidently known to more people than the young man, as the other staff greeted her between serving people and asked after her. When her drink was ready, she paid and then carried it over to me and sat down. She took a sip, closed her eyes with apparent relish, and then set the mug down.

“Is that nice?” I asked, amused by her expression.

“Caramel macchiatos are better than nice,” she said. “They’re…heavenly.” She frowned. “Oh. I didn’t think. Is this okay? The smell not bothering you?”

“It’s fine,” I said. “Not a problem at all.” Coffee didn’t smell as bad as some human beverages, but it wasn’t something I would enjoy drinking the way Bella seemed to.

“Good,” she said. “I haven’t had to think about things like this in so long.”

“I appreciate your consideration.”

She waved it away. “No problem.”

“So, you said you were having a bad day. Would you like to talk about it now?” At her shake and gentle smile, I continued, “You don’t have to.”

“It’s not that. It’s just you’re still so…Carlisle. I don’t know why I expected you do be different. Intellectually, I knew you wouldn’t be, but I guess I did anyway. Crazy.” 

It wasn’t crazy to me at all. It was endearing. She was thinking of me as human, constantly changeable. I liked it. She had always seen us as people first and vampires second. I was happy that hadn’t changed.

“And yet you have changed so much,” I said.

She nodded vigorously. “I have. I don’t think I realized how much until recently.”

“Your bad day?” I prompted, wanting to know what had made her unhappy in hopes that I could do something to ease it.

“What happened when I last saw you has its consequences. I was at the hospital today to see a shrink.” Her lips pressed into a thin line. “I am on administrative leave until they finish the official investigation. I get why they have to do it, but it sucks that they’re all questioning it when I know I did the right thing.”

I knew a little about police procedures as it affected me in my work, but I didn’t know much. I would have to rectify that for future reference so I could help her.

I was brought up short by my thoughts. It was one coffee, not a promise of contact, and here I was planning things that definitely indicated hope for more. It was unlike me.

“Anyway,” she said firmly. “You don’t want to hear about that, and I want to hear about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I want to know everything! Where have you been these past years? What have you been doing?”

I laughed at her enthusiasm. “I recently moved here from Ithaca. I had been working and teaching part-time there for the past five years.”

She held up a hand. “You were teaching? Like _Cornell_ teaching? Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. That’s brilliant. Those students, getting to learn from you… They were so lucky.”

“Thank you, Bella,” I said, heartfelt. “What about you? I know you must have passed through the academy, but did you study elsewhere?”

“I did.” There was a strain of pride in her voice. “Southern Oregon University. Associates in Criminal Justice.” 

“That’s wonderful,” I said. “But I have to ask, why law enforcement? It is not the career I would have imagined for you.”

“It wasn’t what I imagined for myself either when I was eighteen,” she admitted. “And my initial motivation seems silly, but when I started considering it seriously, I knew it was the right path for me.”

“What was your motivation?” I asked.

She shook her head. “That’s a topic for another time. Now, it’s my turn.” A wry smile crept across her lips. “How is everyone else? How’s Alice? And Esme, and Emmett?” She sounded almost longing.

“They are well,” I said. “Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper are in college again at the moment. Esme is in Alaska, visiting with our extended family there.”

“That’s great. I bet they’re enjoying college a lot more than high school. I know I did.”

“I can imagine,” I said. “How are Charlie and Renee?”

“They’re both great. Happy. Renee is teaching again now. She and Phil seem to have settled in Florida for good. Phil is enjoying his coaching job. Charlie is still living the Forks life, keeping the good people safe. He’s married now, Sue Clearwater from the reservation.” She laughed softly. “I’m not an only child anymore. Sue has two children: Seth and Leah.”

“Do you get on with them?”

“My turn to ask a question,” she corrected. “How is Edward?”

I had intentionally not mentioned him when I told her about the rest of my family because I didn’t want to upset her. But she seemed calm, curious perhaps. There wasn’t the pain in her voice that I was expecting. I had only Edward for reference when it came to the cost of their parting, and he was broken. She was clearly not. I shouldn’t have expected her to be, really; she was human, and it had been a long time since they were together.

“Carlisle?” she prompted. “He is okay, isn’t he?”

“He is well,” I said. This was as honest as I could be without risking hurting to her. “He is currently living in Italy with some friends of ours, studying in his own way.”

It was the vaguest way possible of telling her Edward was living in practical seclusion with the Volturi. He had an apartment in the city but from what I understood he was rarely there. He preferred to stay ensconced in the library of their castle, reading everything in the vast collection in an attempt to distract himself.

“That’s good,” she said. “I wonder sometimes. I’m glad he’s happy.”

He wasn’t remotely happy, but I didn’t correct her. I was distracted by what she had said, _“I wonder sometimes.”_ How could it be that the bond I had once thought was everlasting, absolute, between them had come to this? The answer was formed as quickly as the question. She had grown up without him. I had no doubt that had he stayed, she would have loved him as long as she lived, whether it was as a human or as a vampire. He had removed himself from her life, though, and the price of that had been her love.

I hoped he never found out. Though how that would be possible, I didn’t know.

“Are you happy?” I asked.

“Yes. I haven’t always been. Life was sometimes very hard, but now I am. I have friends, family, a job I love, and I am settled here.” She paused and seed to consider something. “I think that’s the same for most people. You suffer, and it makes you stronger.”

“You always were strong.”

She shook her head quickly. “No, Carlisle, not always. Sometimes I was selfish and weak, and I hurt people I love.” 

“We all have,” I reassured her. “It is not a crime.”

“Perhaps. It’s too late to change now, though, isn’t it?”

I nodded a little sadly. It was too late. My regret was torn now. On one hand, in agreeing with Edward that we should leave Forks and Bella, I had played a part in him destroying himself. On the other, I looked at Bella and saw the wonderful woman she had become, and I wondered if that would have been possible had we stayed. She would have been wonderful still, but she would not have been the same.

“Are you happy, Carlisle?” she asked. “You seem it, but your eyes… I don’t know. They’re not the same somehow.”

I was as happy as I could be in my situation. The loss of happiness in my eyes was the price of Edward’s loss. The loss of _his_ Bella.

I forced a smile. “I am happy right now. That is what counts.”

“Yes,” she said. “It is.”

And so I relaxed and enjoyed her company and allowed myself to rejoice in the moment. We parted ways after a long and very pleasant conversation, promising to see each other again soon. Then, I went home and allowed the sadness and grief to take over me.

My son had his wish; Bella was happy and human, and it had cost him everything. 


	3. Bad Date

**_Chapter Three_ **

****

**_Bella_ **

I was on my way out of the gym, my bag slung over my shoulder, when my cell rang. I quickly swung my bag across my chest and pulled the phone from a side pocket. I smiled as I saw the name flashing across the screen. It was still surreal to me to have him in my life again. I felt a thrill every time I was reminded that he was back. “Hi, Carlisle.”

“Bella, how are you?”

“Buzzing with endorphins.”

“You are?” He sounded confused, and I could imagine the frown lines creasing his perfect brow.

I laughed. “I just got out of the gym. What can I do for you?”

“There is a showing of the film we were talking about at the Astoria Gateway tonight. Would you like to accompany me?”

“I can’t,” I said with real regret. I would much prefer an evening with Carlisle than what was lined up for me, but I made a promise to a friend and I had to see it through. “I have a date.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah, he’s from Warrenton, and he’s a friend of a friend. A cop, so we’ll have a lot in common. But I really do want to see the movie, and you, so rain check?”

“Absolutely. You enjoy your evening. Make sure he pays, and if he doesn’t hold a door open for you, ditch him.”

“Wow, an old-fashioned vampire. Imagine that,” I said lightly. “Things have changed, Carlisle. Us girls pay our own way now. Independent women and all that.”

“Be that as it may, he can still open a door for you. Independence is one thing; a lack of manners is another."

I shook my head fondly. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I checked my watch and groaned. “I’m going to have to go. I’ve got to get ready.”

“Very well. Enjoy your evening.”

“I’ll do my best. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I shall look forward to it.”

We exchanged goodbyes, and I stowed the phone in my pocket and continued on to my car.

My friendship with Carlisle was new and exciting. After the first meeting, which had been a coincidence, we made plans to meet again and then after that we met again. At least a few times a week, we would see each other— before his shifts, after, in a variety of places. I hadn’t been to his home yet, though I knew it was on the edge of the forest, and he hadn’t been to mine, though he also knew where it was.

We spoke about almost everything, the only exception being what had happened after he’d left. I thought I knew how it had been for Edward after he had left me—Italy sounded like a great place to find distractions—but I hadn’t told him what happened to me.

Part of it was selfishness, I didn’t want to show Carlisle that weak side of who I had been, but the other was to protect him. I didn’t want to add to the shadow in his eyes by telling him about Victoria. He had been so set on protecting me from James when he’d been tracking me. I didn’t think that the urge to protect would have disappeared just because he did.

One thing that became clear after a few meetings was that Carlisle had hidden his true self from me before. Perhaps because I was young then, perhaps because he was playing the part of a father to us all. The man I was getting to know was funny, articulate in almost every subject we happened upon, and laughed often and freely. There was no pretense now. He was who he was at heart—a young man, not a centuries-old vampire.

My thoughts of Carlisle carried me all the way home, and when I got into the house and caught sight of my reflection in the mirror above the table, I saw I looked happy—hair damp with sweat and face still flushed, but happy. I smiled at my reflection and headed upstairs to shower.

xXx

I was blow-drying my hair when the phone rang. I hurried into the lounge to answer and saw the local number for the station house. Nerves making my stomach flutter, I answered.

“Swan?” a gruff voice replied, and I recognized it at once as the chief. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, Sir,” I said, falling into formality.

“It’s not official yet, we’ll to meet in person for that, but I wanted to give you the heads up. The investigation is complete.”

“And?” I said quickly and then tacked on a respectful, “Sir.”

“You’re in the clear. It was decided that you acted in the best interests of the public and yourself.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, good news,” he said. “There were conditional advisements that I’ll need to go through with you when you’re here, but you’re good to come back to your proper duties Monday.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Yeah, you can cut the Sir crap now. You’re not in trouble anymore.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Chief.”

“That’s better. You can do me another favor. Call up your father and let him know. My phone’s been going off the hook with him these past weeks.”

“I will,” I promised.

“Oh, and, Swan, there’s one more thing. I can say this now it’s over: you did good. You protected lives without ending one. I’m not saying you should risk that again, but in that moment, you made the right call.”

“Thank you.”

I had thought a lot about that day in the intervening weeks, and I hadn’t faltered in my belief that I had done the right thing. I hadn’t killed. I never wanted to do that. I had still saved. I had protected people, the very reason I wanted to be a cop in the first place.

xXx

I made an effort to look nice for my date—wearing a new dress and shoes that I would never have once risked—even though I had no real expectations that the date would be a hit.

I had been spoiled in my life with romance. Edward had been the first and most intense relationship in my life. I had loved him with everything in my being. I thought he had known me. He hadn’t though. Not really. If he had, he would have known that I wasn’t going to forget him. And I never had. My feelings had changed, my love had changed, but it had never left me, and I had never forgotten him.

After Edward came Jacob, and that was different in its intensity. He had saved me in the most literal sense, and I loved him for it. I had tried for more with him. We had both tried. But it wasn’t right. We didn’t belong to each other the way lovers should. We had both changed and moved on, but I still loved him. He would always be my family.

With that history of love in my life, there was little chance that I would find it again. I had resigned myself to second-best—someone I loved and that loved me. That was how most people spent their lives.

My lack of enthusiasm became something so much worse when I actually got to the restaurant. We had arranged to meet at my favorite seafood place in town. He was waiting at the bar, a bottle of beer in hand. I recognized him from Mandy’s description and took him in surreptitiously before approaching him. He hadn’t made an effort to dress for me. His shirt and pants were creased, and his hair was untidy, and not attractively as someone’s I had once known had been. I wasn’t a snob, though, so I made my way over to him.

“Rich?”

He turned. “Bella?”

I nodded, and he leaned into my space and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. I grimaced, which morphed into a polite smile as he pulled back and grinned at me.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Shoulder Shot Swan.”

My smile faded. “Pardon?”

“Don’t be shy. We all heard what you did. Personally, I think you were crazy, but hell, it worked out, didn’t it? Shall we sit?”

I was tempted to walk out there and then, but I reminded myself there were other people in the world that had said and done worse to me, and I wouldn’t walk away from them for putting their foot in their mouths.

He caught the eye of the hostess, and she came over. “Table for two?” she asked.

He rolled his eyes and pointed at me and then himself. “One. Two. Yeah, I think that covers it.”

“He means yes, please,” I said to the hostess.

She led us to a table in the center of the room. His gaze moved to the booths that lined the restaurant, but I quickly sat down and picked up my menu. I didn’t want privacy to encourage him.

He sighed but sat opposite me and picked up his own menu. He gave it a cursory glance and clicked his fingers at the waiter who was lurking discreetly by the kitchen door. 

“So, Shoulder Shot,” he said, “what made you go for pain instead of plugging him?”

I closed my eyes and pressed fingers to my temples. This was not going to work.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I was at home, sitting in my study with a book in my lap. My thoughts were elsewhere, however, with Bella. I had enjoyed the last weeks more than I had any time in the previous five years. Bella’s company was stimulating, sometimes exciting, better even than my perfect memory recalled.

I wondered if she was enjoying her evening. She hadn’t seemed enthused when she had spoken about it.

Then, as if my thoughts had summoned her, my phone beeped with a text message. I read it quickly and frowned. **Call me ASAP. Emergency. B x**

I didn’t even pause to think of what the emergency could be. I just dialed her number and waited for her to answer.

“Carlisle?” she sounded a little confused, not as if she had just sent me a 911 text asking me to call.

“Bella, are you okay?” I asked urgently. “What’s wrong?”

“What?” she asked, her voice pitched higher than usual, anxious. “Are you okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can. You just hang on, okay?”

“Bella? What on earth is going on?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, Carlisle. I’m coming.”

The call disconnected, and I was left staring at the phone with a furrowed brow. What on earth had just happened? Whatever it was, I needed to know. I snapped my book closed and set it down beside me, then got to my feet and made for the door, dialing Bella’s number at the same time.

I kept calling, but each call went through to voicemail for several long minutes before she finally answered, the echo of her voice and hum of an engine voice telling me I was on speaker in the car.

“Bella, are you all right?” I asked fervently.

“I’m fine,” she said, sounding completely relaxed. “I just needed an out, and you were the only one I could think of.”

“You needed an out?”

She laughed gently. “The date was a disaster. I had to get out of there, and he didn’t take a hint. Sorry if you were worried.”

I relaxed. “As long as you are okay, all is well.”

“Thanks, Carlisle. Look, it’s still early, and I’m dressed as a girl for a change. I’m going to get ice cream and beer, and then I’m going home to veg. You want to come over?”

“Hmmm. Ice cream and beer do sound tempting,” I teased. “I’ll be there presently.”

“Great,” she said cheerfully “I’ll see you there.”

I smiled as we said goodbye, and then I made for the door.

She was dressed as a girl. I wondered what that meant.

xXx

Bella’s house was on the edge of town, near the forest. I knew the address, but I had never seen it before, despite my curiosity. It was modest but well kept, with a neat lawn and no flowerbeds. I guessed there was little time for her to tend a garden given the hours she was required to serve the community.

As I pulled up in front, she opened the door and waved at me. I immediately understood what she had meant by ‘dressed like a girl’. She was wearing a knee-length, deep blue dress, and her hair was pulled back from her face and pinned up. She grinned at me as I climbed out and walked along the path to her door.

“You look…”

“Like a girl?” she asked, then laughed. “It happens very occasionally. Coming in?”

I nodded, and she stepped back. I hadn’t given much thought to how Bella lived now, but as I went inside and looked around, I saw that I should have expected nothing else. The hall was lined with bookshelves, with a vast array of titles on offer. Her old favorites, the classics, were there, along with a variety of contemporary novels and non-fiction. In the lounge was a plush couch and mismatched armchair. I was accustomed to Esme’s preference of matching couches that complemented the rest of the furniture, but Bella’s eclectic mix worked just as well. It all suited her personality.

“What do you think?” she asked, gesturing around the room.

“I think it’s charming.”

She smiled and flopped down on the couch. On the coffee table was a bowl of chocolate ice cream and a bottle of beer. As I took a seat beside her, she picked up the bowl and stirred the melting dessert.

“So, what happened tonight?” I asked.

“Men are pigs,” she said.

I raised an eyebrow. “I take offense at that.”

She laughed. “You know I don’t mean you. You’re not a man. You’re a vampire.”

“I take offense at that, too.” My smile took any heat and believability from my words.

She elbowed me and then winced and rubbed the spot. “He called me Shoulder Shot Swan.”

I laughed but quickly cut off at her scowl.

“He was a jerk! He treated the waiter like crap, sent back his meal twice, and told me I’d look better blonde.”

“He was wrong,” I said with a teasing smile. “You’re much better brunette.”

She shook her head, amused. “Thanks. Not the point, though. He was horrible, and I am _not_ seeing him again. I don’t even know what Mandy was thinking when she set me up with him.”

“Are you sure she’s a friend?” I asked. “She couldn’t be holding a grudge for something?”

“No. At least, I don’t think so.” She shrugged. “I’ll call her tomorrow and give it to her for it.”

She leaned forward and picked up her bottle of beer. She took a deep draw on it and gasped. “I got a call from the chief today.”

“Oh. What did he say?” I asked, hoping against hope that it was good news.

“I’m back in,” she said, turning to grin at me. “I report on Monday. There are still hoops, apparently, but I’ll be on duty at least.”

“That’s wonderful news, Bella. I am so pleased for you.”

“Thanks.” 

“And Charlie will be pleased, too.”

“He will,” she said softly. “God knows I’ve given him enough grief to last a lifetime.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” I said. Bella hadn’t exactly been a troubled teen when I had known her,

“It is,” she said, turning to look at me. “I hurt him. I hurt a lot of people.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask what she meant, what had happened, but perhaps she saw the question coming as she said, “Not tonight, Carlisle. One day, yes. But not tonight. Tonight, I am happy.”


	4. Victoria

**_Carlisle_ **

Bella was still relatively new to the department—apparently, they had just recently stopped calling her rookie—so she didn’t get her pick of working hours. Unless there was a need for her to switch, she worked the first watch, starting in the early hours of the morning and finishing around noon. That meant an adjustment for our meetings when she returned to regular shifts as there was less time available for us between her other friends and duties. She made time for me though, even if it was just to come by the hospital during my night shifts and have a coffee in my office before reporting for duty. We had engineered a day though, in late May, that we could spend together without interruption, at least as much as a doctor and cop could be sure of no interruptions. 

The day was Bella’s to arrange. She had been secretive with me about what we were to do. I just knew that I had to drive to her house, and she would take care of it from there.

I was intrigued, and I found it hard to settle to anything to distract me during the night. Ultimately, I stopped trying and drove to the forest to hunt. After taking down two deer, I felt as sated as it was possible for me to be. When I returned to the car, I saw my eyes were light gold again and my cheeks were very slightly colored. I looked as human as a vampire could.

Happy, I drove back to my home just outside the city and changed for the day into Bella’s instructed outfit—old, weekend clothes and comfortable shoes. She knew that comfortable footwear wasn’t something that I needed to concern myself with, so I assumed wherever we were going would be around other people. I dressed in jeans, a sweater, and a pair of walking boots I had purchased at Newton’s Outfitters a long time ago but had never worn. 

Time aligned so that when I was dressed and ready, it was time to leave. The drive to Bella’s house was short, even driving at city safe speeds, and soon I was climbing out and making my way along her path. I knocked lightly and heard her call, “Coming.”

There was the sound of uneven footsteps, and then the door opened. The reason for the uneven footsteps was explained by the fact Bella was wearing one hiking boot, and the other was still in her hand.

“Hi,” she said, stepping back and looking me up and down with a frown.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked, looking down at myself.

Her frown turned into a smile and she shook her head. “No. You look fine. I should have been more specific about what we were doing today. That’s all. We’re hiking, not modeling hiking clothes.”

“Should I change?” I asked, though what I would change into, I didn’t know, as these were the most ‘weekend’ looking clothes I owned, and they were definitely the oldest. They had been worn a few times already.

She laughed and tugged my arm to bring me into the house. “No. It’s fine. You can’t help the model thing, and as for the clothes… Well, I get the feeling you’re already risking Alice’s wrath if she was to catch sight of you in that.”

“You may be right,” I said.

She sat on the bottom step of her staircase and put on her other boot. “So,” she said as she tied her laces, “when you said you’d only seen a little of the area, did you mean it?”

I nodded. “I have seen as much of the town as you have taken me to and the hospital. I usually hunt in Tillamook forest if I stay local, and you know where I live.”

“Great,” she said. “I have a surprise, and I don’t want it spoiled.”

Curiously, I held out a hand to help her to her feet again and said, “Now I am intrigued.”

“Good,” she said simply. She took her USO hooded sweater from a hook on the wall and picked up a blanket from the side table. “Let’s get going.”

I well remembered Edward complaining about Bella’s aversion to what he called ‘reasonable driving speeds’. That had evidently changed as well. Though she kept to the speed limit, she drove faster than he had ever mentioned.

It was a short drive, too, before we came to the stone and wood sign that welcomed us to the Fort Stevens State Park. I hadn’t been there before, though I had heard of the place. A thrill of anticipation crept through me. This was an unexpected but wonderful surprise.

She glanced to the side to look at me and returned my smile. “Good choice?”

“Absolutely,” I said enthusiastically. “I love history.”

“Thought you might,” she said. “Since, in a way, you are part of it.” She grinned at me. “Ready to step back in time, Carlisle?”

I laughed and nodded. “More than ready, Bella. More than ready.”

xXx

We had the beach almost to ourselves. The overcast weather that made the area perfect for me to live meant that May wasn’t beach weather 

Bella had spread the blanket down on the sand and was currently lying back staring at the sky while I sat beside her.

We had spent the morning exploring the fort and, now it was afternoon, we had made our way along the hiking trails to the beach and the Peter Iredale shipwreck.

It was a hulking skeleton of what would once have been a beauty of craftsmanship. It fascinated me, and I had spent a good amount of time circling it and looking at the smaller details while Bella read aloud from the tour book I’d bought at the visitors’ center.

“You know,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence, “Jasper would really like to visit this place, too.”

Her gaze moved from the sky to my face. “He would? Is he a fan of shipwrecks?”

“Not shipwrecks,” I said, “but the fort. Jasper has a fascination with the Civil War.”

“Huh,” she said, sitting up. “I can actually see that. Jasper, more than anyone but you, has that feel of history about him. The Civil War is pretty fascinating, too.”

I smiled. “Jasper does have a history about him. He fought in the Civil War.”

Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”

I chuckled. “Seriously. He has perhaps the most colorful history of us all. You should ask him about it sometime.”

I quickly realized what I had said. The last time Bella had seen Jasper, he had been baying for her blood. I was sure she felt no grudging toward him for that, but perhaps a discussion about his history wasn’t something she’d feel comfortable with.

Naturally, she surprised me. “I’d really like that. Edward barely told me anything about Jasper, and I was always curious. I know something about everyone else, but not him.”

“I imagine he thought he was protecting you,” I said. “As I said, Jasper’s history is colorful. It’s not a story Edward would have wanted you to hear.”

She rolled her eyes. “Imagine that. Never mind. I’ll get the skinny some other time.”

Though we had spoken about the rest of my family on occasion, Bella hadn’t mentioned seeing any of them, and it had led me to question whether she actually wanted to. But this casual reference to talking to Jasper made me wonder.

She shook her head. “It’s a lot like La Push here, you know. I mean here we’ve got a shipwreck and there we’ve got a driftwood _tree,_ but other than that, they’re similar.”

There was fondness in her tone as she spoke of the place. It was strange. There were entire areas of the world that I had not yet visited, but the fact I _couldn’t_ visit the small reservation near Forks made me want to all the more.

“I’ve seen pictures, of course,” I said, “but I have never been able to visit.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” she said with a wry smile. “The treaty.”

“Exactly. Obviously, there is no danger to us now, but we maintain the boundary lines out of respect for the tribe.”

“No danger?” she said, sounding amused. “I don’t think they’d be pleased to hear that.”

I merely frowned at her, feeling that I was missing something important.

“The pack,” she said, as if it was obvious. “You do know, don’t you?” She frowned. “How can you not know?”

“Know what?” I asked, though an inkling of suspicion was creeping through me.

“The wolves aren’t gone, Carlisle. Well, _your_ wolves are gone, but there’s a new pack.” She turned her whole body to look at me. “I thought Edward was just protecting me, but you really didn’t know?”

I shook my head mutely.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Sam Uley, the alpha of the pack, was phasing for about a year before you left, I think. Paul and Jared followed before I knew them, and then after we were friends, Jake started phasing. There’s a big pack now, Carlisle. Ten of them running, though there haven’t been any new ones since the danger passed. That’s what makes them phase, you know?”

My mind was capable of taking in massive amounts of information at a time, but it seemed stuck on the ‘ _there’s a big pack now’_ part of her explanation. Ten of them! They had been a pack of four when we had met them, and we’d thought that was a threat. How had we not known what was happening mere miles from us?

I shook my head and rallied my thoughts. “You were friends with the werewolves?”

“I _am_ friends with the werewolves,” she corrected. “Hell, they’re family. Seth and Leah have been phasing since I was eighteen. Seth was just a kid, only fourteen, and Collin and Brady were even younger.”

Children. Worse than that, for Bella at least, was the fact they had been first phasing when she had known them. That was amazingly dangerous for a human. Edward had seen it all in their minds when we had met them; how volatile they were when they first changed; how they had to learn to control their tempers in order to control their phasing. Bella had been friends with these people? Her immersion in the supernatural hadn’t ended with our presence after all. Edward would be distraught.

“What’s with the face?” Bella asked.

“What face?”

“That face,” she said, waving a hand at me. “You look like Edward when he would freak out about something.”

I drew a deep breath. “Bella, were you ever hurt by the wolves?”

She looked confused. “Hurt?”

“Physically, I mean?”

She shook her head jerkily. “No, Carlisle, never. The wolves were the ones that saved me.”

“From what?”

She looked sad. “From myself. From Laurent. And from Victoria.”

“Victoria!” I gasped.

“Didn’t Alice see?”

I shook my head. “Alice saw nothing.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “That explains a lot. Well, Victoria came back for me. Mate for a mate, you know. She didn’t realize that was wrong. She thought I’d be the one to hurt him if I died, so she came after me.”

“Because of us,” I said desolately.

She shook her head. “Because of Edward.” She sighed. “Victoria got it wrong.”

xXx

**_Bella ~ Five Years Ago_ **

It had been months of being targeted, near-misses and almost-killings, before it finally came to a head. I had spent so much time in La Push, under the protection of the wolves, that the reservation was more home to me now than the little town of Forks was.

I had no words to express my gratitude to the pack and Billy for not only keeping me safe, but for protecting Charlie, too. Billy lured Charlie to the reservation with baseball and football, and I did my bit by cooking in the kitchen of the little red house on the edge of the forest every night instead of at home. Things were as good as they could be in the circumstances, seeing as there was a target on my back and a deranged vampire coming for me.

Sometimes, I wished I could talk to her long enough to explain she was wrong. I wasn’t Edward’s mate. He wouldn’t care that I was dead. But that would redirect the target to his back, and I couldn’t bear that. Selfishly, I preferred the wolves to protect me than he protect himself. I truly was a monster.

But it was coming to a head now. For good or bad, we were laying our trap. If Victoria slipped through the wolves’ protection and I died, at least I would know I had done all I could have to fight it with the help of my friends.

The idea for the blood trail had been mine. I had been thinking of the curse of my blood, how it had tortured Edward, how it had tempted Jasper, and how it had been the reason James first took notice of me. It was that blood that Victoria thirsted for now. My damned blood. I wished I could be rid of it, which gave me the idea.

Victoria was apparently making regular trips into the area in the hopes of finding a way through the wolves’ defenses to me. She had no luck. There were too many of them, and they were clever enough to not spread themselves too thin. My idea was that we let her through and draw her out to a place where we, they, could attack. My blood was potent enough to draw any vampire, but one with the specific urge to shed it in the most painful way had to be tempted easily. 

She always seemed to come from the ocean to me, so we started the trail there. Leaving drops of blood on leaves, trees, and ferns.

We made camp in the vast field in which the Cullens had once played baseball. Charlie believed Jacob and I were in Ashland, checking out the campus I would be studying on in two months. Billy promised to keep him on the reservation as much as he could while I was gone, and the rest of the time, Collin and Brady would guard him.

Jacob and I were there for three days, subsisting on campfire meals, while the rest of them lay in wait, eating from the land. Occasionally, Jacob would transform into the giant russet wolf to communicate with the pack, but most of the time he was human. We spoke about everything and nothing. My plans for the future, his plans, and hopes and dreams for us both. At the time, it all seemed impossible. What kind of future could I have with a rabid vampire coming for me?

But then she had come, and all hopes and dreams left my mind as they were replaced by the sheer instinct to survive.

We were sitting outside the tent when a howl rent the air. Jacob leaped to his feet and shoved me bodily toward the tent. “Get in there,” he ordered.

Why? What good would canvas do when faced with a vampire?

I did as I was told though, rushing inside and curling into a ball on the air mattress. The only thing that gave me a clue of what was happening outside the tent were the sounds I could hear, and I knew at once that there was more than Victoria alone to face. The wolves were snarling and growling, and there were other voices, more than one, in response. Unable to resist, I crept to the door of the tent and looked outside. The most horrific sight met me.

There was a head on the ground just outside the door. Its red eyes, so much brighter than any of James’ coven had been, fixed on me.

I looked away, swallowing bile, and took in the rest of the field within view. Things were moving too fast for me to see clearly, but there were other vampires there than Victoria and the head on the ground.

I covered my mouth with my hand.

The air was thick with screams of pain and the sound of tearing metal that I had heard once in my life before. The wolves, my friends, were locked in battle, and I was terrified for them. I was a coward. I shuffled backwards into the tent, covered my ears with my hands, and squeezed my eyes shut. I waited for it to be over.

I lost myself and time, and I didn’t know how long had passed when I felt hot hands grip my wrists and pull them down.

“Bella, Bella,” Jacob was saying. “It’s over. You’re okay.”

I opened my eyes and stared into his face. “It’s over?”

He nodded and grinned in the way only my Jacob could. His smile gave me hope.

“Is everyone okay?”

“Bit battered and bruised. Sam got the worst of it. He was trying to fight and protect us all at the same time. The others are helping him home now.”

“No one died?” I asked.

“The vamps died,” he said cheerfully. “We’re all good though.”

“And Victoria?” I asked.

He shook his head, looking amused. “Would you believe she tried to run? She came through with six others, weird ones, really bright red eyes, strong and kinda deranged, and when she saw us, she turned tail and took off.” He looked smug. “ _I_ brought her back. In pieces.”

I exhaled a shaky breath. “She’s dead?”

“Yep. Ashes to ashes and all that. They’re all smoldering away nicely. We’re thinking s’mores. You hungry?”

I smiled at him, feeling the wetness streaking down my cheeks as I did. I swiped it away and tried to find calm, but when I spoke, my voice was shaky. “Thank you, Jake.”

He shrugged. “It’s was fun. In fact, any time you want to piss off another vampire, go ahead.”

A sob bubbled up my throat and escaped me. I felt overwhelmed and exhausted, as if I was the one that had been fighting. The scent of incense in the air that I was sure was the scent of burning vampires made me feel sick, and the image of that head on the ground fixed in my mind.

Jacob wrapped me in his arms, and I started to cry in earnest. It was shock, relief, and sadness all combined.

It was over.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

My mind was reeling. Bella had been there, with newborn vampires mere feet from her, and she’d survived because of the wolves I had worried would hurt her.

How had we not known?

Alice had promised to not look for Bella when we left, but something like this, Bella’s life in danger, would surely have triggered something with her automatically. And Victoria. Alice had been watching her. Why hadn’t she, even once, seen Victoria in Forks being chased by giant wolves? It wasn’t that she lived in her visions, she hadn’t seen Bella’s return to my life after all, but something like this, something life and death… It made no sense.

And we hadn’t been there. Bella was fine, safe and uninjured, sitting on the blanket beside me, but my heart still ached for the danger she had been in without us. What made it worse was that I knew what I felt would be magnified hundredfold in Edward. He would be devastated that this had happened and that we hadn’t been there.

We had failed her where the wolves had succeeded. That was a debt we owed them that we could never repay.

“Bella,” I began, “I am so sorry.”

She frowned. “For what?”

“For not being there. I swear, had we known Victoria would target you, we would never have left.”

She smiled slightly. “I appreciate that, but we both know that wouldn’t have been fair. He left for a reason after all. Just because Victoria was after me, it didn’t make me any more interesting.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Edward. Leaving. It’s okay, Carlisle. You don’t need to pretend. He made sure I knew why he was going.”

My eyes darkened and she pulled back ever so slightly. “What did he tell you?” I asked. “Why did he leave?”

Her voice was soft as she said, “Because he didn’t want me anymore.”


	5. Edward's Tale

****

His eyes were dark, and he looked almost enraged.

Carlisle was the gentlest vampire I knew. He would never hurt me physically, I knew. The worst he would do was leave me, and I had survived that once already. But I hadn’t ever seen him like this before, not even when James had been set on hunting me.

Uncomfortable, I looked away from him out over the horizon. It was beautiful here, and I had been having such a good day with him. Why did we have to ruin it by talking about things that were better left dead and forgotten?

Cool fingers touched my jaw. They didn’t attempt to move me; they were a request, not a demand. “Bella,” he said softly.

I looked back at him. “Yes?”

“You’re wrong.”

I frowned. “About…?” There was one thing he could be talking about, but I _knew_ I wasn’t wrong about that. I had been there. He hadn’t.

“Edward.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about this, Carlisle.”

“No, I don’t imagine you do, but I think we should. Edward didn’t leave because he didn’t want you anymore. He left because he wanted you too much.”

I raised an eyebrow. “On what planet does that make sense?”

He smiled sadly. “He wanted you alive, in the world, and happy. He needed that. He loved you so much that it was enough for him to know you were out there somewhere than to be with you, placing you in constant danger.” 

“You’re wrong,” I said apologetically. “I don’t know what he told you, but I know what he said to me, and it wasn’t about me. It was about him and what he wanted.”

“Edward is a gifted actor. We all are. We have to be for our lives.”

“Exactly. Did you consider that when he was telling you all about how he needed and loved me that he was acting?”

“Did you?” he countered. “Bella, believe me, I know my son, and I know why he did the things he did. He left you because he loved you, because he couldn’t imagine life without you.”

I scoffed, feeling almost irritated that Carlisle was not only dragging these things up again but also trying to make me believe that, somehow, I was wrong. I had been there. I had heard every word and had seen the absence of emotion, let alone love, Edward had felt for me in his face.

“If he couldn’t imagine life without me, why did he leave me?” I asked.

“Because it was you in the world he needed more. What happened with Jasper made him realize that your presence in our world was going to be the end of you one way or another, and he couldn’t bear that. I told you about his belief in souls and their loss.”

“Which is ridiculous,” I interjected.

“Not to him,” Carlisle said gently. “It is also not the point. He adored you, Bella. He loved you enough to let you go so you could have the life you deserve.”

“That’s not what he said.” I was being obstinate now because it was easier than to consider what he was saying was the truth. The idea that Edward truly loved me, had left to protect me would change everything, and I didn’t want to consider that possibility.

“What did he say?”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said again.

“I’m sorry, Bella, but you need to. I need you to. You have to understand what happened.”

“Why?” I asked plaintively.

He didn’t answer directly, he just asked once more, “What did he say, Bella?”

Irritation surging, I snapped, “He said he didn’t want me!”

Carlisle looked sad. “He lied.”

“How do you know?” I still didn’t believe, but I was in the moment now, and I had to know.

“Because I saw what it did to him to leave you.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Bella,” he said so softly it made me lean in to hear him, “leaving you broke him.”

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

It had been a year of sadness for my family. We were without two of our number, and though we knew the absence of one was for the best—she was better off without us—the other was wrong and painful.

I had been without Edward once before in my life, when he left to live a traditional lifestyle, but I had solace then that I didn’t have now. He had been doing what he wanted then; I could believe he was happy. I knew in my heart now that he wasn’t remotely happy. How could he possibly be? He had left his heart behind in Forks when he left Bella.

I didn’t worry for his physical safety. I knew he was more than a match for Victoria, imbued with talent as he was. Emmett, who was the strongest fighter I knew outside of the Volturi, couldn’t best him. It was his mental state that worried me.

When he first left, he would call at least weekly. Though I knew his motivation was to speak to Alice and learn clues of Victoria, he always made time to speak to me during those calls. He would reassure me that all was well, and I would have a chance to ask him if he was still sure he was making the right choice being away from us and Bella. His reply was always the same, but as time passed, it became less impassioned until I became certain he was doubting his decision.

The last time he called, he had sounded more doubtful than ever. I had hoped then that he would come back to us or, even better, back to Bella. But then he had broken my heart. We never exchanged farewells traditionally, it was never goodbye but ‘I will call soon,’ even though we both knew it wouldn’t be soon enough. That last call, in which he had sounded devastated, he said, “Goodbye, Carlisle,” and promptly ended the call. Naturally, I had tried to call him back at once, but he had switched his phone off. He had broken the bond of contact between us, and I despaired.

Alice had talked me down from my panic. She could still see him. He was okay. Though, as I learned shortly after, okay was relative. He was at least alive. That was the best thing that could be said for the state he was in.

Without a means to contact him myself, I lasted another two weeks before making plans. It was one of the free weeks before I was due to return to my teaching duties, and I knew if I was to go to him, that was the time.

Alice, who at the time was in Mississippi, researching her human past, called as soon as she saw my decision. She asked that she and Jasper be allowed to go in my place. She cited the fact they would find him easier than I would. Suspicions aroused, I asked what I would find, and her answer had scared me. “He’s not the same, Carlisle.”

My decision was made then. I had to go to him. I extracted a location from Alice—a ghetto district of Rio—and left that night with Emmett. Jasper would meet us in Denver, and we would travel together from there.

I would find my son and bring him home, and from there I’d decide what to do.

xXx

My sense of foreboding grew to an oppressive weight as I approached the abandoned apartment building Jasper led us to. At the time, I thought Alice had given him more exact directions than she had me. I learned later that he had known where to go as he had been following Edward’s misery like a homing signal.

As we scaled the concrete stairway, stained with filth, blood, and graffiti, my heart grew heavier. Why would he have chosen a place like this for his retreat? It made no sense until I saw him.

The door to the attic apartment he had taken was not locked, and I went in first. As I caught sight of him, I gasped. My son was a wreck of a man. He was sitting on the edge of a dirty mattress on a rusted bedstead. He didn’t look up as I entered, nor as Jasper and Emmett followed. He stayed perfectly still, like a statue, until I was crouched in front of him and my hand cupped his chin.

When he did move, shifting only his eyes to meet mine, I almost wished he hadn’t. He was ruined. I felt as though I had borrowed Jasper’s gift, so obvious was his pain. It was as though it infected the room we were in, like poison gas. His eyes were black and shadowed deeper than I had seen since seeing my own reflection in my newborn days, before that fateful deer. 

“Oh, Edward,” I sighed, “what have you done”

He licked his lips and spoke in a hoarse voice. “Hello, Carlisle.”

I turned back to Jasper and Emmett. Jasper’s mouth was pressed into a thin line—I guessed he was suffering under the weight of pain in the room—and Emmett looked stunned. “Would you mind giving us a moment alone?” I asked them.

They both nodded and backed out of the room. When I could no longer sense them close, I turned to Edward and ducked my head so I could look him in the eyes. “Edward, you cannot do this to yourself. You must go back to her.”

He smiled, a twisted and bitter thing. “I am fighting that need every moment of every day.”

“Then listen to that need. Go to her. You cannot sustain like this. When did you last hunt?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“You have to feed,” I said emphatically.

“The thirst doesn’t even burn anymore. The pain of everything else is too much to feel anything but that.”

This was too much for me to bear, and a sob ripped from me. I had known pain. In the days after my change, when I realized what I had become and that I could not end myself, I had suffered. I had known that, eventually, I would lose my mind from the thirst and I would kill against my will. That idea had caused me agony. My son was suffering even more than I could imagine.

“Please, Son,” I begged. “Please go to her.”

He stared into my eyes. “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

He shook his head and looked down at his hands where they were fisted on his lap. “I am scared she won’t want me anymore, and I am scared she will. I want her safe so much, and I want her with me. I don’t know which I want more.” He sighed. “I have to do something, though, as I feel like I’m dying without her.”

“Go back,” I urged. “Go home to her.”

He nodded without looking at me. “I think I have to. It doesn’t feel like a choice anymore. I have to see.”

I gripped the back of his neck and pulled his face against my shoulder then turned my head and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, son. Thank you.”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

Carlisle stared into my eyes as he finished his tale, searching for my reaction. I didn’t know what to do or say. My heart ached and, at the same time, I was angry.

“He didn’t come,” I said eventually.

“What makes you think that?”

“I think I would have noticed him if I’d seen him. He stands out.”

“ _If_ you had seen him.”

“You think he came and didn’t show himself?” I asked, my anger building.

Carlisle frowned, perhaps sensing my reaction and confused by it. “Yes. I know he did.”

“That…jerk! What the hell? How is that fair? As if he hadn’t already screwed me over once, he did it again. I don’t even…”

“Bella,” Carlisle said gently, “he was acting—”

“If you say for the best, I will walk away now,” I warned.

Carlisle fell silent. He merely looked at me.

“He left me,” I said slowly. “He didn’t discuss it. He didn’t explain. He made me believe he didn’t want me anymore. Do you have _any_ idea what that did to me? Of course you don’t. How could you?” I got to my feet and walked away, staring out at the ocean. Thankfully, he didn’t follow. “I was not a child, Carlisle. I wasn’t stupid. He didn’t need to do that to me.”

None of them did. They all left me behind after saying I was family and that they loved me. Not one of them thought to give me the comfort of the truth. They let him destroy me. If I had known why he _really_ left, it would have hurt me, but I could have handled it. I could not handle what he did when I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough anymore.

And it had all been for nothing. I hadn’t been safe. He hadn’t been happy and distracted without me. I had been hurt immeasurably by what he had done. He had broken me and himself, too. All because he didn’t stop to think about being honest with me.

My once beloved fool.

“Why _didn’t_ he come to me?” I asked,

“I don’t know,” Carlisle admitted. “He called me, around a week after he left for Forks, and merely said he was too late. From there, he went to Volterra, and we have never discussed it since.”

I shook my head dolefully. All my suffering, all of his, and there was nothing I could do to fix it now. It was too late.

“If he had come then, it would have been so different.” I looked at Carlisle, taking in his misery. “I would never have been able to say no to him.”

“But you could now,” he stated, his tone desolate.

I bit my lip “Yes. He ruined me so completely I had to change myself to heal. The person I am now has no room for that kind of heartbreak again.” I took a breath. “I moved on.”

Carlisle bowed his head. “I think I knew that already. I think I knew from the moment I spoke to you again.”

“But?” I asked.

He hesitated on the verge of speech for a moment and then sighed. “But nothing. I am happy that you are happy again. It is all I, all he…it is all any of us wanted for you.”

I smiled slightly. “Thank you, Carlisle.”


	6. Decorating

**_Carlisle_ **

My mind was not capable of forgetting anything, it was absolute and perfect, so I had no excuse for not telling Bella that summer break was approaching and the rest of my family—with one notable exception—would be coming to Oregon.

It wasn’t that I thought it would be a problem for her; she had been gracious enough to allow me a part in her life again, and I was sure it would be the same for the rest of us. She would surely be thrilled to see Alice, Esme, and Emmett as they had been close before. Jasper and Bella had never formed much of a bond because he was forced to keep his distance, but they’d been friendly. Rosalie was the sticking point, but I was sure Bella would be able to handle her hostility if it reared its head. 

Perhaps it was the opposite; perhaps I was being selfish.

For months now, it had been just the two of us together. I’d had a chance to get to know her as someone separate from my son, and I found she was lovely. She was funny and kind. All the things I had admired in her before were still there, but there was more to her now. I looked forward to our time together and was always eager to make more plans when that time was over. I would have to share that time now.

Knowing the decline in our time was coming, I appreciated what I had even more, though it was already shared with many other people. I remembered Bella having a small group of friends in Forks, but she was gregarious with her relationships now, and I could not see her as often as I would like as she was with her other friends. 

Everything about her life was what Edward would have wanted for her had he asked himself the right questions, but it had come at a high price for them both.

I didn’t know exactly what she meant when she said he had ruined her, but it didn’t take a lot of thought to imagine how it must have been for her. My regret for leaving had always been because of what it had done to Edward. Now the guilt was split two ways, though in Bella’s case it was for what she had suffered then rather than what she was suffering still.

It wasn’t just Bella I had neglected to mention things to; it was the others in my family, too. Though I had spoken to them since Bella returned to my life, I hadn’t mentioned her once. By the lack of their sudden arrival, I guessed Alice hadn’t seen her either.

All in all, I had created a dilemma for myself that I could only solve with honesty. I decided that honesty had to begin with Bella, so I invited her to the house one morning before our shifts started.

I had visited her home a few times since her disastrous blind date, but she had never been to mine before. It wasn’t that I thought she would particularly care about the state of the house, but it was customary to have furniture for guests to sit on. I had some seating, in my study, but the rest of the house was almost exactly as it had been when we purchased it.

I was just beginning to think inviting her might have been a bad idea, after all, when I heard the sound of tires leaving the smooth asphalt of the road for the hard-packed dirt that made up my drive.

I went outside to meet her, lingering on the porch as she drew closer. When she drove into view, her eyes widened momentarily, and then she grinned. I wondered if it was me or the house that had earned the reaction.

I darted to her side as she pulled to a stop and opened the door for her. She laughed softly as she climbed out.

In lieu of a traditional greeting, she said, “Wow. This place is something else.”

“Esme’s choice,” I said, looking back at the house with assessing eyes.

I had become somewhat accustomed to the beauty of the houses Esme always chose for us. I always complimented her on them, and for the first day or so I appreciated our surroundings, but then it just became home, and I failed to notice its charm.

I led Bella into the house and waited nervously as she looked around at the spacious, unfurnished and undecorated room. “Oh,” she said. “Well, this sure isn’t Esme’s choice.”

“Uh, no. This, or perhaps the lack of this is more correct, is all down to me.”

She laughed a full laugh that made her bow over and tears stream down her face. “Oh, Carlisle. How can you live like this?”

“I don’t,” I replied. “Come with me.” I held out a hand, and she took it, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the other. I led her across the room into the side room I had taken as a study.

As she entered, she looked around and sighed out a breath. “This is more like it. It’s like home.”

It was almost exactly the same as my study in the Forks’ house had been. It was the same layout I always kept, from the moment I first had a proper home to add a study to.

My collection of paintings, telling the story of my life, was on the walls, and the opposite wall was concealed by shelves of some of my most beloved books. The mahogany desk and leather chesterfield chairs and loveseat were the same, and the cross my father had preached in front of was leaned against the wall beside the window.

She nodded to herself. “This is great, but I have to say the rest of the place is a disaster. You do realize that Esme will come back from Alaska eventually, and she’s going to want a home instead of a shell, right?”

“I know,” I sighed. “I just haven’t…”

“Done anything about it?” she asked, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “We can fix it. If you want help that is. I know you’ve got super vampy skills, but if you’re looking for a little help, I’m here.”

“You’d be surprised how little ‘vampy skills’ help when choosing furniture and window dressings,” I said with a smile.

She nodded seriously. “I’m guessing you can wallpaper like a champ, though.”

“That is true. I am also skilled with a paintbrush.”

“Good,” she said decisively. “You can take care of the walls, and I’ll sort furniture. That’s if you want my help.”

“I would love your help. Where do you think we should start?”

“Well, I picked up an extra shift, so I’ve got to get to work in an hour, but Howard’s Home Improvement in town has a pretty good selection of supplies. We can go by now to pick up some paint chips. I’m free tomorrow, so we can go into Portland and look at furniture. Give me a few weeks, and we’ll have this place looking great.”

“Uh,” I said awkwardly. “That might be a small problem.”

She frowned. “Why?”

“I should have told you sooner,” I admitted. “It’s just that summer break is coming, and they will be coming here.”

“They as in Alice and Emmett?” she asked, and I thought I detected a hint of excitement in her eyes.

“They as in everyone but Edward.”

“Oh,” she said faintly. “Wow.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can divert them,” I said, though they would want to know why, and I wouldn’t be able to keep Bella a secret if Alice was looking for answers.

“Uncomfortable?” she asked incredulously. “Hell, no! I want to see them. That’d be awesome. But…” She trailed off and bit her lip, deep in thought. “They would want to see me, right?”

I smiled affectionately. She was so different in so many ways, but there was still a hint of the insecurity I had known all those years ago. “Bella,” I said happily. “I am _sure_ that, when they know you are here, I am going to be hard pushed to keep them from you.”

“They don’t already know I’m here?” she asked.

“I haven’t told them. You have been my secret.”

“Edward said it wasn’t practical to keep secrets in your family.”

My smile widened. “It isn’t. I just happen to be better at it than they are.”

She laughed. “Brilliant. In that case, we have a lot of work to do.”

I nodded, satisfied that she was reassured.

It would be interesting, not to mention exciting, to take on the task of decorating and furnishing the large house in the space of a week. Not that the physical work part of it was a challenge. I was looking forward to working with Bella on the project. I wanted the house to be hers in part, too, as it was for everyone else I cared for. I wanted her comfortable here.

I wanted it to be home.

xXx

“Okay, I have to ask,” Bella said. “Is it a universal vampire thing or are you guys special in your aversion to color?”

I looked up from the selection of beige and taupe paint chips in my hand and frowned. “We do like color.”

“Then why do you decorate to complement your skin?”

I laughed.

“Not that I don’t like it,” she went on. “It’s just an observation.”

“I don’t truly know. It was always Esme’s preference to stick with light colors. We can decorate any color you like, though.”

“It’s not my home to decide,” she said. “You can have any color _you_ want. I was just wondering.”

I dropped the paint chips in my hand and picked up more in bright reds and greens. I examined them. They didn’t seem the colors anyone would be comfortable surrounded by in their home, but then I remembered the warm reds and browns of Bella’s home and reassessed.

“No, Carlisle,” she said patiently, plucking them from my hand and setting them down again. “I don’t mean you have to live in an IKEA showroom. I was just thinking something like this would be nice.” She showed me a selection of greens ranging from deep teal to pale sage. She tapped her finger against the palest. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s lovely.” And it was. The color would be soft and pleasant on the walls.

“And you could use one of the darker shades on the fireplace wall to make the other colors pop.”

“Pop?”

She grinned. “I have a guilty pleasure I never admitted to before. I love Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Tell no one.”

I leaned in close to whisper. “Do you cry?”

Her eyes widened. “You watch it, too!”

“Tell no one,” I said solemnly.

She giggled and shoved my shoulder. I allowed myself to be moved, smiling at the easy contact.

“So, are we decided?” I asked, holding up the paint chip.

“I think so,” she said. “I think white will work for the kitchen since it’s not going to get dirty, and we can leave the dining room for Esme to choose.”

We had already decided that the bedrooms would be left for the occupants themselves to decorate. Alice and Rosalie were particular, and also, as I had learned with Bella, it would be fun for them.

I put the necessary paint tins in our cart, and we moved on to the rollers and brushes.

xXx

The sticking point of the plan was furniture. The stores I would usually choose from handcrafted to orderת and we just didn’t have time to wait. Bella had a simple enough answer. We shopped from a different store and paid less. I wondered if anyone would notice. Bella assured me they wouldn’t if we went for the higher range items. Even if they did, it didn’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to them—Rosalie included. It wasn’t as if we felt more comfortable on a top-quality leather couch than a more reasonably-priced alternative.

After an afternoon spent happily watching Bella comparing the comfort of couches and colors of wooden furniture, we finished and went home victorious with the salesman’s assurance that it would all be delivered within the timeframe we were working with.

The funniest part of shopping with her was when we went to the electronics department. She tagged a sales assistant and asked for ‘a big-ass TV with all the shiny functions’. I had questioned it, remembering the small set at her house, and she had answered with one word. “Emmett.”

Unable to argue with that, I had paid and we left the store. When we got back to the house, Bella instructed me to set up the paint and equipment while she changed. I did as she asked and then paused when she came back into the room. Her hair was hidden behind an Astoria PD baseball cap, and her tank top and jeans were already paint-spattered from previous projects. 

“Ready?” she asked brightly, and I nodded.

She set music to playing on her phone and put it on the windowsill, away from the area we were working.

I picked up a roller and swiped it through the paint and then held it out to Bella. She took it with a bow. “Thank you, kind sir.”

I returned the bow. “You are most welcome, Miss Bella.”

She laughed and I enjoyed the sound.

We were each taking a portion of the darker wall and, though she had said, “Go ahead with the super-speed,” I chose to match my pace to hers, to just enjoy the action rather than the result while we worked together.

She hummed along to the music and swayed slightly in a form of dancing as she moved the roller up and down the wall. I was able to concentrate on what I was doing and on her without trouble, and I smiled as I worked.

It had been a long time since I had done something like this. Esme had always been the one to decorate while I took on all available shifts at the hospital. She had been eager to spend time with Tanya’s coven this time, though, to take distraction and comfort from our extended family. I supposed she thought I could manage to do the job this once. She would be amused when she learned it had taken months and the help of Bella to get it done.

As if Bella had tapped into my thoughts, she said, “You miss them all, don’t you?”

I needed no clarification. “I do. Esme especially. This is the first time we have been parted since I changed her all those years ago. Did Edward tell you the story of Esme’s and my first meeting?” I asked.

“He told me that she was taken to the morgue and you found her there, still alive.”

“Yes,” I said a little sadly, remembering her poor broken body with perfect clarity. “But that wasn’t the first time we met.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No. Esme was around sixteen when I saw her for the first time. I was working briefly in a small Ohio town just outside Columbus. I was called to a house to treat a young girl that had fallen out of the tree she was climbing.”

She sucked in a breath. “Esme?”

“Yes, Esme. She had broken her leg. I was…intrigued by this girl, so full of verve, so spirited. The very fact she had been climbing a tree when she hurt herself was enough to interest me. It was not something young ladies of the time did. A few weeks after treating her, I moved on from the area, but I didn’t forget her. Ten years later, I saw that same face in the morgue, and I just couldn’t bear to let her die. The rest of the story you know; she became one of us and joined our family. She became a mother to Edward, and when Rosalie and Emmett joined us, she took them under her wing, too.”

Bella smiled. “And she became your mate.”

I nodded. “She is my life. She knows me as well as I know myself.” My lips quirked. “I sometimes think she perhaps knows me even better than I do.”

“That must be nice,” she said. “Having someone that knows you so well. The closest I’ve had to that is Renee, and even then, it was more that I knew her.” She shrugged. “I’d like that.”

“And you never felt that with Edward or Alice?” I asked.

She looked down at the roller in her hand. “No. Not really. Edward didn’t know me well enough to be honest, and Alice didn’t know me well enough to say goodbye. It doesn’t matter really. It’s just… One day I would like that for myself.”

I felt sad for her, though I thought I could understand, too. Before Edward, I had spent over two centuries without anything close to that kind of connection to anyone.

She shook her head and smiled brightly. “Anyway. Stop slacking, Mister. We’ve got work to do.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “We do.”

I bent to refuel my roller and then heard a quick indrawn breath and a giggle. I looked up in time to see Bella spinning her roller in the air and spattering my face with flecks of paint. For a moment I froze, half bent over with the cloying smell of paint in my nose.

She giggled again and pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle the sound.

I straightened, and a wicked smile crept across my lips. “You’re really going to regret that.” 

She dropped the roller on the plastic sheeting that covered the floor and made a run for the door. I caught her around the waist and lifted her into the air.

She squealed. “Put me down!”

“No,” I said happily. “I told you that you’ll regret it, and I am a man of my word.” I ran up to the painted wall and spun her in my arms.

Realizing what I was about to do, she squirmed harder. “Carlisle, don’t!”

She was still giggling, though, so I believed it was okay to press her against the wet wall as if I was finger-painting with her body. Her giggles became throaty laughter, and I laughed with her as I released her.

She pushed away from the wall and tried to look over her shoulder at her now painted back. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Should I apologize?” I asked, trying not to smile.

“No. I am just wondering where did this come from? What happened to the serious doctor I knew before?”

“He grew up,” I said.

“Don’t you mean grew down?” she asked with a smile.

“No,” I said seriously, “I mean I grew up. I realized there was more to the world than piety and maturity.”

“Good.” She grinned. “You might be a centuries-old vampire, but you’re still a young man.”

And I realized she was right. I had enjoyed my life before, but with the absence of Edward, I had lost some of that enjoyment. I almost felt I had been in a state of mourning. It had taken this enigmatic human to make me see that life was not all dark without him.

I would be forever grateful to her for it. 


	7. Family Time

**_Carlisle_ **

Though I could have completed the decorating in an afternoon alone, I enjoyed doing it much more at Bella’s pace, as it meant I could do it with her. She turned what would have been a chore into something I truly enjoyed, and when she left at the end of the day, face speckled with pain and arms tired, I felt a pang of sadness that it was over and I was alone again.

She came back the next day, though, and the next until, at the end of the week, we were finished. The main parts of the house were a home again, yet there were still things for Esme to work on if she had the desire to.

We had made no more immediate plans to see each other again when I last saw her the day before, as I was sure plans would be cast out of the window once the rest of the family were here. I would see her soon, though, I was certain.

Emmett and Rosalie took their cars from Ithaca straight to the house in Hanover, so they had a long drive across the country to get to us with Jasper and Alice. Jasper and Emmett could usually find an opportunity to make a bet on almost anything, so I was sure the drive would be turned into a race. The only question was which of them would persuade Rosalie to let them drive her BMW.

My only task for the day of their arrival was to collect Esme from the airport when she flew in that morning, since I had taken the weekend off of work to welcome them. Though Bella was working and would be busy until lunchtime, I had no doubt that she would be finishing her day with us.

One of the good things about the lingering noxious paint smell was that it hid the now fading scent of Bella in the house. I would be able to reveal her presence in my own time and way, as should be my pleasure to do after all this time of secrecy.

I was standing against the wall in the arrivals area of the airport, thinking over my last meeting with Bella while waiting for Esme.

Bella had been teasing, asking if I was going to defend her from Rosalie when she saw her again. I had laughed and said she would be fine. I was sure I was right. Rosalie might be hostile and moody, but Bella would be able to handle it. She was a much stronger person now than she had been before; she was different. It was those differences that I was curious about now. How would the rest of my family react to the changes? What would they say when they knew she was a cop?

At that moment, I saw Esme step through the sliding doors, a small travel bag over her shoulder. I walked to her at a human pace and as we met, I caught her in my arms and kissed her. “Esme,” I sighed happily.

She smiled and kissed me back and then, in lieu of a conventional greeting, she said, “What were you thinking about?” Seeing my confusion, she went on, “You were lost in thought, Carlisle. They looked like happy thoughts.”

“Oh.” For a moment, I considered telling her the truth, but I decided against it. It was fair that they all hear the news at the same time. Also, I wanted to keep it my secret a little longer. “Just hospital things.”

“You must be really enjoying your work here,” she said.

“I am,” I said honestly.

I took her bag, and we walked arm in arm to the exit. When we got to the car in the parking garage, I held open the door for her, and she slid in gracefully. I got in behind the wheel and started the engine. 

“How was Alaska?” I asked.

“It was wonderful. Everyone sends their love to you and the family. How was Oregon?”

“It is fine. I like the hospital. The staff are pleasant, and my work makes a real difference. It’s a nice area to live in, too. The house is…” I had been talking to distract her from questioning my apparently unusual happiness, but I faltered before pushing on. “The house is a bit of a mess, to be honest. I didn’t actually do any preparation for your arrival until last week. The lounge is done, though.”

She smiled. “That’s okay. I will get to work when we have all settled.” She leaned over to pat my hand on the steering wheel. “Have you been working too hard, Carlisle?”

“There is no too hard for us,” I said. “But no. I have been making time to enjoy myself.” I smiled again as I thought of some of the things I had enjoyed.

She tilted her head to the side. “I am going to find out, you know.”

“Find out what?”

“Why you are so happy.”

I smiled. “I am sure you will.”

xXx

We had barely arrived at the house before I heard the roar of engines approaching and knew it was more of my family returning. I set Esme’s bag down in the house and went outside to wait for them.

They arrived in a rush of sprayed dirt and skidding brakes. I was watching carefully, and I saw that Jasper was just an inch ahead of Emmett, but I vowed to say nothing when they questioned me as neither of them was a particularly good loser.

The car doors flew open and, for a moment, there was chaos as Jasper and Alice and Emmet and Rosalie celebrated their victories. Then they each noticed what the other was doing, and their celebration turned to confusion.

“Why are _you_ happy?” Emmett asked Jasper. “ _I_ won.”

Jasper laughed. “At Mah-jong, perhaps. I was the clear winner of that race.”

“Oh, here we go,” Rosalie said disdainfully. “We won.” She tossed back her hair and walked away from them to greet Esme with a hug. “I missed you.”

“And I you,” Esme said, cupping her cheek in her hand.

Rosalie came to me next, and I smoothed a hand through her hair as I hugged her. “Hello, Rose,” I said when she pulled back.

Emmett and Jasper were still arguing, and Esme was attempting to soothe them while also greeting Alice.

I watched it all, happy in the moment. It was almost perfect, only two people missing from our number would make it so. I wished they were there. I wished in that moment that Bella was there already. She would enjoy seeing Emmett’s and Jasper’s disagreement.

Emmett was mid-tirade, but Jasper’s bright, amused eyes snapped from him to me. His brow furrowed, and he said my name doubtfully, almost concerned.

“Hello, Jasper,” I said, slightly confused.

He shook his head, as if shaking something off, and turned back to Emmett. “Fine. You win. I lose. Let’s leave it at that.”

Emmett looked disappointed. One thing he loved more than winning a bet was winning an argument. He and Edward would have some blazers that Emmett engineered and Edward, even knowing he was being set up, would be unable to not join in.

“Shall we go in?” Esme asked. “I want to see Carlisle’s decorating.”

I gestured them all in ahead of me and then entered, taking in their reactions to the room. “Wow,” Alice said happily. “This is great.”

“It is,” Esme said, turning to me. “I love the color.”

I smiled. Bella would be pleased to hear that.

Emmett threw himself down onto the couch and wriggled. “Comfy.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Emmett, it would be comfy for you even if it was made of nails.”

“I was being polite,” he said sardonically. “It’s a couch. They’re green walls. What am I supposed to say about it?”

I laughed, and all eyes drifted to me. Jasper looked confused again, and he tilted his head to the side as he appraised me.

“What’s wrong, Jasper?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Just…you seem different?” He framed it as a question.

“I…” I hesitated. I wasn’t sure what to say. Surely, this was the moment to mention Bella.

Evidently following his own chain of thought, Emmett said, “Carlisle, why do you have a person print in the paintwork?”

All eyes followed his line of sight. Sure enough, if you looked, there was the faintest outline of a human shape in the paint, even though I had painted over it twice.

“Oh,” I said lamely. “Well, I had a little assistance painting.”

“You hired people in?” Esme asked. “Carlisle, if I had known how little you wanted to do it, I would have stayed to do it myself.”

“It’s not that,” I said quickly. “I had a friend help me.”

“There’s another vampire here?” Jasper asked, immediately tense.

“No. She’s human. Definitely human.” I drew a breath and said in a rush, “Bella is here.” 

There was an explosion of noise, voices, whoops in Emmett’s case, and shaky breaths from Esme.

“Here as in _here_?” Alice asked.

“I’ve not hidden her in the attic, Alice. She’s living in town.”

“How is she?” Esme asked, her eyes wide and imploring.

“She is very well. Wonderful, in fact. We met a few months ago, shortly after I started at the hospital.”

“The hospital!” Emmett said with relish. “Tell me she tripped again!”

I thought back to our reunion and her causal words, _“I shot him.”_ It wasn’t time for them to know that. It was Bella’s story to tell, if she ever wanted to. The fact she was a cop was definitely for her to tell them. It was her surprise to spring. 

“She didn’t trip,” I said with a fond smile.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see this,” Alice said, sounding stunned. “I wasn’t looking, I promised I wouldn’t, but I should have seen her with you.”

“Perhaps that’s it,” Jasper said. “You promised you wouldn’t, so you were subconsciously blocking her.”

“Perhaps,” Alice said in a musing tone.

“Tell us everything,” Esme implored. “What is she doing here. How is Charlie? And Renee?”

“Is she happy?” Surprisingly, it was Emmett who asked the most important question.

“She is very happy,” I said. “Her life is good. As for the other questions, I think the answers to them would best come from Bella herself.”

“We can see her?” Esme asked. “I mean, does she want to see us?”

“She does,” I said. I checked my watch. “She is working at the moment, but her shift ends at noon. I can see if she’d like to visit…”

“Please,” Alice said eagerly.

I picked up my cell from the table and hit the speed-dial I had assigned to her. It rang a few times, and then her bright voice answered.

“Hey, Carlisle. Have they descended?”

“They have,” I said solemnly, and she laughed. “We were wondering if we could see you at some point.”

“Sure,” she said easily. “I’ve got another couple hours on shift, but I’ll come by right after. That okay?”

“That is perfect,” I said. “I will see you then.”

We exchanged goodbyes, and I set the phone down on the table again. “She is coming soon,” said, unnecessarily as they would have heard both sides of the phone call perfectly.

“Wonderful,” Esme said, clapping her hands together. “There are things we need to do.”

xXx

The room seemed to buzz with anticipation as the time ticked down to Bella’s expected arrival. Rosalie, whose reaction I was most unsure of, was sitting beside Emmett on the couch and looking calmly interested as I was questioned on Bella and her life. I didn’t know why they continued to ask when I was determined to tell them nothing and they would be able to find out for themselves soon enough.

Then, out of the quiet traffic sounds passing on the highway, there was the sound of a car pulling onto the drive.

“Here!” Esme gasped. “She’s here!”

“I believe she is.”

I stood and made for the door. Before I could reach it, Alice was there, rushing past me to get outside. I stopped and stood back to save myself from being bowled over by Emmett as he followed her. I gestured the others out ahead of me, and then followed them out. Alice stood at the bottom of the steps, leaning forward slightly as if that would reduce the time of waiting to see Bella. Jasper stood beside her, his hand on the small of her back. Emmett was standing on the porch with Rosalie and Esme. I made my way down to wait with Alice. I wanted to be there, at the forefront, so Bella would see me first.

As confident and strong as she was now, this was a big thing, to see them all again, and I wanted to be there for her as a buffer.

There was a sound like rushing wind as everyone drew in a sharp breath as the patrol car drew around the corner of the trees that hid the house from the drive until the last minute.

“What the…?” Jasper started.

Emmett’s eyes bugged. “She’s a…”

“Cop,” Rosalie said tonelessly.

I smiled to myself, enjoying the moment.

Bella pulled to a halt and, after fumbling with something for a moment, opened the door and climbed out. With a rush of Bella’s name, Alice was across the space, and Bella was in her arms in a moment.

Bella looked startled at first, but her arms quickly came up to hold Alice, and she laughed softly. It seemed that Alice didn’t care what uniform Bella wore or what she did, as long as she was there.

“Hello, Alice,” Bella said gently, resting her cheek against Alice’s spiky hair.

“Oh, Bella, I missed you so much.” 

An unnameable emotion flashed across Bella’s face at her words. It was gone too fast for me to be able to define. But then Bella was smiling and saying, “I missed you, too.” Then she sucked in a breath and said, “Little too tight, Alice.”

Alice leaped back, releasing Bella and dropping her arms back to her sides. “Sorry.”

Bella shook her head, smiling fondly, and then turned her attention to Emmett. “Hey, Em.”

“You’re a cop,” he said stupidly.

She raised an eyebrow. “Observant.”

She turned from him to Esme, but Emmett seemed to snap out of his shock-induced inertia. He rushed forward and swept her into his arms, spinning her twice and making her laugh freely, before he set her down again. “Geez, Bella, look at you,” he said, awed. 

Bella looked surprised, but then Esme was there, hugging her, and she seemed to forget Emmett in favor of enjoying Esme’s embrace.

When they pulled apart, Esme cupped Bella’s cheek in her hand and said softly, “You’re so beautiful.”

Bella smiled and turned to where Rosalie and Jasper were standing at the bottom of the steps. I wondered how she would react to them. She and Rosalie had never bonded, and Jasper had last been seen by her being bodily dragged from the room while he struggled to get at her and her flowing blood.

She smiled though, waving a hand in greeting and saying, “Hey,” casually.

“Hello, Bella,” Jasper said while Rosalie just nodded slightly.

“Shall we go in?” I said.

There were murmurs of assent, and Rosalie led us inside again. I walked at the rear behind Alice and Bella, noting Bella’s hand clasped in Alice’s. It made me smile. Bella made for one of the plush armchairs she had chosen. She sat and leaned back against the cushion, looking comfortable in the room she had helped create.

Alice perched on the edge of her chair, and the rest of us took seats around them on the other couches and chairs.

“Would you like a drink, Bella?” Esme asked.

“Sure,” Bella said. “I think I left some soda in the kitchen last time.”

Esme smiled. “We have coffee, and juice and teas if you’d prefer.”

Bella looked confused, and I explained. “While you were at work Esme made the house human-guest-friendly.”

“Thanks,” Bella said. “But there was no need. I’ve been making out fine with it how it was before.”

“I wanted you to feel welcome,” Esme said.

“I do,” Bella said quickly. “And I’d love some juice.”

Esme beamed at her and flitted from the room. She came back a moment later with a glass of orange juice, which Bella sipped and set down on the coffee table.

“So,” Emmett said slowly, “Bella, you’re a cop.”

Bella nodded. “Yep.”

He didn’t seem able to articulate the question he wanted answering. He blurted, “How? What? When? How? Why?”

There was a ripple of laughter around the room, Bella included, and then she said, “Good questions all. How? I went to college and then the academy. What? You answered that a couple times yourself there, Em, a cop. When? I’ve been on the roster about a year and a half now. Why?” She glanced at me, and I wondered whether I would hear the ‘silly’ reason at last. “Because I was done being the damsel in distress.”

Jasper leaned forward in his seat. “What do you mean the damsel in distress?”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Where do I even start? Okay, the nomads. The ballet studio. Laurent in the meadow. Victoria and her newborns.”

There was a rush of indrawn breath again, and Esme whispered, “Newborns?”

Bella nodded. “Long story. Carlisle can fill you in. The point is, I would have been dead if it wasn’t for you guys when James came for me. And then the wolves saved me from Laurent, Victoria, and the newborns. I was done. I couldn’t be a superhero the way you guys and the wolves are, but I can be the best a human can be. I went to college thinking about myself and came out thinking about other people.”

I smiled at her, and she slightly nodded in return.

“When you say wolves…” Emmett started.

“Ah, yes,” I said. “I should have mentioned. The wolves are back in La Push. Bella says there is a pack of ten now.”

Rosalie hissed. “Ten!”

“Yep,” Bella said, unconcerned. “They phase in relation to a vampire threat, and the threat was pretty big with Victoria.”

I felt the tension in the air and rallied for a way to disperse it. The wolves were something the family and I would need to discuss alone, just to set their minds at ease. I didn’t want Bella and Rosalie in the same conversation about that topic as it would end badly. Luckily for me, Emmett used his uncanny knack for lightening the atmosphere in a room by saying, “Carlisle said he met you in the hospital but that you didn’t trip. Did you maybe fall instead?”

His eyes were alight with excitement, and I turned to Bella to see her reaction. She looked equally as amused as she lowered her voice and leaned forward to speak as if only to him. “No, Em. I met him there because I was checking up on the man I’d just shot.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Emmett broke into raucous laughter. Feeding from his amusement, Jasper smiled, too, and Alice grinned. Even Esme was smiling politely. They thought she was joking.

Bella looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.

“Hold on,” Jasper said suddenly, looking between us. “You’re not joking, are you?”

“Nope,” Bella said happily. “I shot a man. I didn’t kill him, though, did I, Carlisle?”

“No, Bella, you didn’t kill him,” I said, then feeling they may as well know it all, I went on, “You tore the brachial nerve which required fine surgery and will need months of physical therapy to repair. But no, you didn’t kill him.”

They all looked stunned. Bella looked indifferent. I thought that, though it was a shock for them, it was better that they see early on that this wasn’t the Bella they had known before. They would have to get to know her all over again, just like I had.

“What happened?” Esme asked.

Bella considered her for a moment. “He was robbing a Mini-Mart. When I got there, he had a knife. I told him to drop it. He did. Then he pulled a gun. There were civilians in there, so I did what I had to do.” She glanced down at her watch. “Anyway, I’ve got to head out. I’m meeting some of the guys at the range later, and then I’m going to need to sleep before I go back to work.”

“You’re leaving already?” Esme asked, her face falling.

“Afraid so.” Bella looked to me. “You got the nightshift?”

“Not until Monday,” I said apologetically. I would have liked to have one of our late-night meetings in my office to talk again in private.

“I’ll see you then,” Bella said brightly, then waved an arm vaguely at the rest of the room. “I’ll see you all soon. Carlisle has my number.” She stood, hugged Alice who was looking forlorn now, and made for the door.

I followed her out to the door and waved from the porch as she got into the car and turned. She tapped the horn once and then drove steadily onto the dirt-track that led to the main road.


	8. Rosalie and Jasper

**_Carlisle_ **

All eyes were on me as I took my seat beside Esme again. I looked from face to face, searching for an explanation for their avid interest, but got nothing. “Is there something wrong?”

“Exactly,” Emmett said with a nod. “What’s wrong? What happened there?”

“What happened where?”

“Bella!” Rosalie snapped. “What happened to her visit? She didn’t even stay for an hour. She didn’t want coffee or tea, after Esme had us running around getting things for her so she could, and she just left so she could go see other friends.” She turned to Alice. “Was she lying? Look. Is she going out with friends, or did she just not want to be here anymore?”

“No!” I said harshly, drawing all eyes to me. “We’re not having Alice spy on her. If she doesn’t have plans, if she did just want to leave, then it’s her choice to make. We have no right to psychically stalk her just for our own curiosity. That’s hardly fair.” It bothered me more than it really should, the idea, but I knew how Bella would feel about it. It wasn’t remotely fair.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t accustomed to being refused. Her demands usually didn’t hurt other people, though. “She won’t know.”

“I will know,” I said.

“Fine,” she smiled smugly. “Jasper, you can tell us, _was_ she lying?”

Before I could say a thing, to ask him not to share his insight with her and us all, Jasper spoke. “It’s not my place to say what Bella is feeling or doing. Carlisle is right. We have no right to spy on her.”

“Thank you, Jasper,” I said quietly.

Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but I overrode her words. “Bella has a right to privacy as do we all. You, Rosalie, were always most vocal about Edward ‘spying’ on your thoughts, even though it was no fault of his own the things he occasionally heard, given that he always tried to give us privacy. We are not violating Bella’s privacy to sate your curiosity. She deserves better than that. If she is lying, which I do not believe, she is allowed to. She owes us _nothing_.”

Jasper nodded. “I agree. There’s a couple things I do want to know about though. She mentioned newborns. How the hell does Bella know about newborns?”

I sighed. “Because she was targeted by them. When we left Bella, we left her unprotected. Victoria blamed Edward for James’ death, and thought that, by killing Bella, she would get her revenge on him.”

“That’s stupid,” Emmett said. “Edward wasn’t even the one that killed James. That was me and Jazz.”

“But no one told Victoria that,” I pointed out. “And ultimately, the reason he died was because of Edward and Bella. Victoria sent Laurent first. He was supposed to scout the protection around Bella. When he found her, though, in a place in the forest Edward and Bella favored, he was thirsty. He was going to feed on Bella, but the wolves saved her. Then Victoria started coming herself. The wolves and Bella laid a trap for her with Bella’s blood making a trail, but when she came, she wasn’t alone. She brought newborns with her. Obviously, Bella didn’t know what they were until I told her, but that’s how she knows about them. And that is why we owe the wolves a debt we will never be able to repay.”

“Poor Bella,” Esme said sadly. “She must have been so scared.”

“She was scared but brave. We have spoken about it more than once, and I grow more awed each time. She willingly risked herself to dispatch Victoria. She knew she wouldn’t take the bait unless Bella was there herself, so she sat in that field, her only physical defense the canvas walls of a tent and a pack of wolves that were risking their lives for her safety. You can imagine how she felt about that.”

“Okay, interesting as newborns and werewolves are,” Rosalie said, “I have a more pressing question. Where’s Edward?”

“Italy,” I said guilelessly.

She rolled eyes. “I know _that._ What I mean is why isn’t he here with her?”

“Because I haven’t told him she’s here,” I said.

It was Esme that spoke this time, though I could see the question in every pair of eyes. “Why not?”

“Bella doesn’t love Edward in that way now,” I said regretfully. “When he left, he left a hole in her life and heart that took a long time to heal. I don’t know the full details of it. I do know how she feels now, though, as she has been remarkably candid about it. Even if Edward was here, if he was to lay his heart down at her feet, she would not have a place for it beside hers anymore.”

There was absolute silence for a moment as they processed what I had said, and then Esme covered her face in her hands. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my side.

“That makes no sense,” Alice said. “I saw it. I _saw_ them. She was one of us.” She shook her head. “No. She might think she doesn’t want him, but she’s wrong.”

It irritated me that they were reacting like this, as if Bella had no choice in the matter. She had made her feelings clear to me, and though it had hurt me to hear my son would never have that happiness again, I had known it was her choice to make. Bella was free to live her life as she wanted, taking anyone into her world and heart that she wished. She didn’t want Edward anymore. They had to respect that.

“She is human, Alice,” Jasper said gently. “Humans aren’t the same as us. Once we love, we love, no matter what form it comes in. Human love changes all the time. I know that better than most. Think of the relationships we see chop and change in colleges and schools. People that are tied one week are not the next.”

“But it’s Bella,” Emmett said, bewildered. “It’s Bella and Edward. She’s not fickle.”

“I didn’t say fickle,” Jasper corrected. “I said human. She’s allowed to change. You’ve got to remember it’s been a long time, too. She hasn’t seen any of us for years, including Edward. For her to still hold him in her heart like that after this long apart would be pretty impressive.”

“Poor Edward,” Esme said, her words muffled behind her hands. “How is he supposed to live with this?”

“He already is,” I reminded her. “I don’t know what he found when he went to Forks, but he knew then that it was too late for him. He has lived these years knowing she was lost to him.”

Rosalie leaped to her feet and made for the door.

“Where are you going?” Emmett asked.

“I’m done,” she said angrily. “I’m not sitting around here talking about that _human_ breaking my brother’s heart like it’s something I should be happy about. She _is_ fickle if she truly doesn’t want him anymore; a fickle bitch for what she’s done to him.” She yanked open the door and run outside and into the trees.

Emmett stared after her, looking miserable. I could see him weighing up the positives of following her versus the negatives—she would rage at him for hours, I was sure. He stayed seated.

We all did.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

When I got home from work the day after my brief visit with the Cullens, I found possibly the most unexpected visitor possible waiting on my front steps: Jasper.

I climbed out of the car and approached him, pasting a smile on my face. “Hey, Jasper.”

“Bella,” he said, getting to his feet.

I sidestepped him and unlocked my door, gesturing him in ahead of me.

He looked surprised. “You want me to come in?”

“That’s the custom with guests, right? You’re here for a reason, so I figure we should get through whatever it is inside rather than out here where my neighbors can watch.”

“You’re not scared?” Even though he naturally knew the answer already, he sounded curious. It irritated me a little.

“No. I’m not. Which you already know.” An idea occurred to me, and I frowned. “Is this going to be a problem for you, being inside with me? My place isn’t quite as airy as yours.”

He shook his head. “I will be fine. My control is much improved.”

“Then come in,” I said, still not understanding why exactly he hesitated at all.

He still didn’t move, so I walked past him into my hall. I toed off my shoes and hung my holster on the coat rack then made for the stairs. “I’ve got to change. You can stand out there, giving my neighbors a new topic of gossip, or you can come in.”

He coughed unnecessarily, and I was sure he was hiding a laugh. Seeming to steel himself, he crossed the threshold and clicked the door shut behind him.

“Lounge is through there,” I said. “Make yourself comfortable.”

I waited until he had gone into the lounge before I started up the stairs.

It wasn’t only that I wanted to get changed; I also needed a minute to gather myself and cover my surprise at his unexpected visit.

Jasper had never been chatty, so I guessed this coming conversation was going to be a deep topic, and I wanted to psych myself up for it; therefore, when I got to my bedroom, I didn’t rush the process of changing into jeans and a tank top, concentrating on calming myself. I unpinned my hair and shook it out, feeling the relief as it fell free to my shoulders.

Jasper was standing facing away from me, hands clasped behind his back, when I got down to the lounge. With his plain grey pants and white shirt, he could have belonged to any time period. He really did have an air of history about him.

“You have a lot of photographs,” he said, turning to face me as I entered.

There was a selection on the mantle—graduation shots from high school, college, and the academy, photographs of family and friends, and one of my favorite memories of La Push life: Jacob and I jumping from the cliff hand in hand. Sam had taken the shot from the road, and you had to squint to recognize us. Unless you were a vampire that was. Carlisle had seen me at once in it, and his shock had been something to savor as I told him the story of motorbikes and cliff diving summers.

“I’ve had a lot of life,” I said. “Besides, we can’t all have perfect vampire recall. Some of us take photos to remember. Some of us just steal them.”

He frowned. “I’m sorry?”

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to talk about Edward’s little breaking-and-entering escapade before he left me. It was stupid of him to do it and stupid of me to still be bothered about it.

“Doesn’t matter. What can I do for you, Jasper?”

“I wanted to talk about that night.”

There was no need for him to qualify which night. It was engraved on both our memories clearly.

I gestured for him to sit and sank back further into the cushions behind me.

He perched on the edge of the chair and leaned forward, his pale hands clasped between his knees. “I owe you an apology. I behaved disgustingly that night. I should have been in control of myselfת and I wasn’t. I put you at risk, and that was unforgivable. I didn’t take the proper precautionsת and that almost cost you your life. I can only say that I am sorry. I have been sorry since the moment I came back to myself. I would never have intentionally hurt you. I hope you know that.”

I narrowed my eyes. He was lying. I didn’t doubt he was sorry for what had happened, but he didn’t believe it was unforgivable or his fault. His body language was all wrong. He was defending himself, not opening to me with an apology.

“How about we try again with a little honesty,” I suggested.

He looked innocently confused. “I don’t understand.”

“And yet I really doubt it.” Sighing, I uncurled my legs and leaned forward. “Okay, you tried to eat me. Not one of my greatest hits, true, or I’m guessing yours, but why did it happen, Jasper?”

“Because I hadn’t taken precautions. I should have hunted before you came.”

“Or lie to me a little more,” I said. He opened his mouth—to argue I was sure—and I spoke over him. “Jasper, you’re a vampire.”

“I noticed,” he said dryly.

I laughed shortly. “Yeah, you would. My point is that you were a vampire that, according to Edward, struggled the most with your thirst, in a room with freshly spilled blood. Of course you lost it.”

“Yes, but—”

I held up a hand to stop him. “And you weren’t the only one tempted. The only person that wasn’t was Carlisle. Even Alice had to leave eventually. I never blamed you. I told Alice as much, and I’m sure she told you.”

“She did.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here talking about apologies and control when we both know that’s crap?”

His lips quirked into a smile. “You’re not the same, are you?”

“No. Five years will change a human. And _you’re_ not answering my question. Why are you really here?”

His smile faded and his expression became serious. “I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, too. You left in an awful hurry,”

“I had plans,” I said blithely.

“Perhaps.”

“No, I had plans,” I argued. “I’m not lying.”

“Then why did it feel like a lie?”

I shook my head briskly. “First off, quit that. I don’t know if you have any control over what you’re feeling from me—”

“I don’t.”

“—but keep it to yourself anyway. They’re my emotions to feel, not to be picked over by you. Second, you _don’t_ know. You’re not a mind reader, Jasper. You feel the emotions, but you don’t know the thought process behind it. I wasn’t lying. I had plans. Vague ones that I made so I’d have an out if things got intense, but plans nonetheless. Things got intense, and I figured it was better for everyone there if I left, so I did.”

He looked genuinely confused. “I thought things were going well.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, ‘cause what everyone loves is to be made to feel like the sharp-shooting freak. I let you have a glimpse at my life now, and I got comic shock and horror in return. You guys might not like what I’ve become, but that’s not my problem. Maybe it would have been less of a shock if you’d been there to see it happen.”

He shook his head. “You can’t read our thoughts either, Bella. We weren’t shocked at the ‘gun-toting’ part, although that is unexpected. It was the fact you had been at gunpoint that horrified us. You were almost killed. Can you not see why that would be upsetting to us?” He drew a breath. “As for not seeing you change, I am not the only one that would have very much enjoyed seeing that happen. You weren’t the only one hurt when we left, Bella. It took Alice a long time to get over it.”

“Guess that’s why she wrote to me so often.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, looking pained. “Bella, I understand that you’re upset, but Alice only did what she thought was right. She was torn between her best friend and brother, and Edward was persuasive. He made her believe it was the best thing for you. Given what had happened, there was little argument that could be made. Your presence in our life was a risk. We all knew that from the very beginning.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know. Believe me, I remember. But it’s over now. I am not bothered that you left anymore. I was for a long time, a very long time, but I got over it. I understand now. I’m grateful, even. I would never have become the person I am today if you’d stayed. It all turned out okay.”

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. “You are bothered. How could you not be? Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you’re hurting still.”

I got quickly to my feet. “That’s enough. You don’t know what I’m thinking.” He started to speak, and I overrode him. “You need to leave now, Jasper. There’s things I need to do.”

He stood and made for the door. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, but I believe it’s better to be honest with each other. How are any of us going to rebuild what we had otherwise?”

“Yep,” I said, ushering him to the door with waving hands. “Absolutely. Time to go, Jasper.” I opened the front door and waited for him to walk through.

He turned on the stoop and looked at me sympathetically, “For my part, I _am_ sorry, Bella, and I will do my best to make it up to you.”

“Good talk!” I said brightly. “See ya!”

He sighed heavily and walked down the steps. I swung the door closed and leaned my head against the cool wood. “Damn, I need a drink.”


	9. Edward

**_Edward_ **

I heard the footsteps moving from the plush of carpet to stone, and I knew that they were headed in my direction. I looked up from the book I had been perusing and allowed my unique sense to reach out to tell me who was coming.

 _He’d probably smile a little more if he stayed here and fed with us. A healthy, human heart-stopping meal would do him good._ Felix’s thoughts became graphic as he imagined the meal Heidi was currently retrieving for the guard and ancients.

I slammed my book closed noisily and stood just in time to greet him as he came into the library. “Hello, Felix.”

“Edward.” He bowed his head respectfully. “Aro asked me to inform you that Heidi will be here soon and that while you are, naturally, invited to join us, you might want to vacate the castle.”

“Please pass on my thanks. I think I will take the opportunity to go to the countryside.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Felix was unflinchingly polite and respectful to me as a guest of the ancients. His question was born out of ignorance, not malice. Despite the years I had spent in the city with the Volturi, I was still a curiosity as a vegetarian vampire. He truly thought my depression would be lifted if I was to drink a natural diet.

“Quite certain,” I said.

I made my way out of the room and along the halls toward the tunnels. I passed some of the other guards as I went, and I nodded respectfully to them in greeting. Though I had been in the city for four years, I had spoken less than a handful of words to some of them. When I got to the door that would lead me to the tunnels, I saw a quartet of vampires coming in the opposite direction—Corin and Santiago accompanying Athenodora and Sulpicia to the feeding room.

I could not pass the wives with a mere nod. That would be unbearably rude to my hosts. I stopped and bowed chivalrously to them. They both smiled as they came to a halt, and Sulpicia said my name softly. “How are you?”

Sulpicia’s personality suited her mate’s well. Like Aro, she was inquisitive, and as the newest arrival in the castle, I was her favored subject. She was kind enough not to question me about Bella, though she knew the whole sordid tale as Aro had shared the details with the whole coven after the decision had been made by the ancients, after much discussion, to leave Bella in peace and trust in my faith that she would never share the secret of my world with other humans. It still chilled my heart that I had been so consumed by the grief at our lost love that I’d overlooked the decision to come to Aro and his gift, knowing that I had broken the cardinal rule of our kind. 

Sulpicia liked to talk to me about what I was reading and, sometimes, she would visit with me in the library.

Athenodora was quieter, more reticent, like her mate. I could not read her face the way I was able to read her mind, though I made no active attempt to do that out of courtesy. 

“Very well,” I lied, fooling no one.

Sulpicia smiled sadly and then carried on along the hall.

I waited until they were gone, and then I hurried to the tunnels and out into the city toward my apartment. I went there occasionally to change clothes and shower, far less often than a human would need to as my body created no dirt to clean.

I also came to collect my car—a Ferrari F430 that Alice had arranged for me only a year before. It had none of Rosalie’s modifications, as I hadn’t seen my sister in a long time, but it was still a beauty of a car, though I was unable to appreciate it. The only thing I truly cared about now was that it would get me out of civilization fast.

I collected it from the underground parking garage and set off out of the city and into the countryside. To anyone else, the ride would have been a pleasure—the beautiful car and equally-as-beautiful surroundings—but the only thing that meant beauty to me now was far away, beyond my cursed reach.

When I reached Libbiano, I left the car and made my way to the Monterufoli reserve on foot. There was not the selection of wildlife here for me that there was in North America, but the park had an abundance of deer that I could feed on. No number of my favored mountain lions would make the meal a pleasure, so I didn’t care much for the lack of better prey.

I wasn’t there long before I caught the scent of a herd and followed it to a stream. I took down a buck first, a huge beast with a vast growth from antler point to point. When he was drained, I followed the path of the herd and took down a doe.

Feeling full if not sated, I made my slow way out of the park, in no hurry to return to the castle; the feeding would not be over yet. I was halfway back to Libbiano when my phone beeped with returning service. I glanced at the screen and saw I had missed calls from Rosalie and had a voicemail notification.

I deliberated before listening to the message. It occurred to me that summer break would have started in the states, and my family would be reconvening after time apart. Rosalie would no doubt be using the phone call to encourage me to return, too. I had no desire to deal with her pleas and guilt about my deserting them, tearing the family apart. She didn’t understand that if I _was_ there, I would tear them apart with my misery. They didn’t need to see me suffer, and Jasper didn’t need to feel it. 

There was a chance this could be more, though, and that was what made me dial up my voicemail and navigate the menus to listen to the message. Rosalie’s voice, strident and demanding, spoke at once, _“Edward, call me back. This is important.”_

She didn’t sound unduly concerned, though there was zeal in her voice that hadn’t been there in any other conversation we had shared since I last saw her. I wondered what the meaning behind it could be, but not enough to call her back immediately. Instead, I leaned back in my seat and drew a breath, trying to summon the will to return her call. She _had_ said it was important, but then again, Rosalie thought most things were important when they affected her, even in a small way.

The phone trilled again, and I sighed as I checked the caller ID and brought it to my ear. “Hello, Rose.”

“Finally,” she snapped. “What took you so long?”

“I was hunting,” I said wearily.

“That’s something, I suppose. Alice said last time she saw you, you were going for endurance feeding denial.”

“What can I do for you?” I asked.

“You need to come home.”

“Rosalie, we’ve been over this. My being there will help no one, least of all you. You need to accept that part of my life is over.”

“Because your family is just a phase, right?” she hissed. “Something that can be left behind and ignored.” I heard her draw a breath, and then she went on, sounding irritated. “Edward, your human is here.”

I gasped. “Bella?”

“Who else?” she asked smugly, surely reacting to the animation in my voice.

“What is she doing there?” I asked.

They had promised me, _promised_ that they would leave her alone. Even Alice had agreed not to look for her. She understood we had already impacted Bella’s life with our unnatural influence enough. She had a new, human life now.

“We didn’t go looking,” Rosalie said scathingly. “As if we would. No, she stumbled across us all by herself.”

“Is she okay?” I asked, longing in my tone.

“She’s human,” Rosalie said. “Which means she’s just fine to me.”

I gritted my teeth. Rosalie’s bitterness at her eternal life was irritating at the best of times, but in my moment of need, it was maddening.

“Is she well?”

“Seemed it. For now, anyway. Apparently, she wasn’t before. Remember how she would attract vans, nomads, and potential rapists before? Well, apparently this time it was a gun-toting robber holding up a Mini-Mart.”

She sounded amused but I barely noticed it. A gun! My Bella had been at the mercy of a lunatic with a gun! How could this have happened?

“So, when can we expect you?” she asked.

“I…”

I hesitated. Did this mean I should return? To her? No. She had a new life that didn’t include or need me. But for myself, did I need to see her, to reassure myself that she was okay? That was a definite yes. I had to be sure.

“There’s a flight out at eleven tonight,” she said knowingly. “Shall Em and I pick up at the airport.”

“No.”

“Edward! You can’t seriously—“

I cut her off. “I will make my own way.”

I heard her breathe a deep sigh of relief, and I smiled slightly as she whispered, “Thank you, Edward.”

“This isn’t for good,” I warned her. “I am coming home for a visit, that is all.”

“We’ll see,” she said.

“Goodbye, Rose,” I said and lowered the phone to my side again.

My fingers probed my face, feeling the lips curve into a wide smile. I was going to see my Bella again. I would not talk to her, I would leave her to live in peace, but from a distance, I would be able to bask in her beauty once again.

I was going to see my love.

xXx

I did not return to the castle. I called the reception desk and left a message with the current assistant, Elenora. She promised to pass on my apologies and the news to Aro that I had been called home.

I knew she would oblige quickly. She was always eager for any excuse to approach the ancients in hopes that they would decide that was the day to decide to change her. After going back to my apartment to pack a small bag of clothes and retrieve my passport, I set out for the airport.

The journey was long and arduous. Having fed just before leaving, the scent of blood in the enclosed space of the plane wasn’t such a problem. It was the slow pace that bothered me. Now, on the cusp of seeing Bella again, I was impatient. It didn’t help that I had no control over anything that made the journey possible. The delay in the Tuscan airport because of a technical fault and the layover I was forced to wait out in New York were maddening. Only the fact it was the fastest route to her stopped me from leaving the airport and driving the distance.

Eventually, the plane touched down on the Portland tarmac, and I was allowed to disembark. Though I would usually have remembered my manners and let others off before myself, I was the first in the queue to leave the plane this time.

I planned to rent a car, and I made straight for the desk, but before the I reached it, a hand slipped into mine and a familiar scent reached me. Alice.

She fell into step beside me, tugging my hand to lead me to a corner where I could see Jasper waiting. He greeted me with a wry smile and murmur of my name. Alice didn’t say a word at first. She dragged me into a tight hug and then leaned back and looked me in the eye. Then, her voice filled my mind for the first time in what felt like a lifetime of my solitude. 

_I missed you._

I smiled. “I missed you, too.”

_Are you ready?_

“As much as I can be.”

_I will take you to her._

Emmett would have been maddened by our one-sided conversation, but Jasper was serene as he waited for us to finish and follow him out to the parking garage.

Only when we were in the Mercedes—which, I assumed from the strong scent, was Carlisle’s latest conveyance—did Alice speak aloud. “I haven’t told them you’re coming.”

“And Rose hasn’t?”

“Oh, it was _Rose_ ,” she said with a sigh. “She managed to keep that quiet. No, as far as I know, she hasn’t told anyone. I thought perhaps you deserved the chance to surprise them.” She looked back from the front seat to look at me. “Esme.”

I felt guilty that I had hardly spared a thought for Esme or Carlisle since I set out home. My thoughts had been so consumed with Bella that the thought of seeing them all paled in comparison. Jasper caught my eye in the rearview mirror and smiled as he felt my guilt and correctly interpreted it.

I felt no need to fill the silence between the three of us. I just sat in contemplation of what was coming. Alice and Jasper’s mental voices were soothing to me, peaceful after the long immersion among the Volturi.

I respected the ancients and guards, and I had friendships among them, but there were none of the bonds of love I shared with my family. And though I didn’t listen to their thoughts directly, Alice’s and Jasper’s familiar minds were pleasant after so long.

“Shall we try her place?” Jasper asked Alice when we were within the town limits.

Alice frowned. “I guess so. She might be home.”

“You don’t know?” I asked. How was it that Alice, more gifted at finding a person at will than any of us, was unsure.

“We had a discussion about privacy recently,” Alice said. “I’ve not seen Bella at all since we left Forks in fact.” She smiled slightly. “I kept my word.”

“Thank you, Alice.”

“Bella would appreciate it, too,” Jasper said with a smile. His thoughts drew my attention at once as my love’s voice echoed through his memories: _‘They’re my emotions to feel not to be picked over by you.’_

The swell of love I felt at just the remembered sound of her voice filled me like oxygen did a human’s lungs after long denial. There was no face to accompany it, as Jasper was concentrating hard on the road to keep it from me. He wanted me to see her myself for the first time in person. The tone of the conversation he remembered amused me, though. She was obviously angry when she had said those things, very unlike the Bella I had known.

I supposed it shouldn’t have surprised me. She’d always had a temper, especially at injustices. It seemed she was now able to express that with others as well as me. 

We pulled onto a street of neat but unspectacular houses backed by the forest. I looked up and down the street, wondering which was hers. Which one she would have chosen to live her life in. I tried to guess by the cars in front of the houses, but as her truck wasn’t there—perhaps the behemoth had given in to old age at last—it was hard to tell.

Just then, a door opened on a house in the middle of the street, and she appeared.

There were no words to describe the feeling that swallowed me as I saw her. Her beauty, always so immense, had grown impossibly. She was stunning. Dressed in neat jeans and a white tank top with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she trotted down her path to the street in the opposite direction to us.

“Bella,” I whispered to her retreating back.

My fingers curled around the door release, and it took everything I had not to get out of the car and follow her. I wanted to be close to her, to breathe her wonderful and agonizing scent. I wanted to touch her hair, to cup her cheek, to feel her warmth. I wanted her.

“Not yet, Edward,” Alice cautioned. “I know you want to talk to her and… stuff… but you need to take it slowly. Things didn’t go so well when we all saw her. I think we need to give her a little warning before pouncing on her again.

“I wouldn’t pounce,” I said stiffly.

Jasper huffed a laugh. “Really?”

I ignored him and leaned forward through the seats, inching myself closer to Bella ever so slightly. It was futile though. She was walking away down the street, away from me.

It hurt my heart to see her go. I wanted to follow. When she turned a corner out of sight, I sighed and closed my eyes, melancholy filling me.

“Easy, Edward,” Jasper said. “You’re going to see her again.” He paused. “Right?”

Was I? I had seen her; that was what I had wanted and needed. The right thing to do now would be to spend time with my family and then return to Volterra before I could be tempted deeper into her life again. But did I have the strength to do that?

I didn’t know.

Perhaps not.


	10. Awkward Reunion

**_Edward_ **

None of us spoke during the journey to the house my family had taken in the forest. I passed the short drive examining the glimpse of Bella I had seen from every angle, trying to find more that I had missed in the awe of seeing her for the first time since leaving. Now that I reexamined it, I recalled seeing the slight downturn of her mouth. She had been unhappy about something; I wondered what. Her hair was a little shorter than it had been when I had last seen her, and her curves were more pronounced. She was, in short, more dazzling than ever before.

“You might want to wipe away the drool before Emmett sees you, Edward,” Jasper said, then laughed when my hand came up to my chin.

“Very funny,” I said dryly.

“Seriously, though. We’re almost there, and if you’re still looking all moon-eyed when you see him, he’s going to have a field day.”

I shook my head, temporarily banishing the vision of my Bella to the back of my mind, and looked at my surroundings. We were turning onto an unpaved road between trees. Like our Forks house, it would be difficult to find if you weren’t aware of its presence. I sat silent as Jasper steered us along the track toward the house. I wanted the surprise of my return to last just a little longer.

 _Oh, Alice and Jasper must be home. I wonder if they remembered to…_ Esme’s mental voice, so wonderfully familiar, was the first to reach me as she heard the car approaching.

 _Awesome, Jazz is home,_ Emmett thought. _Wonder if he’ll be up for finishing our bout. I could attack when he gets in, but I bet Alice will warn him. Hmm… I’ll work something out._

Rosalie listened hard for a moment, searching for my voice, and then sighed when she didn’t hear it. _Stubborn jackass._

Jasper pulled the car to a stop in front of the house and spoke in a whisper. “Ready?”

I nodded and climbed out. “Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett,” I called their names as if I was returning from a trip to the store rather than years of self-imposed exile.

There was a sharply indrawn breath from upstairs, and then Esme’s face appeared at the window. “Edward!”

I smiled as she lost all decorum and ran from the house, out of the door, and into my arms. She clung to me with her not insubstantial strength, and broken sobs burst from her in the vampire approximation of crying with happiness. I soothed her and patted her back, relishing the contact and comfort her embrace brought me.

Carlisle appeared behind her. He laid one hand on her back and the other on my shoulder. His smile was wide and pleased. _Welcome home, son._

I returned his smile. “Thank you.”

 _Alice?_ he asked.

I cast my eyes sideways to Rosalie, who she stood at the top of the porch steps, her expression of satisfaction not entirely hiding her happiness _._

_I should have known._

As I handed Esme into Carlisle’s waiting arms, Emmett whooped and ran at me. His intention was to grab me in a headlock and ruffle my hair, but I was too fast. I caught his arm and dodged away from his grip.

“Man, I missed this,” he said at the very moment he thought the exact same thing—always transparent.

“Come in,” Esme said, fluttering her hands at me. “There’s so much we need to talk about.”

We all gathered in the lounge, and I took a seat on the couch, braced on either side by my parents. Alice and Jasper sat close on a loveseatת and Rosalie perched on the arm of Emmett’s chair.

“I assume you know what’s been happening,” Carlisle said.

“I know a little,” I said.

“Have you seen her?” Emmett asked.

“Yes, only for a moment, from a distance.”

“She’s different, right?” Emmett asked. _Our little Bella grew up._

“Very,” I agreed.

“Wait till you talk to her,” Alice said with a laugh. “Then you’ll see just how different she is.”

Emmett grinned. “Talk? Wait till he sees her in uniform!”

I frowned. “Uniform?”

In the equivalent of a mental bellow, Emmett flashed me an image of Bella in the navy uniform of a police officer. It couldn’t possibly be real. Bella, a cop? The idea was ludicrous.

“I’m not kidding,” Emmett said. “Bella—or, I should say, Officer Swan—is badass.”

I looked to Carlisle, sure he would refute Emmett’s words, but he nodded.

I sat, frozen in shock for a moment, and then a laugh bubbled from me. “I guess that really does count as different.”

“Getting a gun pointed at you counts as different, too,” Rosalie said, pressing her lips together.

“That wasn’t just a way to get me home, then?” I asked hopefully.

“I am afraid not,” Carlisle said regretfully. “Naturally, she is fine, but in the course of her work, she dealt with an attempted robbery, and she was forced to shoot.” Seeing my horror, he hurried on. “The robber wasn’t killed. In fact, Bella acted against protocol and only injured him.”

He presented me with an image of a grubby looking man in a hospital bed, shouting for morphine.

“I hope you didn’t give him any,” I growled. The man that dared to threaten my love deserved pain. I would happily deliver.

“I assure you, in the course of his treatment and rehabilitation, he’s suffered,” he said.

I absorbed that and nodded. I supposed it would have to suffice. For now.

“So,” I asked. “How did this happen?”

Carlisle cleared his throat. “We met at the hospital after the shooting. She escorted the robber. I can’t tell you how shocked I was.” He cast his mind back to their meeting for me, allowing me to see her in a clean, white hospital room in her uniform, a gun on her hip—a gun! “After that, we met occasionally and… Well, you know the rest. She’s here.”

“And so are you,” Rosalie said triumphantly. “And you’re staying.”

I could see it all in her mind: how happy she was to have me home, her family together, and her complete confidence that it would stay that way. It was what she had been hoping for since we left Forks, the reunion of the people she loved, and to her mind, Bella was the crux of that, little as she wanted to admit the power a human had over our family of vampires.

“I…don’t know,” I said.

“Pardon?” Though her tone was calm, her eyes raged.

“I don’t know if I will stay,” I said, feeling the disappointment of the room as if I had borrowed Jasper’s gift for a moment.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because I don’t know if I will be wanted.”

“Of course you are!” she said angrily. “Dammit, Edward, are you blind? Can’t you see what you have done to us by leaving and staying away for so long?”

She sent me images and memories of the years the family had spent apart: Esme and Carlisle’s sadness, Emmett and Alice’s disappointment as the months slipped into years, her own frustration with what she thought of as my stubbornness. What she didn’t mean to show me—but I saw anyway—was a conversation with Carlisle in ~~that~~ this very room only days ago. _“_ _Even if Edward was here, if he was to lay his heart down at her feet, she would not have a place for it beside hers anymore.”_

I felt the bottom drop out of my world. Four years ago, I had received confirmation that Bella had done the human thing and moved on from my love, and I thought I had made peace with that. Apparently, I hadn’t. It physically hurt me to hear Carlisle’s remembered words through Rosalie’s thoughts. It seemed I’d always had hope in my heart that Bella held a place for me where I had once belonged.

Irritation surged through me. Rosalie knew as well as any of us what it meant for a vampire to meet their mate; she knew the way your whole life switched to accommodate them in your heart. The unchanging nature of a vampire was only altered by that huge moment. She had experienced the same thing while Emmett was going through his change. As the venom burned through him, she had changed, too.

 _I’m sorry,_ she thought.

My irritation passed with her words. She had meant no malice when she had called me. She merely wanted me home. I would have felt the same had she been the one that had gone, but I would not have done this to her. I loved her too much to risk causing her pain.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.” It did, of course, but she didn’t need me to tell her that. I saw my sadness reflected in her eyes. She knew already.

“You will stay a while though, right?” Emmett asked. _C’mon, man, you can’t just up and leave. Look how happy Esme is._

I frowned at him. Using Esme to make me feel guilty was a low blow in my opinion. He wanted us together as much as anyone, but I thought he was better than that.

“I will not leave immediately,” I conceded, smiling when I saw Esme’s obvious glee. I loved my mother and wanted her to be happy, but I wasn’t sure she would be after too long in my company without Bella.

“Good,” Emmett said happily. “In that case, we should hunt.”

“I’ve fed, Emmett.”

“Yeah, but when you see Bella again, you’re going to need to be as sated as you can be.”

“Who said I will be seeing her again?” I asked.

Alice rolled her eyes. “Edward, it’s Bella. Fate never did have a chance of keeping you two apart. What makes you think that’s going to change now?”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I hummed to myself as I walked the halls of the hospital. One of the best things about visiting Carlisle was the all-night coffee stand in the lobby. It was engineered to keep night-shift doctors and nurses alert, but it worked just as well for cops.

I was a familiar face in the hospital during the night, and I had a friendly relationship with some of the staff. Amanda, a nurse I had met during Max Brier’s admission, waved to me as I passed and called, “He’s in his office.”

“Thanks,” I replied.

Of all the Cullens, Carlisle was the one I was most comfortable with now. The disappointment that my reunion with the rest of the family had been didn’t seem to matter when it came to him. Perhaps Jasper had been right; they were reacting to the danger I had been in as opposed to the changes wrought in me. It still didn’t improve the memory of our meeting.

I was looking forward to seeing Carlisle, though.

When I reached his office, I knocked and smiled at his soft reply, “Come in, Bella.” Of course, he knew it was me. He probably recognized my footsteps before my scent even reached him.

I entered and then stopped dead in my tracks. He wasn’t alone. His company was once my reason for being. Edward.

“Bella,” Edward breathed, his golden eyes darkening to coal black.

My muscles locked down in panic, and my breath froze in my lungs. I knew that look. I remembered. He was hungry. I didn’t know what to do, though. If I ran, he might follow. If I stayed, he might strike.

I saw Carlisle shift in my peripheral vision, coming to stand beside me and resting a hand on my shoulder, “Are you okay, Bella?” he asked.

I nodded. Carlisle looked from me to Edward, and he seemed to understand the problem at once. “Edward,” he cautioned.

Edward closed his eyes, and when they opened, they were a little lighter. “I apologize,” he said with a wry smile. “That was unforgivable.”

So the dramatic streak hadn’t changed. “No blood, no foul,” I said, remembering an overheard conversation from a long time ago.

His smile became pained. That should not have surprised me, either. It did, though. He was still so much like his old self. I was so different from how I had been at eighteen. I had expected him to be different, too. I’d forgotten what he had once told me about the unchanging nature of a vampire. He had always been more person than vampire to me, though.

“I can leave,” I offered. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“No!” he said quickly. “Please, stay.”

“Why don’t you sit down, Bella,” Carlisle said.

I took my accustomed seat in front of his desk and folded my hands in my lap, feeling oddly formal in the place I was usually so comfortable.

Edward and Carlisle locked eyes, and I knew they were communicating in the silent way only Edward could. After a brief moment, Edward took a chair from under the window and set it down beside mine but a careful distance apart—perhaps far enough to reduce temptation.

“So,” I said to break the silence, “how have you been?”

As soon as I asked the question, I wished I could take it back. Carlisle had told me just how he had been, and it wasn’t good. I was being insensitive.

“I have been well,” he replied, surprising both me and Carlisle if his raised eyebrows were anything to judge by.

“Italy, right?”

“Volterra. I told you once about the Volturi, didn’t I?”

“They police your kind?”

“Yes. They have been gracious to allow me to stay with them in Volterra,” he said. “It’s a lovely city, beautiful and steeped in history. They have an incredible library. I have been educating myself.”

Carlisle looked at him incredulously, and I sighed that we had come to this. Where once we had exchanged vows of love, now we discussed Italian cities and reading. It was sad but, I supposed, to be expected. What else was left when the adoration and passion were gone?

Sad and disappointed, I got to my feet again and smiled apologetically at Carlisle. “I should get going. I have some paperwork to do. I just wanted to say hello.”

“Of course,” Carlisle said, though he looked disappointed, too. “I have the night shift all week, so come whenever you like.”

“Will do,” I said lightly, turning to Edward. “It was good to see you.”

“You, too,” he said, standing. His hand moved from his side to midway between us and then dropped again.

I wondered at the motion. Was he going to offer me a hand to shake? Had our relationship really decayed to that point?

I hurried from the room and along the corridor until I came to a restroom. Ducking inside, I walked to the row of sinks. I splashed my face with cold water and then looked up into the mirror. I was wild-eyed and flushed, a perfect match to my emotional turmoil. I was grateful that Jasper wasn’t there to feel and challenge it.

I was sad our meeting had been so…uncomfortable, though I knew it was more than that. Seeing him again had affected me. My memories had not done him justice. They had been pale in comparison to the beauty of his face, his mesmerizing eyes, and his flawless skin. He was gorgeous. How could I have forgotten so many details of him?

I had imagined seeing him again at some point since Carlisle came back into my life and yet, naively, I had never imagined it would be so awkward. I almost felt like crying at the loss of the Edward I had known.

My eyes burned, and I forced my tears back through sheer stubbornness. I was not going to walk out of here looking like my world had imploded. That had happened a long time ago. This was not that bad. This was just…sad. 

I wiped a hand over my face and checked myself in the mirror again. My eyes were a little red, but they were not wild now. I could pass as normal. I drew a shaky breath and left the room, coming to an abrupt stop on the threshold.

Edward was standing there.

He looked apologetic and embarrassed but also determined. “Bella,” he said in a rush. “Are you okay? I am sorry for how I behaved. I wasn’t expecting to see you, and it caught me off guard.”

“No problem,” I said.

“I would very much like to see you again,” he said. “To make amends as it were. Perhaps we could go somewhere alone.”

“Can you handle that?” I asked. “You seemed…thirsty back there.”

His lips turned down at the corners. “Not thirsty, Bella. I am in perfect control of that side of my nature.”

“Okay, then,” I said. I trusted that he would not put me at risk knowingly. So much else had changed, but not that. I thought it better to make it an open-air meeting, though, to make things easier on him. “There is a place called Warrenton a little along the coast. They have a few beaches that are usually deserted. How about we meet at the West Street parking lot around seven tonight?”

“That sounds perfect,” he said. “I will see you then.”

I nodded and smiled. “See you, Edward.”

I turned away and made for the exit, feeling his eyes on me as I walked. I felt a thrill of anticipation at the thought of our next meeting.

I could only hope it went better than the last.


	11. Heartbreak and Offer

It wasn’t that I had spent the last five years oblivious to the hole Edward’s absence had left in my life, but when he returned, I felt the chasm that had been his empty place close with him, and I was shocked it had been so great. I had forgotten, or perhaps glossed over for my own sake, the way it felt to have him there, that pillar of shared memory and experience, the object of paternal love and comfort.

The change it wrought over the rest of my family was huge, too. We hadn’t been truly happy without him, that I had known, but I hadn’t realized the effect it had had on us all to be without him.

Esme’s smile was brighter than I had seen since the night of that cursed birthday party. Emmett and Alice were content to have their brother home and Bella close. Rosalie was satisfied and proud of her part in it and genuinely pleased to have him there, despite the fact she would not outwardly show it. Jasper basked in the feelings of us all, and I… I felt complete again. I only feared the moment he would leave us again. 

“I am sorry, Carlisle,” he said in a quiet whisper. 

I shook myself out of my thoughts and smiled apologetically. _It is not my intention to upset you._

“I know. I understand, even. It makes me happier to be here, too, but…”

“But?” I probed as his silence dragged on.

“How can I stay without her?”

_She is here._

“You know it’s not the same. Imagine life with Esme should she not look at you with absolute adoration anymore.”

The idea was distasteful to me, but I forced myself to imagine in hopes that it would allow me to understand his feelings. I tried to picture Esme without the particular look of love she kept for me. It was impossible. I couldn’t do it. She was my heart, and I hers.

“Whereas I have the actual memory of my heart being lost,” he said mournfully. 

_It’s not that she hates you, Edward._

“I know. At least, I hope she doesn’t. Once, she would have been unable to hide that from me; I'm not so sure anymore. Now, it’s just that she’s not mine anymore, and that hurts. I have ruined it all.”

I shook my head, without a word to comfort him, though I desperately wanted to. I wished I could exchange places with him. I would take the misery and let him have the friendship with Bella that I had managed to gain. It would not be enough for him, I knew, but it would be better than nothing.

“We should get back,” he said, and I knew the conversation and my accompanying thoughts were too much for him.

He jumped from the tree we had been perched on side by side and landed gracefully on the balls of his feet. I jumped down beside him, and we set off at a run. We were met with a perfect picture of our family’s life when we got back to the house. Emmett and Jasper were roughhousing, and Alice, Rosalie, and Esme were sitting on the porch steps. Esme had a sheaf of paint chips in her hand, and Rosalie and Alice were peering over her shoulder to examine them.

“What do you think of this one for your study, Jazz?” Alice asked, holding up a card ranging from deep to sky blue.

“I love it,” he said without looking.

Her mouth pressed into a thin line. “You haven’t even looked.”

Jasper turned to face her, and a wide smile crept across his face. “True, but you love it, and I love you, so I know it’s perfect.” 

“Smooth,” I mouthed at him, and he smiled.

“Emmett,” Rosalie said, a devious look in her eyes. “What do you think of this one?”

Emmett grinned. “Love it. We should use it for the bedroom.” He hadn’t even glanced at the card either.

“You haven’t looked.” Rosalie pouted.

“Yes, but I love—”

Alice hid her laugh behind her hand, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

Rosalie cut him off. “Great. I really like that shade of pink. We’ll use it for the bedroom.”

Emmett spun on his heel. “Pink!”

“It’d certainly be different,” I said, thinking of a recent conversation. _“Why do you decorate to complement your skin?”_

Edward barked a laugh. “Did she really say that?”

I nodded. “She seemed genuinely curious, too.”

“Say what?” Emmett demanded, as always irritated to be on the outside of a conversation.

“I’ll leave you to fill them in,” Edward said, glancing at his wristwatch. “I need to leave to see Bella.”

“Of course.” I hesitated. Was it bad form to wish him luck on something like this?

The question was answered for me by Alice, who grinned at him and said, “Good luck.”

Edward sighed as he made for the garage. “Not helping, Alice.”

She shrugged. “You never know.”

“I do,” he said dourly.

I hoped he was wrong.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

I got to the parking lot we had arranged to meet in far too early, but I didn’t want to be late. I didn’t want her to think I was treating the meeting lightly. I was well aware of what a blessing she was bestowing on me, allowing us the chance to meet and talk. It was more than I deserved.

I turned on the stereo, setting the CD Carlisle had in there to play. I was surprised to hear notes of my own composition coming through the speakers, played by my own hands. I had made the disc at the same time I made one for Bella’s birthday in response to Esme’s heartfelt request. She wanted to be able to listen to the song I composed in reflection of her and Carlisle’s love whenever she felt the desire, even though she was capable of doing that already by recalling any perfect memory of me playing. The fact Carlisle had clearly been listening to it in my absence made me feel even worse for leaving than I had previously. 

The piece I always thought of as Esme’s song came to an end and two notes of the next track played before I snapped it off in a hurry. I couldn’t listen to Bella’s lullaby anymore, just as I would not be able to play it again. It was an intrinsic part of a past that could not be recaptured.

A tap on my side window startled me. I looked to see Bella’s smiling face peering in at me.

Disbelieving that she had caught me by surprise, I quickly reached for the door release. She stepped back so I could climb out. Her scent hit me as I breathed in, not the wrecking ball of temptation and want of our first meeting, a mere memory of that, but powerful, nonetheless. I was in control, though. The monster did not wake. 

“Bella,” I said, not entirely able to keep my tone as casual as I wished it to be. Though why should I? She knew I adored her. Carlisle had told and showed me everything he had shared with her about my absent years.

“Hey,” she said. “You okay?”

“Perfectly well,” I lied.

I ached for her. I wanted to take her into my arms, breathe in the scent of her scorching blood through her soft hair, to cup her cheeks and brush my lips against hers in a fitting greeting for the two of us.

Those desires belonged to before, though. Now, I satisfied myself with fixing her smile in my memory and returning it.

“Shall we?” she asked, gesturing along a path. 

“Let’s.”

My hand twitched, wanting to reach for hers as we walked, just as it had in Carlisle’s office on the point of her leaving. I controlled myself, though, fisting it and forcing it to stay at my side.

We reached a beach, and I thought we would stop there, as there was a bench Bella would be more comfortable on, but she turned north and walked on.

I stayed in step beside her, trying to think of something to say to break the silence. I was at a loss, though, and the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was actually quite pleasant; a memory of how it had once been when all I needed was the sound of her heartbeat to satisfy me. 

We reached an area of large rocks that blocked our path, and I was sure we would come to a stop there, but once again, Bella surprised me. She clambered onto them and picked her way carefully across them.

I tensed, waiting for the moment she would stumble for me to catch her, but she didn’t. Her hiking boot-clad feet gripped the dry rocks, and Bella’s care meant that when we reached the last rocks, she had remained stable.

She jumped down onto the sand and turned back to me, a hint of teasing in her eyes. She knew me so well that she must knew the shock it must have been to see her once-tripping-and-stumbling-self moving with such grace.

I jumped down beside her and looked around. It was a small cove, bordered on each side with rocks. The Pacific was spread out to the horizon, with rolling waves that reached for us but never met our feet.

“This is beautiful,” I said, looking to the side to Bella, who was smiling as she looked out over the ocean. “Perfect.” The last was an observation of my company, though she would be unaware of it.

“I love it,” Bella said. “I found it exploring one day. I’ve never seen anyone else here. It’s my place.”

I understood. It was her place much as the meadow had once been mine and then ours. And was now nobody’s, I realized, because I could never return there alone, and she would never again accompany me.

Bella sat down on the sand, and I copied her, leaving a clear foot of space between us for her comfort. She glanced to the side to look at me and then turned back to the ocean. “This okay?” she asked. “I thought we’d be better off meeting outside after yesterday. I don’t want you hurting more than you have to.”

Oh, if she only knew the way that made my heart clench. As if I could do anything but hurt now with her so close yet so far away. My problem was not thirst, though, far from it.

“I am not thirsty, Bella. You are in no danger from me.”

She frowned. “But your eyes before, in Carlisle’s office…”

That had been nothing to do with thirst. That was the ungentlemanly side of me faced with her beauty and uniform combined. It was deplorable and made worse by the fact she’d noticed. I would take better care to control myself in future.

“I am not thirsty,” I said again.

“That’s good." There was awkward silence for a moment, and then she said, “I guess we should talk.”

“Yes,” I said reluctantly. There was so much that needed to be said, things I needed to say to her, but I was leery of starting. This was almost perfect, being with her. What if this was to become our second and last goodbye? I didn’t want to hurry our time away.

“I don’t know how much Carlisle told you about what happened after you left,” she said. “Do you know about the wolves and Victoria?”

I gritted my teeth and nodded.

Carlisle had told me—or, perhaps, showed me was more accurate— Bella’s story of how the wolf gene had reemerged in Forks when we were there. He had told me how Bella had befriended them—that had galled me—and how they had become her protectors. I knew now that Victoria had come for Bella in revenge for James’ death, and the wolves, with a cleverly constructed plan of Bella’s creation, had killed her and a group of newborns she had brought with her. I knew that I owed them her life.

“I know it all, I think,” I said. “And I am so sorry. I have no words to express my remorse for not being there to protect you.”

“It’s okay,” she said quickly. “It’s over now.”

Did she really believe that? I didn’t think so. I thought perhaps she would hold onto a certain measure of blame toward me because of the danger I had left her in. It was perfectly understandable. Because I hadn’t been there, she had almost died. Her friends had been forced to put themselves at risk to protect her. I knew how much she would have hated that.

“Besides,” she said, “I heard that you were hunting her anyway.” A smile quirked her lips. “It’s not your fault you weren’t very good at it.”

I didn’t smile. “I was terrible at it. I followed her to Brazil—at least, I thought I had—but there was no trace of her when I got there. I think now that she tricked me at the Houston airport and turned back north while I flew south.”

“You tried,” she said gently.

“Not hard enough. When I lost her… Bella, I gave up. I didn’t look anymore. I just found an abandoned, squalid place to hide myself, and I gave into the misery.”

She looked sad. “Carlisle told me some of it. Was it truly that bad for you?”

“Worse,” I said with certainty. “I know my misery is my own fault. I created the situation that broke me, but nothing could have prepared me for how it felt to walk away that cursed day, let alone how I felt after months away from you.” I sucked in a breath. “And that’s nothing to how I felt to seeing how much I hurt _you_ when I left.” I looked into her eyes, meeting their depths and wishing I could wipe away the reflected pain I saw in them. “I will never forgive myself for hurting you the way I did.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” she said, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“I think I do,” I said. “I am not speaking of what you told Carlisle. I am thinking of what I saw when I came back to Forks, what Charlie told me...”

xXx

**_Edward - 4 years previously…_ **

I separated from Carlisle and my brothers in the Rio airport and made my way to Washington while they went back to Ithaca. It was one of the longest journeys of my life, my connections seeming to take ages to traverse. Eventually, we came to SeaTac late morning. Close to my beloved, I wanted to run the distance to her, but my reappearance was going to cause enough of a stir to anyone that saw me already. I needed to arouse less suspicion by traveling as a human at least. 

As I passed the _Welcome to Forks_ sign in my hire rental car, I smiled. It truly felt like coming home.

Charlie’s cruiser was parked on in the driveway of the little white house, and Bella’s truck was parked on the road. I pulled up and climbed out. It was drizzling with rain, and my hair grew quickly damp, not that I cared. My appearance had never mattered to Bella. She had seen past the unnatural beauty to the person beneath.

I scaled the steps and knocked on the door. Had my heart beat, it would have trebled its pace as I waited for someone to answer. I hoped it would be Bella, I had no more patience to wait for our reunion, but it was Charlie’s heavy plods that reached me before the door opened. When it did, it was only open long enough for Charlie to catch sight of me on the porch before it slammed shut in my face.

I worried immediately for his health, as I could hear him drawing heaving breaths inside, and his heart raced. “Charlie,” I called. “Are you okay?”

There was no response other than his heart beating even faster.

I waited, almost expecting the sound of him dropping to the floor in a dead faint, but it didn’t come. Instead, his breathing and heart rate slowed, and he began to mutter under his breath. “Bastard. How does he dare? What does he think he’s doing? Thank God Bella isn’t here.”

The last sank in, and a heavy weight dropped into my stomach. She wasn’t there. I was not on the cusp of seeing her again. I would have to find her first.

I knocked again.

“The hell with this,” Charlie growled the moment the door was yanked opened again. He stood on the threshold, red-faced and furious. “Cullen.”

“Charlie…” I began.

He held up a finger. “It’s Chief Swan to you.”

“Chief Swan,” I said politely. “I am sorry to arrive unannounced, but I was looking for Bella.”

“Yeah, I bet you were. She’s not here, so you can turn around and go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under.”

“Where is she?” I asked boldly.

“Not here.”

I could see in his eyes he was resolved not to tell me, and I could gain nothing from his thoughts but the image of a russet skinned boy and one word: _college._ I recognized the boy’s face as Jacob Black, but he was not the same as I had known him a year ago. He was substantially taller and muscular, older. There was an air of affection in Charlie’s thoughts toward the boy, gratitude. 

“I would dearly like to speak to her,” I said.

“Tough luck. You can talk to me instead,” he said, coming out of the house and into the drizzling rain. Bizarrely, he stepped around me and walked down the steps to the yard. I followed, confused by his thoughts that consisted solely of an ax. I didn’t sense intent from him for an attack. The meaning of the location became clear at once. He stood a few feet away from a tree stump that had been used as a chopping block. The imagery almost made me smile.

“Take a seat,” he said, gesturing at the block.

Feeling stupid but certain the only way to get the information I needed was to play along, I sat down and looked up at him where he stood looming over me.

“Chief Swan,” I started, but he cut me off, jabbing a finger into the woods.

“It took us hours to find her that night. Half the town was out looking. Sam Uley found her, lying on the dirt in the cold, not moving. He said she looked dead.”

His thoughts, usually so clouded, became crystal clear. _A man walking out of the trees with Bella in his arms. She was deathly pale, and her eyes were closed. She did look dead._

My still heart clenched at the sight.

“She didn’t get better for a long time,” he went on. “I thought I was going to need to have her hospitalized for a while.”

_An image of Bella curled on her bed, her gaze empty._

“Her Mom came to take her back to Florida, but she wouldn’t go.”

_Bella screaming at Charlie, ”I am not going!“ as she dragged clothes out of a suitcase and threw them in the direction of the closet._

“It went on for months. She drifted through her days like a ghost. She barely spoke. Her friends stopped calling. And at night…”

_Bella thrashing in her bed, a scream ripping from her._

“She would scream for you.”

I swallowed hard as the torturous images assaulted me. I didn’t know what to do or say. My poor Bella. What had I done to her?

“Chief Swan,” I started, unsure of what to say.

“You don’t get to talk!” he snapped. “I’m talking now!” He drew a breath to calm himself and went on. “She got better, eventually. She’s okay now. Jake made her better.”

“Jacob Black,” I breathed. The child I had seen in Charlie’s mind, the boy that was morphing into a man, had saved her when I couldn’t. He had repaired what I had broken.

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “He’s a good kid. He makes her happy.” He smiled slightly at my look of obvious horror as the meaning sank in. “He’s a boyfriend deserving of my daughter, unlike you. She loves him.”

The words were like darts to my heart. I had lost her. She had moved on with another. It was no more than I deserved; I knew that now, seeing through Charlie’s mind what I had done to her. How could I have ruined her so completely? I had never imagined…

I was not so naïve as to think Bella wouldn’t have felt something at our break-up, but I imagined her passing through the phases of grief at the end of a relationship as I had seen countless other teenagers doing over the course of my long life. Her reaction was not the end of a relationship, though, it was more like a bereavement. It was like the separation of mates.

For me, that is what it was, but Bella wasn’t a vampire. She couldn’t feel so deeply as I did—it was proven by the fact she had moved on. I could never do that.

Charlie smiled, satisfied. “You’re not wanted here anymore. Not that you ever should have been, really. She always was too good for you.”

“I know,” I said, so quietly he couldn’t hear.

“So, you need to go,” he said. “You need to go back to LA and leave my daughter alone. I don’t want you calling her. I don’t want you contacting her at all.” He narrowed his eyes. “I am a cop. I will protect her.” To his mind, it was all the threat he needed. He couldn’t imagine any of the well-behaved Cullens risking the wrath of the law.

There was nothing left for me there at all. Bella had moved on with a human. She was living the life I wanted for her—one free of supernatural elements. She would marry, perhaps not the Black boy, but someone. There would be children, perhaps they would have her eyes, and there would be love. There would be changes that I could never experience. There would be life I couldn’t have.

“Thank you, Chief Swan,” I said politely. “I will not trouble you again.”

“Good,” he said, pleased. “Make sure that goes for my daughter, too.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “It will.”

I walked back to my hire rental car and climbed in. With a roar of the engine, I brought it to life and drove away from the little white house on the edge of the forest, the home of my heart.

xXx

I finished my tale and risked a look at her face. She looked sad.

“He never told me,” she said. “All this time, and he never said a word.”

“He thought he was protecting you.”

“I know. He’s my dad.” She sighed and looked into my eyes, seeming to be looking right through me to my broken and useless heart. “I’m sorry, Edward.”

I looked incredulous. “ _You’re_ sorry? Why?”

“For what happened with Charlie. You didn’t need to see it all like that. Obviously, he didn’t know, but that doesn’t make it any more fair on you.”

“Bella,” I said bitterly, “I did this to myself.”

She didn’t argue. How could she? There was no argument to be made in my defense. I was to blame for it all.

“When exactly did you come?” she asked.

Confused at the question, I answered doubtfully. “One week after graduation.”

A small and bitter smile quirked her lips. “You were there when Victoria was killed. While you were talking with Charlie, we were luring her into the forest.”

I groaned. Another failure. Had I been more aware, I could have dealt with that threat to Bella myself. I could have done one more thing for her. I could have protected her as I once thought I was created to.

“I am so sorry,” I said.

She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I guess. It all worked out okay in the end.”

She stared out over the horizon. The sun was setting now, and rays of light were creeping from between the clouds to light the water. 

“What are we going to do now?” she asked.

“That is completely up to you,” I said. “I know I am too late, you are not mine anymore, but if there is the smallest chance I can have a piece of your life again, I will do anything, be anything you need.”

She didn’t look at me as she said the tentative words that made my life shift once more. “I would like that. I missed you when you were gone, even after Jacob. I missed the man I knew almost as much as I missed your love. That’s different now, I… It’s different, but I would like a friend.”

“Friends?” I asked hopefully.

She looked back at me and nodded. “If that’s okay, then, yes, I would like us to be friends.”

It was more than okay. It was better than I could have hoped for. It was a reason to live again.

One of the beams of light coming from behind a cloud reached me, and my skin lit up in a myriad of diamond lights. Bella looked from me to the sky and said, “My mom used to tell me those beams at sunset are dreams coming to earth for us.”

“They’re crepuscular rays,” I said automatically. “Created by the way the light filters through clouds at twilight—“

She pressed a warm finger to my lips. “No, Edward, they’re dreams.”

Being Bella’s friend, having a part in her life after what I did…

“Yes, of course,” I said. “They’re dreams.” 


	12. Tension

**_Bella_ **

I had worried my friendship with Carlisle would be complicated by the return of the rest of the Cullens, but I was thankfully wrong. Our conversations in his office before my shifts went on as before, though our talks now included news of what the family were doing.

They had finished decorating the rest of the house and were in the process of furnishing it. Alice and Jasper were settling in for their stay in Oregon. Rosalie was pushing for a trip overseas during the summer, but Emmett was reluctant to leave when they had just come together again.

That surprised me. I had always assumed Rosalie got whatever she wanted from Emmett. It was obvious he was completely devoted to her and her happiness. Carlisle agreed that it was a fairly recent development, denial of her wants, but he believed it would be healthy for her. I imagined her reaction with some insight, as I remembered her storming away from us when, the evening of the first baseball game, Emmett had remained to speak to me. That had been a good evening, before the nomads’ arrival, of course.

“What are you thinking, Bella?” Carlisle asked.

My mind snapped back to the room, and I answered honestly. “I’m thinking about baseball.”

He laughed. “Is a sport you have no interest in something you usually dwell on?”

“No, I was thinking of that game you guys played, before James.”

His smile faltered, and his eyes became grave. “Yes. That is not one of my greatest memories.”

“It is mine,” I said, then explained, “It was my first time being really close to you all, seeing you as you really were rather than the human act. The fact you felt confident enough to show that side of yourselves to me meant something.”

He smiled. “It meant something to me, too. We all, Alice excepted, waited for you to be scared away by what we were showing you—our true selves. You weren’t. You were open to us in a way no human has been before or since.”

“I’d like to do it again sometime. It’d be good to replace the memory of that aborted game with something good.”

“I would like that, too. I think we all would.”

“It’s a date, then,” I said. “Next thunderstorm we’re all free, we’ll find a spot.”

“There is no need to find a spot. Emmett has his own way to settle into a new home. One of the first tasks is to find somewhere we can play sports together without being seen.”

I smiled as another little piece of Emmett’s character slid into place for me.

“Brilliant.” I checked my watch and sighed. “I should go. Don’t want the chief coming down on me for being late.”

“Bella, one more thing before you go,” he said.

“Yes?”

“I promised I would pass on a message for from Alice. She said it’s much easier to be friends when you actually spend time together.”

I felt a sting of annoyance at first, which quickly morphed into acceptance. She wasn’t wrong. I had neglected them all since they came back, Edward included. Though we sometimes exchanged text messages with trivial news about our days, we hadn’t seen each other.

“What is holding you back?” Carlisle asked. “Are you angry with us?”

“According to Jasper, I am.”

“And according to you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t want to be. I want things to go back to how they were.”

“All things?” Though his voice was casual, his eyes were intense.

I knew what he was thinking: Edward.

Did I want things to go back to how they had been with him? It wasn’t like I hadn’t considered it. When we had sat together on that beach at sunset, I had felt an urge to reach out and touch him. His pain had been so obvious. It was that which had made me offer friendship, though I had known that it could one day hurt my heart to have it. When I had offered it up, a portion of my heart once again, and he had accepted, he had looked happier than I had seen since my birthday.

I had two paths laid out before me. One, the path that I would walk with Edward, was rocky and uphill. It was made dark by the trees that bowed over it. It was unknown. I could reach the peak and find beauty and happiness, or I could trip and fall, hurting myself again.

The other was safe and easy, smoothly paved and lit by the sun. Known. It was the path I had walked for years. It was that path I chose again. I would not risk myself on the rocks this time.

“Not all things,” I said, an unwanted hint of sadness in my tone. “Some things have passed.”

He nodded thoughtfully. He had expected my answer. He knew me well now.

xXx

The problem with recreating friendships with vampires was coming up with what to do when spending time with them. With my other—human—friends, we would go out for drinks or to the gym together. We could hang out in the park without needing to worry about sunshine exposing them as inhuman.

A week after my conversation with Carlisle, on one of my off-shift days, I drove to their place on a whim. When I reached the house, I saw Alice sitting on the porch steps, apparently waiting for me. I pulled to a stop and climbed out.

She beamed at me. “I knew I should stay home today,” she said.

“You didn’t see me coming?”

“No,” she said proudly. “I’ve not had a vision of you in years—I’ve been giving you privacy. But today I had this _feeling,_ so when the others went for a hunt, I stayed home. Then I heard you coming, and I knew I was right.” She got smoothly to her feet and leaped from the steps to my side. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I got your message from Carlisle, I and figured I should come by. I’m not working tonight, so I have plenty of time.” I didn’t know why I told her that, essentially cutting off my escape route.

She must have seen my chagrin as she said, a little sadly, “I know you’ve got a busy life, Bella. You don’t have to stay longer than you want.”

“Thanks, Alice.”

“Are you hungry?” she asked. “Thirsty? We have a bunch of human supplies , just in case.”

“I could use a drink.” It would give me something to do with my hands at least. 

“Be right back.” She darted into the house.

I considered before following. Though I had been part of decorating and furnishing the room, the lounge felt different to me now to the place of fun it had been with Carlisle, even though little had changed other than the addition of some art on the walls and photographs on the mantelpiece.

I walked over to them and looked along the line of images. There was a family shot in the center, the dated clothes telling me that it was an older photo. A photo of Carlisle and Esme was to the side of that one; they were smiling at the camera with their hands linked. Emmett and Rosalie were on the other side, Rosalie’s flawless beauty caught on camera. Jasper and Alice made the most interesting portrait, as neither were looking out. They were staring into each other’s eyes with a look of adoration on their faces. The last made my breath catch in my throat, as Edward was not alone in his. I was frozen on the glossy paper, too. It was a picture taken the night of the prom, after Alice had finished her make-over. I looked at my younger self and felt pity for her. She had no idea she was mere months away from heartbreak and a year away from mortal peril in the sights of a crazed vampire. It was a different life.

“Does it bother you that it’s there?” Alice asked behind me.

“No. It’s a part of his history. I understand.” I turned to look at her. “It’s a nice picture.”

She smiled. “It is.”

I shook off the melancholy that tried to infect me and took a seat in the armchair, receiving the mug of coffee Alice offered me.

“So, what have you been doing?” I asked.

“Home improvement,” she said. “We had to decorate our bedroom and Jasper’s study. That was fun. Esme usually decorates, and while she has fabulous taste, it was fun to experiment with color this time, though Emmett almost ended up with a hot pink bedroom.”

“How’s that?”

She laughed. “Basically, Rose tricked him. He was trying to be smooth and he failed spectacularly.”

“Poor Emmett,” I said affectionately.

She grinned. “He sets himself up for it.”

Silence fell over us, and I sipped my coffee. It was good.

“What about you? What have you been doing?” she asked. 

“Working, mainly,” I said. “I’ve been compiling evidence for the prosecution of the guy that pulled a gun on me. I went out to dinner a couple of nights ago with some friends.”

“You have a lot of friends,” she said. “Carlisle told me.”

“Yes, I suppose so. A lot of them are back home in Forks, but there’s a group of us from work and the gym that meet pretty regularly.”

She looked a little forlorn as she said, “Must be nice. I only ever really had you outside of our extended family, and Jasper’s friends, Peter and Charlotte. I missed you so much when you were gone.”

My teeth snapped together. I was never gone. I was always within her reach had she wanted me. She could have searched for me on a whim, and she would have found me. The way she said it made it seem like she’d had no choice in our separation.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said automatically.

“You never were a good liar, Bella.”

I set my mug down on the coffee table as my hands were starting to shake and took a deep, calming breath. “I don’t like being called a liar,” I said.

“Then don’t lie.”

I scowled at her. “You can talk. You lied to me enough times.”

She looked genuinely hurt, and it made me angrier. How could she not see the glaring falsehoods in her words to me? How could she pretend like that? Didn’t I deserve honesty, too?

“I told you the truth,” she said. “Always. I told you the things you asked when we were in Phoenix, despite Edward being angry.”

I leaned forward in my seat, my eyes narrowing. “You said I was your best friend, your sister.”

“You are.”

I laughed harshly. “No, Alice. You don’t abandon family. You left me behind. One day you were there. The next you were gone. How was I supposed to feel about that?”

“I didn’t want to leave. I tried to make him stay.”

“I get that, Carlisle told me. What I don’t understand is how, if I’m your _best friend,_ you couldn’t even leave me a note. You went without a word, a note, hell, not even a text to explain.”

“Would that have helped?” she asked.

“Yes!” I said emphatically. “I would have known I’d mattered, that I wasn’t abandoned. It would have given me something to cling to when I was alone and hurting. I needed you, Alice. I needed my best friend, and you were gone.”

I felt sure that if she had been able to cry in that moment, she would have. I felt cruel for upsetting her, but at the same time, these were things I had held in for years without anyone to vent to. I didn’t even open up to Jacob about how it had felt to be left by them all. He only ever knew about Edward.

“You mattered,” she said quietly. “You mattered so much. I am so sorry. I thought he would come back soon. I didn’t know you would suffer so much.”

“You should have known better. You knew how much I loved him. How could I do anything but suffer without him?”

“He came back,” she said, as if that was a defense for what she had done to me.

“He waited too long. He was too late.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t wait any longer. I found love with someone else.”

“What happened?”

I hesitated before answering. “Jacob.”

“The werewolf?”

“He was a wolf, but before that, he was my best friend.”

She looked sad but expectant, and I closed my eyes to avoid her gaze as I spoke.

xXx

**_Bella – Four years previously…_ **

Falling in love with Jacob was so easy, it wasn’t like falling at all. It was like becoming aware of something that had always been there.

The night they took down Victoria, the pack had a bonfire party on First Beach. All the wolves were there, and the elders, and many other residents of La Push that were drawn by the music and laughter. Only those of us in on the secret knew why we were really celebrating. For everyone else, it was explained as a late graduation party.

The horror of what I had seen on that field had passed, repressed to haunt nightmares in the future, and I was feeling good. I’d danced with Quil, Embry, and Seth, and as the night drew to a close, the music became softer and easier to sway to rather than really dance. Jacob had claimed me, and I was held close against the baking heat of his chest, inhaling his unique, woodsy scent. I was happy.

His hand came up to my hair and his fingers ran through the strands. “This is perfect,” he murmured in my ear.

I nestled closer to him and smiled. “It’s pretty close.”

Leaning back, he frowned at me. “No, Bella, perfect. At least it would be if you let it.”

“Jake, I…”

“Let it, Bella,” he implored. “You know I love you. You know I could make you happy.”

He lowered his face slowly and brushed his lips against my forehead. There was no fooling myself into thinking that this was a mere friend’s kiss. He was building up to something, giving me a chance to pull away.

I didn’t.

His lips traced down my face to my cheek and, there, they paused. 

“Please,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

I took a breath and turned my face just as he leaned in close again. Our lips met, and I felt a thrill of something in my stomach.

His heat scorched me, filling me as he deepened the kiss. I didn’t pull back. I returned it with fervor, my skin coming alive with tremors that had nothing to do with the cold night, wrapped in his warm embrace as I was. He pulled back ever so slightly, and we drew breaths, inhaling each other’s air, before he kissed me again.

Lost in the feeling of him, the taste of him, I almost didn’t notice the sensation of completeness that washed through me. The hole that had been a constant in my life for months, the ache of something missing, was washed away by the feeling of him, the taste of him. The break in my heart closed. It would leave a scar, I knew that, but the damage, the agony, was gone.

Jacob pulled back and gripped my shoulders, looking me in the eye, fear and happiness combined in his gaze. “Bella?”

“I love you, Jake,” I said fervently.

His eyebrow rose, a question. I answered it the only way I could, by slamming our lips together again and wrapping my arms around his back, clinging to him as if I was drowning and only he could save me.

xXx

“Jacob was comfort,” I said. “I knew he would never let me down.”

“Comfort doesn’t sound very romantic,” Alice said.

I shook my head. “It wasn’t what I had with Edward. Nothing ever will be. But I was happy with him. _We_ were happy.”

“If you were so happy, why aren’t you with him now?”

“Because I wasn’t ready. When I went to college, I saw the whole world open up to me. There were so many choices and options. I could do and be anything I wanted. I loved that freedom.” I sighed. “Jacob wanted promises from me, a guarantee of a future together. I could see it all clearly. Me working in Forks PD. A home on the reservation. Children. A good, settled life. I would love and be loved, but it would never have been enough. There’s so much I want to experience, Alice, and I couldn’t do that and make Jacob happy. I chose to be selfish. I chose myself.”

“But you’ve ended up here,” she said, a frown creasing her perfect brow. “How is that better than what you would have had with him?”

“I haven’t ‘ended up’ anywhere,” I said, some of my annoyance returning. “I am twenty-three years old. I have a lifetime to do what I want. Right now, I want this life—serving. One day, that will change, and I will move on.”

“Move on to what?” she asked.

I frowned. “I don’t know yet. That’s kinda the point, Alice.”

She toyed with the sleeve of her top, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. “Do you still want the things you wanted before, the things you wanted from us?”

I looked at her blankly. Then, an inkling of suspicion crept over me. Was she seriously asking what I thought she was? “Are you asking if I still want to be a vampire?”

“Yes.”

“No, I don’t. I never wanted immortality or beauty. I wanted forever with Edward. That’s gone now.”

“But if you were,” she said, “you could experience so much more. You would have forever to do what you wanted.”

I shook my head, feeling pity for her. Her idea of experiencing things wasn’t the same as mine. How can I experience a world I would have to hide from? 

“You could still have…” she started, then hesitated. 

I thought I knew what she was saying—I could have Edward.

“No, Alice,” I said. “I couldn’t.”

I had chosen the other path.


	13. Movie Night

**_Edward_ **

Being with Bella before hadn’t inured me to the bite of jealousy, despite the prevalence of it when forced to be among the minds of the likes of Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley. Even until the last day we had gone to school together, when Bella had arrived for school looking tired after a restless night and Mike had mused on how much happier she would look had he been the one keeping her up at night, I had felt the surge of emotion that made me want to throw the insipid boy across the parking lot. And that had been at the moment of our parting, when I knew I was leaving her free to his fantasies. I was a jealous fool.

I had never imagined it was my father that would trigger the feeling in me, though.

I had spent the afternoon with Esme in the forest. She had found the ruin of a hunter’s cabin that had become overgrown with tangles of creeping flowers. The image had entranced her, and she’d wanted to sketch it at leisure. I had gone along to keep her company. Though her art was a solitary pursuit, usually, I was still trying to make amends for years of absence, so when she asked, I went.

We were walking back to the house at a steady pace, just enjoying the forest, when I heard his laughter. I glanced at Esme, and she smiled fondly. I returned it. It was a good sound to hear. We hurried into the house.

Carlisle was standing by the back window, the phone held to his ear and a wide smile on his face. I listened, wondering who it was that was making my father so happy, and heard the voice of my love.

 _“Okay, I should get going_ ,” she said regretfully. _“I’m meeting Mandy and Chris at the gym and whoever arrives last, wipes down the machines for the others.”_

“That sounds…” Carlisle hesitated, “disgusting, to be quite honest.”

Bella laughed. “It is. That’s kinda the point. I’ll see you soon, Carlisle. Say hey to everyone for me.”

“I will. Enjoy your endorphins.”

They exchanged goodbyes, and Carlisle ended the call. He immediately came to Esme’s side to greet her after hours apart. They exchanged a moment of bliss, staring into each other’s eyes, and then Carlisle addressed the room.

“As you undoubtedly heard, Bella sends her regards.” 

I bit down on my tongue to stop myself from speaking. That it was him that was sharing this instead of me, as it had once been, bothered me.

Jasper’s gaze snapped to me, and his eyes narrowed. He set down the book he had been reading and stood. “Come look at this, Edward,” he said. As he passed Emmett, he nudged his shoulder, and they exchanged a meaningful look.

I followed Jasper out of the house, Emmett behind me, and back into the forest. We ran until we were out of earshot of the house, and then Jasper came to a halt.

I looked around. “What am I supposed to be looking at?” As far as I could see, we were in a patch of forest like any other.

“Nothing,” Jasper said. “We’re here to talk.”

I didn’t delve into his thoughts or Emmett’s as I had a shrewd idea of what they wanted to talk about already. I leaned against a young tree and attempted to look untroubled and interested. I had no chance of fooling Jasper, of course, but Emmett might not see through the act. 

“How are you doing, Edward?” Jasper asked.

I quirked an eyebrow. “Don’t you already know?”

“I’d prefer to hear it from you.”

“Very nice, Jazz,” Emmett said in an undertone. “That ’87 psych major is really paying off for you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine. Sure, things aren’t perfect, but I’m fine.”

Emmett sighed heavily. “Yeah, that’s not even fooling me, let alone Mr. Emotional Tenor over there. You’re back—which is all kinds of awesome, seriously, bro—but you’re not fine. You’re a powder keg.”

“Has Alice seen something?” I asked.

Emmett snorted. “Like you going for Carlisle’s throat next time Bella calls? No.”

“Not helping, Emmett,” Jasper said.

“I would _never…”_ I growled. 

Emmett raised his hands. “Sorry, man. My point is that we don’t need Alice to know things are going to blow up soon if you don’t do something. I get that you’re going through something with Bella being back—which is also awesome, she’s awesome—but you’ve got to get your head on straight before you lose it.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to feel this way. I understand why she is able to interact with him like this, but it’s just that… Do you know how impossible this is for me? She’s back in my life, but I can’t do any of the things I want to do. I can’t touch her. I can’t tell her I love her. I can’t even call her just to talk like he can without crowding her.”

“Have you tried?” Jasper asked. “Not the touching and loving stuff, that’d end badly, but calling her? She said you’re friends. Alice and Carlisle are her friends, too, and they can do that. Why can’t you at least try?”

“What if…” I started.

“What are you scared of Edward?” Jasper asked.

“What if she rejects me?” I asked quietly.

“What if she doesn’t?” Emmett countered. “For all you know, Bella is waiting for you to make the first move. She knows how tough things were for you without her. Maybe she’s trying to protect you by keeping her distance. That’s a Bella thing to do, right.”

Jasper nodded. “It absolutely is. I know she’s different to who we knew, but she’s still Bella.”

“Go buy some ice-cream—humans like ice-cream—pick out a DVD, and go see her,” Emmett said decisively.

“And if she doesn’t open the door?”

“Then you’ll know,” Jasper said, not without sympathy. “We’re all doing this blind, Edward. We can’t use Alice to check how things will be received—she’d never do it. You can’t read her mind, and what she feels is off-limits, too. We’re on a level playing field for a change.”

That was the problem. I was so scared of her rejection that it was ruining any chance I had of being with her. I hoped, perhaps stupidly, that she would come to the house again to see Carlisle, and I could happen to be there, that way I could judge her reaction to me safely. It was cowardly but safer.

Emmett crossed his arms. “You gotta remember, Edward, that this is the girl that risked her neck—literally—by going with you into the forest that day, even knowing there was no guarantee that she’d come out alive. The least you can do is risk being disappointed if she doesn’t answer the door.”

Emmett was right. Not only had Bella risked her life going with me to the meadow that day, but she had also arranged it so no-one would connect me to it if she disappeared. She had been so brave for the sake of our love. I needed to be brave for her friendship.

I started back toward the house at a run. I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing behind me, both pleased the pep talk they had carefully planned had done its job.

xXx

I knew I had time to waste, as Bella had been heading for the gym when she’d spoken to Carlisle, so I showered when I got back to the house. When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I was surprised to see Alice laying out a pair of dark pants on the couch.

“Are you dressing me now, Alice?”

She turned and beamed at me. “Yes.”

“You do realize this is just a visit to a friend, right?” I asked. “It is not a date.”

“I know,” she sounded put out, “but that doesn’t mean you need to dress like you’re going to a funeral. You spent too long with the Volturi, Edward, not everyone wears grey and black. There are other colors.”

I glanced at the charcoal pants she had set out for me and raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Pants are fine,” she said, heading back into my closet and coming out with a sky-blue shirt. “This is where we’re making a difference.” She laid it down on the couch with a flourish and said, “Wear the leather jacket.”

She left the room and closed the door behind her, a pointed end to any discussion I might wish to have about her dressing me like a doll.

Rolling my eyes but having no desire to follow and argue with my sister, I towel-dried my hair and dressed. I was feeling nervous again now. Though Alice said she knew it wasn’t a date, she was acting as if it was. I remembered her attempting to dress me the day I took Bella to the meadow. I hadn’t allowed her to then, and Bella and I had still managed to wear coordinating outfits.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting side by side on the couch. There was a book of poetry on the couch between them, but neither was reading from it. They were looking at me expectantly.

“Emmett says you’re going to visit Bella,” Carlisle said.

“I am going to try at least.”

Esme beamed at me. “Send her my love.”

“I will.”

Carlisle looked at me speculatively. _Don’t be nervous, Edward. She is still the Bella you love. She is just grown now. She will be pleased to see you._

I nodded in answer and said, “Can I borrow the Mercedes?”

I had purchased a new car, but Rosalie hadn’t yet finished the modifications required, and until she had, she would not return the keys to me.

“Of course.” 

I thanked him and made my way to the garage attached to the house, grabbing the keys from the hook as I passed. Only when I was sitting in the car did I let myself relax and feel. My head thumped back against the headrest, and I let out a sigh.

Friendship was so much harder to manage than outright adoration.

xXx

I hesitated on Bella’s porch, pint of ice-cream in hand, and took a moment to calm myself before knocking on the door. I heard her footsteps in the hall, and then the door opened. Her expression was surprised at first, and then she smiled widely.

“Edward!” She sounded genuinely pleased to see me.

“I hope you don’t mind me just dropping by,” I said, encouraged somewhat by her smile.

“Of course not. Come on in.” She stepped back and gestured me inside.

Her house was exactly what I would have expected from her. The furniture was an eclectic mix of colors and styles that worked together perfectly. Esme would have loved it.

When we got into the lounge, I ran my finger over the soft weave of a blanket of various browns. It made me smile as a memory came to the forefront of my mind. Bella, so young and innocent, looking earnestly into my eyes. _“Brown is warm.”_ I didn’t realize I had spoken the words out loud until she laughed.

“It is.” She patted the blanket and smiled with a distant look in her eyes, as if she, too, was lost in a memory.

“I brought you ice-cream,” I said, holding out the carton

She took it with a smile. “Chocolate. You remembered.” She laughed again, at herself this time, and shook her head. “Of course, you did.”

I remembered everything about her. My perfect memory had treasured every single moment we spent together and replayed them for me when I least expected it. Sometimes, it had felt like a curse, to think of nothing but her when I knew she was lost to me, but other times it was a blessing as it allowed me to escape the misery of my reality.

“I’ll just go fix a bowl.” She disappeared into the hall again, and I heard the slide of drawers and chink of china. When she came back in with a bowl of the creamy mush in her hand, she sat down and patted the spot beside her. “Sit.”

I obeyed with a smile and, for a moment, there was silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, so I didn’t break it.

“Carlisle didn’t mention you were coming,” she said.

“I can leave if you want,” I said quickly. Perhaps I had misunderstood her welcome. Perhaps she was just being polite.

“No,” she said. “I just meant I would have changed.”

I looked at what she was wearing for the first time and smiled. She was wearing pajama pants with a cartoon police dog on and a white tank.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” I said. “It’s endearing.”

“Deputy Dawg,” she said, patting her leg. “They were a graduation present from Renee.” She shook her head. “She really doesn’t get it.”

“I imagine it was quite something for her to accept, you becoming a police officer.”

“You have no idea. For Renee, life is all about freedom and peace, having fun. She could only see the bad in me becoming a cop—the rigid rules and danger. The only time she saw me in uniform in person was when I graduated from the academy, and you’d have thought I was wearing a shackle and chains.”

“Charlie?” I prompted. 

“He was as shocked as anyone when I decided to apply. I’d never shown an interest in what he did before, but when I made the decision, I practically moved into the station house. Forks PD wasn’t exactly the center of the excitement, but I loved it anyway. I wanted to serve.”

She was impassioned, and for the first time, it started to make sense to me why she would have chosen it as a career. I knew the story of her not wanting to be the damsel anymore that she had told Carlisle, but I saw now it was more than that. She wanted to help people in a tangible way. She really was a wonderful woman.

“He came around to the idea, though,” she said. “And when I received my badge… Well, he _swore_ he didn’t cry.”

I could imagine Charlie’s happiness. He himself was proud of his career choice, and he would see the honor in what Bella was doing with her life.

She leaned back against the couch cushions and smiled, her eyes dancing.

“I wish I’d been there to see,” I said a little sadly.

She nodded. “So do I. There were a bunch of things I wish you’d been there to see, and not just the obvious. Little things, you know?”

“Did you stay in contact with many people from school?”

“Some,” she said. “Others I didn’t bother with.” Her lips pressed into a thin line. “Some weren’t worth the effort.”

“Jessica Stanley?” I guessed.

Bella laughed. “Yeah. After you…left…I kinda drifted away from everyone for a while. Let’s just say, Jessica wasn’t pleased when I started to be myself again.”

Jessica Stanley had never been a true friend to anyone but herself. Her thoughts, when not immersed in selfishness and lust, were cunning. She had befriended Bella because of her popularity, and she had resented the attention Mike Newton had bestowed on her supposed friend.

“You’re not surprised,” she guessed.

“No,” I said simply. “She wasn’t kind. Do you know what she’s doing now?”

“She moved to the city,” Bella said. “Last I heard, she was working as a travel agent—arranging people’s dream holidays.”

“What about Angela Weber? I always liked her. When I needed to be apart from you and I worried, I tried to follow her thoughts as they were the most… gentle.”

“She and Ben are still together, lasted through college and everything. Angela is teaching, and Ben does something with Microsoft. They’re getting married next year.”

I smiled, making a mental note to tell Emmett. He and I had been instrumental in Ben plucking up the courage to ask Angela to prom. I was pleased they had made their relationship last. They were a well-matched pair. 

“Mike’s running his parents’ store, of course, and…” She tapped her chin. “Who else did you know? Oh! Lauren…” She grinned wickedly. “Last I heard, she’s still trying to break Hollywood.”

I laughed. Lauren Mallory had been a particularly unpleasant person, and her lack of success pleased me in a vindictive way.

“Yep. She’s had a couple local commercial roles, apparently, and one for hand sanitizer that went national, but that’s her lot.” She sighed. “It’s funny. I hardly ever think of them now, but with you here, it all seems closer.”

“I feel the same way,” I said, though that was more natural for me. It had only been five years, and though it had felt like a lifetime without Bella, it was truly a smattering of time for a vampire.

We were quiet for a minute as Bella scooped up some of her melting ice-cream. When she had swallowed, a blissful expression on her face, I asked, “How is Charlie?”

“He’s great,” she said. “Married to Sue Clearwater. They had a small but sweet wedding on the reservation.” She smirked. “He has two werewolves for step-children, but he’s oblivious. He just thinks they have voracious appetites and some kind of condition that makes them burn hotter than normal people.” 

“Do you get along with them?” I asked.

“Yeah, mostly. Seth is a sweetheart. You’d like him if it wasn’t for the natural enemies thing. Leah’s a little more complicated. She got a raw deal with the werewolf thing. It made her a little bitter. It was hard for her to gain enough control to stop phasing so she could get back to a real life. For a long time, she was tied to the pack.”

“That seems unfair,” I said. “Their legacy works against them.”

“True. There have been no more new wolves since Victoria was killed, though, and they’re all grateful for that. Some of them love it. Quil thinks it’s the coolest gig, especially as it brought him Claire. Sam struggles with it. He was the first to phase, and it was tough on him, especially after Emily and Leah.”

“Emily _and_ Leah?” I asked, quirking a brow.

“Long story,” she said with a sigh. “Maybe another day.”

I nodded acceptance. I suspected this was a greater secret than a simple love affair, and I respected Bella’s choice to keep her friends’ privacy. Her ability to keep secrets was something I had always valued and admired in her.

She stirred her ice-cream, looking thoughtful, and said, “I was watching a movie before you arrived. Do you want to stay and finish it with me?”

“I would love to,” I said happily.

xXx

We didn’t talk much more that night. Bella watched her movie, and I surreptitiously watched her. When she fell asleep, before the credits rolled, I covered her with the blanket from the back of the couch.

I remembered another night of her slumber in which she had called to me in dreams, _“Edward, stay.”_ I wished more than anything she would say it again.

She didn’t. When it became clear she was out for the duration, I turned off the television and made to leave, turning back at the door. “Goodnight, my Bella,” I said quietly.

She sighed in sleep and nestled deeper into the cushions. “Night, Edward.”


	14. Grudge

**_Bella_ **

I had just gotten back from the gym and was barely through my front door when my phone rang. I toed off my sneakers as I answered, “Hello.”

 _“Bella, it’s Edward,”_ a formal voice replied. 

I smiled. Despite things going better between us lately, he was still a little stiff at first, whether it be in person or on the phone. I wished he would just relax and let go of his nerves. I wasn’t angry anymore. I wanted my friend to act like a friend. 

“Hello, Edward,” I replied just as formally. “What can I do for you today?”

He hesitated. _“I… Uh.”_

“I’m screwing with you, Edward,” I said. “What’s up?”

“ _Oh_.”

I could imagine his bemused smile. I never used to tease him like this. I was always too enraptured in the love we shared and concerned that he would realize I wasn’t right for him after all and he’d leave, which he had eventually, of course. I figured a little teasing now was in order.

_“Alice says there is going to be a storm this evening. We were wondering if you’d like to join us for a game of baseball?”_

“I’d love to,” I said. “I’ll be catcher, yeah?”

 _“I don’t think…”_ he started.

“Just screwing with you again,” I said. “I’d love to come cheer for you guys. What time?”

 _“When is best for you?”_ he asked. 

“Well, I’ve got to work the late shift so my buddy can see his kid’s game, so I’ll be free after eight. Shall I come by your place when I’m done, and we can go from there?”

 _“That sounds perfect,”_ he said. _“I will see you then.”_

“See ya.” I set the phone back in its cradle and smiled.

Watching a vampire baseball game would be fun. I only did it the one time with Edward; after the nomads attacked, he seemed to take it as a bad omen, and I was never invited along again. I was pleased he’d gotten over that now.

I shrugged off my jacket and hung it on the hook then made my way upstairs to the bathroom. I set the shower running to warm and went into the bedroom to my closet to pack some clothes to change into after work for the game.

I guessed running with one of the Cullens was going to be a part of the evening, even if the storm wasn’t over us, so I needed to be warm. I found my old academy sweatshirt and a pair of jeans and stuffed them into a backpack. With a coat and tank, I should be warm enough. I went back into the bathroom and stripped down, dropping my dirty gym clothes into the hamper, then stepped into the shower under the warm spray.

It didn’t take me long to soap down and wash my hair, but I lingered under the hot spray awhile to ease the tight knots in my neck out with the heat.

It had been a good workout that finished on a sour note when the chief called. Max Brier was out of the rehab clinic at last, and he’d been bailed. Apparently, his injury had been more debilitating than they’d expected, and he was seen as no danger to the public now with a mostly useless arm.

I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for what I had done to him; he’d been threatening the public, and my job was to protect. I was pissed, though, that he was back on the streets, as he was a menace.

Part of my anger stemmed from the fact that, if I were to come across him in the line of duty, I had to treat him the same as I would anyone else—take his crap, essentially. And that was going to be bad as, even before I had shot him, he had been vocal against cops in general and me in particular. Sometimes the justice system sucked.

Sighing, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. As tempting as it was to stay in there forever, I had a job to do.

xXx

The radio crackled, and the dispatcher’s voice came through the speaker. “Unit Fifteen, respond.”

I picked up the handset and clicking down the button said, “This is Unit Fifteen. Go ahead.”

“Reported civil disturbance at the Brew and Cue. Suspect refusing to leave.”

I sighed. That usually meant Will Baxter, known as Crazy Will to the locals, was out of cash and making a nuisance of himself. He was a nice man that had been in the military most of his life. He’d come out with a small pension and a large amount of mental trauma, which he dulled with alcohol when he could afford it or find someone to provide it for him when he couldn’t.

“Report as responding,” I said.

“Copy, Unit Fifteen.”

The radio crackled once more and fell silent. I set the handset back in place and pulled away from the road. There was no emergency, just a strain on Ray’s—the bartender’s—nerves, so I left the lights and sirens off as I drove through town toward the bar.

As I turned a corner, I noticed a car with dark tinted windows in my rear-view mirror that I recognized. Wondering why Carlisle was following me, I carried on, thinking he would tell me when I was free to talk.

When I reached the bar, I saw that the situation was a little more complicated than reported. Will was standing outside the bar, slapping his hands on the rippled glass window and shouting. I pulled up and climbed out, putting on my hat as I did and made my way over to Will, calling out his name.

He turned at the sound of my voice, and I saw his craggy face twisted with despair. “Bella,” he moaned. “I’m all out.”

“I’m sorry, Will,” I said. “But you can’t stay here, and you can’t make a nuisance of yourself like this.”

He raked a shaking hand over his face. “I just need a drink.”

I felt a wave of pity for the man that had once been a senior military officer protecting the country. I had been to his home a couple times when I’d delivered him there instead of throwing him in the drunk tank to sleep it off, and I’d seen his military medals and photographs of him in uniform. He had once been young and proud, and it was sad how his life had come to this.

“I can’t get you a drink, but I can get you home,” I said, stepping closer and smelling the reek of alcohol coming from him.

He shook his head dolefully. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Well, you can’t stay here doing this,” I said reasonably.

At that moment, Ray came out of the bar and looked from me to Will. “Hey, Bella,” he said. “Sorry to have to call you again, but he was getting ready to trash the place before I got him out.”

I closed my eyes a moment, disappointed. This could end badly for Will.

“Did he do any damage?” I asked.

“Just a couple knocked over chairs and some broken glasses,” he said. “Look, I don’t want to make trouble. Maybe he just slipped. If you can just get him out of here…”

“Absolutely,” I said gratefully. “Thank you, Ray. Will…” I promoted, hoping he wasn’t too loaded to see what he was being offered.

“One more drink?” Will asked hopefully. 

I shook my head. “Home. I’ll even give you a ride.”

He sighed heavily. “Okay. Home.”

I opened the back door of the car, and Will folded himself heavily into the seat. I closed the door and turned back to Ray. “Thank you,” I said again. “When he’s sober, he’ll appreciate this.”

“You think?” he asked with a quirked brow.

I nodded, though I, too, was a little doubtful.

“Okay,” he said. “Will I be seeing you later?”

“Not tonight,” I said happily as I opened my door and slid into my seat. “I have plans.”

He waved a hand in a lazy farewell, and I pulled away from the curb.

A loud snore from the back seat told me Will had crashed. I smiled sadly at him in the rear-view mirror. His life had been—and still was—a hard one, and being able to use discretion to deal with him was a good feeling.

As I turned back to the road, I saw Carlisle’s car behind me again. Frowning, I muttered, “Little weird,” knowing whoever was driving would hear me. In response, the car slowed and pulled back as I carried on along the street. I had a feeling I was mistaken in thinking Carlisle was the one driving. It had to be another Cullen, and only one of them had a history of hanging around me when I was unaware of it—namely sleeping.

When I reached Will’s, I woke him gently. “You’re home.”

He blinked at me blearily. “Already?”

“Already,” I said. I climbed out and opened the back door so he could get out.

He stumbled and weaved his way up the sidewalk, turning back at the door. “You coming in for coffee?”

“Maybe next time,” I said. “There’s something I’ve got to do.” I had spotted the hood of a black Mercedes that had parked in the corner.

I watched as he let himself into the house and saw the door close behind him, and then I leaned against the hood of my car and said, “Come on out, then. Hide and seek time is over.”

The Mercedes slowly moved along the street and then pulled up behind me. The door opened and Emmett climbed out.

I frowned at him. “Gotta say, you weren’t who I was expecting to be stalking me,” I said, as he came toward me, grinning.

“You thought, Edward, right?”

“He has form,” I said.

He laughed. “True. How did you know I was there?”

“I’m a cop, Em, and I have eyes. You weren’t exactly stealthy. Why are you following me, anyway?” 

“I wanted to see what you do,” he said, flashing me a dimpled smile. “I mean, you’re a _cop,_ Bella. That’s so many kinds of cool.”

I laughed. “What do you think so far, then?”

“I think you were kind,” he said seriously, gesturing to the house.

“He’s a good man. He got dealt a rough hand in life, and this is how he copes. Who am I to punish him for that?”

“I think you’re a good woman,” he said.

I smiled. “Thanks, Em, I appreciate—” I cut off as the radio crackled and came to life. “All units. Robbery in progress at Mark’s Mini-Mart.”

“Not again!” I gasped. I threw myself into the car, grabbing up the radio as I turned the key in the ignition. “Unit Fifteen responding. I am attending. Three minutes out.”

I gunned the engine to life and sped away from the curb with lights flashing and sirens wailing. I saw Emmett on my tail, and I spoke aloud, “If you’re seen here, Em, you’ll be a witness. A _court_ witness. There will be press.”

In response, he flashed his headlights. I hoped that meant he understood and agreed that it wasn’t worth the risk, but he didn’t pull back. He stayed on my tail. It was his mistake to make. I had other concerns.

I skidded to a stop in front of the Mini-Mart. From the outside things looked calm, and there were no other patrol cars there, so I guessed I was first to respond. I reached for my gun and made for the entrance when I heard two things. From one direction Emmett called, “Bella!” and from another, a voice filled with malice snarled, “Swan!”

At the same moment I turned toward the second voice, I heard a crack and felt a hammer blow to my chest. I was thrown back, and someone was shouting my name, but it came from a great distance. I had a moment’s clarity before the darkness descended and one word rose to my lips, “Edward.”

xXx

**_Edward_ **

****

“Play that again, Edward,” Esme said.

My fingers moved to hover over the keys, and then I started to play the piece I was halfway through composing. Like the lullaby, it was inspired by Bella, though this time it was different. Her lullaby had been melancholic and about yearning. This was about love and hope. It was the sort of music you could dance to, though only slowly: a song to sway with your lover to.

“That part right there,” Alice said, flitting down the stairs to stand at my side. “It’s a beat too slow. You’re making it sad again.”

It was hard not to be sad when making a song you could never explain the meaning of to the one you wished to more than anything, the one you wished you could dance with.

I started again, increasing the tempo ever so slightly.

“That’s better,” she said. “It’s—”

She broke off, and I turned to her. Her name was on my lips when the vision swept through her mind and mine by proxy of my gift. The backdrop was the side of a convenience store in town I had seen a few times. There was a man checking the magazine of a handgun. He clicked it back in place and smiled as the sound of sirens approached. His face was intermittently lit with blue light from a patrol car.

“Bella!” I gasped, knowing it had to be her I was going to see.

The vision pulled back, and I saw Bella reaching for her gun as she made for the entrance, then two voices spoke out, one I recognized as Emmett and the other a man’s I had heard only once in a memory calling for morphine. There was the crack of a gun, and Bella was thrown back. Her lips moved, forming a word I couldn’t hear. I dragged my mind from Alice’s and ran.

I barely heard Esme’s exclamations or questions; I was consumed by the horror of what I had just seen. I grabbed my car keys from the table and raced for the door, yanking it open so hard it hit the wall and left a divot in the plaster. My car was parked at the side of the house, and I threw myself in behind the wheel and brought the engine roaring to life. Alice called after me, but I ignored her in favor of flying out of the spot and to the track that led to the highway.

The only thought in my mind was that I had to get to Bella and save her. The fact I had seen the spot the bullet hit and knew what it meant didn’t break my certainty. I just had to get there. She would be fine if I was there.

The traffic was reasonably busy as it was what counted for rush hour in the small town, but I weaved between them and made use of quieter side streets to reach my goal.

My phone rang when I was a few minutes from the store, and I pulled it from my pocket without checking the caller ID. “Yes?”

 _“She’s alive,”_ Emmett said. _“I’m following the ambulance now. Carlisle knows we’re coming. He’s ready.”_

Ready to what? Save her life with medicine or to steal her away from the hospital and save her life with the change as he had me? I didn’t care which. As long as she was alive in some form, I would be happy, souls be damned.

I redirected my path to the hospital instead of the store. I was speaking under my breath, a litany of pleas and bargaining for Bella’s life. It took me a moment to realize it had become a prayer. I never prayed. I had known since the moment I was changed that God had forsaken me.

I skidded to a stop outside the hospital and threw myself out of the car. I made the walk across the parking lot at a fast pace, too fast to be completely human.

 _Edward!_ a voice scolded. _Slow down!_

I glanced up and saw Carlisle silhouetted against the doorway to the ER, under cover from the misting rain by the overhanging porch. At the sight of him, my anxiety peaked. Why was he out here and not inside, helping Bella, if not because it was already too late?

I faltered in my footsteps and stared into his eyes. “She’s not…”

“They won’t let me treat her,” Carlisle said quickly and bitterly. “I know her too well. She is alive though.”

“How?” I breathed moving closer to him. “How can she be?” I had seen where she was shot. She should be dead by now.

“She wore a vest,” Carlisle said.

I breathed out a gusting sigh of relief. In my panic, I had forgotten the details of Bella’s uniform, namely the bulletproof vest she wore when on duty.

“She perhaps has some other injuries, but she is not in danger,” he said. 

At that moment, the wail of sirens reached me, and I stepped under the overhang with Carlisle as patrol cars screeched into the lot. Police officers spilled out and ran towards us. For a moment, I thought there was something new happening at the hospital, but then I paid attention to their thoughts and saw the same face and name that was in my mind reflected back at me. They were here for Bella.

“Doc,” an older looking man whose badge declared him at the chief said, addressing Carlisle. “Where is she?”

“Trauma bay five,” Carlisle said. “Dr. Branting is her physician.”

The police officers disappeared into the hospital, and I made to follow, but Carlisle caught my arm and held me back.

“What?” I growled.

“They are still treating her, Edward,” he said. “You will not be allowed near her.”

“But…” I pointed uselessly after the police officers that had entered.

”It’s different for them.”

How could it be different? How could the fact they were cops matter more than the fact she was my reason for being? I needed to see her. I needed to know for sure she was okay.

“Come to my office,” Carlisle said, tugging my arm.

I followed him into the hospital and through the halls to his office, trying to make sense of the thoughts surrounding me as I went. I wanted to find Bella’s doctor, but there were so many people thinking panicked thoughts of loved ones and doctors assessing illness and injury. It wasn’t until Carlisle had pushed me into a seat in front of his desk that I found someone looking at Bella. It was one of the cops, the chief, and his thoughts were almost overwhelming with worry. 

I nodded to Carlisle’s explanation that he had to go back to work and closed my eyes to just listen.

Through the chief’s eyes, I saw Bella lying still on a hospital bed, as a doctor threaded quick stitches through a wound on the back of her head where she must have hit as she fell. A doctor was speaking, explaining that they were going to take her for a scan and x-ray but that otherwise, she seemed fine, albeit still unconscious.

The chief’s thoughts drifted to Charlie and how he was going to tell him he had almost lost Bella once again. He was weighing the cost of Bella’s wrath if he told him and the wrath of Charlie if something happened to her and he hadn’t known.

At that moment, Bella’s eyes began to roll and then cracked open, revealing the rich brown irises I loved so much.

“Swan?” the chief said as the doctor suturing her up tied off his last stitch and moved to her line of sight.

“How do you feel?” the doctor asked.

“Edward?” she murmured, and my frozen heart seemed to leap in my chest. She had said my name. _My_ name first.

The chief peered closer and said, “Swan? You okay?”

She blinked a few times and groaned. “Ow. Damn.”

“Where does it hurt?” the doctor asked.

“Chest,” Bella said.

“Yeah, getting shot hurts,” the chief agreed.

Bella smiled slightly. “I didn’t get shot. The vest did.”

I growled. That she was making light of what had happened was both characteristic of her and infuriating. It was like she couldn’t understand the absolute fear the people that cared for her had felt.

A nurse entered the room and whispered to the doctor who nodded. “We’re going to get you down for a scan and x-ray now, Officer Swan.”

Bella nodded. “Okay.”

The chief’s radio crackled, and I heard an urgent voice speak. “All units. Ten-Eighteen. Suspect armed and dangerous. Believed to be heading towards Columbia Memorial.”

The chief’s face paled, and he made for the door followed out by the other officers. I saw through the doctor’s eyes as Bella watched them go, her eyes wide and the rhythm of her heart monitor increasing its pace.

I started towards the door, wishing to go to her and comfort, and then stopped abruptly as I heard a voice shouting outside the window. “Drop the gun, Brier! Put it down on the ground and step back!”

I moved to the window and saw the man I recognized from Alice’s vision, the man that had shot Bella. His right hand was tucked in his pocket and, in his left hand, there was a handgun. He smiled cruelly as he began to raise it.

“Lower the gun, or I will shoot!” the officer warned.

The man, Max, continued to raise it. Then, he jerked as two gunshots cracked through the air, and he dropped, crimson now staining his dirty jacket and shirt in bloody blossoms.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I was alone in my small hospital room, lying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. My bruised ribs ached in a disconnected way, dulled by the painkillers currently seeping into my veins through the IV in the back of my hand. I was feeling mentally disconnected, too.

Somewhere in the hospital was the body of the man that had shot me, Max Briers, and I didn’t know how to feel. He had shot to kill me, pulled a gun on one of my friends, and yet his life’s ending seemed such a waste.

I sighed heavily and turned my head on the pillow to stare at the opposite wall. I knew when I joined the force that life and death were some of the things I would be forced to deal with, and I hadn’t expected it to be easy, but there was no preparing for this—the knowledge that someone had tried to end my life and lost their own in return.

I was angry, too, at the justice system. He should never have been allowed bail. He had been dangerous; any idiot should have known that. If he had been behind bars, I would not have been shot, and he would not have been killed.

Max Brier wasn’t the only thing on my mind, though, and that felt selfish and wrong. I couldn’t help but think about Edward.

I thought I had made peace with my decision to not be with him, and yet, when I had lain there on the ground, certain I was dying, he had been what I wished for.

My last thought hadn’t been of Charlie or Renee; it had been of Edward and how I had wasted my time these past weeks since his return to my life not being with him.

I didn’t know what to do, though. I had been set on my path, and I was so scared of being hurt again.

Someone cleared their throat at the foot of my bed, and my head snapped up. I couldn’t help the smile that curved my lips as I saw Edward and Carlisle standing there.

“Hey,” I said.

Carlisle smiled, but Edward looked tense.

“How are you feeling?” Carlisle asked solicitously.

“I’ve been better,” I said honestly.

Carlisle nodded. “I understand you have bruised ribs.”

“Yeah, but nothing internal,” I said. “I call that a good shooting.”

Edward flinched, and I looked him in the eye. “I’m okay, Edward.”

I tried to shift myself up a little on the bed, but Edward crossed the room in a flash and laid a hand on my shoulder. His cool touch sent a thrill through me, like the spark we had felt the very first time we touched.

“I’m sorry,” he said, quickly pulling back his hand when I jerked and winched.

I caught his hand as it fell back to his side and squeezed it. “It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.” Not that time at least.

“I should be getting home,” Carlisle said. “The family are all waiting for news.”

“Say hi for me.”

“I will,” Carlisle said with a smile. He stepped around the bed and patted my hand. There was no spark at his touch. “Take care of yourself, Bella. Rest and recover.”

“I plan to,” I said fervently.

He looked pointedly at Edward, making me think there was some inaudible to me communication happening, and then slipped from the room.

I rested my head back against my pillows and said, “You can sit if you want. I know you don’t need to, but it might look odd if someone comes in, and I have a statue as a visitor.”

Edward pulled around a chair from beside the bed and sat down stiffly. His expression was strained. I rallied for something light to say.

“How are you?” I asked stupidly.

Edward raised haunted eyes to me. “I almost lost you today.”

“You didn’t, though,” I said quickly. “I’m going to be fine. I have a couple bruised ribs is all.”

“He could have killed you.”

“He didn’t.”

Edward shook his head angrily. “Do you understand how scared I was?”

“Probably about as scared as I was,” I said. “I thought I was dying and…”

“And what?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

I couldn’t get into what I had felt when I lay there, feeling like I was dying. I had to make sense of my thoughts and feelings before I told him that. I couldn’t give him false hope. That would be cruel.

“I’m off work for a while, obviously,” I redirected. “I’m thinking of going back to Forks. I don’t think Charlie knows what happened yet, but it’ll be public knowledge soon enough, and I need to see him.”

“And Renee?” Edward asked.

I sighed. “She’ll find out, too, eventually. I’ll probably have to make a trip south to see her.”

“She’ll appreciate that.” He drew a deep breath. “Bella, I was watching you when they were treating you. I saw you wake up. I heard what you said.”

I heard the heart monitor beside me pick up its pace slightly. He had heard me say his name. “You did?”

“I would very much like to talk about it.”

I bit my lip. If I was in his position, I would want to talk about it, too, but I needed a little time. I reached out and touched his hand where it lay on the bed side, inches from me.

“Can I have a little longer?” I asked. “I’m not trying to hurt you or be difficult, but I just need a little longer. Is that okay?”

“You can take forever, Bella,” he said, intensity in his eyes.

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, though I knew forever wasn’t needed. I just needed a little longer, just a little time to make sense of my thoughts and feelings, and then I would either break his heart or make it whole all over again.

Just a little longer.


	15. Bedside Visitors

**_Bella_ **

I must have fallen asleep as, when I woke, Edward was gone and, in his place, was a sheet of hospital stationery with his perfect handwriting on it. _Be Safe._

I remembered the first time I had seen those words in his script, and I felt a wave of nostalgia. It was in the earliest days of us, when he had left me to hunt in preparation for us going to the meadow.

I tucked the note in my bedside locker and took out my phone. It was time for me to face the drama and call my parents.

I shifted up the bed and dialed Renee’s number. It rang a few times before Phil answered, sounding sleepy. I realized I hadn’t checked the time, and when I glanced at the clock on the wall, I saw it would be past midnight in Florida.

_“Hello?”_

“Phil, it’s Bella. I’m sorry to call so late.”

 _“Bella? Is everything okay?”_ he asked.

In the background, I heard Renee’s voice, sounding wide awake and demanding the phone. There was a rustle, and then my mother’s voice came over the speaker. _“Bella! Bella! Are you okay?”_

“I’m okay, Mom. Calm down,” I said in my most soothing tone.

 _“Are you hurt?”_ She didn’t sound like she was calming at all.

“I had an…accident at work,” I admitted. “And I’m in the hospital, but I’m fine now. I just have sore ribs.” 

“ _Ribs!”_ she said stridently. _“You were shot, weren’t you? Phil, she was shot! Find me a flight. I’m going to Oregon. Tell me the truth, Isabella, how bad is it?”_

“Mom, take a breath. I’m okay now. It’s just bruised ribs, that is all. Nothing worse, I swear. You don’t need to come.”

 _“I do,”_ she argued. _“I need to see you.”_

“Then come to Forks,” I said quickly. “I am heading to Charlie’s when I get discharged. The chief has already said I’m off rotation for a while.” More hoops to jump through.

 _“You’re going to Charlie’s,”_ she said, sounding a little offended.

It made more sense for me to go to Washington to see my friends as well as family rather than go to Florida where I would only see her and Phil.

“Yeah, Mom.”

 _“Okay.”_ She held the phone away from her ear, and I could hear her talking to Phil. _“I’m going to Forks instead. Can you find me a flight, sweetie?”_

I knew from the term of endearment that she was calmer now, and I thought I would be okay to leave her to Phil’s care.

“I need to go, Mom,” I said. “I’ve got to call Charlie.”

 _“Okay,”_ she said reluctantly. _“Take care of yourself, Bella. I love you.”_

“I love you, too, Mom. I’ll see you soon.”

I ended the call and leaned back against my pillow, sighing. She had taken it better than I’d expected, but it still wasn’t well. I could only hope Charlie would handle it better. He should. He was a cop, too. He knew what risks came with the job.

I dialed his cell. It rang a couple times before he answered, sounding strained. _“Bella?”_

“Hey, Dad,” I said. “You okay?”

_“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”_

“I’m fine,” I said automatically.

 _“Yeah, I’m sure you are,”_ he replied. _“Hang on a minute, Bells.”_

Frowning, I fell silent and listened to the clip of his footsteps through the phone’s speaker. The door to my room opened, and I sucked in a breath as I saw my father standing on the threshold. I lowered my phone and tried to get my shock under control. I hadn’t expected him here.

“Who told you?” I asked.

“Chief Bennett. I’m your emergency contact. Getting shot counts as an emergency, Isabella.” He sounded mad, but I was pretty sure he was angry at the situation rather than at me.

“Sorry, Dad. I should have called you sooner, but with the meds and everything…”

He sat down in the chair Edward had sat in and stared into my eyes. I could see the fear in his. “You don’t need to apologize for anything,” he said gruffly. “Just…” He shook his head. “You scared me, Bells.”

“I was pretty scared myself,” I admitted. “I always knew it could happen, but… He came back for me, did the chief tell you? I was in the ER, and the call came through. The guy that shot me was on his way here. I think he wanted to finish the job.”

To be hated so completely that someone wanted to kill me was a surreal experience, not to mention upsetting. James had just wanted the chase, and Victoria had wanted revenge. It was never really about me for either of them. With Max it was different.

“I heard he was taken down.” 

I nodded. “He pulled on Frank. Apparently, he and the chief took a shot each.”

“Good,” he said brutally.

I bit my lip. “I guess, yeah.”

Charlie shook his head. “No, Bella, it is good. He shot to kill you. He pulled on your friend. He would not have stopped there. It could have been a massacre—a hospital of defenseless people. You did your best the first time, but the man was dangerous.”

I rallied for a change of topic. “I just got off the phone with Renee.”

He looked a little guilty. “Yeah. I guess I should have made that call myself straight away…”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” I said quickly. “She would have lost her mind. I could barely stop her hopping a flight here as it was.”

“You stopped her?” he asked, sounding impressed. “How did you manage that?”

“I told her to come to Forks instead. I was planning to come see you as soon as I was discharged.”

His lips quirked into a smile. “Yeah, saves all your buddies making the trip to you, I guess. They don’t know what happened yet, but Seth knows something’s going on so don’t expect it to stay secret long.”

No, I thought, with the pack mind it would be all laid bare fast when Seth wheedled it out of Sue.

Charlie yawned widely and apologized.

“It’s okay, Dad,” I said. “Go get some sleep.” I reached over to mynightstand and pulled out the plastic bag of my personal belongings that they’d taken from me in the ER. I handed Charlie my keys and said, “The spare room is clean. You just need to put clean sheets on the bed.”

Charlie looked reluctant, so I yawned behind my hand and said, “I’m probably just going to sleep now anyway.”

He sighed and took the keys. “I’ll be back in the morning, okay?”

“I’ll be out by morning, I’m sure,” I said. “Then you can give me a ride back to Forks.”

“Don’t rush it, Bells.” Then Charlie did something he hadn’t done in a very long time. He leaned over the bed and kissed my cheek. He seemed embarrassed as he said, “You take care, Bells,” and ambled out of the room.

xXx

When I woke again, in the early hours of the morning, there was a vampire standing at the end of my bed.

“You’re watching me sleep, Em?” I asked. “Isn’t that normally Edward’s thing.”

He forced a smile. “Yeah. I thought I’d see what all the fuss was about. Didn’t seem much fun to me. All I saw was you drooling and talking up a storm.”

“I didn’t drool,” I argued.

“If you say so.”

I gestured to the chair beside the bed and waited for him to sit before asking, “So, really, what’s the deal, Em? Visiting hours are long over. If you’re telling me you came through the window, I’m going to have a chat with Carlisle about learned behavior from your brother.”

Emmett clasped his hands between his knees and looked up at me with serious eyes. “I guess I just had to make sure you were okay.” His voice became strained. “I saw you get _shot_ today, Bella.”

“It was the vest that took the shot, not really me.”

“Don’t!” he said harshly. “Don’t be all Bella Swan about this. Don’t pretend it was just another stumble. I watched the bullet fly, I saw you hit, and I did _nothing_!”

“You couldn’t have done anything,” I said reasonably. “You would have been seen.”

“You think that’s what stopped me?” he asked incredulously. “Bella, I _froze_. I didn’t stop because of exposure; I stopped because I was so completely caught off guard. I’m a vampire, for fuck’s sake, and I could have watched you die today because I froze!” He sounded furious as he spoke in a hiss.

“Em,” I said gently, “I’m glad you froze. I’m fine, but I wouldn’t have been had you been seen. You would have had to run, leave me behind again, and I…” I couldn’t bear that again.

Emmett shook his head. “We couldn’t have run. We probably would have been killed. Us or all the people that saw. Or both.”

“Killed!” my voice was a squeak.

“The Volturi,” he said as if that explained everything.

“The Kings?”

Emmett’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “That’s one word for them, I guess. Law keepers would be better. Didn’t Edward tell you about them?”

“Not much. He said he had stayed with them, and Carlisle lived with them for a while. He said something once about provoking them, but that’s all.”

“Provoking…” he said thoughtfully. “Edward and I are going to have a talk about that. The Volturi police our kind. They deal with risks to the secret. The most absolute law is that we keep our existence a secret. Transgressors are dealt with quickly and fatally.”

“But Edward lived with them!” I said. “Why would he do that? They sound awful.”

“They’re not the enemy, Bella. They keep us safe. They’re Carlisle’s friends, even. I imagine they weren’t amused to hear about you, but they took no action, so they obviously didn’t think you were a risk. But eyewitnesses to me stopping a bullet, cell phone footage, even, that would have meant they’d have to step in.”

“So you did the right thing today,” I said. “Not only would you have risked your own life, you would have risked other people’s, too.”

“And what about your life, Bella?”

“I’m fine.”

What I couldn’t say to him was that my life was a human one. The time limit was part of the package. Also, I was a cop. We ran risks other people didn’t. I was happy with my life in spite of that.

Silence fell over us for a while, which Emmett broke, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “When you went down, after the shot, I heard you say something.”

I nodded. “I remember.”

“What does it mean, Bella?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be so tied in knots right now.”

“What are you going to do?”

I shrugged and winced. “Think, I guess. Try to make sense of it all.”

“He loves you, Bella.”

“I know,” I said.

I loved him, too. The problem was that I wasn’t sure if that was enough.

xXx

The Cullens descended the next morning just after breakfast, laden with flowers and chocolates.

I was tired after my disturbed night. Even after Emmett had left, I had trouble falling asleep again, and when I did, I dreamed of an aching hole in my chest that refused to heal. It had been a long time since I had dreamed of that, and it left me feeling vulnerable.

When they all entered, my eyes searched immediately for Edward, and I had to swallow a need to ask him to hold me. I had not been that woman for a long time, and I didn’t like the regression.

I smiled, though, as they settled themselves around my room, Alice perched beside me, and Emmett on the foot of the bed. Their human act was flawless, though there was no way of hiding their otherworldly beauty.

Alice quickly threw herself into quietly spoken apologies for not seeing what Max was planning until too late. They assumed he had been unsure in his resolution until the very moment he saw me, despite the planning he put in with what the chief said was the fake 911 call. Otherwise, she would have seen sooner.

Emmett seemed more settled than he had been during his nighttime visit. I was glad. I didn’t want him blaming himself for what had been the fault of Max Briers. Edward also seemed different. I had no doubt he had seen the details of my and Emmett’s conversation in Emmett’s thoughts, but he seemed serene. I supposed to have some hope for us if friendship remained there despite my decision was enough to calm him for now.

We were just falling into conversation about my planned visit to Forks when I saw Edward stiffen.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Charlie,” he said stiffly.

“Oh, crap!” I clapped a hand to my mouth. I had known I couldn’t keep their presence from Charlie forever, but I had hoped I could ease him into it without a ton of drama. I was apparently wrong.

“We can leave…” Carlisle offered.

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “That’s probably best.”

They slipped out of the room swiftly and the door clicked closed behind them. There was a minute of tension before the door opened again and Charlie entered.

“Morning, Bells,” he said brightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better,” I said honestly. The pain was less, and I was happy from my short visit with the Cullens.

He took a seat beside me. “Good, good. The guys been by already?” he asked, looking at the flowers on my locker.

“Uh… No. Actually, it was the Cullens. They visited just before you got here.”

I watched as his color change from flushed to red then puce. “Excuse me!”

I drew a deep breath and spoke in a rush. “Carlisle and his family are living here in Astoria. They’ve been here a while. I met Carlisle when I brought Max Briers in the first time and then the others later when they got here. I’ve been seeing them a few times a week. Carlisle is working in the hospital, in fact. Breathe, Dad!” I realized he hadn’t a drawn breath in the time I had been speaking. 

He sucked in a heaving breath. “They’re here.”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me because?” he asked.

I was annoyed by his tone and it made my response sharper than I would have liked. “The same reason you didn’t tell me Edward came back four years ago!”

His color faded quickly to pallor, “Bella… about that…”

“No, Dad. I don’t need an explanation. I understand why you didn’t tell me. I know what I put you through after they left, and you were protecting me, but I didn’t tell you for that same reason. I didn’t want you to worry again.”

“Is _he_ here, too?”

“They all are.”

“He’s here,” he hissed.

“Yes,” I said firmly. “They’re here, and they’re my friends.”

“Friends!” he choked. “Some kind of friends.”

I sighed. “Dad, what happened to me wasn’t their fault. We broke up. They left town. The fact I couldn’t handle that is on me, not them. People break up all the time. How could he have known I’d fall apart like that?”

I could see he was resisting my logic as he muttered to himself. He was my father, and he loved me, I knew that, but I wished he had taken it a little better than this. It dragged back the memories of all those months of pain without Edward.

“I don’t like this, Bella,” he said.

“I'm not asking you to,” I said calmly.

“If he hurts you again…”

“He won’t,” I interrupted.

“He did last time.”

“I’m not the same person, Dad,” I said. “I won’t let that happen again.”

“Do you really think you can control that, Bells?”

“Yes,” I said emphatically, though, internally, I wasn’t so sure.

That was the problem. What my heart wanted and what my head wanted were two different things. Could I allow myself to risk misery again for the chance of happiness?

I didn’t know. 


	16. Forks and Family

**_Bella_ **

Two days after I got out of the hospital, I set out for Forks with Charlie. I hadn’t seen the Cullens again, though I had exchanged texts with Carlisle and Alice, as I didn’t want to risk Charlie crossing paths with them. Edward had seen the fallout from him leaving me in Charlie’s thoughts when he returned to Forks, and Charlie had his chance to vent at him. I didn’t think he needed to do it again with the rest of the family.

We arrived in Forks in the afternoon, and I smiled out of the window as we passed through the town, seeing familiar sights. It had been a while since I’d been back as, being the junior still, I had pulled shifts over Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was looking forward to being back and seeing my friends, not to mention Renee when she arrived.

There was a certain level of trepidation, though, as I knew the pack would hear about the Cullens being in Oregon before long. Jacob especially was going to be pissed as he, of all my La Push friends and family, hated them the most.

When Charlie pulled up in front of the little white house on the edge of the forest, though, I wasn’t thinking about the wolves and the drama that was to come. I was thinking about how good it felt to be home.

The front door swung open just as Charlie cut the engine, and Seth bounded out and down the steps, leaving Sue standing on the threshold. He opened my door and held out a hand to help me out. I took it gratefully, feeling the heat of his hand, and smiled as I climbed out.

“Hey, Bells,” he said. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” I said honestly. “Bulletproof vests: everyone should have one.”

Seth grinned, and Charlie harrumphed.

Seth offered me his arm, and though I was quite steady, I looped my hand through it and allowed him to lead me up to the house.

“Hello, Bella,” Sue said, patting my arm, a crease of concern on her brow.

“Hey, Sue.”

Charlie took my small bag from the trunk and followed us up the steps and into the house. I took a seat in the small lounge, and Seth sat down beside me, Charlie sinking down into the recliner. 

“Would you like anything?” Sue asked. “Juice? Coffee?”

“A coffee would be great,” I said.

She left the room, and I turned to Seth. “So, what’s been happening?”

He shrugged. “Nothing really. Things have been quiet.”

I took that to mean things had been supernaturally quiet for the pack. I was glad, though I knew some of the wolves, the younger ones, in particular, would be disappointed.

“How’s Leah?” I asked.

Sue came into the room then with a tray of drinks. “Working hard,” she said proudly. “She’s stayed in Seattle for summer classes again this year.”

I was pleased for my recently gained sister. The year after the fight with Victoria and the newborns, Leah had gained enough control over her phasing to apply to college. She was accepted to Seattle Central to study nursing, following in her mother’s footsteps. I knew Charlie was proud of his stepdaughter, too, even though he didn’t know the whole story when it came to her anger. He thought it was all down to the death of her father that she’d ‘gone off the rails a little’.

“And you?” I said to Seth. “How was graduation? Sorry I missed it.”

“No worries,” he said easily. “It was cool. I’m helping Sam and Jake at the garage at the moment, trying to decide what I want to do next. I’ve been thinking about law enforcement,” he said with a sly glance at his mother whose mouth pressed into a thin line.

I understood that she’d find the career choice unpalatable given what had just happened to me. I hoped Seth wasn’t joking, though—he’d make a great cop.

To change the subject, I was sure, Charlie said, “Renee will be here tomorrow. I’ve got her a room at the Pacific Inn. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to stay here or with her. Seth’s happy to bunk on the couch,”

“I’ll get a room, too. There’s no need to turf Seth out of his bed.”

“I don’t mind,” Seth said.

“It’s okay. Besides, it means Renee won’t be alone there.”

Charlie nodded. “I’ll give them a call and reserve you a room.” He heaved himself out of the chair and made for the kitchen. Sue followed him out, and I leaned against Seth’s arm, and said, “So what else is new?”

xXx

That evening, Seth drove me to La Push. I was expecting us to go straight to his old house where Jacob, Quil, and Embry were living now, but he carried on right past the small house to the beach. He pulled to a halt and raced around the car to help me out. I didn’t need the help, but it was sweet of him, so I didn’t complain.

We walked through the trees that hid the beach from the parking lot, and I heard the murmur of voices and the crackle of flames. Smiling, I walked a little faster.

As we broke through the trees, I saw a large bonfire built on the fire pit and people standing around it and sitting on lawn chairs.

The wolves naturally heard us coming, and as we walked forward, Quil drew the attention of the group, shouting. “Here she is! Bulletproof Swan!”

Jacob punched his arm and muttered something that made Quil look chastened.

I laughed and then winced as my ribs protested.

“Sorry, Bella,” Jacob said as I approached the group. “We still haven’t beaten the stupid out of him yet.”

I grinned. “I’m sure he’d say the same about you.”

I held open my arms, and he drew me into a gentle hug. I felt his familiar heat and smelled his woodsy scent, and I felt at home.

“You need to sit?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “I’ll be okay a while yet. Besides, I haven’t said hi to everyone yet.”

I looked around and saw a few new faces. A few were younger members of the tribe that were now old enough to be invited to an adult party, and others were unfamiliar. I noticed one of them, a girl with waist-length ebony hair and russet skin particularly, as Jacob’s gaze was on her. There was something about his expression that was familiar, but I didn’t have time to pursue the thought as other friends came to greet me.

Emily was first, her smile wide and her hands cupping her rounded stomach. “Bella,” she said happily, “it’s good to see you.”

“You, too,” I said. “Look at you! How long do you have now?” I had known she was expecting from the emails we exchanged, but I hadn’t realized she was so far along.

“Two weeks,” Sam said, sliding up beside her and laying his hand on her stomach tenderly.

“Can’t come soon enough,” Emily said. “I am ready to meet this baby.” 

“I’ll bet,” I said. “And Lucy? How does she feel about being a big sister?”

Lucy had been born when I was in college. Unbeknownst to us, the day Victoria and the newborns had come was the same day Emily had found out she was pregnant. When Sam had come home injured from the fight, Emily had faced the possibility of losing not just her husband, but the father of her child, too. Thankfully, werewolf healing and Sue’s expertise had saved him.

“She’s delighted,” Emily said. “She asks me each morning if the baby will be there before bedtime.”

I grinned. Just then, Jared and Kim came over with Paul and Rachel, and I was greeted all over again.

An hour later, I was sitting in a lawn chair, watching the fire and listening to the music playing from the CD player someone had set up. I was quite content. The only cloud on my horizon was that sooner or later I was going to have to tell Jacob and therefore the rest of the pack about the Cullens being back in my life. It was better that it came from me, though, and not Charlie, or Sue when he told her.

But when Jacob appeared beside me and said, “You good for a walk?” in a solemn tone, I guessed he must already know.

“Sure,” I said, getting to my feet.

We walked away from the fire toward the driftwood tree that had been claimed as our own a long time ago. I perched on the trunk and Jacob sat a foot away from me.

“Look, Jake…” I started at the same moment he said, “Bella, I need to tell you something.”

We both laughed. “Go ahead,” I said.

He drew a deep breath and said in a rush. “Bella, I’ve met someone. Her name’s Melanie, she’s from the Hoh reservation, and… I’ve imprinted.” 

My eyes widened. “Oh wow. Jake, that’s…”

“I know,” he said quietly. “I can’t believe it. I mean, I always thought that if it wasn’t you, it’d be no one, and then she came and I just… Gravity shifted.”

I reached over and touched his arm. “Jake, I’m so happy for you. Really. You deserve all the good things. How’s she taken the news?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Pretty well. She was calmer than some of the other guys’ imprints have been. She just listened and then asked to see my wolf. I guess you’re not unique with the good-with-weird after all.”

“Apparently not,” I said. “Do I get to meet her?”

“You want to?” he asked.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I thought you might be mad,” he admitted quietly. 

I frowned. “Why? You and I were over a long time ago, Jake.”

“I imprinted,” he said. “And I thought maybe that you’d be mad I pushed so hard for you when I shouldn’t have. If we hadn’t broken up, I’d be ruining all that now.”

I pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. “Imprinting was supposed to be rare, Jake. You had no idea it would happen to you, too. Besides, we _did_ break up. Sure, I’d be mad if we hadn’t, but you were living your life. Being a wolf has been enough of a trial for you. Giving up love on the off chance you might meet your perfect match would have been unfair.”

He grinned. “Thanks, Bella. I should have known you’d understand,”

“Yes, you should. Now, are you going to introduce me?”

“Sure,” he leaped to his feet and waited for me to stand then led me back towards the fire.

The girl I had seen him watching before was standing with Emily and Sam and when she saw Jacob and me approaching, her smile lit up her face. She seemed just as enamored with Jacob as he was with her.

“Melanie, this is Bella,” Jacob said. “Bella, this is my Mels.”

“Great to meet you,” I said.

She smiled shyly. “Likewise.”

“You guys want a drink?” Jacob asked, then went on before we could answer, “I’ll get you a drink.” He rushed away and Emily drifted off to talk to Sam.

Silence fell between us, and I rallied for ~~a~~ something to say. Before I could speak, though, she did. “You’re a big deal around here, you know?”

“I am?” I frowned. “I guess. They’re my friends.”

“It’s more than that. They just about lost their minds when they heard you’d been shot. Jacob was really upset,” she finished quietly, glancing at me before lowering her eyes.

I thought I saw what she was saying, and I hurried to reassure her. “Jake’s my best friend. We’ve been through a lot together. He worries is all.”

“You were together once.”

I nodded. “We were, but that ended a while ago.” I sighed. “I don’t think Jake could have done a very good job of explaining imprinting to you. When a wolf imprints, their whole life adjusts to their imprint—to you. Jacob will be whatever you need in your life. If you need a friend, Jacob will be the best you will ever have. If you need a lover, Jacob will be that. He will adjust to you at all times, and he will _never_ break your heart. He physically can’t. Your needs come first at all times.”

“Sam hurt Emily, though.”

“I’m not the person to talk to about that, really. You should ask Emily. But I know Sam never intended to hurt her. It was an accident, and Sam was still new to the wolf thing then. Trust me,” I said, “Jake will take care of you. He loves you more than he ever could me.”

She sighed, and I thought I could see relief in her eyes now. “Thank you, Bella. I’ve been so nervous about meeting you. You’re nothing like I thought you would be.”

“No,” an angry voice spoke behind me. “Bella manages to catch us all off guard.”

I turned and saw Jacob standing with a face like thunder.

Melanie looked confused, but I understood at once.

“Excuse us, Melanie,” I said. “I need to borrow Jacob for a minute.”

I walked away without looking back, knowing Jacob would follow. I felt eyes on me and knew others in the pack were also aware of the Cullens’ return to my life. I went back to the driftwood tree and sat down. Jacob came to a stop in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. Sam appeared beside him and Quil his other side.

“Is what Charlie said true?” Jacob asked at once, his tone tight with anger. “Are the leeches back?”

I held up a finger, “Okay, first off, you can quit that crap. I have done nothing wrong, and I refuse to listen to you talking to me as if I have. Carry on, and I’ll walk away.”

Jacob took a deep, hopefully calming breath, and said, “Is it true the _Cullens”_ —he sneered the name—“are in Oregon?”

“Yes,” I said simply.

“And you didn’t tell us because?” Sam asked.

I raised an eyebrow. “Because I have been back a matter of hours, because I didn’t want to ruin my time with you all with crap like this, and because it’s none of your business.”

“It is our business, though,” Quil said, his tone reasonable.

“No, it really isn’t. The fact they are back in _Oregon_ has no effect on you. They are not a risk to you there. They weren’t a risk when they were here, even.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Jacob said angrily. “They’re the reason we phased.”

“True,” I conceded. “They’re the reason _some_ of you phased. But my point stands. They’re not in your area anymore, so they aren’t going to trigger the gene. They’re a four-hour drive away, dammit!”

“And what about the risk they pose to you?” Sam asked with a stiff set to his eyes.

I was disappointed in him. I thought he would take the news better than this, that he would see the logic in the situation.

“The only danger they pose to me is to my heart, and that’s down to me to protect.”

“Oh my God!” Jacob snapped. “You’re still in love with him!”

“You don’t know that, Jacob Black,” I said testily. “I don’t even know what I am, so how do you?”

“I _know_ you, Bella,” he said.

“Apparently not well enough to treat me with more respect,” I snapped. I got to my feet and started walking away.

“Bella,” Sam called after me. “We need to talk about this.”

I turned to him and a frown creased my brow. “No, we really don’t. This is not about you and the pack this time. It’s about me and my heart.”

“We care about you,” Quil said a little sadly.

“So do they,” I said, walking away. 

xXx

Charlie went to the airport to meet Renee the next day while I helped Sue prepare some meals for Emily to put in the deep freeze for after the baby came. Though the wolves were older now, and even the youngest, Brady and Collin, could fend for themselves, they still used Emily and Sam’s house as an unofficial base, and that meant a lot of food was needed there. We were preparing lasagnas and casseroles that could easily be defrosted and heated.

I liked working with Sue. She was a peaceful person, a lot like my old school friend, Angela, was. We worked in practical but comfortable silence, only speaking in the context of the food, until Sue cleared her throat and looked at me with uncharacteristic solemnity.

My relationship with Sue was much like my relationship with Phil. I loved them for the happiness they brought my parents and liked them for themselves, but neither fit the mold of a stepparent.

Phil had been too young for me to form that relationship with him, and I had been too old with Sue. I had been in college when they started dating, and in the academy when they married, so I had never lived with her for an extended period of time, either.

“I spoke to Billy this morning,” she said. “Jacob is very upset.”

“He’s not the only one. I knew they wouldn’t take it well, but this is just stupid. The Cullens are no threat to anyone.”

“But you,” she said quietly.

“But me,” I agreed. “And that’s _my_ problem.”

“They feel like it is their problem, too. They care about you.”

“I know that, and I appreciate it. You know how much they all mean to me, Sue, but they don’t have the right to dictate to me or interfere. I choose to have them back in my life, and that’s my choice to make. If I get hurt again, that’ll be on me.”

“Do you really want to risk being hurt though?”

I switched off the burner and turned to face Sue fully. “Sam hurt Emily because he lost control once. When she was in the hospital after that, did you tell her to stay away from Sam in case it happened again? And then when Jared imprinted on Kim, and Paul on Rachel, did you tell them to stay away from their wolves in case they were hurt?”

“That’s different,” she said, a bite of anger in her voice.

“Why? Because it hurts the wolves to be apart from their imprint? It hurt Edward to be apart from me, too.”

“Then why did he leave?” she asked,

“Because he thought it was the best, safest option for me. He thought I would have my human life and be happy. He had no idea what would happen.”

“Vampires are dangerous.”

I just looked at her. Wolves were dangerous, too, and she knew it. Emily was proof of that. They had never hurt me, and the vampires had never hurt them. We were on even footing risk-wise.

“Your father doesn’t want this for you, Bella.”

I smiled. “My father doesn’t get to make the choice. The Cullens are in my life again. They will be until they decide to leave it, if they ever do. No amount of angry werewolves or overprotective parents is going to change that for me."

The door opened then, and I heard my mother’s voice calling to me.

“I hope you know what you are doing, Bella,” Sue said in a hushed voice as I made for the door to greet my mother.

I didn’t answer, though my thoughts were moving along the same lines as her.

I was sure I was doing the right thing having them in my life, but I wasn’t sure of my next step.

xXx

Renee had clearly been primed on the Cullens situation by Charlie on the way to the house, as she had done little more than greet me and Sue effusively before saying she felt the need to be in the open air after her long journey and would I mind sitting outside with her so we could talk.

She didn’t immediately launch into talks of them, though. We sat on the porch swing, and Renee took my hand in hers, squeezing it hard. “I knew you being a cop was a bad idea.”

I had known this was likely to come, and I had my defense ready. “Mom, I was barely hurt.”

“You were shot, Isabella!”

“My vest was shot, not me,” I said calmly.

“Don’t make light of this. You could have been killed.”

“I could be killed crossing the street. What happened was a one in a million chance.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

I pulled my hand free of hers and patted it. “I won’t be. Trust me, Mom.” I used my most soothing tones, the ones I had perfected after years of Renee’s hair-trigger anxiety and my propensity for accidents. She didn’t look appeased, so I moved to resolution. “I’m not giving up the force, Mom. I am good at what I do, Mom. I protect people.”

“Who protects you?” she asked.

“I do,” I said. “And my friends. We take care of each other.”

“Friends…” she said, and I knew what was coming next. She could have had no expectation that she could talk me out of my career choice, as it was an argument we’d had before, so now she was moving onto something she apparently had more hope with. “I heard the Cullens are in Astoria, too.”

I decided enthusiasm was the way to go. “Yeah! They moved there in the new year. I just bumped into Carlisle at the hospital. What are the odds?”

“Probably about one in a million,” she said pointedly. “You know, there are jobs for cops in Florida, too. I looked some up. There’s even vacancies in Jacksonville.”

I raised an eyebrow. She couldn’t seriously think I was going to move to avoid them. Even if I had decided I wanted no part in their lives, I wouldn’t abandon my home to be away from them.

“I like Oregon,” I said stubbornly.

“You could like Florida.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mom, I am not a child anymore. I like my life, and I like where I live. I understand what happened when they left was hard for you and Charlie, and I’m sorry I put you through that, but I am not eighteen anymore. I won’t let myself be hurt like that again. Having them back in my life is a good thing.”

“That boy ruined you!” she snapped.

I bit back an angry retort about the damage she had inflicted when she had left Charlie, taking me with her. It had taken many years for him to get over her. He had been pretty much ruined, too.

“He won’t do that again,” I said.

Her eyes widened. “I didn’t realize you were actually together again!”

“We’re not,” I said honestly.

“You love him!”

“Why do people keep saying that?” I asked. “I don’t even know what I feel.”

“Because we know you, Bella. You _are_ in love.”

“Maybe I am, that doesn’t mean I am going to act on it. You and Jake seem to think I have forgotten what happened last time. I haven’t. I remember how it felt and what happened when he left. What makes you think I would risk all that again?”

“ _Because_ you’re in love,” she said plaintively.

I shrugged and then regretted it as my ribs pulled painfully. “Maybe I will. Maybe he will hurt me again. But can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t risk it for yourself if it was Phil?”

She stared into my eyes, and I saw the answer there. Despite the fact I didn’t understand it myself, Phil was her Edward, and she would risk pain to be with him.

“I should go help Sue again,” I said, getting to my feet.

“Bella, don’t do this,” she begged.

“I haven’t done anything yet,” I said.

Though I was pretty sure now that I would. The people that loved me were acting out of my best interests, I knew that, but I thought it was too late.

They had only reminded me of the risks. I already knew them. It was the chance of true happiness I saw in Sue and Renee’s words. They already had the ones they loved. I could have that, too.

“Bella,” Renee said sadly. “Don’t let him hurt you again.”

“I don’t think he could,” I said honestly. “I think that he would destroy himself to avoid it.”


	17. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have readers from all over the world - *waves to my FFNet Guatemala reader* - and I was wondering if any of you are on lockdown or self isolating at the moment. If you are, drop me an email on simaril137@gmail.com as I have something I'd like to offer you.

**_Edward_ **

I was alone in the house. The rest of my family had gone into the forest for a hunting trip which I did not need, having gone only a couple days before. I was enjoying the quiet. My time in Volterra had been spent mostly in solitude, and I still clung to that in times of stress. I was stressed now, waiting for Bella to return.

The fact she was away visiting her family pleased me; the fact there would be werewolves there did not. I knew she was safe with them, as she had been for years. They had saved her life, even, when Victoria came for her. Yet, I was anxious.

I was also tense because of our last conversation. She had said my name in the hospital, and, as I had learned from a stray thought from Emmett, at the scene. That had to mean something.

She had said we could talk about it, but that she needed a little longer to think. I wondered what direction those thoughts had taken. I had hopes and dreams, but I tried not to let them overtake me, to little avail. Try as I might, my heart hoped to be whole again.

Suddenly, the quiet was broken by the ringing of my cell phone. I felt a thrill of hope that turned to disappointment when I saw the caller ID. “Hello, Alice.”

“Edward! What have you done?” she asked shrilly.

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “What’s happened?”

“Your future is black!” she said, her voice panicked. “I can’t see anything.”

I felt a thrill of fear. What could be happening? I had made no decision that could cancel out my future.

“I don’t know why, Alice,” I said. “I have decided nothing, I swear.”

“We’re coming now,” she said. “Do nothing until we get there! Don’t move!”

“I don’t think—” I started but she cut across me.

“Edward! There is nothing there! You have no future!”

I could hear the rushing of air on the phone, and I knew she was racing to me even now. They would all be. If it was one of them, I would be panicked, too.

At that moment, I heard the rumble of an engine slowing, and then the sound of a car leaving the highway and moving onto the dirt track that led to the house.

“There’s someone here,” I said quietly.

“What? Who?”

“I don’t know. I should go.”

I heard the strain in her voice as she said, “We’re coming, Edward.”

I dropped the phone back onto the bed and closed my eyes, focusing my gift and reaching out to try to find whoever was coming. The mental voice when it came was soft, gentle even, and one layered.

_Wow, they really do like to live out of the way of the humans. They must be in the middle of the forest._

I didn’t recognize them, but I wasn’t immediately fearful, despite the fact Alice couldn’t see me. The voice and the fact they came in a car comforted me. The only threat to me was another vampire, and this mind was not a vampire’s.

Though I heard the surface thoughts usually, if I tried, I could delve deeper into the other thoughts a vampire mind had, such as the burn of thirst being cataloged while thoughts were elsewhere.

I moved to the window and watched as an older model Ford came along the driveway. It came to a stop in front of the house and the door opened.

As I caught sight of the young man climbing out of the car, I realized the threat I was facing—the threat I hadn’t considered as the distance was so great: it was a werewolf.

 _Boy, this place stinks. Burns. It’s quiet though. Maybe they’re not home._

I sensed no danger from the man’s thoughts, though he was a werewolf and that meant danger to me. If the wolf attacked, I would run—it would not be as fast as me. I couldn’t attack it in return as this wolf had to be a part of the pack Bella loved.

I considered for a moment before walking to the door and opening it slowly. The scent of wet dog assaulted me at once. I heard the wolf’s thoughts switch from musing on whether anyone was home to shock.

The sight of me, his natural enemy, was enough to make the heat of the change ripple over him. He had excellent control, though. He beat back the feeling and raised his hands in front of him.

“I’m not here to fight,” he said calmly.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“I just want to talk. I’m Seth, Bella’s brother. She told you about me, right?”

She hadn’t, but she had told Carlisle and, therefore, I knew about him, just as I knew her facial expression as she had spoken of him and the fondness in her tone.

“I know who you are,” I said.

“Cool.” His eyes raked the windows of the house. “Where’s the rest of your coven?”

“My _family_ are hunting,” I said.

“Yeah, family, sorry,” he said, seeming genuinely apologetic. “I kinda wanted to talk to them, too.”

“They will be here soon”

“Okay. I guess we’ll wait then.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked around the clearing. He was trying to portray the picture of calm while, internally, he was worried about facing six vampires. He wasn’t scared of us, he believed Bella when she said we were humane, but he was worried about the roasting he was going to get from his Alpha when he found out what he had done. As he had only made the decision to come to speak to us when he was halfway to Astoria, driving Bella home, the pack were unaware of it. They were not going to be happy with him.

I felt a thrill of anticipation at the thought of Bella being home again. Perhaps she had made sense of her thoughts now, and we could talk about how she had said my name and if it meant anything.

New mental voices added to my mind, then, as my family came into my range of hearing. They weren’t speaking aloud, but they were thinking on a single track—why was my future black, and what were they going to find when they got here?

“It’s okay,” I shouted to them, making Seth stiffen. I saw in his thoughts that he couldn’t hear their approach yet. “He’s not here to hurt us.”

My voice made them jolt and then push themselves faster, despite my reassuring words.

Emmett and Jasper were first out of the tree line, and they were the ones that skidded to a halt in hunting crouches at my sides, noses wrinkled against the stench.

“Werewolf,” Emmett growled.

“Hey, now!” Seth said, his tone strained. “I’m just here to talk.”

“It’s true,” I said quickly, going on as the others appeared beside me, “He’s Bella’s brother. Calm down ,and we can all talk.”

Carlisle stepped forward and said, “Seth? It is Seth, isn’t it?”

Seth nodded. “Yeah.”

“What do you need to talk about?” he asked.

“Bella.”

“Is she okay?” Carlisle asked, concerned. 

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Seth said quickly. “She doesn’t know I’m here, either.”

“Why are you here?” Rosalie asked, her disdain at having to address the creature obvious. 

He scrubbed a hand through his inky black hair uncomfortably. _Man, this is going to sound so dumb. Why am I even here?_

“You’re here for Bella,” I reminded him.

His eyes widened, and then he laughed shortly. “Mindreader. I forgot about that.”

I heard the surprise in some of the thoughts surrounding me that he knew of my gift. They didn’t expect Bella to give away our secrets to them. Jasper especially felt uneasy that they knew what he thought of as tactical secrets. I understood, though. Bella could never have imagined she’d see us again after the masterful farewell I had given her, and perhaps them knowing would have served a purpose to her. I felt no threat from this wolf, or any of his pack fellows, by them knowing my gift.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m here for Bella,” Seth’s hands fisted, and he drew a deep, calming breath. “I guess I just want to say, please, _please_ , don’t hurt her again, okay?”

“I would never…” I started.

“You did before, though,” he said. “All of you did. I don’t know what the situation is with you all now, she won’t talk to me about it, but I know she’s happy you’re back.”

The vision of a man with russet skin and cropped black hair flashed through his mind. It was Jacob Black, though not the child I had known. He was standing on a beach raging against the people surrounding him. _“She’s in love with him, I know it!”_

The image and voice were quickly gone, and Seth’s thoughts became angry at himself. I understood he had better control at hiding his thoughts from his pack brothers usually, and he was annoyed he’d slipped in front of me.

“We are very happy she’s back, too,” Esme said quietly.

“Yeah, I get that,” Seth said. “But you left her once and that… She wasn’t the same for a long time.”

Esme looked away from his searching gaze, feeling the stab of guilt for what she thought of as her great mistake—allowing me to leave Bella behind and going with me.

Seth nodded to himself. “Bella’s happy, but everyone is losing it because they’re scared. Charlie, Jake, my mom, her mom, the rest of my pack, they’re all worried she’s going to be hurt again. They watched it happen last time. She’s not the same as she was back then, I know, she’s stronger now, but deep down, she’s still Bella.”

“I won’t leave her again, Seth,” I said fervently. “I don’t know how to make you understand, but it would destroy me to do it. I love Bella with everything I am.”

“You loved her last time, but you still left,” he pointed out.

“For her own good,” I said. “I thought she would be better off without me. I know now that I was wrong, and I will not make the same mistake again. I will be in Bella’s life until she sends me away. Even then, I will remain at the ready to come to her side should she ever want or need me.”

He frowned. _She’s like his imprint._ He thought of his friends, pack mates, that had imprinted and what it meant for them, and I seized on the example.

“Yes! She is like my imprint, only more. It’s stronger for a vampire. Do you see now?”

He didn’t see how anything could be stronger than an imprint, he thought it was arrogance to pretend there was, but he grudgingly accepted what I was saying.

“Yeah, I get that. I think that’ll help me explain to the others what you’re saying.” He grimaced. “They’re going to be pissed at me for coming here.”

“They should see the bravery in what you’ve done for your sister,” Carlisle said.

Seth laughed. “They’ll see it more as stupidity, but, yeah, thanks anyway.”

“It _was_ brave Seth,” I said.

He shrugged. “It’s Bella. She’s worth it.”

“Yes,” Carlisle said solemnly. “She is.”

Seth looked at me. “Take care of her, okay?”

“I will,” I vowed.

“Okay, then. I better get out of here.” He waved a hand in an easy farewell and climbed into the car. The engine came to life, and he backed up and turned. I watched as he maneuvered onto the dirt track that led to the highway and drove away.

I stayed there for a moment, listening to the engine growing quieter and then turned to my family. “See, nothing to worry about.”

“Then why did your future disappear?” Alice asked angrily.

I shrugged. “No idea.”

Perhaps foolishly, I was more concerned with what I had seen in Seth’s thoughts of Jacob Black’s rage as he announced Bella was still in love with me.

I hoped more than anything he was right.

xXx

The call I had been hoping for came that afternoon. Bella asked me to meet her on the Warrenton beach again that evening.

Her choice of location, the place she had told me there could be no us last time, made me nervous. Had she chosen it for the symmetry of the moment, or was she going to break my heart there again?

The rest of my family were obsessively discussing the fact my future had disappeared when Seth had come, but I let their words rush over me, much to Alice’s frustration. It didn’t seem important now that I was finally going to know the future for my love.

When the time came for me to leave, I slipped away before they could wish me luck, possibly jinxing me—anything seemed possible under the circumstances. The drive to the beach didn’t take long, but I still arrived after Bella.

I climbed out and took a breath of the salty air. The fear and anxiety tried to swallow me, but I forced it away. Unless she’d somehow had a huge change of heart since I last saw her, there was still a future for us, even if only as friends. She would be in my life. It was just that there was a possibility of more for us now that made me yearn for it. I had made peace with friendship before, and I would again.

This was not the end. It was, perhaps, the beginning.

I walked to the beach and made my way north to the rocks that formed an obstacle to what I thought of as our beach. I listened hard, hearing a heartbeat at the end of the path that I recognized as Bella’s. It was a sound I would recognize in a room of a hundred others. I made my way swiftly across the rocks to the small cove where she waited.

She was standing with her back to me, facing the ocean. Her hair was moving in the light breeze, drawing her heavenly scent to me. It burned my throat, but there was no temptation. Love overpowered the monster inside once again.

She didn’t turn at first. She breathed my name in a sigh, and I saw her cheek rise in a smile. I walked slowly towards her and then, as I reached her side, she turned. “Hello.”

“Hello, Bella.”

She reached for my hand. Her warm fingers curled around mine, and my eyes fell closed with the blissful feeling. She smiled and tugged me backward,toward the dunes where we had sat before. She sat down, still holding onto me, and I sank down beside her.

She looked at our entwined fingers and said, “Edward, I—” at the same moment I said her name.

We both laughed.

“Go on,” I encouraged.

She took a breath and said, “I know now what it meant when I said your name. I knew before, but I was afraid of it. I still am, in a way.”

“I don’t want you to be scared,” I said.

“I think it’s natural to be scared of something like this,” she said. “It’s human, and that’s what I am.”

Human, soft, delicate, and capable of crushing my stone heart into a million pieces.

“I’m scared, too,” I admitted.

She bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Of all things, I never want you to apologize to me, Bella,” I said. “You have nothing to apologize for. I am the one that should prostrate myself at your feet. I have committed terrible—”

She pressed a finger to my lips, making me fall silent. “No more, Edward. That is over now.”

I swallowed and stayed silent.

She drew a breath again and said quietly, “When I was down after the shooting, I thought I was dying. I had only a second before I passed out, but all I could think of was you.” She said it as if admitting something shameful, a sin.

Her sin made my heart fly, though I tried to tether it.

“What does that mean?” I asked carefully.

“It means what I think I already knew and should have faced,” she said. “It means I love you. I have loved you since I met you, and I loved you when I lost you. That has never gone away, no matter how hard I wished it would at the time.”

I wanted to kiss her, to throw myself into her arms and cling to her as if I would never let her go. Caution froze me, though.

She loved me, which was far more than I deserved, but that didn’t necessarily mean we could be together. I could have scarred her heart too much last time for us to be together again.

“I love you too,” I said, putting all the feeling I could into the weighty words.

“I know,” she said with a small smile.

“What does this mean for _us_ though?”

“That depends on you,” she said. “It is your choice. It can mean nothing changes; we can stay friends, or we can try to be together again.”

There was no decision to make. I wanted to be with her always. I had since the night I stood in her bedroom and heard her speak my name while she slept.

“I want to be together,” I said without hesitation. “Always.”

“So do I,” she said. “But there are things we have to talk about if we are going to be together. I don’t want us to make the same mistakes we made last time. You need to get to know me again. I’m not the same girl I was in Forks. I have loved other people since and lived years that have changed me.”

She had loved the werewolf. I knew it already, but to hear her say it made my heart ache. I was a selfish man. I didn’t want to share her heart.

My feelings must have shown on my face as she frowned. “I won’t apologize for Jacob. I never thought I would see you again, and I was doing what you wanted—I was moving on as much as I could.”

“I know,” I said. “It was what I wanted. I just never thought it would hurt so much to hear.”

“I get that.”

I sucked in a breath and shook my head. “I want to get to know you all over again, too. I want to know every detail of your new life, who you are now. I want to be there for it all.” The idea was heavenly to me.

“We’ll have to be equal,” she went on. “Last time I was a young girl with her first love. It was all-consuming and wonderful, but it wasn’t right. We weren’t equals, Edward. I wasn’t myself. The party that ruined it all wasn’t what I wanted. I made it clear I didn’t want to celebrate, especially not with a party, but you and Alice pressganged me into it. You can’t do things like that again.”

“I just wanted you to be happy,” I said, a hint of defensiveness in my voice.

“But it wasn’t gifts or parties or celebrations that made me happy, and you should have known that.” 

“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “I shouldn’t have pushed. I will never do it again.”

“No, you shouldn’t. And you won’t have a chance to again. That’s what I’m saying. I'm not that girl anymore. We were never equal before. You were the century-old vampire, and I was the human girl. We weren’t on the same playing field. We still aren’t.”

Was she asking what I thought she was? I would be a liar if I hadn’t considered how she would be as a vampire in the time we’d been apart. If I had let her have what she wanted all those years ago, she would never have been in danger from any of us. I would never have been forced to leave. I didn’t want to doom her soul, though.

“Do you want to be a vampire still?” I asked, unsure whether I would grant the wish or not. I had thought of it when she’d been shot, but that had been to keep her with me. I still wanted that, but was her soul too high a price?

“No,” she said simply.

I gaped at her. “You don’t?” It was all she had seemed to want before. She had begged for the change.

“No,” she said again. “There is so much in my life that I couldn’t have if I was a vampire, so much I couldn’t do. I couldn’t be a cop. I couldn’t see my family and friends. I couldn’t travel the world in the sun. There are so many things I couldn’t do that I want to do. To be a vampire would be to give everything up but you and the rest of your family. As a human, I can have it all. That’s not the issue, though. The issue is the look on your face when you asked—like you were already preparing yourself to say no. It was never your life and your choice to make. It was my soul, my business, my choice.”

“It was my choice, too,” I argued. “I was the one that would have had to damn you.”

“No!” she said defiantly. “In that ballet studio, I was already changing, and you chose to stop it. You sucked the venom out. That wasn’t your decision to make.”

My teeth gritted. “I was saving you.”

“You were, and I am grateful now, but what I am saying is with that, the party, every other time you chose for me, whether it be just taking me out for a meal somewhere expensive, knowing I wouldn’t want you to waste your money, or my life as a human, it was wrong. You can’t do that anymore.”

“Okay,” I said. “I won’t do that again. I’m sorry I did before.”

She smiled. “You really wouldn’t have a chance now. But I understand what you mean. I think we’re both going to have to adjust to being together again. I’ve been single a while, and that’s made me kinda selfish. I need to make space in my life for someone else.”

“But you’re willing to?” I asked.

“Of course,” she said, as if she had no idea why I would need to ask after the reaming out she’d just given me. “I love you, Edward. I’m not saying I’m not afraid of being hurt again, but I love you enough to risk it.”

“I will never hurt you,” I promised. “I don’t expect you to believe that after everything I did before. I can only show you by being here for you as long as you want me.”

“I will always want you,” she said.

“Then I will always be here,” I replied.

She beamed. “Good.”

“I would very much like to kiss you now,” I said.

She leaned closer, so close I could feel her warm breath on my face. “I would very much like that, too.”

I moved just a little closer, and our lips met. I felt the jolt of an electric current move from her to me and, at the same moment, the physical sensation of my broken heart mending.

She was mine once again. I was whole.

xXx

We sat side by side on the beach until the sun was completely gone, and the waves were illuminated by the full moon.

It was blissful to me, to feel her cradled under my arm, her lips occasionally coming to meet mine. I hadn’t been so content with my life since the day of her eighteenth birthday, before it had all gone wrong.

I wished the moment would never end, but, of course, it had to. Bella shivered and huddled into her jacket. My automatic reaction was to want to pull away from her and save her from the chill of my cold skin, but I didn’t. It wasn’t my job to monitor her human needs. In truth, that had never been my responsibility, but I hadn’t realized that before.

I waited until she sighed out a breath and said, “I should get home,” before I moved my arm from around her reluctantly.

She sighed again as she got to her feet and held out a hand to me as if I needed assistance rising. It was an endearing gesture. It was as if she had forgotten my true nature and saw me as human, too. How I wished I could be for her. I would sacrifice eternity in a moment if it meant I could grow old with her.

I let her pull my hand, taking a little of my weight, as I stood and brushed the sand from my clothes. I didn’t release her until we reached the rocks that separated the cove we had claimed from the more accessible beach.

She smiled at me and climbed up onto them. I stepped up easily at her side and walked with her as she took confident steps across them. When we reached the other end, she jumped down and smiled up at me, as if pleased by something, though I didn’t know what. I stepped down beside her and took her hand again as we walked toward the car park.

When we came to the cars, she released my hand and brought hers up to rest on my chest. I lowered my face to hers, and she kissed me again.

“I don’t want to let you go,” I murmured against her mouth.

She pulled back and an impish smile curled her lips. “You have to. I need to get warm, and if the guys see my car here with yours when they patrol, they’ll have questions.”

“What would you tell them?” I asked.

“That I was watching the sunset with the love of my life,” she said easily, making my heart soar.

“Truly?”

“Perhaps something a little more toned down,” she amended. “The guys aren’t all that poetic. But, yeah, unless you have any objections, I’m not hiding our relationship.”

“No objections at all,” I said fervently. I wanted to sing from the rooftops that we were together again. “What about our history? Will you tell them that, too?”

She shrugged. “Not all of it, of course, but the fact we were together before, for sure. It will be easier than dealing with worry about how I am head over heels in love so fast.”

I grinned. “Head over heels?”

“Yep. Head over heels.”

I bowed my head and kissed her again. I felt I could spend the next year kissing Bella, learning her all over again, and I would barely scratch the surface of what I needed.

“Okay,” she said, pulling away from me. “I really do need to get home now.”

“When can I see you again?” I asked.

“Hmmm…” She seemed to consider for a moment. “That depends on how fast you run. Your car can’t stay camped in front of my house all night as my neighbors would have a field day, but you’re welcome to come back once you’ve dropped it off at home.” 

“I will fly back to you,” I promised.

“Good.”

She gave me one more chaste kiss and let herself into her car. I stepped back as she brought the engine to life and pulled out of her parking spot. She waved before turning and making for the road. As her taillights turned the corner and out of sight, I sighed deeply and made my way to my own car. I climbed in and sat for a moment before starting the engine.

“She loves me,” I whispered, feeling my lips curve into a wide, elated smile.

xXx

When I reached Bella’s house, I made for the back door that led into her kitchen so as not to give any neighbors that might be watching an eyeful. Bella opened the door at my quiet tap, dressed in cotton shorts and a tank top, and she beamed at me. “That seemed to take forever,” she said.

“I know,” I breathed. “Alice was waiting for me.”

“Did she bombard you with questions?”

“She did. I answered none of them. I think my smile must have told her what needed to be said, though.”

She traced my bottom lip’s curve and nodded. “I’m sure it did. Come on in.”

I stepped inside the kitchen and allowed her to close the door behind me. As soon as I heard it click closed, I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair, inhaling the scent that seemed to sustain me now as much as it burned.

For a long moment, we stayed like that, and then she pulled back and, taking my hand, led me into the lounge and to the couch. I sat and she curled up beside me. I could feel, from the warmth of the air, that she had turned her heating on. It hadn’t occurred to me before now how much easier things would be now she lived in her own home, with no Charlie in the opposite room ready to check on her at any moment or at any sound too loud.

I shrugged off the jacket I had worn for appearance’s sakes and tossed it onto the chair. She traced a hand over my chest, the heat of her hand seeping through the thin material and making me shiver. 

She looked up at me, and her eyes were confused. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. “It feels good.”

“Yeah?” She ran her hand over me again, from the arch of my throat to the center of my stomach. I held in a moan.

She seemed to sense the refused sound anyway, and her cheeks flushed with happiness. “This is new.”

“No, not new,” I argued. “Just not hidden anymore.”

“Why is it not hidden now?” she asked.

“You always had an effect on me, Bella. An effect I couldn’t imagine before I met you, despite all my years of mindreading and seeing the many beauties the world offered. No one made me feel the way you do.”

“Then why didn’t I know? I always thought it was just me.”

“I told you it wasn’t. That first day alone together, I said I was a man.”

“Yes, and then you spent the following months making me crazy with chaste kisses.”

Was it possible that she didn’t see the effect she had on me? “Bella, do you remember when we were together again for the first time, in Carlisle’s office.”

“Yes,” she said quickly. “You looked like you were starving.”

“But I wasn’t thirsty.”

“Yes,” she said again. “You said that, too. What was it if not thirst then?”

“Lust,” I said quietly. “Seeing you in person, smelling your scent, that uniform, it was all too much for me. My body reacted before I could control it.”

“Lust?” she said disbelievingly.

“Bella, you are the single most beautiful woman I have ever known. You are the only person that has made me feel even the slightest physical temptation in all the years I have been alive. I adore you, and I…covet you.”

She looked stunned. “Really?”

I allowed my body to show what my words did not seem able to convince her of. I traced a hand from her hip, across her stomach, to the center of her chest where her heart pounded. I hesitated a moment before cupping her breast in my hand for a moment. Her breath caught ,and she stared into my eyes, hers dark with desire and wide with shock.

“Edward…” she whispered.

“I love you,” I murmured, kissing her. Her lips parted, and I inhaled in her breath as she exhaled shakily. It was a heady feeling, sharing her life-giving air.

“What does this mean now?” she asked quietly.

I pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “It means I want you as I always have. It means, I believe now, that I can give you this.”

“What changed your mind?” she asked.

“The fact I wasted our time together before.” I sat back, giving us both room to breathe. “When I was without you, I would immerse myself in memories of our time together. I would replay conversations in my head as if they were on a film reel—the benefit and negative of an infallible memory. I would remember every kiss and every touch, and I would relish them, but I would always wish for one more. I wished I had taken you in every way a man could when I had the chance, as it would have been the most exquisite memory there could have been. We could have shared that moment together. Equals.”

Bella cast her eyes downward. “I wish you had.”

“Does that mean we cannot?” I made sure to keep my tone neutral, to keep the disappointment I felt to myself.

“No,” she said quickly. “Nothing would make me happier than to share that with you, to have that, but we’re not equals that way now.” She drew a breath. “I have had lovers, Edward. I am not a virgin.”

I knew that already, at least I suspected it as she had been in a relationship with the werewolf, but it still felt like a hammer blow to my chest to hear her say it.

“I won’t apologize,” she went on in the face of my silence.

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” I said. “Never in life. This situation is one of my own making. I wish it could have been me, but it can be now if that is what you wish.”

“It is what I wish,” she whispered. “It’s what I have always wished.”

I brought my hand back to her breast and cupped it again. She arched into my touch, a sigh of contentment escaping her, and I bent to her neck. With the first touch of my cool tongue against her throat, she gasped and then moaned.

“Take me to bed, Edward. Please, take me to bed.”

Needing no more instruction than that, I lifted her bridal style into my arms and carried her up the stairs and through the open door that I knew from the concentrated scent led to her bedroom. Her bedding was clean and white, and I could think of nothing more fitting for this first of times than lying with Bella on white and worshipping her.

I laid her down and began to unbutton my shirt.

“Let me,” she said, kneeling on the edge of the bed and reaching up to me.

My hands fell to my sides as she slowly opened each button, pressing her lips to each new patch of skin revealed.

When they were all open and her lips were against my stomach, she looked up at me, and my breath caught in my throat. She was exquisite. This was really going to happen.

She slowly moved back up, kissing each inch of skin as she moved, until her lips were at my throat and her tongue was tracing across my adam’s apple. I groaned, and my hands moved to her. Gently, I laid her back against the pillows and hovered over her.

“My turn,” I whispered.

She moaned as I moved to the foot of the bed and began kissing the smooth, warm skin of her left ankle. Slowly, I worked my way up her leg, kissing, licking, and tasting her. When I reached her core, I pressed a kiss to her center through the material of her shorts, imitating what I wished to do to her bare flesh.

She sucked in a shaky breath. With one hand, I traced from her other ankle, up her leg to the waistband of her shorts. Achingly slowly, I eased them from her hips. She lifted herself slightly to ease their passage. When she was laid bare, I took a moment to absorb the sight of her smooth skin.

“Edward,” she whispered, need in her voice.

“Yes, my love, soon.”

I lowered myself down the bed and gently eased her legs apart. She moved them willingly, spreading herself open to me. I lowered my face, breathing cool breath against her, making her gasp, and then I traced the line of her with my tongue. She gasped, and her legs parted further as I spread her open and tasted her.

She was like nothing I had ever experienced; no blood could compare. She tasted sweeter than she smelled, and I thought I could stay there forever and never need blood again.

Her hands came to my hair and tangled in the strands, her fingernails scraping against my scalp in the most incredible way. I licked at her, teasing her clit with the very tip of my tongue, and then sealed my mouth over it and sucked.

She groaned deep in her throat, and her hands pushed hard against my head, attempting to force me closer. I needed no more encouragement than that to push my mouth against her and flick my tongue against her clit without restraint.

“Edward!” She gasped. “More. Please, more…”

I growled against her, and the sensation seemed to be what she needed to tip over the edge.

“I’m going to…” she moaned, and then a rush of warmth met my tongue as she came.

A scream ripped from her chest, my name and an expression of rapture in one perfect sound.

I lapped at her juices, my erection rubbing the soft cotton of her bedding, making me wild with need.

As she came down from her high, I gently massaged her core, easing her back down. She took a moment to breathe, her hands still curled in my hair, and then she sat up and tugged me upward so we were face to face. She crashed our lips together and moaned deep in her throat as she tasted herself.

The realization of what she was doing made my erection almost painful, and I reached down to adjust myself.

She saw the movement, and a smile curled her lips. “Let me help.”

I allowed her to direct me to lean back against the pillows and then watched as she unbelted my trousers. When she saw I was naked beneath them, she moaned. She lowered them slowly, freeing my erection, and I shucked them down my legs and flipped them onto the floor.

She straightened for a moment, pulling off her vest, baring her glorious breasts to the air, her nipples pebbling. I reached for them, but she held my hands away.

“My turn to touch,” she reminded me, moving down the bed and bowing over me. The tip of her tongue traced the head of my erection, and I moaned, forcing myself to stay still, a task which became much harder as her mouth sank down over me, enveloping me in its warmth.

It was all I could do to hold my hips steady as my hands lowered to stroke her hair and finger the strands as she tasted me. Her tongue swirled and teased me, and I growled again. I had never felt anything to compare it to. It was the most incredible sensation.

Her hand moved lower and cupped my balls, and I sucked in a harsh breath. “Bella, stop!”

She pulled back at once. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, my head falling back against the headboard and my breaths panting. “If you really want to do this, I want to be inside you when I come,” I said breathlessly.

She smiled. “That, I can do.”

She crawled up the bed and stroked me gently. “Is there any way that will make this easier for you?” she asked.

I pulled her up to hover over me. “Just like this,” I whispered.

Slowly, carefully, she lowered herself down onto me, cloaking me in silky heat. My eyes rolled back, and I moaned. This! This was the most exquisite feeling on earth.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too,” I said solemnly. “More than anything in life.”

With that, she slowly rotated her hips, and I felt my world move. The sensations she wrought from me were more intense than I ever could have imagined. I carefully thrust up into her, and she jerked as if electrocuted.

“Bella!” I said, panicked. “Are you okay? Have I hurt you?”

“No,” she whispered. “Not pain. Pleasure. Do that again.” 

I thrust up again and, once again, she jerked, a heady moan leaving her. She began to rock against me, the sounds escaping her going straight to my gut and making it clench. I knew I wouldn’t last long with this ecstasy racing through me, but I wanted forever. I wanted this to never end.

Bella took the choice from me. Moving seemingly without though, she began to push up on her knees only to slam back down on me. I worried I would hurt her, but she seemed lost in pleasure, not pain. I met her thrust for thrust, relishing the sounds she made and the way her body bucked and her back arched, presenting a perfect nipple for me to lave my tongue against. 

Her movements became erratic, and I felt the curl of an orgasm building in my stomach.

With one last movement, slamming herself down on me while I thrust up, her walls clamped down on me, and I came with a shout.

I could feel her orgasm ripping through her, making her buck and writhe on top of me. Her muscles milked me, and I clenched my jaw to resist the urge to bite, a growl breaking from my throat.

As my high faded, I saw Bella was still lost in hers. Her eyes closed and her body undulating on top of me, taking her pleasure. Loving it, needing it, I reached between us and began to massage her clit. She screamed out again, and her thrashing increased its violence.

“I love you,” I panted. “I love you, Bella.”

My declaration made her open her eyes and look into mine with dark, blown pupils. She didn’t speak, she was still lost in her pleasure, but I knew from her expression what she wasn’t saying. She loved me, too.

Impossible though it seemed, I had found the one woman on earth that was made for me, and our coupling proved it. We were compatible in every single way. 


	18. Reactions and Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I have an ask for you to go with your chapter. I am now on 12 week self-isolation to protect myself as a vulnerable group. I'm struggling a little already, so I was wondering if any of you have any - Vamp Story - fic recs for me. If you do, and I sincerely hope you do, drop them to me in a review/PM. Also, if you enjoy the chapter or have thoughts on it, please review. I have lost WiFi and only have access of my laptop thanks to a lovely neighbour but can't watch my TV streaming services so I'm stuck with recorded and DVDs which I don't have many of thanks to the advent of streaming services. Reviews really do mean a lot to me and I love hearing from you. Anything you can give, review or rec, would be most appreciated.
> 
> Updates will probably come randomly while we're all dealing with the crisis. Keep an eye on your inboxes.

**_Bella_ **

When I began to wake the next morning, I didn’t immediately understand the blissful feeling that I was enveloped in. Then a voice spoke beside me, and the memories of what had passed in the night rushed at me.

“Good morning, love.”

My eyes flew open to be met with golden ones staring back at me.

“You stayed!” I said happily, remembering the first time I had said that to him, the day after the meadow and our declarations of love.

He smiled widely. “I assume you don’t mind.”

I nuzzled closer to him, resting my head against his chest. “I don’t mind at all.”

He traced a cool finger up the length of my arm. “I’m glad.”

In the wake of his touch, goosebumps formed on my skin. I sighed happily. This was heaven, laying in the arms of the man I loved, having spent a night together in the way I had never thought was possible for us. The slight aches of my body were nothing compared to the way I felt inside. It was as if someone had granted a wish I hadn’t known I still held.

It was more than just the physical; it was the fact we were together again and, this time, I knew we would not be parted. I felt secure in his love in a way I hadn’t before. Then, it had been like a dream that my young self didn’t feel she deserved. It hadn’t made sense to me that a being like him could love me as much as I loved him. I knew better now. 

Loath as I was to break the perfect moment, my human needs pressed their advantage with a growl of my stomach.

Edward chuckled at my sigh. “Breakfast time?”

“Yes,” I said, pushing back the bedclothes and swinging my legs around to the edge of the bed. I heard a soft growl behind me, and I turned to see Edward’s dark eyes fixed on me. I knew it was a different kind of hunger that tempted him to what I had once feared, and I shivered. He reached out a hand to stroke my bare back just as my stomach growled again.

The moment was broken, and we both laughed.

“Later,” I promised.

“Stay here,” Edward said. “I will bring you breakfast.”

“That sounds lovely, but I need a human minute, too,” I said. “I’ll be downstairs soon.”

Edward nodded as he smoothly got out of the bed and began to pull on his clothes from where they had been tossed on the floor. As sad as I was to see his naked body hidden, he was still stunning in a pale blue shirt and charcoal pants.

“Human moment?” Edward asked, sounding almost hopeful as he caught me staring longingly.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Yes! Human.”

I walked into my bathroom and closed the door behind me. Leaning against the wood, I sighed happily. This, Edward in my home, Edward loving me and me being able to love him back, was making me happier than I had thought possible.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

I listened to Bella humming in the shower upstairs as I searched her cupboards for something to make for her. I found a selection of fruit in the fridge, and I set to chopping it up for her and arranging it on a plate.

The sheer fact I had the opportunity to do the simple task for her made me happy. The truth of our situation was a heady feeling. I couldn’t keep myself from smiling. This was bliss.

I heard the shower shut off followed by the sounds of her drying off and dressing. As she walked down the stairs, I set a mug of coffee down on the table beside her platter of fruit. She came into the kitchen, and my breath caught all over again. She was dressed simply, in jeans and a black t-shirt, but she was still stunning.

“Coffee,” she said gleefully as she sat down at the table.

I took a chair opposite her and rested my chin on my hand as she began to eat and drink. There was something supremely satisfying in seeing her eat something I had prepared, even though it was only fruit.

I had forgotten this small thing I had enjoyed so much. Charlie had always left the house early, be it for work or fishing, and sometimes I had come back to her house early to make her breakfast. Fiercely independent as she was, she didn’t complain too much when I did.

“What are your plans for today?” I asked.

She lowered her mug and said, “I’ve got to go by work and see the Chief. He’ll know I’m back in town, and we need to make arrangements for what I need to do to get back to work.”

“How will he know you’re back?” I asked.

She smiled. “He’s a cop, Edward. We notice things, and we look out for our own.”

I nodded thoughtfully. I liked the way Bella’s friends and colleagues took care of her—it was a vast improvement on some of her Forks friends, Angela Weber being the exception.

“What arrangements will need to be made?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Probably a psych evaluation again. I’ll need a doctor’s clearance for me physically, too. Basically, I jump through hoops until they’ve decided I’m okay.”

She sounded resentful, but I was pleased they would take it seriously. Bella had been shot to kill. She would have died had her vest not saved her. An experience like that was sure to have some residual effects.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

What I wanted to do was stay with her for the rest of time, to never be parted, but that wasn’t a viable answer. I would need to do things differently this time. I couldn’t follow her around unseen on sunny days, not that Astoria had many of them. 

“I suppose I should go home for a while,” I said. “They will know we’re together again. I’m sure they’re running out of patience waiting for me to come tell them everything.” I chucked. “Well, not quite everything.”

She grinned. “Yeah, you should probably see them. I’ll go by the station and then come to your place?” She framed it as a question.

I smiled widely. “That would be perfect.” 

“Okay.” She popped a last piece of pear in her mouth and pushed her plate away. Standing up and carrying it and her mug to the sink, she said, “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

I got to my feet and wrapped my arms around her. She immediately nuzzled against my chest.

“Each hour will feel like a lifetime,” I said. 

She laughed against me. “It’s not that long. Besides, you’ll need to get used to it. When I’m back at work, we’ll have less time.”

I groaned. “Work.”

She laughed. “Yes, Edward, the work that I love.”

“I know,” I sighed.

She did love her work, and her friends, and the gym, and all the things that would hold us apart. I knew it would be different now. We would not have endless days of school and nights in her home, but I wished we could. This new time together was going to be harder than before.

xXx

I slipped into the house through my bedroom window and went straight to the bathroom to shower. I heard the others react to my return when they heard the shower start up, and though their curiosity was obvious, they stayed engaged in their various activities of reading, sketching and playing a convoluted chess game that involved four boards.

I was in no hurry to rush the shower, enjoying the heat of the water, but eventually, I took pity on them, shut off the water and stepped out. It took me only a minute to dry off and dress, and I fastened my last button as I left the room.

Though I hadn’t said a word since my return, my family had gathered in the living room on the couches and armchairs I reminded myself Bella had picked out.

I liked that she had some involvement in our home already, not just in our hearts.

I had seen Carlisle’s memories of their home improvement week and the enjoyment they both got out of the activity. Now, secure in my relationship with Bella and her love for me, I could enjoy her relationship with Carlisle in turn. I was glad they had built a friendship separate to me, as I loved them both dearly and wanted them to enjoy each other’s company as much I did.

Eyes followed me, gauging my expression as I came down the stairs and made for an armchair. Though I kept my face neutral, Jasper was undeceived.

_Whoa. Well, that went well after all. Good for you, Edward. I’m happy for you._

I nodded to him and took my seat. There was silence for a moment, and then Emmett burst out, “Well? What happened. Do I get to call Bella my sister again?”

I took a moment, enjoying my secret, and then said serenely, “I don’t think Bella would object to that.”

“You mean you’re…?” Esme asked.

“Yes, we are together again.”

Esme beamed. “Oh, Edward, I am so happy.”

“So am I,” I said fervently. “More than I can say. I wished for another chance, but never truly believed I would have one.”

“Another chance?” Rosalie asked, her tone scathing. “You mean she had you jumping through hoops for this?”

The mood in the room changed palpably, and Jasper shifted uncomfortably in response.

My anger surged. That Rosalie of all people was going to misjudge Bella, when she was the one that had brought me back here in hopes of this outcome, angered me.

“No, Rosalie,” I said stiffly. “Bella made me jump through no hoops. She was as gracious and kind as she always is to me.”

She scoffed. “So, breaking your heart when you came back for her was nothing was it?”

Emmett laid a hand on her arm and said her name quietly.

I closed my eyes for a moment. “Why are you unhappy now when this is what you have wanted for five years? For us all to be together again, for me to be happy?”

She tried to hide her thoughts, but I caught them before she could refocus them on the inner workings of her BMW. _Because she’s going to throw it all away. Everything I want._

I was tired of this thought process. I knew, perhaps better even than Emmett, how much Rosalie wished she was human. I knew her longing for a child and her wish to be able to walk in the sun with normal people again. I was tired of it. Especially as she was judging Bella for what she didn’t want anymore.

“You’re wrong, Rosalie,” I said.

“Stay out of my head!” she hissed.

I went on as if I hadn’t heard her. “Bella does not want to be changed anymore.” I stopped a moment to let that sink in. “She wants a human life with human experiences.”

The only one that didn’t react with shock was Alice.

I narrowed my eyes. “You already knew?”

She nodded. “I was hoping she was just saying that because you weren’t together at the time, though. I thought it would be different now.”

“It isn’t,” I said.

“Exactly,” she said. “It hasn’t changed.”

She closed her eyes and showed me the vision that had turned my world upside-down all those years ago. Bella, red-eyed and pale, her arm intertwined with Alice’s. A vampire.

I closed my eyes, absorbing the shock. “That’s not possible. She doesn’t want it, and I would never, none of us would, do it otherwise.”

Alice shrugged her small shoulders. “I just know it will happen. It’s the most solid thing I have ever seen. It’s decided.”

“How can it be?” I asked breathlessly.

“I don’t know.”

I raked my hands through my hair. How was this possible? What could I do to change it?

I was certain in my decision to respect her choice, I would not coerce her to change her mind, so how was it possible she was fated to be something she didn’t want?

I looked to Carlisle for guidance, but he looked helplessly back at me. He had no more idea that I did.

One way or another, Bella was going to be one of us unless I could find a way to stop it.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

When I arrived at Edward’s house, there was a welcoming party waiting for me on the porch.

Smiling, I pulled to a halt and cut the engine. Edward opened my door for me and pulled me into his arms at once. I laughed against him as he drew deep breaths of my scent through my hair. When he released me, I looked past him to the others that had come to greet me: Esme, Emmett, and Alice. Esme looked about ready to burst with happiness, and Alice and Emmett were grinning at me.

Hand in hand, Edward and I walked up the stairs to them, and Esme opened her arms tentatively to me. I felt no hesitation in stepping into her embrace.

She sighed happily and, when I stepped back, she stroked my cheek. “I missed you, Bella.”

Though I had seen her many times in the weeks since the family had come to Astoria, I understood what she meant. I had kept myself back from them slightly, not quite trusting myself to relax and believe they would stay. I knew now that Edward was going to stay; therefore, their place in my life was safe.

Alice took my hand and squeezed it gently. “Welcome back,” she whispered.

Though the rest of the family present anywhere in the house or garden would hear her, the words were for me alone. 

We walked into the house, and Edward led me to the couch. I sat, and he immediately took his place beside me and pulled me against his side. I was content as Emmett, Alice and Esme took seats with us.

“How did it go at the station?” Edward asked.

“Not bad. I was right about the psych assessment and doctor’s clearance, but there’s not so much to deal with as last time when I was the one that took the shot. Mostly they just want to make sure I’m okay before I’m back on duty.”

Edward nodded thoughtfully. Emmett was the one that drew my gaze though. He looked uncharacteristically solemn.

I caught his eye. “You okay, Em?”

He smiled slightly and said, “Yeah, I’m good.”

I wasn’t convinced. I wondered if he was still dealing with his misplaced guilt. I held no blame to him. I was fine now, and their secret wasn’t exposed. Things were good.

Jasper drifted into the room, then, and took a seat on the arm of the couch beside Alice. He shot me a look and winked. I was sure he was reacting to the happiness I was feeling.

Though I had said my emotions weren’t his to pick over, and I had meant it, I had no objection to him enjoying the feeling along with me.

He looked at Emmett, then, and a frown creased his brow. With a concentrated look, he fixed his eyes on hit brother. I watched as Emmett’s tension drained away to be replaced with a more familiar smile. I supposed Emmett, and probably the rest of the family, were accustomed to his assistance, as Emmett didn’t seem bothered by Jasper’s intervention.

Carlisle came into the room, then. Though he smiled, his gaze seemed serious when it settled on me and Edward. I wondered at it. He had seemed so sad when I had told him all those weeks ago that there was no hope for Edward and I. I would have thought he would be happy now.

“Bella, would you come with me a moment,” he said. “There’s something I want to show you.”

“Carlisle, there’s no need,” Edward said stiffly.

“It’s okay,” I said, patting his leg. “I’ll be right back. Maybe you could get me a drink?”

He frowned but stood and held out a hand to help me to stand.

Carlisle walked to the door and held it open to me. I walked through and waited for him to follow me out. We walked across the meadow that made up their yard, across to a wooden gazebo with a stone bench that was a new addition I guessed of Esme’s making.

I sat and waited for Carlisle to sit with me before asking, “This is pretty and all, but I’m guessing it’s not why you brought me out here. So, what’s up?”

Carlisle looked uncomfortable. “This is awkward.”

“I can take awkward. What do you want to talk about?”

“Edward,” he said apologetically. “It’s just…” He cleared his throat unnecessarily.

“What, Carlisle?”

He drew a breath. “When we went to Fort Stevens, you said the time for you and Edward was over. You seemed so certain. I wondered what had changed.”

I understood the true question beneath what he was saying, and the fear it encompassed.

I tried to keep my tone steady as I said, “You’re worried I am going to be the one to break his heart this time?”

He looked apologetic. “Are you?”

I bit back my annoyance, not wanting to be sharp with this man I cared for. “No. I said that before I had seen him again, before I let myself feel. I was afraid, Carlisle, for _my_ heart the way you are afraid for _his_.”

“And now?”

“I am not afraid anymore. I don’t think Edward could leave me again if he tried.” I sighed. “I don’t know how to prove to you that I won’t hurt him other than to show you through time. I could swear my love on every god and every star, but it wouldn’t mean the same thing as you seeing it for yourself.”

He looked deep into my eyes, seeming to search for something. “I think you’re right. I am sorry I asked you this. I should have known better than to doubt you.”

“Perhaps. You asked because you love him, though, so much so that it makes you all the better man because of it.” 

He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close and kissed my hair. “As I love you. You are part of my family.”

I leaned against him and said, “I won’t leave him, Carlisle.”

Though I knew that part was a lie. A time would come in which I would have to leave him, because I wasn’t timeless. I was human, and that meant no eternal life. I would give him enough love to last him forever, though.

That was the best I could do. 


	19. A Difficult Topic

**_Edward_ **

I turned a page of the book I was reading and glanced down at the text, realizing I hadn’t taken in a word of the previous page, so it made no sense to me.

I sighed and dropped the book on the couch beside me. This was the time of day I hated; Bella was at work, and I was unable to be with her. I could handle it much better when she was out with her friends or at the gym, because she was safe there. It was when she was working, on the job that had almost ended her life once before, that I fretted.

In a perfect world, I would be able to work with her. In a less perfect but also calming world, I could keep an eye on her while she worked, but she had stamped out that idea the moment it came up. She would not allow me to watch over her by—what she had described as—stalking. She cited the fact her colleagues were all cops, too, and they’d notice me if I tried, and that would be ‘all kinds of awkward’.

So here I was, forced to sit and spend my night alone while the rest of my family could be with the people they loved. All the while, I wished I could be with my Bella.

I leaned my head on the back of the couch and allowed my mind to drift.

In the weeks since Bella and I had declared ourselves again, I had lived a happier life than ever in my imaginings. It was different, though. I had to share Bella in a way I hadn’t before. Though we had lost the restrictions of Bella living in Charlie’s house, she had commitments that she didn’t have before now, other friends that demanded her time. I had known there would be, but I hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be.

The only one among us that understood how I felt was Esme, as she had to share her mate with the hospital. 

Bella and I made the most of the time we had together, though. Hours were spent discovering each other physically and mentally. Sometimes, on the days Bella didn’t have to work, we would share books, reading aloud to each other in turn. Thankfully, Bella had added more material to her bookshelves than the classics. She now appreciated mysteries, historical fiction, and thrillers.

We would run together, too, just picking a direction and running into the forest with her clinging to my back. She said she loved it as it was where I was most free, but she was wrong. Where I was most free was with her, doing whatever it was she chose to do. I could sit in silence for days just looking at her.

There was one tarnish on our new life together, and that was Jacob Black. It was now common knowledge among her friends and family back in Forks that we were together again, and he hadn’t taken the news well. Her emails came back undelivered as he’d blocked her, and he ignored her phone calls. While it didn’t bother me personally that he had removed himself from her life, it upset her and therefore me.

I felt a certain understanding toward him, though. Had I known she was in a relationship with a werewolf, I would have been out of my mind with fear for her safety. He would feel the same fear as me. The difference was that I wouldn’t have abandoned her because of it. Bella, on the rare occasions she spoke of it, said it was easier for him to walk away now as he had found his lifemate, his imprint, in a woman called Melanie.

I hoped that, in time, he would recognize the error of his ways and come back to being Bella’s friend, as she missed him. Jealous though I was of their former relationship, I wanted Bella to be happy and the wolf did that for her once. If he would stop being—as Bella said—a jerk, he could make her happy again, though not in the way he once had.

As the night passed into day, my family slowly returned to me. Esme and Carlisle were first, coming into the living room, a book of poetry in Carlisle’s hand which he set down on the coffee table. They sat together on the loveseat, pressed close to one another. I smiled at them, able now to enjoy their togetherness as it was just a matter of time away from my being with my own love. Alice and Jasper came down soon after, Alice dancing down the stairs and Jasper following at a more sedate pace.

“Good book?” Jasper asked, nodding to the tome from Carlisle’s library I had been attempting to read.

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. It was a challenge to read.”

He raised an eyebrow. I knew what he was thinking, what kind of vampire couldn’t concentrate on a book. He wouldn’t understand as he had never been without Alice for any length of time.

Alice trilled a laugh. “Poor, lovesick Edward.”

“Really, Alice,” I said. “You cannot find it in yourself to understand?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she said. “It’s just…it’s so refreshing to see you like this. It’s not like before, because you know she’s coming back this time. It’s your impatience that is endearing.”

Esme smiled slightly as she thought, _She’s right. He is so different now. Relaxed. Free. My dear son._ Aloud, she said, “When will she be here?”

I glanced at the clock on the mantle, though I knew the time having been counting minutes in my head for a while. “Soon. Sooner if she doesn’t go home first.”

“Hope she doesn’t,” Emmett said, stomping down the stairs. “It’s so much cooler seeing her come as Officer Swan.”

“The novelty still hasn’t worn off for you?” Rosalie asked, gliding down behind him, stunning, graceful, bitter.

“Nope,” Emmett said artlessly.

Rosalie’s perfect mouth pressed into a thin line.

Rosalie was in a predicament at the moment. She now had no good excuse that she could share with Emmett for her dislike of Bella, as Bella had no wish to be a vampire and that had been Rosalie’s largest problem before. Now, it was jealousy of Bella and her human life that she resented openly. The smaller, more petty truth was that she didn’t understand the attraction Bella presented to me compared to her own charms.

There was another layer to it, too. By choosing to devote her love to a vampire, Bella negated her chance at motherhood. Rosalie much preferred for us to be together as it kept me with the family, completing it to her mind. But she didn’t understand Bella’s decision to forgo that aspect of life for me.

She didn’t see that motherhood was not the be-all and end-all for every woman. Though I would be lying if I said I hadn’t considered that, too. If Bella changed her mind and decided she wanted children, the thing I couldn’t give her, I would find a place in her life with the other that she chose to create that life with.

It hadn’t roused itself as an issue yet, though, so I lived in relative peace. 

Emmett thumped down beside me on the couch, and Rosalie sat on the arm of the loveseat Carlisle and Esme occupied. Her intent was to punish Emmett for displeasing her, but Emmett seemed oblivious and content as he tapped his hand against his knee.

I glanced into his mind and then tried to communicate, through a glance, that this was not the time to pursue this topic. He missed my cue completely.

“Chess, Emmett?” I offered.

“Nah, maybe later,” he said easily.

Trying hard to save him from marital conflict, and the rest of us an unpleasant atmosphere, I said, “A bout? It’s been a while.”

I had found the magic words. His face lit up, and he jumped to his feet. “Yeah! Jazz, you in?”

Jasper glanced at Alice and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll take a shot at you.”

“Behind the house, please,” Esme said serenely. “I don’t want the front chewed up.”

Emmett saluted her and strode through the kitchen and out of the back door, Jasper and I following. He went to the middle of the meadow that was bordered by the forest and rolled his shoulders. “Who’s up first for an ass-kicking?” he asked.

I laughed. It was very rare for Emmett to beat me in a fight, yet he always sounded so confident as he asked this question.

“I’ll take first shot,” Jasper said, glancing back at me. _This is about more than you and I beating his ass, isn’t it?_

I nodded.

_Tell me later?_

“Yes,” I murmured.

It was unlikely that I would need to tell him, though, as I was sure Emmett was going to bring up the subject again soon enough.

The truth of the situation was that he wanted to defer returning to college for a year. He was happy now we were together again, that Bella was back, and he wanted to enjoy it a little longer. They would need to have the conversation soon, though, as they were due to head back to college in a few weeks.

I would have expected Rosalie to be happy to stay in one way, to be a family as she had wanted to be for years, but Bella’s presence was a sticking point.

Poor Rosalie had quite the decision to make, and she would not make it smoothly.

Emmett and Jasper stood at opposite ends of the meadow and dropped into crouches.

“Ready?” Emmett asked.

Jasper nodded once, and then they launched themselves at each other.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I could hear a sound like boulders colliding as I drove along the track that led to the house, and I knew some of my vampires were enjoying themselves. My guess was Emmett and Jasper, as they seemed the most predisposed to attempting to best one another wrestling, but as I drove out of the trees and into the meadow, I saw Edward jogging around the house looking distinctly ruffled. I was glad to see him enjoying himself with his family.

I laughed to myself as I pulled over in front of the house and cut the engine. Edward opened the door for me and scooped me out and into his arms. He nuzzled his face into my neck and kissed me, making me giggle as his cool lips chilled my skin and disrupted my breaths. 

When he released me, I settled back on my feet and turned to greet Emmett and Jasper who came around the house.

Emmett grinned. “I am never going to get used to you in that uniform.” Suddenly, his grin faded, and he turned back to the house and winced. I thought there had been some reaction to his words that I had missed. Rosalie, I guessed.

Not wanting to make it worse by reacting to what Emmett had said, I took Edward’s hand and walked into the house.

Alice and Carlisle were in the living room, Alice sitting with her legs curled under her on the couch, and Carlisle seated on a loveseat. I could hear movement in the kitchen that I guessed was Esme.

“Hey,” I said, waving at the room.

Alice grinned up at me, and Carlisle smiled understatedly.

“Hello, Bella. How was your day?” he asked.

“Good,” I said, taking a seat beside Alice and smiling as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Catch many bad guys?” Emmett asked.

“No, it was quiet,” I said. “I gave out a speeding ticket, but that was the extent of my excitement.” I looked pointedly at Edward as he took a seat beside me. “Some people don’t respect traffic laws.”

He smiled, unabashed. “You’re with the wrong people to complain about speeding,” he said. “Besides, I’ve never had an accident.”

“Every single person can say that,” I said, “until their first accident.”

Alice and I laughed at the stumped look on his face.

Emmett sat down in front of the empty hearth and looked up at me as Esme flitted into the room, a steaming mug in her hands. She handed it to me, and I inhaled the smell of good coffee. “Thank you, Esme.”

She touched my cheek and smiled fondly. “You are very welcome.”

I leaned back against the couch and looked at Emmett, who seemed excited about something. He was glancing from face to face, and I had to wonder what he had planned to look like this. I took a sip of my coffee to check he hadn’t swapped the sugar for salt as a prank.

“Not a good idea, Em,” Edward said quietly, so quietly I knew I wasn’t supposed to hear it.

Emmett apparently decided not to listen. He cleared his throat and said, “We need to talk.” My interest piqued, I turned my attention to him as he went on, “The new semester is coming up.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I thought so. When do you have to leave?”

I had thought about this a couple times recently, how it would feel to lose half of the family I loved when they went back to college. I would still have Edward, Carlisle, and Esme, but it would be strange without the others. I had enjoyed the time with us all together again.

“That’s the thing,” Emmett said. “I don’t think we should yet.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

“Because we’re together again,” he said. “All of us, for the first time in years, are in the same place. I think we should enjoy that a while before we have to move on.”

My breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t thought of that, the limited time they would be here. They would have to leave eventually.

“We can wait till Bella’s ready to do the college thing again,” Emmett said. “Then all go together.”

Jasper caught my eye and frowned, possibly in reaction to the stress I was feeling. Edward looked from him to me and his brow creased, too.

“I’m not doing college, Em,” I said quietly.

“What?”

“I’ve done college. I’m a cop now.”

“Of course you are, love,” Edward said. “Don’t worry. You won’t have to give that up.”

“Really?” a scathing voice asked from the foot of the stairs. I hadn’t noticed Rosalie’s arrival. “Then what is Edward supposed to do?”

I glanced at him. He looked serene, but I suspected his emotions were roiling under that façade. This conversation had just taken a serious turn.

“I will be fine, love, don’t worry,” he said.

“How?” Rosalie asked. “You can’t stay here forever. People will notice you’re not aging, unless you plan to give yourself to the night and stay away from everyone but Bella. Or you could do the long-distance thing. Exchange calls and emails from college while she gets on with her life.”

The idea sent a pang of pain through me. I couldn’t do that. I needed to be with him. I couldn’t be happy if we were apart again, even if we stayed in contact.

I winced, and Jasper breathed Rosalie’s name as a caution.

“We do not need to discuss these things now,” Carlisle said, though he looked a little strained. “We have at least two more years here.”

I shook my head. I thought now was exactly the right time to discuss these things, before one of us made a decision that would ruin it all for us both.

“We can travel,” I said. “When it’s time for you all to move on, we can see some of the world. I had always planned to. That’s what I’ve been saving for. And then, when we come back, I can transfer to another PD.”

Edward nodded eagerly. “That’s a wonderful idea, love. I will enjoy showing you the world.”

Rosalie scoffed. “Yeah, that’ll work.”

“What do you suggest, Rosalie?” Edward asked cuttingly. “You know Bella doesn’t want the change, _y_ _ou_ don’t want her to have the change, so how would you do this?”

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest. “She’s going to have to disappear, too. She can have her two years, and then she’ll have to go with us. She can be your girlfriend until that’s too doubtful, then Carlisle’s or Esme’s sister, and then…”

“Their mother?” I asked, my horror in my tone.

Why had I not thought of this? I didn’t care about aging the way I had once, but the truth of the situation settled over me now. There would come a time when I would be too old to be openly with Edward. I _would_ have to play a part, a sister, a mother, and then what? When I was too old for that and my lover was still timeless, what would I do?

“Carlisle is right, we don’t have to talk about this now,” Edward said. “It’s not time.”

But it would be, eventually. Sooner or later, we needed to have this conversation. I was overwhelmed and confused, and suddenly the vast room was too small for me. I needed air.

“Bella,” Jasper said gently.

I shook my head. “I need to go home. I need to eat.” My excuse wasn’t fooling anyone, not that I had believed it would. I did need to get out of there, though. I needed to be able to breathe.

“I’ll come with you,” Edward said.

“No,” I said quickly, then amended gently, “I’ll meet you there later. I should probably sleep some when I’ve eaten. Come by this evening, yeah?”

Edward looked sad, but he nodded. “As you wish.”

I got to my feet and said a vague farewell to the others then made for the door.

I was so preoccupied that I didn’t notice the person following me. It was only when I opened the car door and a hand settled over mine that I realized I wasn’t alone. I started and turned to see Carlisle’s apologetic face.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I needed him to go so I could escape.

“I just wanted to say, don’t worry. It will work out,” he promised. 

“I know,” I lied.

He touched my cheek. “Try to be calm.”

“Absolutely. No problem.”

I climbed into the car and turned the key in the ignition. The engine came to life, and I drove in a wide circle and onto the track that led to the road, taking my panic with me.

xXx

When I got home and closed my front door behind me, I felt a wave of relief. I could breathe now. I toed off my boots, hung up my gun, and went straight to my bedroom. Stripping off my clothes, I tried to block out thoughts of the conversation that had made me flee, but I wasn’t successful. I dressed in clean sweats and a vest top and then sank down on the edge of my bed.

My hands came up to my hair, and I groaned. I didn’t know what to do. Carlisle was wrong. I couldn’t save these thoughts for years into the future. I couldn’t save them for a week. I needed to know what to do now, or I was going to lose my mind. I had to know my future.

In the cabinet beside my bed, there was a sheet of paper that I added to from time to time. It was all the things I wanted to do in my life. Some of the things were simple, such as spending a summer in Florida with Renee or running a marathon. Some were a little more difficult, such as doing a skydive or visiting South America. Others were long term goals, such as making detective and working in a big city.

There were many more, and I had wanted to do them all over the course of my human lifetime. Some would be impossible as a vampire, others more complicated, but none of them would be _human_ experiences if I was changed.

But what was the alternative? Edward living in secret, unable to be free to roam in the day? Or me living like a vampire with a heartbeat, and then, one day, leaving Edward behind forever when death took me?

The idea of living in a world in which Edward did not was unbearable, and I had no reason to believe he would feel any different about me. But I wanted these things. Did that make me selfish? Was I trying to have my cake and eat it, too?

To have forever with Edward meant giving it all up, my hopes and dreams, my family and friends, everything I loved but him and the other Cullens. I loved them, but I didn’t want to give up the rest of the people that I loved.

What was I supposed to do?

I couldn’t decide alone. I needed to talk to someone that would be able to help me. Someone that loved me _and_ Edward and that would be able to share wisdom borne of centuries.

I needed Carlisle.

I got to my feet and made for the stairs. I took the top step too fast, and I knew in that sick way you do before something terrible happened that I was headed towards disaster as my foot skidded off the next step.

I grabbed for the rail and missed as I toppled forward. I bumped one step and thought I was going to be spared maybe no more than a concussion and broken leg, but fate hated me. I pitched forward, and the wooden floor at the bottom of the stairs was suddenly rushing up at me.

I heard a snap, and searing pain shot through me in the moment before my head collided with the floor and I saw only black. 


	20. Human Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the UK now joining the list of countries in lockdown, I would like to repeat my words from before. If any of you are on lockdown, in quarantine, or self isolating at the moment, drop me comment or an email on simaril137@gmail.com as I have something I'd like to offer you.
> 
> Stay safe out there people.

**_Edward_ **

I could have cursed.

It wasn’t that I had thought these issues wouldn’t rear their head eventually, but I had hoped to have a little longer period of peace before it happened. Emmett’s poorly timed question and Rosalie’s part in it had ruined what would have been a good day.

If I didn’t know better, I would say that Rosalie was trying to drive us apart. But I did know better. She actually thought she had helped me by bringing these topics out into the light. She thought the sooner we decided our future, the happier I would be. She didn’t care for Bella’s happiness other than that her happiness was to remain with me and, therefore, keep the family together. It was harder to love my sister unfailingly when she couldn’t love my Bella.

When Bella had left, so had the rest of my family. Carlisle and Esme had gone hunting, Alice and Jasper went to their bedroom, and Rosalie and Emmett were talking in the garage.

Rosalie was defending what she had said, and Emmett was trying to make her see why it had been a mistake. He was fighting a losing battle. Rosalie believed it was for the best, and no amount of retrospective thinking was going to change her mind. 

I got to my feet, thinking I would go to my bedroom and perhaps listen to some music. I drifted slowly over the staircase, in no hurry to do anything, and then froze with my foot on the bottommost step when Alice’s cry of, “No!” drew my attention.

“Alice!” I shouted, racing up the stairs and into her room. Jasper was kneeling in front of her, his hands gripping hers as he waited for the vision to pass so she could tell him what she had seen.

I searched her mind, too, and was bewildered by what I saw. It was the same old vision that had haunted me years ago and confused me now—Bella as a vampire.

“Alice, what did you see?” I asked harshly. Now I knew it was connected to Bella, I was panicked.

Alice opened her eyes and looked into mine, her perfect features twisted with regret as she opened her mind to me. It was a flash of an image, nothing more, Bella at the foot of the stairs in her house, her eyes closed and a small pool of blood under her head. I was on my feet and racing out of the house even as I shouted to her. “When, Alice?” 

“Now!”

I ran even faster, pulled on as if by a magnet to my Bella. I could hear people behind me, Alice and Jasper, and Emmett’s footfalls coming up behind them.

“Get Carlisle back!” I ordered, not caring which of them obeyed as long as one did.

I heard dialing and then Carlisle’s voice through the speaker, sounding confused. _“Jasper?”_

“Something’s happened to Bella,” Jasper said quickly. “We’re on our way to her house now.”

 _“I will meet you there,”_ Carlisle said and hung up.

I had never blessed the fact that Bella’s house was close to the edge of the forest more. I raced through the trees, hearing my siblings slowly falling back behind me as I ran as fast as I was capable.

When I reached her house, I leaped over the fence that separated her land from the trees and yanked open the back door. The smell of blood was strong, but I felt no draw towards it. The pull to Bella was stronger.

In the instant I reached her, I saw what had happened. She had not been attacked as I had feared; she had fallen down the stairs.

Her right leg was at an unnatural angle where it had broken, and her arms were torqued as if she had tried to break her fall but failed. I took it all in within a fraction of a second as I dropped to my knees beside her.

“Bella! Bella, love, open your eyes,” I pleaded.

She gave no sign that she could hear me. Her eyes remained still beneath their lids.

“Oh shit!” Emmett gasped behind me.

“There’s blood,” I warned. “Keep Jasper away.”

“On it,” he replied.

Alice appeared at my side, and she held the phone out so I could hear Carlisle’s voice. _“What’s happening, Alice?”_ he asked.

“She’s fallen down the stairs,” Alice said. “Broken leg for sure. She’s bleeding from her head, and she’s not waking up.”

_“Is she responding to painful stimulus?”_

“Is she?” Alice asked me.

I hadn’t even checked. Cursing quietly, I rubbed my knuckles over her sternum. There was no reaction. My panic ratcheted up a level. “No, Carlisle. I’ve tried,” I said desperately.

_“Pupils?”_

With tremulous movements, I pulled back Bella’s eyelids. Her pupils were dilated, and they didn’t respond to the burgeoning of light.

“Nothing, Carlisle,” I said. “She’s not responding.”

I heard Carlisle’s harsh sucked in breath.

I looked down at Bella and noticed something new. There was a small pool of red-tinged, clear fluid beneath her left ear. I fell back on my haunches, listening as though from the bottom of a well as Alice spoke, “Carlisle, there’s stuff coming from her ear. It’s bloody.”

 _“Edward!”_ Carlisle called me back from my panic. _“Son, you know what this means.”_

I knew. It meant Bella would be lucky to not be left braindead from this stupid, human accident.

“Yes,” I rasped.

_“Alice, how’s her heart rate?”_

For the first time, I listened properly to the sound that was the center of my universe. It thudded slowly and unevenly.

“It’s slow,” Alice said. “Missing beats.”

_“Edward, I am ten minutes away still. You need to decide what to do.”_

“I can’t,” I moaned.

I didn’t know whether I meant I physically couldn’t or morally.

“You can!” Alice said firmly. “You have to, unless you want to lose her.”

I snarled in response.

“It’s the only way, Edward,” she went on. “See?” She held the image of Bella in her mind, the red-eyed and happy Bella.

Between us, Bella lay unmoving, with that slow, weakening heartbeat thudding erratically.

 _“You have to decide now, Edward,”_ Carlisle said, his meaning clear—I had to decide before it was too late, before her heart failed.

“She doesn’t want this,” I said desperately.

“She doesn’t want to die, either!” Alice snapped. “It’s still there, don’t you see? She’s one of us.” She showed me the image of Bella as a vampire again.

My hand cupped Bella’s cheek, it was cool from the floor, as if she was already gone.

“Do it, Edward,” Emmett said where he waited outside with Jasper. “It’s the only way to keep her.”

“Oh, Bella,” I moaned.

“Now, Edward!” Jasper hissed.

“Please,” Alice said in a small voice. “Don’t make us lose her again.”

And that was the crux of it. I couldn’t lose her. None of us could. And Alice was right, Bella didn’t want to die. She wanted to live her life to the full. She needed to be alive in some form to do that.

I lowered my face slowly to Bella’s throat and kissed it.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, then I opened my mouth and sank my venom-coated teeth into her neck.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I burst out of the forest, jumped Bella’s fence, and ran into the house to where my family waited, leaving Esme still following through the forest.

Emmett and Jasper stood in the kitchen, their faces solemn. I barely paid them a moment’s attention before rushing through to the hall where Edward, Alice, and Bella were.

Edward was bent over and crying in tearless sobs, and I felt a moment’s panic— _No! Please, Lord, do not let me be too late_ —before I heard the sound that filled me with relief: the racing of a changing heart. 

Alice sat back on her heels, her eyes wide in her pale face and one hand on Edward’s back while the other held Bella’s.

“Edward,” I said softly.

He looked up at me, and I thought of the last time I had seen him devastated, when I found him in Rio. He looked worse now. “She’s so still,” he said. “So quiet.”

“The venom hasn’t healed enough yet,” I said softly. Her brain had been catastrophically damaged and even venom healing would take time.

Alice set Bella’s hand back on her stomach gently and then moved back to allow me room beside my son.

I patted his shoulder and thought, _I am here now._

Edward nodded, and I turned my attention to my daughter, where she lay on the floor.

I could see the fullest extent of the damage in the blood beneath her head and the cerebrospinal fluid that had leaked from her ear. It was a miracle she had lived long enough to be bitten at all. I thanked God for her strength.

“We need to move her now,” I said. “Take her back to the house.”

Edward nodded mutely.

I turned back, “Emmett, can you clean up for us?”

He nodded. “Yeah, we need to grab a few things, too. Jazz and I have an idea to cover her disappearance.”

I hadn’t even considered that aspect of it. I was thankful for my sons’ forethought where I had failed.

“Ready, Edward?” I asked.

“I’m afraid to move her,” he whispered.

“Alice?” I asked.

She closed her eyes, and Edward glanced up at her. I don’t know what the future she had shown him entailed, but he seemed calmer because of it. He gently scooped his arms under Bella and lifted her against his chest, cradling her close to his body. He got slowly to his feet, careful not to jostle her.

He made for the back door, and Alice and I followed in what I refused to compare to a funeral cortege. As he passed Esme, she reached up and touched Bella’s cheek.

I saw the sadness and fear in my mate, and I felt a surge of love for her.

“It will be okay,” I promised her.

She smiled slightly but didn’t answer.

When we were free within the forest, we began to run, Edward keeping pace with us. He seemed to be taking exceptional care not to jostle Bella, though he and I both knew she wasn’t feeling anything yet. I yearned for the venom to heal enough that we could comfort and feared it at the same time as it would mean she would feel the burn as well as hear our words.

Though it had seemed to take forever to reach Bella from the forest, the run back to our home seemed laughably fast. Soon, we were within sight of the house. Rosalie was pacing the front porch, and as we came into view, she stopped and stared, her eyes widening.

“What did you do?” she growled. None of us answered, and her voice rose. “What did you _do_ to her?”

“Saved her life,” Esme said in an uncharacteristically cold voice. She swept past her first daughter and followed Edward into the house.

Edward carried on up the stairs to his bedroom in silence. I reached him in time to see him laying her gently on the large leather couch. He traced a hand over her cheek and then said to Esme, “Do you have a blanket?”

Esme flitted from the room and came back with the cream woven blanket that usually lay on the armchair in our bedroom. She draped it gently over Bella and smiled down at her.

“She likes to be warm,” he said.

I wondered at my son’s state of mind. He must know as well as I did that she was beyond awareness of feeling warm or cold at the moment.

“May I examine her now?” I asked.

He looked up at me with dark eyes. “She’s okay.”

“I just want to be sure, Edward.”

He nodded and moved to sit on the head of the couch, his hand coming up to cup her cheek.

I moved to the couch and bent over Bella. I saw the leg that had been broken was now straight. The venom had done its work there. I wondered how much longer it would be before the more complex part of her healing would be over.

I traced a finger over her arm, feeling for the minutest change in the pliability of her skin. I ran a hand over the back of her head and felt the smoothness of her scalp and skull beneath. That healing was over, too.

Soon, she would feel, and then the real trauma would begin.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

I waited for her to cry out in pain. I felt almost sickened that I wanted it, but want I did, because when I heard that, I would know she was going to be okay.

But her cries didn’t come. She lay perfectly still under the blanket, her shallow breaths and her heart racing the only sign of life. Sometimes, I lay my head against her chest just to feel the beat of the vital, racing organ against my cheek.

We were never alone. Carlisle stayed at the foot of the bed, Alice and Esme stood by the window, and, when they returned from setting the scene of Bella’s death, Emmett and Jasper drifted in and out.

Conspicuous by her absence was Rosalie.

I had heard her shrill remonstrances to Emmett and Jasper about what had happened, but for all the care I gave her words, she might as well have stayed silent.

Bella was changing—being ‘saved’ as Alice thought of it—and it was too late to take that back now. She was going to be one of us.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, truly. I wished for Bella to be human, but as that had been an impossibility, I had chosen to keep her with me, denying her a chance at heaven. But heaven was only necessary after death, and I would make sure Bella never died now. My eternal life would be dedicated to keeping her safe.

It wasn’t until the second day of Bella’s change came that I began to think I had been too late to do even that.

The sounds of pain never came.

She stayed still and quiet, and I feared I had hesitated too long to bite her, that the brain damage had reached the point of irreparability. I worried I had created a vampire that would never wake.

I had never heard of it before, and though I feared to question Carlisle or Jasper, I didn’t think they had, either. I was terrified that I had lost her.

I tried to bat away the fear, telling myself the change could last days and there was still time, but fear pervaded me, regardless.

Some sliver of good news came to us in the middle of the second day. As Alice and I cleaned the blood from Bella and dressed her in fresh clothes, Carlisle shared the news that Bella’s death was assumed by the humans. Emmett and Jasper had laid a good scene for her.

They’d set some of her clothes and purse on the small beach Bella was known to frequent and her car in the lot and then called in to the coastguard saying they’d seen someone in trouble in the water. The coastguard had launched into action, searching the water, but of course, there was no sign of a body.

We listened to the news coming in via the police scanner Emmett had purchased, and some of us breathed a sigh of relief. The rest of us were too scared to feel anything like relief.

When the news broke on the local news station, the believed death of a well-known police officer, we knew Charlie had been informed.

Carlisle had called in sick at the hospital, but he received condolence calls that Esme ferried from friends at the hospital that knew Bella and her friendship with Carlisle.

Some were mourning, too, and that made it all the harder for Esme to put them off, citing the fact Carlisle was too upset to talk. It wasn’t a lie. Carlisle worried about Bella’s inactivity as much as I did. Though he reassured himself with the fact she was physically changing to a schedule he had seen before. Her skin became less pliable and her heart sustained its fast pace. 

We were edging into the third day when my world broke apart. Alice was searching Bella’s future for signs of when she would wake when the vision blinked out completely.

“No!” I cried. “Alice, no!”

Alice turned stricken eyes on me. “I don’t understand.”

My cry drew Emmett and Jasper into the room, and Jasper went straight to Alice while Emmett added his voice to Carlisle’s demands for information.

“Her future…” I said in a choked voice. “It’s gone.”

“No!” Carlisle hissed, his eyes finding Bella on the bed. “It can’t be. She’s still alive.”

But was she, in the truest sense? I was not alone in watching her chest rise and fall, listening to the racing of her heart in hopes that it would comfort. It didn’t.

Was it possible that the vision we had held so long of Bella as a vampire had disappeared because the venom had failed to save her mind, meaning she couldn’t make decisions to set her path anymore? Was she lost to us?”

“Look again,” Emmett demanded.

Alice’s eyes became blank as she searched for something. “There’s nothing,” she whispered.

“Look for me,” I said. “I will be with her.”

Alice obliged, and I watched with her. There was nothing but black. She searched Carlisle, Esme, all of us, but there was nothing.

We stared into each other’s eyes with horror. “All of us?” I asked.

“All of us what?” Rosalie asked from the doorway.

“All our futures,” Alice said. “I can’t see anyone.”

Rosalie started to speak, and then she stopped as the sound of a howl tore through the air. It managed to sound as menacing as it did mournful.

The wolves were coming. 


	21. The Wolves

**_Jacob_ **

Since the redhead’s vampires had been taken care of, patrols were much quieter, though still important. None of us forgot that the threat was never truly over. There were other vampires that could choose the town or reservation, with their perfect rainy weather, to pass through in their endless journey of feeding and murdering.

Still, sometimes my mind wandered to Mels and the life we were building together, sometimes to Billy, whose joints were giving him trouble, and sometimes to Bella and the stupid choices she had made lately.

Since Seth had gone to Oregon to take Bella home and to see the bloodsuckers at their crypt—and we had busted his chops for that stupid move—we knew the leech was well and truly gone on Bella.

Seth said he’d had the nerve to compare it to imprinting, as if he had even the slightest clue what that kind of love felt like. He didn’t love Bella; he coveted her. He was leading her on for his own amusement until he got bored and just drained her. I knew it like I knew the sun would set that night. What really sucked was that Bella was just as gone on him. She called Charlie and told him bluntly that they were together again. Man, he was pissed, and he didn’t even know the half of it.

 _You know, Jake, I don’t know if he will drain her,_ Embry thought. _Seth doesn’t think so, and he saw them in person._

 _Exactly. Seth doesn’t think so_ because _he spoke to him. They fooled him. They have to be convincing to trick people into believing they’re human._

_You think?_

_I know._

I was sure of it. Nothing else explained Bella’s ability to ignore what they were to be close to them. How she could touch them and forget they were monsters when touching them was like touching a rock? Ugh. The thought of it made me want to gag. And what kind of relationship could it be, anyway? He couldn’t love her the way I had been able to. They probably couldn’t even kiss because of his venomous fangs.

Suddenly, a howl rent the air. It was the most haunting sound I’d ever heard. It ripped through my heart like a knife. The only question was which of my family were at the source of that pain.

 _No! No! No! How can this have happened?_ Leah’s mental voice trailed off as she howled again.

 _What’s happened, Leah?_ Embry asked.

She didn’t seem capable of answering, even when new voices repeated the question as my brothers gradually joined the connection as they phased.

 _Leah? What’s going on?_ Sam asked.

In response, she ran over the last few minutes in her mind.

She was home from college for the weekend, and she had been in the kitchen with Sue, helping her to prepare lunch. There was a knock on the door, and Leah went to answer, wiping her hands on a cloth. Charlie’s deputy, Mark, was standing on the porch, his face grave. “Hello, Leah,” he said somberly. “Is Charlie home?”

Leah nodded without speaking, knowing something awful had happened. She led him into the lounge where Charlie was sitting in his recliner, watching the game on TV. He stood as he saw them enter and said, “Mark? What can I…? Is everything okay?”

Mark shook his head. “Maybe you should sit down, Charlie.”

Charlie remained standing, and he glanced at Sue as she came into the room. She looked as worried as Leah felt.

Mark drew a deep breath and said, “We just got a call from Astoria. Charlie, I am so sorry, but Bella had an accident.”

Charlie swayed, and Leah held him steady with a hand on his back. He didn’t seem to notice that she was holding him.

“She’s okay, right?” he asked. “I mean it’s bad, yeah, but she’s going to be all right.”

Mark shook his head. “I’m sorry, Charlie. She drowned.” He looked into Charlie’s disbelieving face and said, “She died.”

A human equivalent of a howl burst out of Charlie, and he collapsed into his chair, his shaking hands coming up to cover his face. He began to rock back and forth, crying out Bella’s name. “No, not my Bella! Not my girl!”

Leah looked at her stepfather, and her heart broke for him. The heat of an imminent phase rippled over her as her hard-won control deserted her, and she ran for the door.

I ripped myself from her thoughts as my legs gave way beneath me, and I fell to the dirty ground. My muzzle pressed against the ferns, and the scent of greenery filled my nostrils. It seemed a stupid thing to notice.

It wasn’t possible. Bella couldn’t be… No. I wouldn’t even think it. That would make it real.

I closed my eyes and smelled the ferns. That was real, tangible, not the horror Leah had unleashed.

The thoughts of my pack felt like butterflies landing on me and flitting away. I had no understanding of their words and no inclination to listen.

Something nudged my side, and I turned to see a huge black wolf standing beside me. I watched distractedly as its nose bumped my shoulder. I blinked. What did it want? What did it think I had to give it?

_Jacob, stand up._

The alpha order worked like puppet strings, pulling me upright. My legs didn’t feel like they would hold me, but they did. I could still smell the ferns.

_Come with me._

Again, I felt the order commanding me to act. I walked slowly after Sam, each footfall jarring me. He increased his pace until we were running. My mind slowly clawed its way back to understanding then, pulling me back to reality. Other thoughts from my pack began to permeate my mind.

_I can’t… She can’t…_

_How could this have happened?_

_What do we do?_

_Poor Charlie._

I realized where we were going only when I stood in my own back yard. Embry, Jared, and Paul were already there, phasing back to human and pulling on cutoff jeans.

 _Phase back,_ Sam ordered me, and I obeyed.

My hands felt numb and clumsy as I unbound the jeans from my leg and pulled them on. When I was dressed, I stood useless, no more alpha orders to lead me.

The back door opened, and Billy wheeled himself out onto the threshold. “Jake,” he said sadly.

I nodded, though I wasn’t sure what I was trying to communicate.

“I am going to Charlie’s,” he said. He wheeled himself forward to me and gripped my hand hard. “You need to be strong now, Jacob. Charlie needs us all to be strong. Can you do that?”

I nodded again, unsure of whether I was lying to him or myself.

There was the sound of jogging footsteps, and Seth came into view. “Sorry, guys,” he said. “Newton busted his Camaro again, and I couldn’t get rid of the idiot. I think the howls scared…” He took in our expressions, the tears on Billy’s face and the shaking of my hands and said, “What? Who?”

“Bella,” Billy said heavily. “She’s…”

Seth stepped back, his expression horrified. “No!”

“I’m sorry, Seth,” Sam said solemnly.

“No!” he cried out, his limbs vibrating against the need to phase.

“Phase if it will help,” Sam said. 

Seth shook his head and swiped a hand over his face, smearing the tears that were falling thick and fast. “What happened?”

Sam laid a hand on his shoulder and said, “She drowned.”

“No, she didn’t,” Leah said quietly. 

I frowned, her words taking time to sink into my head. Their meaning didn’t seem to make sense. She _had_ drowned. That cop had said so.

“What?” I asked stupidly.

“Bella didn’t drown,” she said.

New people joined us as the rest of the pack arrived and phased back, but I barely noticed them. I felt two people at my sides, and I knew without turning that it would be Embry and Quil standing with me.

“Think about it, Jake,” Leah said. “Bella can swim. She did the cliff dives with us often enough for you to know that. She did _not_ drown.”

The words finally broke through the haze in my mind, and I jerked as if electrocuted.

She was right. Bella was a great swimmer. She had handled the tides under the cliffs a dozen times with us, without the aid of the supernatural strength we had.

“The leech!” I growled.

“It has to be,” Leah said quietly. “It’s the perfect cover for them. No body. No evidence of what they did. That head leech is a doctor. They could have dealt with her…body…easily.”

Seth whimpered quietly, tears tracking down his cheeks.

“He killed her!” I snarled. “I knew it! I knew he would!”

“Must have gotten thirsty,” Quil agreed.

“Stop!” Sam said, and though he was in human form, I felt the weight of his words the way I would have an order. “We don’t know this.”

I laughed harshly. “What else could it be? Come on, Sam, think about it.”

He looked hesitant as he said thoughtfully, “Maybe. We can’t be sure though. We need to check it out.”

“I’m going to Oregon,” I said.

“We’re coming,” Embry said, and Quil nodded.

“And me,” Leah added.

I looked at Sam. If he gave me the order, I would have to stay, but I would never forgive him for it.

I think he saw that in my eyes, the resolution.

“Okay,” he said. “You can go. I won’t stop you, any of you. I will come with you, even. The treaty isn’t limited by distance, and we protect human life. If they did kill Bella, someone they professed to love, they will kill anyone.” He drew a breath. “Collin, Brady, you stay here to protect the reservation. The rest of you… I won’t order you to come. You have to decide yourselves. Understand that, if they did this, we’re heading into a fight not all of us will come back from. You have to decide if that is worth it to you.”

Unexpectedly, it was Paul that spoke up first. “I’m coming. She was a dumbass for hanging with those leeches, but she was one of us, too.”

“Agreed,” Jared said.

I looked to Seth, seeing his devastation and resolve. “She was my sister,” he said simply, and I knew he was coming, too.

xXx

We didn’t want anyone to see us entering Bella’s home, so we parked a few blocks away and walked through the forest and into her backyard.

The stench of the leeches was strong in our noses before we even got inside. There was one scent more concentrated than the others, and I guessed that was the killer leech that had pretended to be Bella’s boyfriend.

There was a trail leading away from the house into the forest, too, and I felt satisfaction that we would be able to find them easily.

Any doubt we could have had over what had happened was banished the moment I got inside. Among the scent of the leeches was the faint aroma of blood. Someone had attempted to clean it up, but it was still there for our sensitive noses to detect it. I followed the scent to the hallway and saw a faint mark on the floor at the bottom of the stairs where I suspected the blood had been.

I could picture the scene so clearly in my mind. Bella opening the door to him. Her scent, so fresh and flowery, making his mouth water. Maybe he’d left it too long between hunts. Maybe he was just bored of her and wanted someone to eat. Whatever it was, he would have bowed his head as if to kiss her and then sank his teeth into her throat. Perhaps she had struggled, making some of her precious blood spill. Perhaps he was a messy eater. I could see the blood dripping from the wound to the floor, wasted, to his mind. 

I shuddered. That wasn’t an end Bella had deserved. She should have had all her hopes and dreams—the life that stopped her being with me so she could pursue it—big cities, promotions, the world. She should have had a long life with the people that loved her.

“Blood,” Seth growled.

“Yes,” Sam said. “You were right, Leah. She was murdered.”

Leah nodded, but there was none of her usual smugness in her being right. She was grieving her stepsister.

“Come on, Sam,” I said. “We know how to find them. Let’s go.”

Sam stared down at the mark on the floor for a moment and then said, “Yes. We don’t have a choice.”

I turned and made for the back door, the others following.

When I was in the cover of the trees, I shucked off my jeans and tied them around my leg before phasing. I heard other thoughts joining mine as the rest of the pack did the same. Sam ran ahead, and I fell into step beside him, Jared taking the other side as was our usual positioning.

Dealing with my pain and anger was harder in wolf form, as I was battered with everyone else’s emotions at the same time. We were all feeling the same thing to different degrees. Seth and I were suffering the most as she had been ours.

Her face flickered in my mind, smiling at some long-forgotten joke, and I gritted my teeth, and Seth howled out his pain.

 _Quiet!_ Sam ordered.

 _Now they know we’re coming,_ Paul thought.

 _Doesn’t matter. We’re killing them anyway,_ Seth replied angrily.

It was so unlike my pack brother to be like this. Seth was usually the gentlest of us all, but he was roused now as he had never been before. That was good. He was going to need that anger to take them out.

We were going to war.

The closer we got to their lair, the more the air burned our noses to the point of pain. How could Bella have stood it?

It reassured me in a way as the scents were fresh enough to know the bloodsuckers hadn’t moved on yet. I wondered if they always hung around after a kill. Did they enjoy watching the aftermath, or were they just arrogant enough that they didn’t care what humans thought?

 _Heads in the game,_ Sam commanded as we saw the thinning of trees ahead of us.

 _Damn right_. I was ready.

As I broke through the trees, the strangest feeling washed through me. It was like someone was turning down the burner under the flame of my anger, lowering the heat. I was still angry, murderously so, but I couldn’t feel it properly. I was too calm.

My pace faltered, and I slowed. I knew the others were all being affected the same way.

 _What the hell is this?_ Leah asked.

I growled. _That leech. He can change our emotions. Make us feel things._

 _Okay,_ Sam said, _we need to rethink. Stop. We can’t fight like this. We’ll lose._

My lips curled back over my teeth in a snarl. _The hell we will._

“We don’t want to fight,” a voice spoke from the house as the door opened.

The doctor came out onto the porch, flanked by the massive one and the other blond male. I guessed he was the one Bella had told me about, the one that could screw with what we were feeling, as he looked strained and his gaze was concentrated on us.

I felt my anger dousing more, and I came to a stop. Around me and beside me, the rest of the pack did the same.

The doctor looked relieved that we had stopped and said, “I know why you are here, but you are mistaken.”

 _Does he mean she isn’t dead?_ Sam wondered.

I felt a surge of hope. Was it possible she was alive still? But then why the drowning story? It didn’t make sense.

 _I want to talk to them. I need to phase back._ Though I was talking to Sam, the others answered me.

_No way, Jake!_

_You have to be kidding me._

_Sure, offer yourself up for dinner, too._

Sam ignored their protests and considered. _One of us has to, I suppose. Okay, Jacob. Be prepared to phase back at any sign they want to attack._

I walked back into the forest and phased into my human form.

“What is he doing?” the doctor asked, though how he expected to get an answer I didn’t know.

“He wants to talk to you,” a familiar voice spoke from inside the house.

A moment later the murdering leech walked out on to the porch. All the males were present now. The women were probably cowering in the house.

The sight of him made me want to become the wolf again, to attack and sink my teeth into him, tearing him apart. I resisted the urge, though. I thought if I could goad them enough, break that talented one’s concentration, he would drop his focus for a minute so we could attack.

“Murderer,” I growled.

The doctor shook his head. “You are mistaken.”

“Really? Then what happened to Bella?”

The murderer spoke in a dull voice. “Bella had an accident in her home. She fell down the stairs. I found her there. She couldn’t have survived her injuries.”

“So why the drowning story?” I asked angrily. “You think that’d make it easier on Charlie?”

The big one rolled his eyes. “Duh. We had no body.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

The murderer swallowed hard. “Because Bella isn’t dead. Listen.”

I focused then and heard a sound that made my heart leap. A fast heartbeat and shallow breaths.

“But… You said she couldn’t survive,” I said.

“She couldn’t,” the doctor said. “Her injuries were catastrophic. Bella had no chance as…” Suddenly he stiffened.

I heard it, too. The heartbeat was racing faster than before, thrumming like a hummingbird’s wings. It became one sustained sound and then stopped.

“No!” I breathed, understanding dawning. “Bella!”

The murderer nodded. “Yes. Bella had no chance of making it as a human, so I bit her.”

“You killed her!” I snarled.

“No,” he argued. “I changed her. Bella is a vampire.”

xXx

**_Edward_ **

“No!”

The word came from Jacob’s lips and the minds of the rest of the pack. There was one in particular that caught my attention as I had heard the mind before—Bella’s stepbrother Seth. He was devastated as well as angry, even more now than when he had believed she was dead. He thought of her change as a fate worse than death. He didn’t understand vampires any more than what their legends told them; he believed we were monsters.

_I will kill him!_

The thought was Jacob’s, and he began to fight Jasper’s influence even harder than he had before, as did many of the wolves.

Heat rippled up and down Jacob’s spine, and his shoulders bunched, but he couldn’t make the shift now as Jasper concentrated on him.

Emmett shifted beside me, dropping into a crouch. He was ready for the fight, excited even. He didn’t understand.

He saw the wolves as what they were, beating hearts and soft flesh, and thought they would be easy to take out. He didn’t see the memories I could see of their fight against the newborns. Flesh and heart they may be, but their teeth were sharp, and they were ferocious fighters.

If this became physical, we would be hurt. I didn’t think they would manage to destroy us completely—as that would require us to be burned, and we would never let them get that far—but the trauma of being torn to pieces would be horrific.

For a beat, we seemed poised on the point of battle, Jasper struggling hard to control them, and then there was a voice from the upper floor of the house, and riotous noise broke out.

“Bella?” Alice asked, and the wolves began to snarl and growl at us, all of them fighting to break through Jasper’s influence.

It was an ominous chaos of sound, and I was afraid for my family and my mate, who I knew, even now, was reacting to the first overwhelming sensations of waking up. I wanted to check on her through Alice’s thoughts, but I couldn’t break my focus on the wolves for even a moment.

That was the moment I heard the smash and a body flew in front of me to land gracefully on the balls of her feet in the space between the wolves at the tree line and porch where we were positioned. I could only see her back, but it was clear it was my Bella. Her long mahogany hair swept down her back, and I knew her slight frame as well as I knew my own body.

“Bella,” I breathed.

She didn’t turn. She remained poised to attack at a moment’s notice. I was scared by the sight of her in front of me and not behind as I wished, but there was nothing I could do without risking the wolves receiving the last surge of anger, the perceived threat that would break Jasper’s influence. There was swift movement behind me, and I knew Alice and Esme had joined us to defend, and that was when the world broke apart.

Jasper was distracted for a split second by Alice’s arrival, and his attention flickered from the wolves.

Jacob arched his back, and the phase finally swept over him. He became the wolf, and he and his pack mates sprang forward at us.

I rushed to Bella, but before I could move more than a dozen feet, there was a resounding howl as Jacob collided with an invisible barrier.

I didn’t understand, and for a moment I thought his Alpha had issued a binding order to stop him, but I recognized the black wolf was straining forward, too. They all were. It was as if they were held back by a glass wall, though even the thickest glass would have been smashed to pieces by the werewolves’ force.

They snarled and strained towards us, but they couldn’t move.

“What the hell?” Emmett said in a stunned voice. “Is that you, Jazz?”

“No,” Jasper replied, sounding just as shocked as I felt.

It wasn’t any other member of my family either, I knew. Their thoughts were as confused as the wolves’ were. That left only one option, and as I looked at her hands fisted at her sides, I knew it was her. Bella was blocking the wolves.

“It’s Bella,” I breathed, and I saw her fisted hands squeeze tighter in reaction.

The wolves were making a great deal of noise still, and one of them, a chocolate brown one was pulling back to smash himself against the invisible border again and again.

“Stop him, Sam!” Bella said then, her new, chiming voice managing to sound strained with worry.

 _Stop, Quil!_ the alpha commanded, and the chocolate brown wolf ceased his movements at once.

“Thank you,” she said fervently.

 _She sounds so much like Bella,_ Seth thought. _She looks like her, too. Scary eyes and freaky skin, but still Bella._

 _Do not be fooled,_ the alpha growled within his mind. _She’s a monster now._

I growled at his words, and Carlisle laid a hand on my arm.

_Do not distract her, son. I don’t know how she is doing this, but we need her to keep doing it until we can calm them down enough to talk._

“Now’s the time,” I murmured, thinking of Seth.

Carlisle took a step forward, his hands raised, and the wolves growled in response. “We do not wish to fight you,” he said. “Please, do not force our hand.”

“ _You’re a murderer. The only way to make this right is through a fight,_ ” I repeated Sam’s words in a dull voice.

Bella shook her head, making her hair ripple. “They’re not murderers,” she argued. “They’re the ones that saved my life. I would be dead without them.”

“ _You_ are _dead._ ” I hated to repeat the words, but it was the only way we could communicate.

Bella shrugged. “If that’s what you think, fine. I know better.”

“ _You know nothing. You’re a monster now, thanks to them._ ”

Bella’s breath caught, but when she spoke, her voice was steady. “You can’t fight us, Sam. I will hold you until the end of time if that is what it takes.”

“ _You will weaken eventually, and we will kill you all,_ ” Sam threatened. 

Bella flinched, and then her shoulders straightened. “I probably will weaken, but I can hold you at least long enough for the others to get here.”

“ _There is no one else._ ”

Bella laughed, a beautiful sound despite the mocking in it. “Carlisle is almost four-hundred years old. Do you really think he hasn’t made friends in that time?”

There was a flicker of fear in the wolves’ thoughts.

Bella’s voice softened. “We can fight, Sam, but you will lose. If you were to hurt even one of us, our friends would come for you, and they’re not like us. They don’t value human life. Would you risk your pack, your friends and family on the reservation, for a pointless battle?

 _She’s so calm,_ Carlisle marveled.

 _See, Seth? She’s a monster now,_ his sister, the lone female wolf said.

I didn’t repeat her words.

Bella’s words reached not only Sam but the rest of the wolves, too. I saw faces flicker through minds, loved ones and, even more distressing to them, imprints. There was even a child in the chocolate wolf’s mind.

The alpha processed her words carefully, and Bella pressed her advantage.

“This is my life now, Sam. It’s what I wanted. I chose this. The fact I was dying just sped it all up.”

“ _How could you?_ ”

I asked the alpha’s question as I wanted to know the answer, too. Only a matter of days ago, Bella had fled the discussion of her mortality. Was it possible she had changed her mind in the time we had been apart?

“If you could have forever with Emily, wouldn’t you?” she asked.

The wolf growled. “ _It’s not the same thing._ ”

“It is to me. I have Edward forever now.”

I felt a rush of love for her. I had worried she’d resent me for what I had done to her, that her love for me would falter, but she sounded certain as she said the words.

 _And Charlie, Renee, us?_ Seth asked.

I didn’t pass the question on. I didn’t want to upset or distract her. She was showing remarkable control so far, and I didn’t want to trigger a mood shift.

Bella sighed. “You have two choices, Sam. We can fight, and you will die, or you can leave and never come near us again. If you think you can trick us, come back later, you can, but you will die for it, regardless. I will have Carlisle contact each of his friends and tell them what’s happened here today. If they find us hurt or gone, they will know how and where to find you.”

The alpha snarled at her. “ _You would threaten us with that? Threaten the reservation? Forks?_ ”

“You’re the ones threatening us. We don’t want to fight,” she said sadly.

There was a long moment of silence, and then I heard the resignation in the Alpha’s mind. He couldn’t put the reservation at risk, nor his pack, not for a battle that he knew in his heart meant no more than revenge.

He bowed his head and thought, _We do not fight._

There was relief in some of the wolves’ minds; others were resigned to the order. None of them wanted to risk other lives, but they wanted to avenge their friend. To their minds, she was a monster now. The only one that felt even the slightest hesitation on the topic was Seth, but it was only slight.

“They’re going to leave,” I said aloud. “They won’t fight.”

Bella’s shoulders slumped with relief, and she fixed her eyes on the sandy-colored wolf. “Take care of Charlie for me, okay?” The wolf nodded his enormous head, and Bella sighed. “Thank you, Seth.”

 _We’re leaving,_ the Alpha said, and though it went against his instincts, he turned his back and walked back into the forest, barking an order at the others to follow.

One by one, they disappeared into the trees until only Seth and Jacob were left.

“I’ll miss you, guys,” Bella said sadly.

Jacob didn’t react other than to turn his back on her and walk after his pack. Seth stared into her eyes and thought, _Me too,_ before he turned and ran for the trees, a mournful howl ripping from him.


	22. Hunt and Test

**_Edward_ **

When the wolves were out of sight and I could no longer hear their thoughts, I spoke Bella’s name quietly.

She seemed to brace herself before turning to face me and letting me see her changed face with my own eyes for the first time.

She was stunning. Her beauty, which had always been unparalleled to me before, was impossibly enhanced. Even her vivid crimson eyes were beautiful, as I could see my love’s awareness in them. Even perfectly still, she exuded grace. I had never been more awed in my life.

She looked back at me, and her expression was just as marveling, as if she saw something in me that reflected the wonder of her. 

“Bella,” Carlisle said quietly, and her gaze snapped to him. She seemed just as shocked by his appearance as mine. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I think so,” she said, her voice uncertain. “I mean, I feel like me, and it doesn’t hurt anymore, but at the same time, I feel different.” She rolled her shoulders. “Like I need to control myself.”

“You’re doing remarkably well,” he said.

“ _Very_ controlled,” Jasper added, sounding almost disapproving.

“Is that bad?” she asked.

He considered before answering. “No, it’s just…different. I have never seen a newborn like this before. You should never have been able to talk rationally with the wolves instead of attacking. You should be out of your mind with thirst.”

Her hand came up to cup her throat, and she sounded almost annoyed as she said, “Well, I am now.”

“Come on, love,” I said. “We can hunt.”

Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip, a trait I thought had been banished with her enhanced confidence. It pleased me that there was a sign of the Bella I had first grown to love in her still, not that I relished this uncertainty she was feeling.

“I don’t know how.”

“It’s instinct, love,” I said, reaching out a hand to her. She hesitated a moment before taking it, and I smiled as I registered our matching temperature for the first time.

She seemed just as surprised by it as I did. She lifted our clasped hands and looked at them, a smile quirking her lips.

 _She’s got to be in pain,_ Carlisle thought then, and I winced.

I remembered the pain of the burn of the thirst immediately after my change, how I thought I would go mad because of it. I was neglecting her needs in favor of my own pleasure in her change. 

“Bella?” I questioned. “Are you ready?”

Her hand came back to her throat. “Yes,” she said, sounding certain now. “Where are we going?”

I waved a hand at the forest and said, “Wherever you wish.”

She took one quick step, and then another, and then she broke into a run. I watched her go, her hair billowing out at her back and her movements like flowing water, and then Alice cleared her throat. “Uh, Edward, you might want to go with her.”

Emmett snorted.

Thankfully, I was still the fastest. I raced to catch up with her, reaching her side within a second.

She glanced at me and smiled. Then, with a wink, she pushed herself faster, using her immense strength to get ahead of me. I ran after her and grinned as I heard the tinkling laugh bubble from her.

We ran deep into the forest, deeper than we really needed to go, but I was enjoying her excitement as we ran.

It was with great reluctance that I called her to a halt. She stopped immediately and turned to face me.

“We can run forever soon, but I think you should hunt first,” I said.

“Okay. What do I have to do?”

She didn’t sound unsure; it was more like she was giving me the chance to impart wisdom.

“Close your eyes,” I instructed. She obeyed immediately. “What can you hear?”

She concentrated for a moment, her brow furrowed. “Heartbeats.”

“What can you smell?”

Her nose wrinkled. “Blood, but it’s strange. It doesn’t smell like the wolves. It’s earthy.”

Thankfully, nothing we ate smelled as bad as the dogs. We would never be able to feed otherwise.

“Good,” I said. “Can you tell where they are?”

“East.”

“Are you ready?”

She nodded and then flew away from me, her footsteps almost silent on the forest floor. I took a moment to admire her and then followed.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I stood on the porch and watched my son and daughter run out of sight into the trees, and I felt a wave of relief so intense it was heady.

Though I had concealed my thoughts successfully from Edward, I had been terrified Bella wasn’t going to make it through the change intact. I’d had a very real fear that she was going to be changed only to never wake again. I had thought I had said my last ever words to her, and they hadn’t been what should have been said.

_“Try to be calm.”_

What was that worth when I had never said anything that I needed to?

I hadn’t told her how happy I was to have her in our lives again. How much I loved her. How she was my daughter in every sense of the word that mattered. How proud I was of the woman she had become.

I had missed that opportunity to make things right. But here she was incredibly alive, free, and powerful. She was one of us now, and I would be able to say all the things she needed to hear from me, that I needed her to hear.

Esme’s hand slipped into mine, and she gave it a brief squeeze. I smiled. My wife knew me so well, knowing exactly what I needed in that moment—the comfort of my mate.

In contrast to my sober thoughts, Alice and Emmett were practically alive with happiness.

To their minds, Bella’s change was the best outcome of them all. Alice remembered nothing of her human life and so didn’t understand the concept of loss in that context. The only loss she could remember suffering in her life was the loss of Bella years ago, and now they were together again. Forever.

Emmett also had different views on humanity. He loved being a vampire as he had loved his life as a human. He was one of the rare people that could find joy in almost anything. He had his mate at his side and family around him. He was content with his lot in life.

Jasper, on the other hand, was exuding tension quite literally as he stared at the spot Edward and Bella had disappeared.

“Is something wrong, Jasper?” I asked.

He looked up at me and his expressive eyes were solemn. “I’m not sure yet. We need to talk,” he said, turning and walking into the house.

We trailed in after him, and each took a seat, Rosalie choosing an armchair where she could be alone. Emmett frowned at her and then threw himself down on the couch beside Alice.

Jasper sat forward in his seat, his hands clasped between his knees.

“What is it, Jasper?” Esme asked.

“Bella,” he replied.

“Yeah,” Emmett said gleefully. “She’s awesome. Did you see how she handled those wolves? They didn’t stand a chance when she started threatening them. And how clever was that? 'We have friends’. I mean obviously we do, but none of us would have used them as a tactic.” He considered. “Except maybe you, Jazz. You’ve got competition, man.”

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. “It was impressive. All the more so when you considered she was moments after waking. The sensory overload should have still been rocking her mind, but she was calm. And the thirst. I was out of my head with it when I woke up, all newborns are, but it was like she didn’t notice until we spoke about it.”

Emmett nodded eagerly. “Yep, she’s awesome.”

“For now,” Jasper said ominously.

“You don’t think it will last?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I have seen probably thousands of newborns, and yet I have never seen anything like I saw today. She was amazing. And then there’s what she did to the wolves. It was incredible. How did she do it?”

“She’s gifted,” Emmett said. “Duh.”

Jasper rolled his eyes. “I figured that part out, thanks. What I mean is how is it possible that, in the instant after waking, she was able to manifest that… I don’t even know what to call it.”

“A shield, I think,” I said, my tone musing. “It’s a little like Renata’s gift—she is Aro’s personal bodyguard. She works differently, but the ultimate result is protection. When you approach her while she is focused on her shield, you’re diverted. It’s as if you forget why you’re there and what you’re doing. I saw it in action in Volterra. A nomad brought in for judgment attempted to attack Aro, and the next moment he was heading in the opposite direction.”

“Only a little like it, though,” Alice said. “The wolves looked like they had hit a brick wall.”

“Incredible,” Jasper said again. 

“It must have been instinct,” Esme said. “We were under threat, _Edward_ was under threat, and her gift protected us and him automatically, the same way Alice’s visions manifest automatically when there is something to see that’s important to see.”

I considered. I thought she was right, which begged the question of whether Bella would be able to do it again.

“You know, it makes sense that her gift would be about protection,” Alice said. “Remember what she said when she was talking about why she became a cop? She wanted to protect people. Now, she can not only protect herself but other people, too.”

“Do you think she could do it again?” Esme asked me.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I suppose the gift is there, that won’t change, but whether she can manifest it so easily, I don’t know. Gifts take time to develop and practice to control. She may need time to master it. The fact she’s as controlled as she is amazes me as much as her possible power.”

“It is amazing,” Alice said. “It’s like she was born to be a vampire.”

Rosalie scoffed.

I turned to look at her. I had wondered when my first daughter was going to join the conversation, when the need to share her opinion would become too much for her. Now, it seemed, was the time.

“Born to be a vampire?” she said scathingly. “No one is born to be a vampire. We are born to live. Edward ruined all that when he sank his teeth into her.”

“When he saved her, you mean?” Alice said, anger bleeding into her tone. “Because that’s what he did. She would have died otherwise.”

“Not necessarily,” Rosalie said bitterly. “She might have lived if you’d gotten her to the hospital in time.”

“You weren’t there, Rose,” I said reasonably. “You didn’t see what we did. Had Bella lived, and I do not believe for a moment that she could have, she would have been ruined regardless. She would have been brain damaged to a devastating degree.”

“Better that than a vampire,” she replied.

Emmett winced at her angry words. 

Alice’s hands fisted on her lap, and I was sure she was resisting the urge to strike her sister. “Bella deserves life,” she said in a controlled voice. “She deserves the chance to do all the things she dreamed of. Maybe some of them will be different now, but she will still do them.”

“She has lost everything!” Rosalie snapped. “Her friends, her family, her life.”

“She has gained forever,” I said quietly. “And she still has us.”

“Besides,” Emmett said, a falsely cheery note to his words. “She said she wanted this anyway.”

Rosalie raised an eyebrow. “Do you really believe that? Because I don’t.”

“She could have changed her mind,” Esme said hopefully. “She wanted it so much before.”

“I hope she did,” Jasper said, sounding ominous. “Because if she didn’t, we have a newborn that doesn’t want to be a vampire to deal with.” 

xXx

**_Bella_ **

The deer I had taken down had tasted wrong. I knew, though I had never tasted it or even smelled human blood, that there was something in the world that would be far more appealing, something that would help quench the burn in my throat that I still felt, despite the fact I had fed greedily. 

Edward seemed pleased, though. As we walked hand in hand back to the house, he raved about my control and ability.

I thought I was a mess, personally. My clothes were stained with blood and dirt, and my hair had twigs in it. I didn’t feel particularly able.

In truth, I felt overwhelmed and confused. There was so much to take in that even my new ability to think of many things at once wasn’t enough to help. I wished for silence and solitude. If I could just have an hour to think and process, I thought I could gain control of myself mentally as well as physically. I didn’t think that was going to be a possibility for a while, though, so I had to suck it up and remember who and what I was… Who I had _been_. What I had been. I wasn’t a cop, anymore. I was a vampire now. That life was over.

“Are you okay, love?” Edward asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Fine.”

He frowned, undeceived, but he didn’t push the topic, for which I was grateful.

“How did you like running?” he asked, instead.

I smiled, only slightly forced. I had loved to run. It felt like I imagined flying would. Even as I moved at incredible speed, I could see everything around me in perfect clarity. It was a heady experience. And there was the way the air felt against my face: like a lover’s caress instead of the rushing wind it had been when I had run with Edward.

“It was fantastic,” I said.

“Do you feel like racing back to the house?” he asked.

I grinned. “Sure.”

Before he could say another word, I was in motion, racing back along the scent trail we had created on our way away from the house. Edward kept pace at my side, and I suspected he was checking his speed for me. I pushed harder, wanting him to do the same, and again, he stayed at my side.

Then, when we were close enough to the house that I could smell the scent of the wolves again, I heard the sound of a car’s engine.

“Bella, stop!” Edward shouted.

I did, sending up a plume of dirt and leaves. Edward grabbed my arm and held it tight. I was aware in a peripheral way that the force he was using would be enough to crush my bones had I been a human.

I stayed perfectly still, listening as the engine cut off and two doors opened and closed a few seconds apart.

“Hold your breath,” Edward said.

I obeyed again, but I made a mistake, a stupid, human mistake—I took a deep breath first.

The scent was like nothing else I had ever smelled. It sent my throat into flames again and drew me like a magnet. I knew this was what I needed; this would quench the thirst in a way the deer had been unable to.

I yanked my arm out of Edward’s grip and ran again.

“Bella, no!” he shouted after me.

While I recognized the words and the need in them, I couldn’t stop myself from racing towards the scent. I was an animal in that moment, only occupied with what I needed to survive.

I registered two other scents, and Jasper and Emmett appeared, racing towards me. I zigzagged away from them, diving under Jasper’s arm successfully before someone tackled me. I growled and snarled as Emmett tried to pin me with his knees on my back. It was easy, though, with my new strength, to buck him off and scramble to my feet again. I felt Jasper forcing his influence on me, and I shoved it away, feeling the calm leave me at once. I heard a shocked gasp and Jasper’s voice shouting. “Hold her, Edward.”

Arms wrapped around me like iron bands, and Edward spoke in my ear. “I’m sorry, love. I am so sorry. Please don’t fight me.”

He had no chance of controlling me though. I was stronger. I broke from him and ran. I could hear them following me, and I threw out a hand as if to stop them. I felt something fly away from me and then the pressure against my mind the way I had when I had been facing the wolves.

There was a roughly spoken curse and someone growled. Edward called after me, “Don’t do this, Bella. You will never forgive yourself.”

I heard the lub-lub of a heartbeat before I was within sight of the house, and I forced myself faster. Then, I caught a new scent, closer and different from the burning temptation.

It was Alice, I recognized it from waking, lilies and peach. I looked through the trees and saw her perched at the top of one close to the house. I knew instinctively that I couldn’t hold her and the others at the same time, so I didn’t try. I just ran.

When I was almost through the trees, I could see the source of the delicious smell, and I skidded to a halt again.

I knew those faces. It was the Chief and Frank. They stood on the porch of the house, Frank’s hand raised to knock.

The sight of them doused me like cold water. I _knew_ them. They were my friends, more important, they were humans with human lives. They had wives and friends that I cared for, too. Frank even had a child on the way.

I couldn’t believe I had nearly attacked them, killed them. I would have murdered them.

“Bella,” Alice said softly. I looked up at her, and she gestured me up.

I jumped to her side, perching in the tree beside her.

“You’re okay, Bella,” she said. “You can let the others go. They won’t interfere now you’ve been tested.”

“How have I been tested?” I asked.

She smiled at me. “You’ve made it here without attacking.”

“I know them,” I said. Would I have attacked if I hadn’t? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t think so.

She laughed. It was softly enough that the sound had no chance of reaching the house.

The front door opened then, and Carlisle appeared on the threshold. “Chief Bennett,” he said solemnly.

“Doctor Cullen,” the Chief said. “This is Officer Green. May we come in to speak to you for a moment?”

“Of course,” Carlisle said, stepping back and gesturing them into the house. They disappeared inside and Carlisle closed the door behind him, his eyes searching the trees and a small, uncertain smile on his face.

Alice shifted along the branch, and I slid along with her so I had a view through one of the large windows into the lounge.

The Chief took a seat on the couch, and Frank sat beside him. 

“What can I do for you?” Carlisle asked.

“We’re just making some inquiries about Bella,” the chief said, his eyes sad but his expression neutral as he had trained it to be over long years in the service.

“Is there evidence of foul play?” Esme asked, a subtle note of worry in her voice.

“No,” the Chief answered. “We just want to build a picture of what happened. When did you last see Bella?”

“That afternoon,” Carlisle said. “She came to the house after work, and we had a coffee before she went for her swim. I understand she was training for a triathlon.”

So, my death was drowning. I guessed that was as good a story as any. It explained the fact there would be no body for them to find. It would offer as much closure as was possible for Charlie and Renee.

A felt a wave of sadness for my parents. I would never see them again. Charlie would be under the wolves’ protection as long as he lived, now, and Renee… I didn’t think I could bear to see her and have the strength to walk away again.

Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be away from there, away from my friends, my family, and their conversation. Turning my back on the house, I began to jump from tree to tree, getting away from them and the reality they were pressing on me, the reality that my life as a human was over now for good.


	23. The Lie

**_Edward_ **

Though I had seen, following through Alice’s thoughts, that Bella had pulled out of her hunt and was calm again, I still wanted to be there. So as soon as I felt the hold on me release, I started toward her, but Jasper caught my arm.

“What?” I asked.

“Let Alice handle this,” he replied.

I frowned at him. “I can help her, though.”

“You can, absolutely, but so can Alice. Bella has gone through something huge, being changed. She’s going to need support from all of us, so you have to let us do our part. It’s not just the two of you anymore; it’s about all of us.”

Like a coward, I didn’t want to think of these things, but I knew what he was saying was right. Bella was going to have to make a huge adjustment, and she’d need us all for that. But she was my mate, and I wanted to be there for her now.

“Jazz is right,” Emmett said. “Bella’s not going to be like I was. You say she pulled out of her hunt, awesome, but there are other adjustments to make.”

Emmett’s newborn days had been particularly violent. His newborn strength coupled with his own innate sheer power meant that there were many slips and accidents. But he adjusted emotionally very quickly to his losses.

His greatest worry was that he was going to leave his large family down one provider. We had assuaged that by providing a large sum of money for him to leave for them. Knowing they were taken care of, he had thrown himself into his new life and love.

It would surely be different for Bella. She was very close to her parents, Charlie in particular. She’d had a wealth of friends, too, who could never know what really happened to her. Even those that were in the know, her brother and sister included, would not be a part of her life anymore.

Bella, who felt everything so completely, would need us all to come to terms with that.

I kicked at the ground to vent my frustration, creating a deep divot. I stamped the dirt back down over it and sighed.

“Here they come,” Jasper said, sounding satisfied.

I turned my attention to my gift and heard Alice’s familiar mind coming towards us. She was calm, though a little concerned for the woman that ran at her side.

When they came into view, my eyes found Bella at once. She looked strained, but as her eyes settled on me, she smiled.

I felt my own concern morph to relief, and I returned her smile. I felt better having her close to me again, complete. I had come too close to losing her recently to relax when we were parted, which would complicate Jasper’s assertions that she would need everyone to get through what had happened. How was I to let others help her when I wanted to be everything to her?

I held open my arms, and she stepped into them, leaning her head on my chest and drawing a deep breath. I did the same, registering the difference. She still smelled like my Bella, freesia, home, but there was no burn to ignite my throat. At last, I would not have to guard all aspects of myself when with her.

“So… Bella,” Emmett said laconically, “Edward said you didn’t eat our visitors.”

Bella narrowed her eyes at him. “I knew them.”

Emmett looked solemn. “Wouldn’t have stopped me on my first day. Probably not even in my first year.”

Bella looked uncomfortable, and I intervened. “What he’s trying to say is that you were magnificent, love. Your control surpasses almost all of us. Even Carlisle would have struggled with that so young.”

“I don’t feel very controlled,” she admitted. “Not the way I am used to, anyway. Usually, I am in command of myself at all times. It’s one of the things they teach in the academy. We have to be the calm ones in a crisis, the ones people come to for protection and help. I almost killed the Chief and Frank today because they smelled good.”

“You’re making too little of it,” Jasper said. “There’s a reason we call new vampires newborns. Everything is brand new and overwhelming. The thirst is the most intense thing you will ever feel in life. The fact you are talking rationally now, not to mention what you did with the wolves, is incredible.”

Bella cast her eyes downward. I guessed she was thinking about the wolves, a suspicion enhanced by Jasper registering the guilt she was feeling.

I smoothed a hand down her back, and she leaned into my touch.

“You did what you had to do, Bella,” Jasper said. “You saved us and them pain and possibly losses.”

“I know,” she sighed. “It still feels wrong, though. They were my friends, my family, and I threatened everyone they love.”

 _Which was awesome!_ Emmett thought.

I caught his eye and shook my head, cutting him off before he vocalized it.

Carlisle’s thoughts reached me then, and I said, “Our visitors have gone.”

Alice pushed away from the tree she was leaning on and said, “Let’s get back, then. I don’t see anyone else coming today, and we all need to talk.”

Bella’s hand slipped into mine, and we led the way back to the house.

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us just on the edges of the forest. When we reached them, Carlisle relaxed and opened his arms. Bella released me and rushed toward him and into his embrace.

He smoothed her hair and smiled.

As she pulled back, he held her shoulders and stared into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she answered.

He nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s see if we can help that, then.”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

Rosalie’s gaze followed me from her spot on the armchair as we walked into the living room.

Carlisle sat down on the couch and looked up expectantly at me. I hesitated a moment before sitting beside him. I was equally as comfortable on the couch as I would have been standing or, I suspected, on a bed of nails. Simple discomfort was something I had left behind with my heartbeat, along with tiredness.

I had been through so much in the hours since my waking, and had I still been human, I would have been exhausted, but my body felt perfectly rested. Though my mind wasn’t so at peace. I felt I could use a month to sort through my thoughts and feelings, and perhaps only then I would be able to make sense of them.

Rosalie’s eyes didn’t leave me, and for the first time, I paid proper attention to her. She was looking strangely sympathetic. I had no desire to untangle the reasoning behind that; I was too preoccupied with my own feelings to take on hers. I’d deal with it later. I had a feeling there would be no choice. Rosalie wasn’t the sort to stay quiet when something was affecting her.

When the others were all settled in seats, Edward beside me with an arm around my shoulders, Carlisle began, “We have all been through a harrowing few days, and I think it will help us to talk about it. Bella, would you mind very much telling us what happened to you?”

I did not want to talk about it, how a stupid human trip had essentially ended my life. I didn’t want to think about how I would still be living the life I had loved had I taken a little more care, walked just a little slower, paid attention, dammit, to what I was doing. Bitterness rose in me.

“Maybe later, Carlisle,” Jasper said.

I glanced at him, confused, and then I felt myself calming. I was taking a deep breath and feeling my locked muscles relaxing. It was not my reaction; it was Jasper’s influence. He was feeling what I was feeling and changing it without my wishes.

I glanced to the side at Edward and saw that he was looking strained, which meant he was also privy to what I was feeling through the medium of Jasper’s thoughts. It pissed me off. I didn’t want this. How I felt was for me to deal with, not for Jasper to influence or Edward to stress about.

I concentrated on pushing away the calm feeling the way I had when I was in the forest. It was harder now, as I had been strengthened then by my hunger and instincts, but I slowly felt the influence leave me.

Jasper sucked in a breath, his eyes fixed on me. “How did you do that?” 

“Do what?” Alice asked, looking from Jasper to me.

“She’s blocking me. I can barely feel her at all now.”

“Bella?” Carlisle asked.

“I don’t want to be monitored,” I said stiffly. “And I don’t want to be controlled.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Jasper said. “I just wanted to help.”

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s just… I should be able to feel what I feel alone.” I glanced automatically at Edward.

“And you don’t want Edward to worry?” he guessed.

I bit down my annoyance. “No. I don’t.”

Carlisle leaned forward slightly. “This is incredible, Bella. You shouldn’t have this much control so young. You shouldn’t be able to sit and talk calmly to us, let alone control your shield like this.”

“Shield?” I asked.

“What you did to the wolves, love,” Edward said. “You held them back. It’s a gift.”

Huh. I was gifted. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little pleased with the idea I had an additional ability along with my new vampire ones. It was a pretty cool one, too. I could block Jasper, which was great as it meant I could feel freely and in peace. The physical side of it didn’t interest me that much, apart from the fact it had enabled me to protect my family.

If another attack came, I could protect them again. Not that I expected attacks now. The wolves would never come back, I was sure, and there was no other reason for people to attempt to hurt us.

“Well, that’s cool,” I said.

Alice trilled a laugh. “Yeah. It’s definitely cool.”

“It’s more than cool,” Carlisle said. “As I said, it’s incredible that you can sit and talk, as well as control your shield. You’re going to be magnificent. It truly is like you were born to be a vampire.”

Rosalie huffed out a mirthless laugh, and I turned to her, wondering what was bothering her now.

“That’s crap, and we all know it,” she said. “She’s a vampire because of an accident—a stupid, human fall—and the fact my brother would rather doom her to this life than live without her. That’s not fate. That’s selfishness and stupidity. And when you’re all done telling her how wonderful she is, when she has a chance to really see how hard this life is, she will hate you for it.”

There was absolute silence in the room. No one even breathed. She wasn’t wrong; I was human because of stupidity. But hate… I could never hate Edward. I loved him.

I looked to him, wanting to reassure, but his face gave me pause and made me suck in a harsh breath. He looked agonized. His eyes were fixed on a point on the wall, avoiding my eye, and his features were twisted with pain.

“Edward,” I said gently.

He seemed to steel himself before he forced himself to look at me. I had never seen him like this. Even when I had woken in the hospital, after being so nearly killed by James, and he was apologizing for his part in it, he hadn’t looked like this.

He didn’t speak, but his eyes, his burning eyes, spoke for him.

“I don’t hate you,” I said.

“Of course you don’t,” Rosalie said. “Not yet anyway. You don’t have the first clue of what this means. You have lost _everything_. You think facing off with the wolves earlier was bad. Wait until you realize you can’t ever see your parents again, can’t even call them, because you’re dead. Then you will know what it feels like to hate.”

“Rose,” Emmett said sadly.

“No!” she snapped. “I will have my say this time.”

“I think we’ve all heard enough from you,” I said sharply.

My anger was rising, and I understood what they meant about control. I could feel it slipping away. I wanted to attack, to hurt Rosalie the way she was hurting people I cared about—because it wasn’t just Edward. Emmett and Carlisle both looked stricken, too. As they should. Her words, though intended for me, were cruel to other people in the room. Carlisle had changed Rosalie, saving her life, and she was implying now that she hated him. I was sure that wasn’t true. She may detest me, but Rosalie loved her family and mate more than anything.

“Do you hate Carlisle, Rosalie?” Jasper asked, his tone neutral. 

I understood his intent at once, and I hid a smile. _She_ could hide nothing she felt from him, and so would not be able to lie to illustrate her point against me.

She didn’t try to lie though. She looked stricken as her eyes moved to her patriarch. “No! Of course not.”

“Then why do you believe it will be different for Bella and Edward?” he asked. 

“Because he _knew._ He knew she didn’t want to be a vampire, and he went ahead and bit her anyway. He disregarded everything she wanted for herself and made her what he wanted.” 

I glanced back at Edward and saw he was agonized still. I took a calming breath and said, “Rosalie, do you know why I didn’t want to be a vampire?”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, and she remained silent. I took it to mean she didn’t.

“I loved being a cop,” I said. “I wanted to make detective and work in a big city. I wanted to run a marathon. I wanted to skydive. I wanted to travel. I wanted to spend time with my family and friends. I wanted to see them grow and change, and I wanted to do the same.”

“Exactly!” she sneered. “Can you do that now?”

“I can do some of it. That’s not the point, though. The point is that I could not have done a single one of those things were I not alive in some form. Sure, I’m never going to make detective now, but I can travel. I won’t see people I love grow and change, but that doesn’t mean they won’t. If I had died, I would have lost _everything_. I would have lost Edward. That was what I realized, and that was why I was coming back when I fell. I’d changed my mind. I wanted a failsafe. If something happened to me and there was a chance I could be saved as a vampire, I wanted it. I did _not_ want to die. My life is different now. I have to make new dreams for myself, things that I _can_ do as a vampire.” I picked up Edward’s hand and squeezed it. “Things we can do together.”

Edward nodded and smiled at me, but his eyes still hadn’t entirely lost their pain. I understood. I hadn’t entirely lost my pain either with the lie.

Rosalie looked on the verge of speaking again, and I decided we had all heard enough from her. “I gather the cover story is me drowning?”

“Yes,” Carlisle said. “Jasper and Emmett arranged it for us. They thought it was the best explanation for the lack of a body.”

“Thank you,” I said sincerely, looking from Jasper to Emmett. “I appreciate you giving them all closure.”

Jasper nodded and Emmett said, “No problem,” lightly, though he still looked a little sad after Rosalie’s outburst.

“We need to discuss what happens next,” Carlisle said. “Bella, it’s largely up to you. We can keep you hidden here if you want to stay, but perhaps it would be better, easier for you, if you were to leave town.”

“I should leave,” I said. I couldn’t stay so close to so many people I cared about while knowing I could never see them again. Soon, Charlie would be in town, maybe Renee, too, and I couldn’t bear to know they were close and not be able to see them.

“We have homes all over the north,” Esme said. “You can use any of them you choose.”

I looked at Edward. “What do you think?”

He considered for a moment, and then nodded in what I suspected was response to someone’s thoughts. “Alaska. There is freedom there we don’t have anywhere else, and we will have Tanya’s coven close, too. Does that sound okay, Bella?” he asked.

I nodded. “Sounds fine.”

It didn’t matter where I was, really. As long as Edward was with me, I would be okay finding my way in this new world. I just had to make peace with the loss of my old one first. 


	24. End Of Watch

**_Edward_ **

Carlisle pushed Bella’s hair back from her face and kissed her temple. “We will be with you as soon as we can.”

“I know,” she said lightly. “Don’t worry, Carlisle. It’s only a few weeks.”

“A month at the most,” he promised.

“Exactly. It’ll fly by.”

 _But her eyes,_ he thought sadly. _She can pretend all she likes, but her eyes give her away every time._

He hugged her one last time and then walked away to exchange goodbyes with Rosalie and Emmett, the former of which was feeling bitter about the emotional farewells being shared with Bella.

Bella went to Esme, and they embraced, Esme whispering words of love.

Selfishly, I was ready to leave now. I wanted to be on the road with Bella, getting away from Astoria and making our way toward our new life together.

I was sad the circumstances were what they were, but now it had happened, I thought it was better not to delay here. I had a vague, unformed, but undeniable feeling that something was going to go wrong otherwise.

It was decided that Carlisle and Esme were going to stay in Astoria long enough for Carlisle to work out his notice at the hospital and to allow them to find a replacement for him. Though he wanted to be with us all, his conscience would not allow him to abandon them when it was not strictly necessary.

My siblings’ absence was easily explained as them returning to college a little early, and the cover story for me was that I was going to stay with our extended family during my mourning.

People wouldn’t delve too deep into the story as it was such a sensitive subject given Bella’s ‘passing’. It was a sound plan that enabled as many of us as possible to stay together to help Bella through the transition into her new life, though she still seemed to be doing magnificently alone.

While we were gone, Tanya, Kate, and Irina were coming to Astoria to add some protection should the wolves not heed Bella’s warning and try to take advantage of our depleted numbers.

Bella and Esme parted, and Bella was coming towards me when Alice suddenly sucked in a breath, and the rush of images swept through her mind and mine.

When the vision ended, I sighed. I should have known this was a possibility. I didn’t understand why Alice looked so stricken though.

“What’s wrong, Alice?” Bella asked.

“Charlie is coming,” Alice said apologetically.

Bella froze, becoming a statue.

I smoothed my hand down her back. “It’s okay, love. We have time to get away before he arrives. He won’t be here until tomorrow.”

Alice glared at me. _That’s not the problem, and you know it, Edward._

I frowned at her.

_Why do you think he’s coming if not to see you?_

My eyes narrowed, a warning not to speak her belief aloud.

Bella turned slowly to face Carlisle and said, “You’ll take care of him, won’t you?”

“Of course,” Carlisle said gently. “I will do whatever I can for him. Is there anything in particular you would like him to know?”

“Make sure he knows I was happy,” she said in a constricted voice. “Tell him Edward made me happy, and I loved my life.”

Carlisle nodded. “I will make sure he knows.”

Alice looked sad as she said, “That’s not going to work.”

Bella looked stricken. “Why not?”

I glared at Alice, willing her to hold her tongue. Bella did not need to hear this. I did not care what Charlie came for. He was not my concern. Bella was. She needed me, whereas Charlie wanted me. He could want while I provided for his daughter.

“Charlie is coming to see _us_ ,” Alice said. “Edward and I. He wants to speak to Carlisle, but the first thing he does is ask where we are. He’s not happy that we’re not here.”

“He’s not _happy_ ,” I said pointedly. “He’s not suspicious, he’s not angry, he’s unhappy, and since his daughter just died, I would say that’s an emotion to be expected, wouldn’t you?”

“It’s not the same thing, and you know it,” Alice insisted.

Bella froze against me again as she processed what she was hearing. I ran a hand through her hair and said, “It’s okay, love. I am not leaving you.”

“You have to,” she said, looking up into my eyes. “You can’t leave him here alone.”

“He will not be alone. Carlisle and Esme will be here. Alice can stay if she likes.”

Bella shook her head. “It’s not the same. He needs you. He thinks you’re feeling the same as he is. He needs to be able to talk to you.”

“I am not leaving you alone,” I said firmly.

I would not. She needed me with her. I needed her with me. I had come too close to losing her to allow us to be parted so soon.

“What are we, chopped liver?” Emmett said, his humor forced. “Charlie doesn’t want to see us. Me, Rose, and Jazz can go with Bella. That’ll be okay, right, Bella?”

“Yes,” Bella said. “We’ll be fine.” The last was directed to me.

Jasper caught my eye. _This is what we spoke about. You need to let us all help her._ “You have to stay, Edward,” he said aloud. “You have a responsibility to Charlie to be here.”

I didn’t want a responsibility to anyone but Bella, though. She was my world. Why did I have to leave her to help someone that hated me?

“Please,” Bella said quietly, her hand coming up to cup my cheek. “Charlie needs this. I can’t help him anymore. You have to do it for me.” Knowing the fight was won, she turned to Alice. “You’ll stay?”

“Of course,” Alice replied.

How could I refuse Bella’s plea now? This was what she needed from me, and I had always tried to give her what she needed. I had even left her because I believed she needed me to, even though it had broken me.

“Edward?” Bella asked softly.

“I will stay,” I said, grudging clear in my tone. “If you’re sure that is what you want.”

“It is. I need Charlie taken care of as much as he can be. You can make him see we were happy.”

“I will,” I promised.

She reached on tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Okay,” Emmett said, clapping his hands together. “Bit of a change around. Do you want to come in the Jeep with me and Rose or with Jazz in the Volvo?”

Bella stole a glance at Rosalie and said, “I think I’ll stick with Jasper.”

Emmett nodded and raised a hand in farewell. “See you all when we see you, then.” He climbed in behind the wheel of the Jeep and brought the engine to life. Rosalie got in the passenger side, and they roared away, spitting up dirt and grass.

“Are you ready, Bella?” Jasper asked.

Bella stared up at the house for a moment, seemingly lost in thought, and then nodded. She squeezed my hand and then released it and got in the car.

 _I’ll take care of her, Edward,_ Jasper thought, then he kissed Alice once more and got into the car.

Another moment passed, and then they were following Emmett and Rosalie along the dirt track toward the highway.

I watched my love leave, and I felt an ache flare up in my heart. It was only for her that I could allow this parting now, when all my being yearned to stay close to her, to protect and comfort in this new world.

xXx

We were forewarned of Charlie’s arrival a day later by Alice, though not by long. It seemed that the wolves spent much of their time in his company while he was in town, so, other than a few moments of conversation between him and the town’s Police Chief, he was largely blank to Alice’s sight.

He set off for our home alone, though, and we saw his approach, giving us enough time to brew a pot of coffee to make the house seem a little more human with the scent in the air, and for all to take our positions. Esme dumped a perfectly clean dinner service into sudsy water to clean, and I took to my bedroom while Alice and Carlisle sat alone in the lounge, talking together.

I heard the car approach and pull to a halt outside the house and then slow, heavy footsteps plodding across the porch to the door. There was a pause, a deeply drawn breath, and then a knock. I heard Carlisle’s footsteps cross the room and then the door opening.

I watched through the medium of Alice’s thoughts as Carlisle greeted him. “Hello, Charlie,” he said gently.

We were unsure of how Charlie was going to react to any of us as Alice hadn’t been able to see it. It was not something set in a path. Charlie didn’t truly know how he felt about anything or anyone at the moment. It took the sighting of Carlisle for the vague memory of friendship to stir.

“Carlisle,” he said dully. “Alice.” His voice broke as he saw my sister rising to meet him.

She walked toward him, her perfect features twisted with sadness in response to his.

He was a wrecked man. His face was haggard, and his shoulders slumped. It was in his shadowed eyes, though, that the real changes were wrought. The light in them had been extinguished. They were empty.

There was no need for Carlisle or Alice to pretend to be grieving as Charlie’s pain infected the room and them.

Esme came into the room, drying her sudsy hands on a cloth, and I realized how stupid our attempts at pretense had been. Charlie would no more notice if we made the room smell of coffee than he would if we were to balance the coffee cups on our heads. He wasn’t seeing that or them. He was seeing his daughter’s missing place among us.

His thoughts, usually breaths of words and clouded images to me, were clearer with his concentration. He saw Alice, and with her, he saw Bella laughing. He saw Carlisle, and he saw some long since forgotten scene: Charlie driving to our Forks house to collect Bella during her convalesce, and Carlisle leading her out to the cruiser with an arm around her shoulders.

He was finding her in the spaces between them.

“Would you like to sit down?” Esme asked.

Charlie startled, noticing her for the first time. “What? Oh, yeah. Okay.” He took a seat in the armchair.

“Charlie, I want to say how truly sorry I am for what happened,” Carlisle said sincerely. “I, we all, cared for Bella very much, and she deserved better than what happened to her.”

Charlie nodded vaguely and said, “Is Edward here?”

“Yes,” Esme said. “He’s in his room. He’s understandably very upset.”

“Can I see him?” Charlie asked.

“Of course,” Carlisle said. “Alice, would you mind…”

Alice got nimbly to her feet and made her way swiftly across the room and up the stairs. I met her in the hall. “Ready?” she asked.

I hesitated. I had been prepared for an angry Charlie, wanting to come here to blame me for breaking his daughter’s heart all those years ago. I had even been prepared for him to blame me somehow for her death as that also felt very much like my fault. But this broken man was maybe too much for me to face. 

“Come on, Edward. He needs you. Bella needs you to do this. You told her you would.”

And there went any hesitance I had left. I needed to do this for Bella.

I patted Alice’s shoulder and passed her along the hall and down the stairs.

When I reached the living room, Charlie’s eyes found me, and his face colored. For a moment, his thoughts were a rush of angry memories, much like I had seen in his mind the last time I had seen him. Bella crying. Bella screaming for me. Bella broken. I winced away from them, but they didn’t last long. They quickly passed with a sigh of her name. 

“Hello, Charlie,” I said mildly.

He nodded. “Edward. Thank you for coming down. I know this is hard for you.”

I sat down opposite him, beside Carlisle on the couch. “No harder than it is for you,” I said.

He nodded and scrubbed a hand over his face. “It hurts, you know. It just hurts so damn much.”

I swallowed hard.

Charlie was not a loquacious man, especially not in the face of emotion but anger. He was more open now than I had ever known him. It pained me that these were the circumstances that made him open up.

“I know,” I said sadly.

“You would,” he said, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. “You loved her, too.”

“I always will.”

“Yeah. Always.” He looked around the room vaguely, not really seeing the furniture or colored walls his daughter had painted. He was trying to picture Bella in the room with us as she would have been. His eyes fell on the prom photo of us on the mantelpiece, and his eyes teared again. “Oh, my Bella,” he whispered.

No one spoke for a long moment while Charlie got himself under control again, and then he said, “She looks happy.”

“She was,” Alice said quickly. “Very happy. We all were. Edward and Bella more than anyone.”

“That’s what people keep saying,” Charlie said. “They say what a good person she was, what a good cop, but most of all they say she was happy. And in love.” His eyes fixed on me. “They say how happy you made her, and how in love she was.”

I nodded. “We both were.”

Charlie pressed his fingers to the corners of his eyes. “I know that should help, but it doesn’t. I just want her alive, dammit!” His hands fisted in his lap. “I want my little girl back!”

I wished I could do more for him. His world had been torn apart, and while mine had been turned upside-down, I had the comfort of knowing Bella was alive in some form still. I would go to her soon, and we would be together forever. Charlie would never see his daughter again.

I was supremely thankful Bella wasn’t there to hear this. She would be broken by what Charlie was saying.

“Is there anything we can do?” Alice asked sadly. “Anything at all?”

Charlie’s clenched hands loosened, and he said. “Yes. You can tell me about her life here. Tell me what you did together and what she liked.” He turned wet eyes on me and said. “Please, tell me everything about my little girl.”

xXx

Three days after our visit from Charlie Swan, we left Tanya, Irina, and Kate at the house and made our way to the First Lutheran Church in town. As there was no body, there was no traditional service of burial or cremation for Bella, so Charlie and Renee had arranged a memorial service.

We would not have come had it not been at Charlie’s personal request. He wanted as many of the people that had loved Bella to be there as possible.

He was aware of the animosity some of the La Push residents that would be present felt towards our family, but he said confidently that they would not make trouble. I was sure they would not attack us with so many witnesses, and I felt we owed this to Bella’s family, so I had joined Carlisle and Alice in persuading Esme to take the risk and go. 

When we arrived at the church, I needed to take a moment to pause and compose myself before I climbed out of the car into the overcast day. There were so many people. I knew many as Bella’s friends as I had met them over the course of our time together, and others were familiar faces around town, such as the barista from the coffee shop and nurses from the hospital. Others were unfamiliar, russet skinned faces from the reservation and other cops I hadn’t met. The cops were in dress uniform, honoring their fallen colleague.

“Are you okay, Edward?” Esme asked.

I nodded and climbed out of the car. The stench of the wolves was strong in the air, and I could feel their stares on us, but I paid them hardly any mind as I was preoccupied with the familiar faces of the couple walking towards me: Angela Weber and Ben Cheney. They wore similar expressions of grief, but Angela forced a sad smile for me. “Hello, Edward.”

“Hello, Angela, Ben.”

Angela placed her hand on my arm. “We’re so sorry about Bella. She told us you were together again, and she seemed so happy. It awful that you had to lose her when you’d just found her again.”

“Thank you,” I said in response to her heartfelt words. “You were always a good friend to her.”

“I tried to be.” Her thoughts drifted back to a cafeteria scene in which she spoke to a sallow-faced and dark-eyed Bella that seemed not to hear a word she said.

A black car pulled up then, and Charlie and Renee got out with their respective partners. I had never met Bella’s stepparents, Phil or Sue, but their identities were obvious as they were each supporting their partner.

Renee’s eyes had the clouded look of sedatives, and I guessed she was under a doctor’s care. Charlie was the same broken man that had visited our house before. The woman with him, his wife Sue, found my eyes in the crowd of people, and hers narrowed with hatred. She must know Bella’s true fate. I wondered if she would truly prefer Bella to be truly dead and this to be a burial instead of just a memorial?

The cops formed an honor guard, and Charlie and Renee walked through it and into the church. People trailed in after them, the wolves at the head and my family bringing up the rear. We took seats at the back of the crowded church with Angela and Ben. Alice sat on the aisle as she had a job to do.

Before Charlie left, when eliciting a promise that we would attend, Charlie had a slightly more difficult request for Alice—that she give a reading.

It was a tough ask as we all knew, as did the werewolves, that Bella was not dead and all usual funeral readings would be inappropriate for the situation, and Alice didn’t want to feel like a fraud. Luckily, the reading Charlie and Renee had chosen seemed perfect.

We listened to the pastor eulogize Bella and her life. Her former Chief gave a short speech about her time in service, his voice constrained, and then it was Alice’s turn. She made her way along the aisle to the lectern. She introduced herself and then began the poem, her voice carrying to the four corners of the room clearly. “You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived…”

As I listened, I fixed Bella’s face in my mind, Bella as she had been, creamy skin, brown eyes, and beating heart: the person she had wanted to be.

I felt a pang that it had been stolen from her by a cruel accident, but I reminded myself that what she had now was better than the alternative. I would make her new life as good as it could possibly be. I would ease her pain at everything she had lost by making her see what she could gain. I would somehow make it right. 

“…You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

As Alice finished, there were more than a few people clearing throats and wiping eyes in the church. The pastor stood again and said words I wasn’t listening to, and then people stood and made their way outside.

There was a patrol car parked where Charlie and Renee’s car had been, and the door was open. On the driver’s seat was a uniform hat and badge—Bella’s.

As the last of the people trailed out of the church the radio crackled to life and the dispatcher’s voice spoke.

“Base to Unit 15. Unit 15, respond.” There was silence. None of the cops even seemed to breathe. “The Astoria PD is grateful to Officer Isabella Swan for her dedicated service. This is Officer Swan’s End of Watch. Rest in Peace.”

“Rest in peace.” The words were echoed by the officers around us, and the radio fell silent.

I thought it was a fitting end to Bella’s human life and human hopes. Her human life _was_ over now. Her forever was just beginning.


	25. Depression

**_Bella_ **

“We’re almost there now,” Jasper said into the quiet that was only broken by the gentle hum of the CD playing that neither of us were really listening to.

I straightened a little more in my seat and looked out of the window. I hadn’t truly been paying attention to what I had been seeing as we’d driven, though we’d passed some of the most spectacular scenery I’d ever seen. I’d noticed it all in a peripheral way, my new enhanced sight taking in the views but my mind not really processing them.

I looked properly now, though, and my breath caught in my throat. It was magnificent. We were driving along the shore of a rushing river in a valley. The high hills either side of us were lush and green with occasional rocky outcroppings where you could sit and just absorb the beauty around you. Directly ahead was a mountain range with snowy caps.

“It’s really something to see, isn’t it?” Jasper asked with a smile.

“Yes,” I breathed. “It’s incredible.”

“It’s the same at night. The stars in the park, away from light pollution, are like nothing I can explain, and the Northern Lights.” He turned to me and grinned. “Alice loves them.”

“Great,” I said enthusiastically. “I’ve always wanted to see them.”

Jasper turned back to the road, still smiling. I knew he probably thought he had succeeded, had somehow ‘cheered me up’ and distracted me from what was happening back in Astoria. He hadn’t.

Edward had called the evening before and said Charlie had visited. It had gone as well as it was possible for things to go, given the circumstances; Charlie had stayed a long time, and they’d made sure to impart my final message that I had been happy. There had been something I wasn’t expecting, though: they were planning to hold a funeral. Of course, there was no body, but they were arranging some kind of memorial service for my friends and family, and Charlie wanted them there.

I understood his desire, and I could deny him nothing, but it meant Edward’s arrival was delayed by a further three days to what I had expected. That was difficult. As much as I wanted him to be there for Charlie, to do what I couldn’t, I missed him and wanted him with me, too.

I felt guilty that there was any kind of need for a service. It was stupid to continue to beat myself up about it, but had I just been a little more careful, none of this would have happened. I would still be able to see them all, I would be able to go to work, to share a beer with my friends, to see all the people I loved. I would be human still.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jasper asked.

“No,” I said quickly, then tacked on a polite, “Thank you.”

Jasper sighed. “You need to talk, Bella. It may not feel like it, but it will help. It’s hard enough to be a newborn without taking into account everything you’ve lost. Just because you’re the most controlled newborn I’ve ever seen, it doesn’t make you immune to the overwhelming emotions. You need to talk.”

Disregarding his last statement, I asked another question. “How do you know so much about newborns? They all defer to you like you’re the expert. How come?”

“Probably because I am,” he said with a wry smile. “My change was nothing like any of my family’s, you included. It is traumatic for us all, but I was the only one changed in a war zone.”

“The Civil War? Carlisle mentioned it once,” I explained.

He smiled wryly. “Yes. That was the warzone I left when I was changed. The Newborn Wars were the ones I was born into. They’re the ones I fought in for over seventy-five years.”

“What were the Newborn Wars?” I asked, curiosity bringing me out of my immediate melancholy for a moment.

Jasper grinned and eased off the gas ever so slightly. Emmett’s Jeep roared ahead of us.

“Well, there was a vampire called Maria…” 

I listened entranced to his story, feeling the pieces of Jasper clicking into place in my mind. So much made sense now. Of course he struggled to resist human blood after spending seventy-five years being immersed in it, feeding for hunger, strength, pleasure, reward.

I had known newborn armies existed—I had been targeted by one, after all—but I hadn’t known there had been battles of that magnitude waged with them, though. It was genius and horrific all at once. All that loss and pain for so many, all for blood.

Jasper glanced at me and his mouth turned down. “You’re disgusted.” It wasn’t a question as he could feel it emanating from me.

“Not with you,” I said quickly. “With all of it. The whole idea of armies of newborns, all those lives lost and people killed for food, like cattle, that’s what disgusts me. It’s just so cruel.”

“The world is cruel, Bella. Humans are cruel. Vampires don’t have a monopoly on violence.”

“I know, believe me, I know. It’s just unfair.”

He started to speak and then fell silent again. I didn’t need him to tell me life was unfair. I was very aware of that fact. 

“We should catch up with Em and Rose,” he said then. “They’ll be worried.”

I settled back in my seat as Jasper stepped on the gas again.

xXx

The family’s Denali house was almost as beautiful as the area surrounding it.

It was a sprawling wooden structure that would have been called a cabin were it smaller. The rich tan wood was offset by the vast picture windows my family seemed to favor, though they were blocked by steel shutters at the moment. The house was surrounded by firs with a large separate building that Jasper guided the car into.

I climbed out of the car and looked around the garage. There was an older model Jeep parked in the corner that I guessed was used to get around in the winter months when they all needed a car. It was smaller than Emmett’s monster of a jeep, less ostentatious. I could imagine Carlisle or Esme driving it into the city when there was a need.

Like the Forks and Astoria houses, there were tool chests and cabinets for equipment needed for the cars. In Forks they had kept their camping gear in them, too, not that they had ever used any of it. It had all been a prop for the unknowing public, maintaining the charade of the family that camped on the good weather days.

“Ready to see your new home, Bella?” Emmett asked, excitement in his voice.

I forced a smile. “Sure.”

I followed him out of the garage and around to the main entrance of the house. He searched through a set of keys and extracted one with a triumphant, “Ahah!”

I wondered idly how many sets of keys they owned. How many houses like this were spread across the country? The world?

He unlocked the door and gestured me inside ahead of him. I walked into the room and smiled. It was the cream on beige color scheme that I should have expected that amused me. It made me think of a muddy human memory of Carlisle and me in a home improvement store. _“Do you decorate to complement your skin?”_ Carlisle had laughed, and so had I. It had been a good day, I think. It was hard to bring to mind the feeling now.

It was a beautiful room. Like the Forks house, the sweeping staircase came directly into the lounge, though this was of the same tan wood as the house’s exterior, a slightly darker color than the polished floorboards. There was a door that I guessed led into the kitchen. Shapes of furniture were covered in dustsheets, including a long dining table and chairs, and what was unmistakably a grand piano.

I supposed it made sense to keep furniture in their houses, as they may need to make a quick escape or return as they had when they left Forks, but what surprised me were the walls. They were decorated, too. There were paintings and prints framed and placed carefully, and family photographs. In fact, aside from the dust sheets, the room was ready for them to settle in straight away.

“When were you last here, Em?” I asked.

“We came to Alaska for Spring Break our first year at Cornell,” he replied. “But we stayed with Tanya. We’ve not been in this house since before we moved to Forks.”

“Oh.”

It brought it home to me in one sweeping wave of sadness that this was my life now: homes spread across the country, each as interchangeable as the other, ready to be lived in and abandoned at a moment’s notice with no more effort than the addition or removal of some dust sheets and packing a few clothes. That was if they had even done so much as take clothes.

Carlisle’s office in Astoria had been the same in Forks, but was he the only one that kept things with him? Was that why they kept things the same? Because they never stayed long, they wanted their constant stream of houses to feel like the same home?

“What’s wrong?” Jasper asked.

“I just need a moment,” I said.

“You should hunt,” he said. “It’s been a couple days, and you have to be feeling it.”

“Later,” I said. “Where’s Edward’s room?”

“Top floor,” Rosalie said, her tone gentler than I was used to.

“Thanks,” I muttered before I fled up the stairs to the very top of the house.

Though all the scents in the house had faded long ago, I knew which was Edward’s room at once, because of its positioning. It faced west, where he would be able to watch the sunset and enjoy the twilight. I opened the door and smiled. It was like stepping back in time. His Astoria room hadn’t really been stamped with his personality. He had spent most of his time in my house, and before that, before we were together, he hadn’t been interested in creating a home for himself.

This room was all Edward, though. There was a large couch facing the window, a spot I could clearly picture him lying to stare out at the incredible view of the park. The opposite wall was given to shelves which, despite a few spaces on which I guessed his journals and other small treasures had been, were crammed with CDs and books. There was an impressive-looking sound system that I flipped on. The soft strains of Barber’s Adagio for Strings began to play, and I sighed happily. This was a familiar song for us. We had once made love with this as our background. It made my chest ache with longing.

I opened the closet and was unsurprised to find it still half-full of clothes. Neatly pressed slacks hung alongside shirts and sweaters. I pulled one of the sweaters from the hanger and buried my face in the soft wool. The scent of Edward had long since faded—it smelled musty now—but still, it was his; it was something tangible I could hold. 

I pulled it on and hugged my arms around myself. It felt almost like an embrace from Edward.

With my arms still wrapped around myself, I sank onto the couch and lay down, facing the window. The view was amazing, but I didn’t see it. I wished for golden eyes and a warm embrace.

I wished for home.

xXx

We were deep in the wilderness, searching for caribou—a plentiful but unappetizing meal for me—when Emmett said, apropos of nothing, “Jazz says you’re depressed.”

My teeth gritted. “Jazz needs to learn what privacy is.”

“No such thing in our family.” He tugged me over to a fallen tree and plunked himself down by the roots.

I perched beside him and sighed irritably.

“He can’t control what he feels any more than Edward can control what he hears,” he continued.

“Maybe not,” I said. “But he doesn’t have to broadcast it, does he? Edward doesn’t do that with what he hears in your thoughts.”

Emmett nodded slowly. “Not usually, no, but if he hears something important, he tips us off. When Jasper used to struggle with his bloodlust, he would always tell Alice when there was a risk.”

“I’m not planning on going on a rampage because I’m having a bad day, Em,” I said.

“I know that.” He rolled his eyes. “But the fact you’re having bad days is what I want to talk about.”

“And I _don’t_ want to talk about it.”

I couldn’t talk about it. Emmett didn’t understand. I’d heard the story of his change a couple of nights ago, sitting around the fire pit, and apart from the mortal injury and last-minute change to save him, it was nothing like mine.

He had been overjoyed to be a vampire, finding his forever and mate on the same day. His only regret had been quickly dealt with by virtue of money, and that had been that. He had settled into his life as a vampire and took it all in his stride.

I couldn’t do that. My regrets couldn’t be solved with money. They could not be solved at all. My regrets were now holding funerals and mourning, and I wasn’t dead.

They could never know that, though, and the people that could saw me as a monster now. All I had left was my family, and they just didn’t get it because I had lied to them.

“It’ll help to talk,” Emmett said. “I know I’m not your first choice, but Carlisle and Edward are still in Astoria, and unless you feel like opening up to Jazz or Rose, I’m the best there is.”

I nudged him with my elbow. “Don’t be stupid. If there were anything to open up about, you’d be up there on the list, Em. But there’s nothing to talk about. I just miss Edward, is all. He’ll be here soon, and it’ll be better.”

“Rose thinks it’s the change,” he said as if I hadn’t spoken.

I clenched my jaw. “Rosalie is wrong.”

“And I thought,” he went on, “that if she was right, I could actually help, because I _am_ the one to come to if you want to know how awesome it is to be a vampire.”

I sighed, sensing that this conversation was going to happen whether I liked it or not. “Fine,” I huffed. “Tell me the finer points of life as a vampire.”

Emmett grinned at me. “Well, the speed for one. As Edward’s mate, you’ve got to appreciate that.”

I nodded. I had enjoyed running when we went for my first hunt.

“Yeah? See, something there for ya. Okay, what else?” He tapped his chin.

“The enhanced senses are impressive,” I supplied.

“Yeah. That can be fun, I guess.” He beamed at me. “The strength. Bella, you have no idea what you're capable of. I know we’ve all been keeping on at you about control since your change, but… You’re a newborn, you are pure power right now. Hell, you might even be a match for me.”

I eyed the enormous muscles circling his arms doubtfully. I felt strong, but I wasn’t sure I felt _that_ strong.

“We’ll test that out sometime,” he said vaguely. “I’ve thought of something else. Your mind. You’re the academic type, right? Well, you’ve just received the ultimate power-up. You have an indelible memory now. You read a book—you remember the book forever. You want to learn a language—you read the dictionary. Seriously, it’s that easy. It can get a little dull, I suppose, everything coming so easy, but no more study headaches. That’s another thing—no more pain. You suffered more than most humans over the course of your life. That won’t happen again.”

I forced a smile. I knew he was trying, but all this was reminding me of what I had lost more than what I had gained. It was the effort it took to learn that made it worthwhile to me. It made it feel like I’d earned the knowledge. I would never hurt physically again, but I would emotionally, as would people I had left behind. 

Emmett glanced at me, and his ready smile faded. “And this isn’t doing a damn thing to help, is it?”

“It is,” I lied quickly.

“You can’t blush anymore, Bella, but you still can’t lie, either.” He sighed. “I wish I could fix things for you, because then maybe I could fix them for Rose, too. I do my best every day, and sometimes she’s happy.”

“I will be happy, Em,” I said. “It’s only been days, and I am grieving. That’s all. I just need time to get used to it. I am aware of how lucky I am to be here still.” I leaned my head against his massive shoulder. “You helped, I promise.”

He pressed a kiss to my hair. “Good. That’s all I ever want to do, for you and for Rose, help.” 

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

We were more than ready to leave Astoria and get to Alaska and the rest of our family. Though we spoke regularly on the phone, it wasn’t the same as being together.

Tanya, Kate, and Irina stayed with Esme and I in Oregon, even though the wolves left the day after Bella’s funeral. They didn’t often leave their Alaskan home, and I thought they were enjoying the change of location. I offered our house to them for as long as they wished when the time came to leave, but they refused, saying it would be rude to the newest member of our family to delay their meeting any longer. 

That worried me a little. I wasn’t sure how prepared Bella was for meeting new people yet.

She made a good show when we spoke on the phone, talking about what she had been doing that day and the things she had seen, but it sounded rehearsed and false to my ears. Edward didn’t confide in me, having returned to Bella’s side in Alaska at the first opportunity, but I suspected that was for a lack of opportunity more than anything. I was looking forward to being able to see them all in person.

It was sad to say goodbye to the house in Astoria, as it held many happy memories despite the short time we had lived there. It was a home Bella and I had created together for the rest of the family. It was not to be, though. We could not return in this lifetime—not while there were people that would remember Bella Swan.

The drive to Alaska, always a long one, seemed longer given our anticipation. It was early evening again by the time we reached the border and another hour before we were within sight of the house.

Esme leaned forward in her seat eagerly, and I smiled. She longed for our family’s reunion as much as I did.

The front door opened as I pulled the car to a halt outside, not bothering to park in the garage, and Emmett barreled out, followed by Edward and Rosalie at a more sedate pace. I glanced at the door, waiting for more faces to appear and then caught Edward’s eye. _Bella?_ I knew better than to ask the question aloud when Rosalie was there to greet us.

He shook his head slightly.

I took Rosalie in my arms and held her for a moment. “Rosalie, my dear girl. I have missed you.”

She smiled at me, obviously pleased.

Esme greeted her next, and I thought the time was appropriate for my question. “Where are the others?” I asked casually. 

“Bella’s gone into the park with Alice and Jazz,” Emmett said.

 _Is she okay?_ I asked Edward.

He shook his head again.

Esme allowed Rosalie and Emmett to lead her into the house, Rosalie chatting about some changes she wanted to make to the bedroom she and Emmett shared. Edward came to me, and I popped the trunk to get the bags.

“What is it?” I asked quietly.

He sighed heavily. “Bella.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s depressed. Well, Jasper says she is, and he’d know better than any of us. She’s getting good at blocking him, but she can’t always keep it up. I know she’s not happy, but he says it’s worse than she’s letting on. She won’t talk about it, though. I know Emmett tried before I got here, and I have tried countless times, but she just shakes it off.” He looked at me desperately. “I don’t know what to do. She won’t let me help her.”

I thought I understood. Bella was independent, even more now than she had been than when we had known her in Forks. She was, had been, a police officer, and they were trained to rely on themselves as well as their colleagues. She was doing what she was trained to do, not seeing that things had changed now.

“I didn’t think of it like that,” Edward said in response to my thoughts. “How do I make her see things have changed?”

“I don’t think you do,” I said. “I think to try to make her see that will hurt her even more. She needs to come to the realization on her own. I think we need to try a different approach.”

“What?” he asked.

That was where I was lost. I thought perhaps if I could talk to her, gauge how she was feeling for myself, I might be able to get an idea of how to help.

“Will you?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said. “At the first opportunity.”

“Thank you, Carlisle,” he said, laying a hand on my shoulder. “I appreciate it.”

I looked into his eyes. “There is no need to thank me, Edward. Bella is very much ours as she is yours. She is truly a part of this family now.”

“I know,” he said. “I think that is the root of the problem.” 

With that strange statement, he picked up the bags from the trunk and carried them into the house.

xXx

My conversation with Bella didn’t have to wait long. In fact, Alice could well have planned it as no sooner had we settled at home than they returned from their trip into the park.

I was outside, gathering logs to build a fire in the pit when they ran into view. I turned and saw Bella come to an abrupt halt. She looked almost afraid for a moment, and I wondered whether I was the source of her fear, but it was quickly shaken off, and she ran to me. I opened my arms to her and jostled as she collided hard.

I laughed, and she joined me, making Jasper’s eyebrows rise. When she pulled back, she was smiling.

“Is Esme here, too?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “We’re all here now.”

“Good.”

Seeing no need to delay our conversation, I asked, “Bella, will you walk with me?”

“Sure.”

I took her hand and led her away from the house and into the wilderness between our house and Tanya’s. There was a small lake I had often come to when I needed space from my sometimes-rambunctious family to think. I thought it would be a good place to show Bella now.

When we reached it, she looked around and smiled. “It’s really pretty.”

“I like it.”

I brushed my hand over a boulder on the shore to brush away the dirt and gestured for her to sit. She smiled slightly at some private joke before sitting. I sat beside her, angled so as to look into her face. 

“I’ve been speaking to Edward,” I said.

“Oh.”

“Yes. He says you’re unhappy.”

“I’m not,” she said quickly. 

“Bella,” I said softly. “You have not lied to me before. Why would you now?”

Her mouth twisted into a grimace. “I just…” She sighed. “I’m not exactly. I’m not always unhappy.”

“It’s the change.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not entirely,” she said. “It’s more what the change did to the people left behind.”

“Charlie and Renee?”

“Yes,” she said in a whisper. “I feel like I’ve failed them. If I’d been more careful, I’d still be a part of their lives now, and they wouldn’t be hurting. I feel guilty. I have this whole new life, and it’s incredible. I see the good in it, despite the things I wanted that I can’t have now, but they can’t, and that hurts.”

“They are hurting,” I agreed. “I have seen that for myself, but I have also seen something else. At your funeral, Charlie and Renee asked Alice to do a reading.”

“They did?”

I nodded. “They chose it themselves.” I closed my eyes and recited from memory. “You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, or you can be full of the love that you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

Bella’s eyes were closed when I opened mine, and her face was a picture of misery. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Smile, Bella,” I said. “Open your eyes.”

She obeyed and a small rueful smile curved her lips. “Love?” she asked.

“And go on,” I said. “Charlie and Renee have told you what they would want. Now it is your path to choose. You have a new life open to you, as you say. How you will live it is down to you.”

She buried her face against me, and she shook with tearless sobs. I thought perhaps these were what was needed, though.

She needed to grieve the life she had lost before she could live the one she had gained in its place.


	26. Volterra

**_Bella_ **

My life wasn’t magically better after my conversation with Carlisle. I still had moments, hours, sometimes whole days in which it seemed impossibly unfair that I had this new life while people I loved were grieving, but I had my guidance in those times, and it came from the people that I worried for most: Charlie and Renee.

They had chosen that poem; that was what they wanted people to do. And if that was what they wanted for my friends and family, it had to be what they would want for me, too—to smile, love, and go on. So when the guilt crept in, I reminded myself that this was my life now. I had to live it to the fullest I could; otherwise, I was wasting what I had been given in return for their loss. Because what I had been given was a gift, I saw that now. Even though it was not by choice, I had forever with the man I loved, and he would not be forced to live as a phantom as I lived out my human life the way Rosalie had said Edward would as I remembered us discussing my life in my muddy human memory. I had the forever I had once begged him for, and that was incredible compared to what the alternative had been.

So, I was living, which currently meant hunting.

I was deep in the wilderness, stalking toward a cave system. I hadn’t hunted this particular animal before, but I knew from the location and scent Emmett usually came home reeking of that it was bear. I was excited to try it. It had a meatier and more appetizing scent than the herbivores that I had been feeding on since my change.

I reached the caves and stopped, listening hard. There was the sound of deep breaths and a rich, wet thudding of a large heart beating. My mouth watered.

I bent and picked up a few stones from the ground and threw them at the mouth of the cave, hoping I could wake the bear and draw it out. I didn’t particularly want to go in there after it. I had something important to do that afternoon, and I was already nervous enough, adding clothes spattered with guano to that would be an unwelcome complication. 

The deep breaths cut off inside the cave, and there was a rough growl. I smiled and hid myself behind a pile of rocks and boulders. I didn’t want the bear to see me and to be scared back inside.

I threw another stone, a slightly larger one this time, and the answering growl was also larger. I heard movement, and peering over the top of the rocks, I saw a sleek black snout appear at the mouth of the cave with dark eyes above.

I knew from just that glimpse that it was going to be huge. I wasn’t _that_ thirsty, but Jasper and Edward often reminded me that it was good for newborns to feed regularly for comfort and control, so I figured I was doing the right thing stopping to hunt this beast. I was being sensible, a good newborn. The fact it meant our meeting with the Denali coven would be a little delayed was just a coincidence.

The bear took two steps into the air, its nostrils flaring as it sniffed the air, and I crouched, preparing to strike.

“Bella!” The voice rent the air like a gunshot. The bear startled and disappeared back into its cave with a roar of anger.

I growled as I spun to face the interruption running towards me. “Alice.”

“There you are,” she said cheerfully. “I’ve been looking for you.”

I raised an eyebrow. She wouldn’t have had to look hard. “Didn’t Jasper ever warn you about interrupting a newborn’s hunt?” I asked. 

She shook her head, her smile still fixed in place. “Nope. Must have missed that lesson. Now, come on. They’re all there waiting for us.”

“No can do,” I said. “I’ve got to hunt, and you just scared away my dinner. I’ve got to find something else.”

“Bella,” she chided. “I _know_ you’re not hungry still.”

She wasn’t wrong. I had fed well enough, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to try bear, or that I didn’t want to kill a little more time before meeting the Denali coven.

I heard people approaching, and I knew I was done with my delays as Edward was among them; I recognized his fast whispering footsteps against the ground.

Knowing she had won, Alice looped her arm through mine and tugged me toward the others.

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett were running towards us, and Edward opened his arms to me when he spotted us coming out of the trees. Alice released me, and I ran straight to him, burrowing myself into his chest. He didn’t say anything, as he surely knew why I needed his comfort.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet them, my new extended family. I would just like a little longer before it happened. I knew I could have had longer, too, if I voiced my nerves, no one would make me go, but it felt cowardly. I knew how much it meant to my family for me to be introduced—Edward and Carlisle especially.

“C’mon, Bella,” Emmett said bracingly. “It won’t be so bad. They’re looking forward to meeting you.”

I pulled back from Edward’s embrace, pasted on a smile and said, “Sure. I’m ready.”

Edward took my hand and gave it a brief reassuring squeeze, and then we set off at a slow run. I hadn’t ventured into the area Tanya’s coven lived it before, so I hadn’t seen their house, and it took my breath away when I caught sight of it. It was paneled in the same rich tan wood as our house, and there were large windows that must give a beautiful view of the surrounding landscape. The style was familiar, and I suspected Esme had a part in the design.

As we got closer, I could hear people moving around inside, and Carlisle’s voice saying, “I believe they are on their way.” An unnecessary announcement as they could surely hear us coming as well as he could.

When we were almost at the door, Edward pulled me to a stop, kissed my cheek, and whispered, “I love you,” so softly I thought I must be the only one that could hear.

Taking a deep breath of the richly scented air, I followed him up the stairs and through the door.

Three women, blonde and beautiful, were standing a little way inside the door, smiling at me. Further back by the stairs was a man and a woman with dark hair and an olive tone to their pale complexion. They made me think of Carlisle and Esme the very first time we met, giving me space and being as unintimidating as possible.

Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close as he said, “Tanya, this is my Bella.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you at last, Bella,” Tanya said, holding out a hand to me.

We shook hands, and I said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Tanya turned slightly and gestured to the women beside her as she introduced, “These are my sisters, Irina and Kate.”

Kate smiled at me with warmth in her eyes and though Irina smiled, too, I felt she was guarded. It made me feel the same.

The man and woman by the wall, that I knew now must be Eleazar and Carmen, stepped forward and introduced themselves. The woman had an air of Esme about her, something gentle and warm that made me feel comfortable in her presence at once.

The man was more formal, and the way his eyes settled on me with interest made me want to fidget. He glanced at Edward, and I saw a surprised look widen Edward’s eyes for a moment before he schooled his features into an easy smile again.

“Shall we sit?” Tanya asked, gesturing to where the rest of my family were now seated around a roaring fireplace.

I nodded and stayed at Edward’s side as we crossed the room and sat down on a small loveseat.

I folded my hands in my lap and looked around the attractive room. The decorations were varied and many. It reminded me of the Forks house, with its tribal art combined with Chinese ornaments and very English looking landscape art.

“Well, Bella, how are you liking Alaska?” Tanya asked.

“It’s lovely,” I said. “There’s so much freedom here, and it’s so beautiful.”

Tanya and her sisters smiled, and I thought they were very proud of their home.

“We have been very happy here,” Kate said. “Though we had a pleasant stay in Astoria, too. The people were very friendly and the area pretty.”

I nodded and smiled, but my stomach knotted at the mention of my home and people I had lost. Jasper caught my eye, and I shook my head infinitesimally to him. I was okay. I couldn’t spend eternity avoiding mentions of my human life. It just didn’t work that way.

Irina leaned forward slightly. “So, you’re the human that stole Edward’s heart and caused Laurent’s death.” Her words were mild, but the steely glint in her eyes told me I wasn’t as welcome with her as I was the rest of Tanya’s coven.

“Irina,” Kate said in a warning tone.

“I _was_ the human,” I said, my tone as mild as hers. “I am the vampire now. But, no, I was not the one that caused Laurent’s death. That was his own fault. The wolves preserve human life, and he was preparing to end mine.”

Tension made the air around us static, and Jasper shifted in his chair.

“And we are very sorry for it,” Tanya said. “We thought Laurent was truly going to dedicate his diet to ours. We didn’t know he was a threat to you, or we would have taken care to protect you.”

Her tone sounded sincere enough, but I wasn’t convinced. Why would they protect a human they had never met, one that had been seemingly abandoned by the vampire that had once loved her? I thought her words were devised to pacify the tension of the room. It worked to an extent.

“We are grateful for it,” Carlisle said. “Ultimately, it ended well. Bella is with us and safe now.”

Irina nodded. “Yes, she is.”

“How are you adjusting to your change?” Eleazar asked solicitously in an accented voice. 

The question was tame enough, but the way he was looking at me, as if puzzling over something, make me think there was a deeper meaning behind the query.

“It’s been tough,” I said honestly. “I left so much behind. I think it’s working out now, though.”

I glanced at Edward who smiled. “She has taken to the life amazingly well.”

“Yes,” Eleazar said. “She seems to have.” He looked at me. “A newborn as young as you should be struggling much more than you appear to be. You are positively calm.”

Emmett grinned. “That’s our Bella. She’s always good at taking us off guard.”

“I imagine you’re much more comfortable with her now, Edward,” Kate said. “Carlisle said her scent was a problem at first.”

“It was,” Edward said fervently. “Aro called her my singer. He said it was more potent than any he had encountered.” He wrapped an arm around me and tugged me close. “Love was stronger than thirst ultimately.”

“And her mind was silent to you?” Carmen asked, speaking for the first time. Her voice was softly accented, like her mate’s.

“Yes,” Edward said. “Still is.”

“That must be difficult,” Eleazar said.

“In some ways, yes. In others, it makes a pleasant change. Only with Bella, in the most private places, can I be truly alone in my own mind.” His eyebrows rose as he looked at Eleazar. “Yes, that’s what we thought, too. But it’s also different.”

“Great,” Emmett said bitterly. “A one-sided conversation. I love when he does this.”

“My apologies,” Eleazar said. “I was thinking of Bella’s shield.”

“Eleazar’s gift is to sense those in others,” Carlisle explained.

“It’s not always clear,” Eleazar said. “It’s not a precise science like Edward’s mind-reading. It’s more that I get a feel of a person’s potential.” He paused. “I have not felt a potential as strong as yours since I met Jane and Alec.”

“She can block me, too,” Jasper said, a hint of annoyance in his tone. “She couldn’t do that when she was human.”

Eleazar looked surprised. “You mean block your sense or ability?”

“Both.”

“I have to concentrate,” I said. “It’s isn’t as natural as blocking Edward.”

“I wonder… Have you ever tried using reversing the effect? Allowing Edward into your mind, I mean.”

Edward’s eyes fell on me, and he looked excited. “No. We never thought of it.”

I didn’t know how I felt about that. I wanted to share with Edward, and he looked happy at the possibility, but I was uncomfortable at the idea of letting him, or anyone else, into my mind.

I forced a smile for him and said, “Perhaps one day. I don’t have enough control of it yet.”

“You are still very young,” Kate said. “It took me centuries to develop my ability.” Seeing my confusion, she went on. “I am able to create a…shock…I suppose you would say. It hurts vampires. It’s defensive, and I never use it unless necessary, but it’s handy.”

“I’ll bet,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s cool and all,” Emmett said. “But we’re not talking about the coolest, and most annoying, part of Bella’s superpowered shield.”

Eleazar’s eyes fell on him, but it was Carlisle that answered, sounding proud. “Bella has the ability to manifest the shield physically, too.” 

Eleazar looked startled. “You mean she can actually hold you physically?”

“Yes,” Edward said. “She used it almost the moment she woke in response to a threat to us, and she used it to hold Emmett, Jasper, and myself. There was no defeating it. We were completely trapped.”

“Can you do it again?” Eleazar asked.

“Probably,” I said. “I haven’t tried.”

“Will you try for me now?”

“Maybe later,” I said.

I didn’t want to be rude to Carlisle’s old friend, but I didn’t want to be a performing animal, either. This was about meeting each other and getting to know them; I wasn’t here to test myself and my ‘shield’.

“Of course,” Carmen said apologetically. “Forgive us. Eleazar sometimes gets carried away with gifts.”

“Yes,” Eleazar said. “I am sorry. It’s just that I can’t sense you at all, and knowing there is a gift beneath the surface makes me curious to see what you can do. Perhaps if you can learn to drop it, I would be able to see more…” Carmen shot him a sharp look, and he quickly shook his head. “I am sorry, Bella. We can return to this topic another time, when you’re willing.”

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

I wouldn’t mind knowing more about my ability, it could even come in handy one day, but I didn’t want to deal with anything more than I already was. I may be doing better than I had before, but I still would have preferred a little less attention. 

“Tell us about yourself,” Tanya said. “Carlisle said you were a cop when you were human.”

Feeling on more familiar ground, I nodded. “Yes. I only served around two years before I was changed, but I loved it.”

I was surprised that I didn’t feel the same wave of pain as I would have even a week ago when talking about my former life. It was as if I was shedding that part of my grief. I mourned for Charlie and Renee, but I was settling into what opportunities were open to me now. 

“I served once, too,” Eleazar said.

My eyebrows shot up. “You were a cop?”

A smile curved his lips. “No. I was in the Volturi guard. My ability to sense gifts gave us an advantage when we were facing a threat. I was able to see what was there and impart the information to Aro through his gift. He could arrange a strategy and pass it on to us in coded words that meant we weren’t vulnerable. Not that we ever really counted as vulnerable with Jane and Alec among the guard.”

“The guard?”

Eleazar raised an eyebrow. “Did you tell her nothing, Edward?”

Though his tone was almost scolding, Edward seemed unconcerned. He shrugged and said, “It never came up. She knows I spent time with them, but as I was never involved with the guard or law-keeping, it didn’t seem important.”

“Perhaps it should,” Eleazar said. “This is her world now, too.”

I fixed my eyes on Edward and said, “Tell me everything.”

I saw Tanya’s eyes narrow, and I wondered at the reaction. Was she disappointed that our first meeting had gone in a different direction to what had been expected, or did she have a different opinion of the ruling class of vampires I was hearing about?

As the story started to be told, the tale of a coven of ancient vampires and their gifted guards, their mission to protect the secret, I began to realize that my new world was so much larger than I’d ever imagined.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MIDNIGHT SUN!!!!!  
> AUGUST 4TH!!!!!!!  
> I'M CELEBRATING WITH AN UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

**_Edward_ **

It felt strange for me to be back in Volterra. I probably wouldn’t have come at all if Bella had not wanted it so much.

After the conversation in the Denalis’ house about the Volturi, her thirst for knowledge about them seemed to grow. She questioned us all about them, their lives and how they executed the law.

Eleazar and Carlisle had been able to give her the most information as they had spent the most time with them. Carlisle had been in Volterra a decade, and Eleazar over a century. Though I had been with them four years, I wasn’t able to add much to their tales as my time had been spent in seclusion, and I hadn’t delved into many minds with my gifts out of pure disinterest unless it impacted me directly, such as when I wanted to know who was approaching my hiding place.

I hadn’t understood her curiosity at first, but Carlisle had been shrewd enough to figure out where her mind lay—a skill I had never mastered through her silent thoughts.

Bella’s last years of human life had been dedicated to protecting others. She’d been proud of her job within the police force, and it had hurt her immeasurably to leave it behind. She’d found something familiar in her new life, a new way that vampires protected others, through the Volturi. Of course, she wanted to know more about them.

When she’d asked if we could visit, a month before Christmas, I had readily agreed as I was eager to give her anything she asked for as she asked for so little.

Esme had been concerned about us going, and though her fears hadn’t been vocalized, her anxious thoughts had slipped through when I wasn’t concentratedly listening.

She was worried Bella would want to join them, to join ranks of protectors again.

I was sure that wasn’t what Bella was planning, but I understood Esme’s fear. Aro had been eager to make me a part of the functioning Volturi when I had first arrived at the castle. He’d wanted my gift among his ranks. I’d refused, and he’d not pushed for more, but he made it clear that I would always be welcome in the guard. 

It was true that Aro liked curiosities and gifts, as did Caius. Caius liked them from a strategic standpoint; he saw how they could be used. Aro delighted in anything different he could find to interest him. Gifts fascinated him.

I had no doubt he would like to have Bella in his guard, but I was almost sure she would refuse. She valued her place in our family too much to leave them behind for a new life. At least, I hoped she did. I would, of course, be wherever she was, be it with our family or in Volterra.

Her shield was incredible and had the promise of so much more, but she’d shown no interest in working with it. Instead, she had spent time with Kate and Tanya in the park, getting to know the extended members of our family in peace while I spent time with the others.

As much as I wanted her to experiment with her gift, to perhaps admit me into her mind, I supported her coming to it in her own time, if ever. It had to be her decision to make.

We approached the castle entrance in darkness, the streets of Volterra quieter than they were in the day. The only sounds of humans came from small street-side bars and late-opening cafes.

Bella was looking around, drinking it all in and seeming untroubled by the draw of blood or the sounds of so many heartbeats around her.

There had been concern that she wouldn’t be able to handle the trip, but I had confidence in her. We’d tested her control, first by allowing her to be within sensory range of humans with Emmett, Jasper, and I close, but she’d shown no temptation and so we’d built the challenge until she was taken to a busy Anchorage bar. The final challenge was human blood purloined from a hospital and exposed to her. She’d reported temptation, intense thirst, but she’d controlled herself. I didn’t know her secret, but I had faith that she could manage herself.

We’d flown in a private jet to Pisa, which made things easier as a crowded flight was difficult even for me, but there was nothing we could do when we left the car behind and walked the short distance to the castle. But she showed no signs of struggle.

Bella looked up as we crossed through the Palazzo dei Priori, her eyes rising to the clocktower as it marked nine o’clock in its deep chimes.

“It’s beautiful here,” she said. “I’ve never seen anywhere like it. It’s so different to America.”

“It is,” I agreed. “There are so many more places just as beautiful if not more. I want to show you them all.”

She bit her lip, and I saw a flash of sadness cross her face before she looked up at me and smiled.

I thought she was thinking of the difference in this to the way she’d planned to see the world before. It was true she couldn’t stand on a busy beach on some far-flung paradise under the sun, but there was Esme’s Island where she could stand in the sun for as long as she liked without a human to observe. Beaches were beautiful in darkness, too, and our enhanced eyesight meant we could still see the most distant horizon.

It wasn’t the way I’d wanted her to see the world, either, but it was the only way that had been left open to us when she’d fallen, and I would help her carry the burden of regrets if it meant she would still be with me.

“This way,” I said, steering her to the left into a narrow street. “The castle entrance is just down here.”

“My first castle,” she said. “I’m looking forward to seeing it properly.”

“It’s something special.”

We had been able to see the turrets over the city walls on our approach to Volterra, but she wouldn’t be able to take in the full view until we were past the buildings that concealed it. The very best view of it was east of the city on the peak of Poggio ai Colli where it looked over the city walls and showed almost the full expanse of the beautiful and ancient architecture.

I led Bella to the entrance of the castle that looked like a discreet office space. It was attached to the castle itself by a small arch along a short hall off of the lobby. The lobby and reception area, which only the humans brought for meals ever reached, were the most human-friendly place of the castle. The rest were chilled even in summer, behind thick stone walls, and there were no soft furnishings apart from in the private rooms.

Most vampires shunned my family’s additions to our home, our couches, chairs and tables, the lights and lamps, as they were unnecessary. For us, it served dual purposes. It was part of the human act for any visitors that might come, but it also made us feel at home. We were used to having them. After the squalid attic I’d spent time in when I had abandoned my search for Victoria in Rio, the castle had been an improvement comfort-wise, but I hadn’t been in a real home until I joined my family in Astoria. 

Though the doors were closed and the building in effective darkness, I pushed open the door into a small foyer and then entered the code into the door that would allow entrance. Bella entered before me, and I closed it carefully behind me. The guard used the tunnel access when they needed to enter and leave the castle, this door was for show for anyone else, but I hadn’t wanted to lead Bella through the tunnels. She was a vampire now, beyond comfort and fear of things that lurked in the shadows, but it still wasn’t the arrival I wanted for her.

We came into the lobby and made for the elevators. Bella stepped into the car before me and said, “It’s very human. Not what I was expecting.”

“This is just window dressing,” I said. “You will see the difference soon.”

I pressed the button to take us up two floors and then took a left to the reception area where Elenora represented the last of the human side of the castle. It was empty now, out of her usual hours, and I wondered if she was still there. She had wanted to be changed, but Aro had shown no indication of making a decision on that when I last spoke to him about anything of substance. She could just as easily have been made into a meal.

“ _Now_ we’re in a castle,” Bella said as I pushed open the double doors and gestured her in.

We were within the stone and unadorned walls now, passing halls that led to the Volturi’s private quarters and the library. I directed Bella ahead to the heavy wooden doors at the end that concealed the throne room. Before we reached them, they opened, and Alec stepped out.

Bella’s steps faltered at the sight of an unfamiliar, red-eyed vampire, and I took her hand and made my voice genial as I said, “Hello, Alec.”

“Edward, we weren’t expecting you so soon. Bianca reported the call of your impending visit, but we didn’t know when to expect you.” A face flashed across his mind; a woman with mocha skin sitting at what had been Elenora’s place. I detected lust in his thoughts that had nothing to do with her physical attractiveness and much more about her scent.

Alec and Jane were changed so young that physical urges weren’t part of their desires. The only thing they lusted for was blood. I thought that Bianca would be lucky to last more than a month if Alec had found something in her that made him thirst for her.

“Demetri was surprised when he sensed your approach,” he went on. “We were expecting a field report from Charles.”

“Trouble?” I asked.

“Nothing more than we can handle,” he said, adding, _Romanians_ , with scathing in his mental voice.

Bella and I reached him, and I said, “Alec, this is my Bella. Bella, this is Alec.”

Alec examined Bella, seeing the eyes that were just now fading from newborn red to amber. It would be a while until they became gold like mine.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bella,” Alec said, bowing his head. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Bella shot me a startled look, and I shook my head. I’d told no one in Volterra more about Bella than they needed to know. Aro must have been sharing what he knew about her from my thoughts and memories.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Alec,” Bella said.

“Are the Ancients gathered?” I asked.

“They are, and they’re excited to see you again.”

I doubted that, with one exception. Aro and I were the only ones that had much of a relationship. Caius saw me as an asset to his war if I could be persuaded to assist, and Marcus had no excitement for anything in life since his beloved Didyme’s death. 

We entered the throne room, and there was a cry of surprised greeting from Aro, even though he was not only warned of my approach by Demetri but would have heard our conversation in the hall, too. “Edward! How wonderful to see you again!”

He drifted from his throne to meet us in the middle of the room, Renata rushing after him with her hand gripping the back of his cloak.

Caius and Marcus remained on their thrones, Caius’ eyes narrowed and Marcus staring into space. The rest of the guards stood around them. Aro trusted us to not attack and so only needed Renata as she was his constant companion. 

Aro held out his hand as if to shake mine, but I knew what he really wanted. I offered my own, and he gripped it and then bowed his head over it, absorbing my every thought and memory. He lingered over the new ones, my time with Bella, paying special attention to the moments immediately after her change and the wolves.

I gasped. Not once had I thought before coming to Volterra that he would see the wolves in my memories. I didn’t know what he would make of them. They were a curiosity, which he would like, but they were also a threat to us. He would see that they’d killed Laurent, Victoria, and the newborns, and that my family saw them as a danger now.

Why had I not considered this? Bella would never forgive me if they were hurt. If the Volturi targeted them…

And Caius had a hatred of werewolves. He’d hunted the Children of the Moon to almost extinction after one had attacked him. He would want the pack dead.

I swallowed hard as he dropped my hand. “Aro... about the wolves, they’re not what you think.”

Bella sucked in a sharp breath and said, “The pack?”

“Yes,” Aro said, a hint of glee in his voice. “The wolves.”

Caius sat up straight in his throne and spat, “Wolves?”

Aro half-turned and held up a hand to him. “Calm, brother. They are not what you think. These are not Children of the Moon.” He smiled indulgently. “They are dear Bella’s friends.”

“If they are not the abominations, what are they?” Caius asked.

“Later,” Aro said. “We’re being rude. I have not had a chance to speak to Edward’s beloved yet.”

Caius’ lip curled back in a snarl, but, unable to see it as he was facing us again, Aro didn’t comment or soothe.

“Dearest Bella,” Aro said, turning his attention to her. “I see Edward and his family have been telling you all about us. May I?” He extended a hand to her.

Bella took his hand and smiled slightly. Aro bowed his head over her hand and concentrated, but I knew from his stunned thoughts that he could hear nothing from her. Her shield blocked him as easily as it did me.

_I wonder if Jane…_

“No!” I growled in response to his thought.

“Ah, Edward, calm yourself,” he said. “You know better than I that thoughts can’t be controlled at all times. It was just a momentary musing. I would never put Bella through that.”

“Through what?” Bella asked.

“Jane,” I said, a bite of anger still in my voice. “He thought of testing her power on you.”

The vampire in question leaned forward slightly, her eyes as curious as Aro’s. I wasn’t particularly fond of the small vampire. She had a dark twist to her nature. She enjoyed creating pain with her gift and relished the times she was required to leave the castle to deal with misbehaving vampires. I preferred her brother, whose nature was kinder; though devoted to his sister, he often indulged her darker whims.

Bella looked at Jane and considered her a moment. She shrugged. “Go ahead.”

“No, Bella!” I growled.

She looked at me with a quirked brow. I had never spoken to her so roughly, but she had no idea what she was offering herself up for. I had never felt Jane’s power, but I had heard the screams of her victims in her and other guards’ memories, and I would kill before I let Bella experience that kind of pain.

“Master?” Jane asked.

Aro gave a feathery laugh. “There is no need for that, Bella. I must applaud your bravery, though. I once asked Jane to do it to me, out of curiosity, of course, and the pain…” He shuddered. “You are braver than even Edward realizes.” He glanced back at Jane. “Not today, Dear One.”

Jane straightened into her stiff position of attention and nodded.

“That shield, though,” Aro said. “It’s something to value. May I ask you something, Bella, as I cannot see the answer for myself?”

“Of course.”

“Why did you want to come here today?”

Bella frowned. “I wanted to meet you all. I’d heard about you and what you do. I knew you’d given Edward a place to stay when he needed it. I guess I was curious.”

Aro nodded. “And yet there is a slight doubt in Edward’s mind that has me curious again.”

Bella smiled slightly. “You’re curious a lot, aren’t you?”

There was a rushing sound as all in the room, me included, sucked in a shocked breath. No one spoke to the ancients like this. They were respected in every way at all times. What Bella said would be seen as rudeness by them all, perhaps by Aro, too.

Aro’s eyes met mine, and he smiled. _She’s truly magnificent, Edward. You have been blessed immeasurably with her._

I nodded in return. I was more than aware of that fact, and I was relieved he seemed to have taken no offense.

“Yes, Bella, I am often curious,” Aro said. “When you have lived as long as I have, you need something to keep life interesting. As the centuries slip past, they can go unnoticed. I have discovered that finding value in each new thing I discover makes life a fresh experience for me. And you, my dear, are making things _very_ interesting.”

Bella turned to me. “What’s your doubt?” When I stayed silent, not sure how to articulate it, she went on. “I’d rather know from you.”

“It’s more Esme’s doubt,” Aro said. “It’s far more pressing to her than to Edward. He knows you better. But I wonder…” _Does he know her well enough? Will she…?_

“Esme is worried you will want to continue as a protector,” I admitted. “She thought you might want to join the guard.” I hurried on when she didn’t speak. “It was the smallest doubt for me, love. I didn’t really believe it, and I would stay with you no matter what you chose. It would be entirely your choice.”

All eyes fell on Bella as she considered. For perhaps the millionth time I wished her mind was not the only one in existence wholly silent to me. I wanted to know what she was thinking more than anything.

“I don’t know,” she said finally.

Aro’s eyes gleamed, and his mind became a whirl of anticipation. He was imagining what she was capable of, both a physical and mental shield, if she could train it to protect others along with herself.

“I’ve thought about it,” she said. “I loved being a cop, and I’d like to do something like that again, but….” She looked chagrinned. “I won’t leave the family to do it, though, not when we’ve hardly had any time together. One day…” She shrugged and looked at Aro. “One day, if you wanted me, yeah, I’d like to do it. I couldn’t stay forever, but I’d like to help. If there was something I could do to help.”

Aro beamed at her. “Bella, I would like that very much. I think you could be an asset to our little family.” He looked up at me. “And you know you have a standing invitation to join us, Edward. You need only say the word. And you would be able to come and go. We could have a long-distance arrangement if that suited you. You could have as much of your family as you desire and still play the role of protector.”

I absorbed his words, but the focus of my attention was on Bella. Esme had been right; she had at least been thinking about it. I’d underestimated how much her work had meant to her and how much she missed it. She seemed to be absorbing the offer, too, and her response was far happier than mine. She looked excited even.

 _Don’t be upset, Edward,_ Aro thought. _I wouldn’t take her away from you more than necessary._

“It would never be necessary,” I said stiffly.

He nodded. _As you wish. You will be free to follow her wherever she goes, as long as she wants you to._

I frowned. I thought Bella would always want me. It had seemed that she would. Was I wrong? Did Aro know something I didn’t? Marcus was the only one with a gift that would help him see that, and Aro had shown no sign of reading his thoughts upon our arrival; he’d come straight to us.

Was it possible that our bond was not as unbreakable as I thought?

The sound of footsteps approaching came to us along the hall, and Aro looked around as Demetri said, “Master, Charles is here.”

Aro steepled his fingers under his chin and said, “Then we should perhaps excuse our guests for now.” He glanced up at me. _Unless you want Bella to hear of our current threat._

I shook my head. “Of course, we’ll give you your space for your new guest. We will return tomorrow, if that’s agreeable to you, as I think there are things we need to discuss still.”

I wanted the issue of the wolves settled before we left Volterra, and I wanted Bella to meet Sulpicia, to have a chance for the kindest of the two wives to meet my love.

And also, I wanted to know what Marcus saw between Bella and I, the strength of our bond.

I felt guilty that I was questioning it, but I had to know. The diamond solitaire in the small blue box concealed in a drawer in our Denali home was going to be offered at Christmas, but I didn’t want to offer it if I had doubts that Bella wanted to be mine as much as I wanted to be hers. She might say yes anyway, and that would tie her to me when it may not be what she wanted.

I had to be sure. 


	28. Chapter 28

**_Bella_ **

I sensed something in Edward from the moment we left the throne room, but he didn’t articulate it, and when I asked, he said he was fine.

He so obviously wasn’t, but I didn’t push.

I thought I had an idea of what was troubling him. Aro had offered me a place in the guard, and I had shown willingness. I didn’t understand why that had upset him, though. I’d said I wouldn’t leave my family behind to do it, and the offer he’d made, with us both able to come and go, was a good one.

It couldn’t have come as a shock to him that I’d consider the offer. He knew how much my work had meant to me before my change, and I’d never hidden the fact I had decided to devote myself to protecting others following Victoria’s attack with her newborns. That hadn’t changed. In fact, it mattered even more now that I knew there was an option for me to do is as a vampire.

I truly thought Edward knew me better than that, and I was surprised it was Esme that had seen the temptation The Volturi would pose to me.

I did want to protect, and doing it with them would be perfect, but I would not do it at the cost of my family. They all meant too much to me for me to leave them now, if ever. Even Rosalie, in her own way, was important to me because of the place she held in the hearts of the people I cared about. 

As we walked back to where we'd parked the car, I linked my fingers through his, and he gripped me back unusually tightly. I felt no pain or real pressure, my newborn strength still outweighed his, but I could feel the intent behind it.

When we reached the car, he asked, “Would you like to go straight to the apartment, or would you like to hunt?”

I rubbed my throat and said, “Hunting is probably a good idea.” I wasn’t in pain, but I was uncomfortable. There had been temptation but no real desire as we passed the humans in Volterra, but I was thirsty in more than the usual ‘ _you-will-always-feel-this-burn’_ way. 

I got into the passenger seat as Edward slid in behind the wheel, and he brought the engine to life.

We stayed at a more casual pace within the city, but once we were out of the gates, he floored it, and I relaxed back in my seat and enjoyed the ride.

We reached our destination fast, and I began to look forward to the hunt as Edward pulled over at the side of the road and indicated the forest. “This is the Monterufoli reserve. I hunted here a lot when I was staying in the castle. There are other, better areas that are further away, but I never felt the need to visit them, and one vampire with a depleted appetite was no risk to the ecological balance of the reserve.”

“Depleted appetite?” I asked.

“I was depleted of everything but pain when I was here, Bella.”

I felt a wave of sadness for how much he’d suffered, and it made me move towards him and pull his face down to mine. I pressed a kiss to his lips that he immediately deepened. His right hand tangled in my hair, and his left ran over my back and hip, coming to my stomach and then rising to my chest, where he pinched and rubbed at my breasts, making my breaths come fast.

I lost myself in it for a moment before I pulled back and caught his hand. “Not here, Edward.”

Edward’s face fell, and then he formed his lips into a forced and unconvincing smile and said, “Of course. Let’s hunt.”

He set off running, and I followed him deep into the forest. He didn’t speak, and I chanced glances at the hard set of his jaw and his narrowed eyes occasionally, trying to decipher what he was thinking. I’d stopped him before we got too far in our passion as we were on the side of the road, in front of passing cars, and he must know that. Edward was a lot of things, but an exhibitionist was not one of them.

He came to a stop and said, “There’s not much to choose from here, I’m afraid. It’s mostly deer and wild boar.”

“Don’t suppose boar tastes like bear, does it?” I asked, hoping for a smile.

He obliged with a weak chuckle. “I see Emmett’s influence is still going strong.”

“Kate’s too. She likes brown bears. Well, she said she liked polar bears most, but I’m pretty sure she was kidding.”

His false show of happiness failed as he reached for a smile, and he closed his eyes a moment. “There are no humans in range, but stick to the north as that’s the most difficult area for them to reach. I’ll find you when I’m done.”

“You’re thirsty?” His eyes were butterscotch, and he’d fed well with me before we left Alaska. I hunted more as I was still young, but Edward usually went a week before hunts at least.

“Very,” he said, a clear lie, and then set off running west.

I sighed and began to run north. Once I was fed, one we both were, I was going to force him to talk, to tell me what was going on in his head. I’d reassure him that I wasn’t leaving him to wear the grey robes of the guard. Hopefully, that’d pull him out of this funk.

I caught the scent of deer and followed it, not giving myself over to instinct until they were in sight. Then, I let my thirst take over, launching myself into the small herd that were eating ferns, and took down the largest.

I sank my teeth into its throat and swallowed down the blood that poured into my mouth. As always, it seemed to stop too fast, and I wondered if there would ever be a time when I would be close to sated. I knew the thirst would always be there, but even when my stomach was full, I always felt the need for more.

I lifted a tree and dropped the dead deer into the root bed then forced the tree down over it with a crunch of bones and the cracking of wood.

I followed the scent of the deer that I’d scattered in my attack and took down another, trying to savor the experience this time, though the taste wasn’t close to being as good as the bear I’d eaten and nowhere near that of the mountain lion I’d had in Astoria.

When I was done and the body concealed, I brushed down my front, frowning when I saw the spilled blood and smudges of dirt on my shirt. Edward always came back spotless, but I was still a messy eater, though they all assured me that would stop when I became more practiced.

I didn’t go in search of Edward as I knew he would find me himself and I didn’t want to interrupt his hunt. I followed the sound of water to a stream and knelt to wash my hands in its flow.

I was still staring into my rippling reflection when I heard Edward’s approach. I stood up and smiled in greeting as he stopped just a few feet from me.

“I think we should talk, Edward,” I said.

His eyes drifted shut, and he seemed to brace himself before he opened them again and said, “Do we really have to?”

“I think so.”

He walked towards me and put his arms around me. He stroked my back and then the curve of my neck, his fingers warm against my skin where they’d once been icy.

“Can’t we do this instead?” he asked.

His lips pressed against mine gently, tentatively, and I sighed. He became bolder, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, and my lips parted to him. He drew a deep breath and plundered my mouth with passion. I moaned, and he swallowed the sound. My stomach fluttered with need, and I curled my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

I had no resistance to this. We did need to talk, but the sensory overload that was passion was so much stronger to me as a vampire than it had ever been to me as a human, and then it had seemed overpowering.

I gave in to the flutter in my stomach and the need in my chest to feel more, to be closer, to take and give. “Edward,” I breathed, pulling back for unnecessary air. “I…”

His voice was unmistakably smug as he said, “I know, love. I am here. I will give you whatever you need. Always.”

He traced a hand down my back as his mouth found my throat. With gentle licks and soft kisses, he worked his way down to my collarbone and brought a hand to the center of my chest. For a moment, he held it there, seeming to be searching for something, and then he moved to my right breast and began to caress it through the thin fabric of my shirt. I arched into his touch, my breath catching in my throat.

My hand came up to his hair, and I tangled my fingers in the silken strands, tugging gently. He sucked in a shaky breath, and his hand on my chest became more fervent as he sucked on my neck.

“Edward,” I whispered.

He moaned in response. “Yes, my love?”

“I need more.”

He pulled back from me and looked me in the eyes. He seemed to be assessing me, seeing if this was what I really wanted. It was beyond my control now. My body and mind had given themselves over to lust, and the conversation I’d wanted to have with him seemed pale and insignificant now.

I prompted him by unbuttoning the buttons of my shirt, baring my bra and stomach to him.

He growled and tore away the lace of my bra with one hand his mouth coming to my left nipple and laving it with his tongue as his hands pushed my shirt off my shoulders and tossed it into the ground. 

The sensations of his mouth and hands were too much and not enough. My core was alive with need and neglect.

“Touch me,” I begged. “Take me.”

He shoved down my jeans and panties, and I stepped out of them, hating the loss of contact for the split second it had taken, and then pressed myself against him.

“Fuck me, Edward,” I urged.

He growled and lifted me against him so that my core was pressed against the front of his pants where I could feel his burgeoning erection. I gasped, and he carried me forward and pressed me against a tree. He shuffled with his pants, and I lowered my legs again, taking my own weight as he shoved them down and kicked them away and then lifted me again. He length teased me, and I ground against it, pressing back against the tree.

He groaned, and his hand dropped from my left leg to his erection. I knew what he needed, and I held myself in place by gripping his shoulders, and then, as the first of his warm length entered me, I released my grip so that I slid down onto him in one swift and stomach twisting movement.

He threw back his head and made a sound like an animal. I could tell he wanted more, to really take me as I asked, so I kissed his lips and said, “I won’t break. Take it.”

With a snarl, he thrust up into me, driving me into the tree with such force that it snapped, and we both fell to the ground.

He slipped out of me, and I moaned at the loss as my back arched and he stared down at me with hungry black eyes.

“Please, Edward,” I moaned. “I need this.”

He seemed to be fighting some inner battle as his fingers traced my spread legs, and then he seemed to come to some decision. Instead of entering me again, he bowed his head and began to trace his tongue along the length of my folds. It wasn’t what I had wanted, I needed to be taken, but this gentle love was all Edward and I relished it just as much as ever had before.

His fingers dipped into me and teased around my clit before tracing over it and making me gasp.

When I had been human, sex had been gentle by necessity, and the most intimate touches had come with careful observation of my face for any sign of pain or tension. There was no need for that now, and he didn’t hold back as he lowered his face and inhaled the scent of the juices I could feel coating my skin.

“Nectar,” he whispered.

Without another word, he dropped so he was lying on the forest floor, his head between my thighs, and then fell upon me hungrily.

The coil in my stomach started to tighten at once as his tongue lapped at me and his thumb massaged my clit. My chest began to heave, and my fingers tangled in his hair, pushing him closer to me. He needed no more encouragement than that. He gave a feral growl and began to thrust his fingers in and out of me as his tongue flicked and swirled.

The coil in my stomach tightened impossibly, and gasps and moans changed to begging and pleading. I was so close, teetering on the edge, and with one desperate, “Please!” he curled his fingers, touching the part of me that no other man had reached. At the pressure to my g-spot, I came with a scream.

His tongue lapped up all my body was giving him, and the heel of his hand rubbed in circular movements over my mound, massaging my clit as I seized beneath him.

The ecstasy seemed to last forever, and I didn’t want to come down, but when I did, I saw the joy in his eyes that had replaced the sadness of before as he sat back on his heels. I felt free. I also felt the need for more.

“That was perfect,” I said in a husky voice. “But I need more.”

“Anything,” he vowed.

I lifted my legs and rested my ankles on his shoulders. “I want you to fuck me.”

He growled and grabbed his length. Without asking if I was sure, he thrust into me and set a pounding pace. My legs dropped, and he wrapped them around his hips so that my ankles could cross at his back. He planted his hands on either side of my head, bowing down over me as he surged in and out of me faster than he ever had before.

“I’m close, Bella,” he growled. “I want you to…again…”

I took my hand from his chest where I’d been tracing his nipple through his shirt and eased it between my legs. I felt a jerk in my stomach as my fingers touched my clit, drawing a moan and a rush of need from me, and began to rub it in earnest.

Edward growled as he pulled back, and his black eyes fixed on the spot I was touching myself. “Bella,” he panted. “Never… ever…”

“What?” I asked as I squirmed at the dual sensations of his heat in me and my own touch.

“Don’t leave me,” he said, and there was a begging quality to it.

“Never,” I promised.

His eyes widened, and then he grabbed my shoulders and dragged me onto his lap so I was riding him. My fingers worked furiously and that, coupled with the sensation of his orgasm spurting into me, made my own climax rip through me.

I threw back my head and screamed my joy to the leafy canopy. This was what we both needed.

He might not know it, and we were going to have the conversation he was avoiding, but for now, I was going to embrace the feral vampire that was making me come like never before.


	29. Chapter 29

**_Edward_ **

I managed to evade Bella’s questions well by throwing myself into the physical. She seemed just as eager as me, and I felt only the mildest guilt for my subterfuge.

When we eventually left the forest, fed but never truly sated, we went back to the apartment where we had stowed our luggage and cleaned up and changed.

We made it back to the castle before dawn and so didn’t need to use the tunnels to gain entrance. We reached the throne room just as the first rays of light began to light the highest windows.

Marcus, Caius, and most of the guard were absent this time, and Aro and Sulpicia were alone with only Renata, Felix, and Alec. I was surprised to see him virtually unprotected, but I guessed that what he had seen in my mind the day before—the lack of any inkling of a threat—had assured him that he was safe with me and Bella.

I was pleased to see Sulpicia again, and when she drifted away from the patches of light on the floor in which she had been sunning herself and drifted toward me, I took her offered hand and kissed it respectfully.

“Dearest Edward,” she said, her voice as feathery as her mate’s. “I am so pleased to see you again. I was upset that I missed you yesterday. Aro kept you to himself.”

“And I paid for it most dearly,” Aro said with a sigh. “I shall never keep such valued guests to myself again.” He glanced at me over Sulpicia’s shoulder, and his lips quirked into a smile as he said, “See how she chastised me, Edward.” His mind filled mine with an image of Sulpicia standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her voice harsh as she said, _‘You are not the only one with curiosities, Aro. I wanted to meet Edward’s mate. I hear she’s talented. Were you so greedy that you didn’t spare a thought to share with me?’_

I chuckled.

The fact he was showing me this, the de facto ruler of all vampirekind being scolded by his mate, showed the depth of the relationship he had assumed with me. I supposed it was there on both sides. I’d never really considered it. He was set apart from me by nature of his rule, and it would have been presumptuous for me to assume anything more than I had. I thought that was perhaps why he was showing me this memory now. He wanted me to see how he valued me, perhaps to engender trust that I would be more open to the idea of joining Bella on her missions when—not if, I knew—they began.

It was a wasted effort. I would go where Bella went regardless of my own personal feelings about it. I would not leave her unprotected although, with her shield, she was perhaps less vulnerable than I was.

The thought that Bella, who had been the sweetest, most innocent and fragile person I’d ever met, now excelled me in strength and power was a strange one for me to accept. For so long, I’d been forced to temper each touch and show of love with extreme caution for fear of breaking her. I hadn’t realized then that it was my words and absence that had done that to her more surely that my hands ever could.

“So, this is Bella,” Sulpicia said, drifting to her side and appraising her. “I was always curious about you. A human that could destroy a vampire so thoroughly fascinated me.”

I glanced at Bella, wondering how she would react to the less than welcoming introduction and hoping she would take it well as being rude to Aro’s wife wasn’t going to endear her to anyone.

“I imagine it was just as easy for me to break him as it was for him to break us both,” Bella said, her tone neutral.

Sulpicia laughed. “I think you might be right. Welcome to Volterra, Bella.”

Bella smiled and thanked her. 

“You should meet Athenodora,” Sulpicia said. “She is on the upper balcony right now, enjoying the sun’s coming while out of sight of the humans.”

There was derision in her voice as she spoke of humans, and I knew she felt as little care of them as her mate. In truth, humans were little more than cattle to all of the Volturi. They were the most abundant species, and they were necessary for our survival; they were not threatened apart from those shipped in for a meal, but there was no respect for them as there was in my family.

In truth, I’d not respected them much before Bella came into my life. Perhaps, if I wasn’t able to see just how fickle most of them were from their thoughts, predominantly the young in the schools and colleges I was most often immersed in, I would have felt differently. I saw the value in some, their strength and struggles, and there were the rare kind souls like Angela Weber, but she was not representative of the masses. It was only through Bella and my immersion in the human world through her that I saw the deeper strength of humanity. 

“Of course,” Bella said, looking up at me.

“Edward doesn’t need to come,” Sulpicia said. “I promise you will be perfectly safe with us. And he and Aro have things to discuss.” She fixed her eyes on me ,and her mental voice filled my mind. _Whatever is troubling you, Edward, resolve it now. She sees it, too._

I nodded and stroked Bella’s cheek. “I will come to find you soon, love.”

Bella didn’t look pleased, but she nodded and accompanied Sulpicia from the room, glancing over her shoulder as Aro made a slight motion of his hand and Felix set out to follow them. As sure as he was that we would not attack him, Aro would not leave his mate undefended in any circumstance, just as Caius would not leave Athenodora alone. Even now, within the safety of the castle, she would be accompanied by Corin, who had both the ability to create a soothing and pleasant sensation for the wives, to make them happy, and the formidable strength to defend.

When their footsteps had faded, Aro gestured me forward and held out his hand. I took it, and he bowed over them. I watched his face as he sifted through what he was seeing, the slightest quirk of his lips as he saw how Bella and I had spent the hours since we left the castle.

It was something I’d rather have been able to keep to myself, but with Aro that wasn’t possible for anyone—apart from Bella—and I wasn’t in a position to complain about a loss of privacy when it was something each of my family had felt around me at least once. I tried to block out as much as I could unless I needed to know, but some thoughts were louder than others. Especially from Emmett. I knew more about his and Rosalie’s private life than I ever wished to as they were both such physical beings, and Emmett never felt a need to hide it.

“Ah, Edward,” he sighed. “You have tied yourself up in knots over this, haven’t you?”

I nodded stiffly.

“And yet you don’t go to the source of your concerns for reassurance. You come to me so that you can see by proxy of my brother’s gift. She would be able to reassure you better than I ever could.”

I knew that, but she could also break my heart better than anyone. Bella was kind and would not want to hurt me. If she didn’t feel the same connection to me as I did to her, she might not tell me. And she might not be the best judge of how I felt.

I had been as open as possible since she came back into my life in Astoria, never hiding how I felt, and I knew she loved me in return, but perhaps her gauge of what love meant was different to mine. I had felt the complete shift in my world the moment she whispered my name in her sleep. My life had changed to make my love the most powerful part of my nature, as a vampire meeting its mate did. But Bella had been human with human capacities for love when we’d come together. What she thought she felt might not be the same level as me as she didn’t know the difference.

Aro released my hand, and it dropped to my side again. “I cannot judge how human love differs from ours,” he said. “I lost my human memories long ago, and I’ve not made a study of it since. But even I can see the flaw in what you’re thinking and doing. I could show you what Marcus observed between you, but it would not be the right thing to do. You need to speak to Bella.”

I sighed. I had expected Aro, who had full access to my worries and would see my need, to help me. I eyed him curiously, wondering if he was denying me the knowledge of Marcus’ insight as a kind of game. It would probably amuse him to see me struggle with this, especially if the fears were baseless. Still, it felt wrong that he knew the strength of my bond with Bella and I was ignorant.

“This pain is in your control, Edward,” he went on. “You can ease your suffering by just asking. I am sure that whatever you learn will not be harder to bear than what you are already feeling.”

“What if she doesn’t want me enough?” I asked, my voice a mere whisper.

He chuckled. “What is enough? She loves you, you have seen that, and she’s committed to you and your family enough that she won’t leave them to come to me as you and I both know she wants. If she is already giving you what she can, that will have to be enough. Won’t it?”

“Yes, Aro,” I said dully. “It will be enough.”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

Athenodora was unusual. Unlike Sulpicia, she showed no interest in meeting me at all. I wasn’t offended, I was one among the hundreds of vampires that had crossed her path, but I also thought it had something to do with Corin’s influence on her. I’d heard about the vampire with the ability to create happiness in the object of her focus, to create peace and satisfaction, and the way Athenodora drifted back to her every so often as we spoke, as if taking another hit, made me think of the drug addicts I’d met in my time in the force.

It wasn’t a way I would want to live my life, drugged up, but she seemed happy with it.

Despite Athenodora’s obvious disinterest, Sulpicia kept me on the balcony with her for a long time. I had a feeling she wanted Edward and Aro to be alone to talk. If Aro was able to unpick what was upsetting Edward, maybe to give him some peace of mind, I wasn’t going to complain.

Eventually, Sulpicia said, “Shall we return to the throne room?” and I agreed readily.

We walked down the stone steps, leaving Athenodora to her pleasure, and back along the halls towards the throne room. On the way, we met many guards that were making their way there, too. I supposed there was some preordained time for them to gather. We were almost there when the scent of my love grew stronger and he appeared walking towards us.

A smile spread across my face at the sight of him, but it faltered when I saw the intense look in his eyes. At first, I thought something had happened between him and Aro that was troubling him, and then I noted the way they were focused on me and his jaw was clenched, and I realized I was the source of whatever was troubling him.

I stopped walking and waited for him to reach me. “I want to show you something,” he said without greeting, taking my hand and tugging me away from Sulpicia with a muttered apology.

I would usually have been annoyed that he was towing me around like a misbehaving toddler, it was something he would have done—and had done more than once—in Forks when we were first together, but I sensed I was about to find out what was bothering him and that mattered more to me.

I fell into step at his side so he wasn’t leading me, and we came to a door at the end of a long hall and he pushed it open. I stepped into what would have been a dream for my younger self. This was a library, though unlike any I’d ever seen. The sheer wealth of books lined on shelves that filled the high circular walls, reaching to the top of what I guessed was one of the turrets visible from outside of the city, overwhelmed me for a moment.

I wanted to dive in, to explore the oldest tomes that looked ancient, but Edward’s quickly indrawn breath on my right banished the urge.

“Bella, we need to talk,” he said.

“We do,” I agreed. “What’s going on with you?”

He placed his hands on my shoulders and then traced them down my back to my waist in a way that made me see where this was leading—into yet another distraction.

I caught his hands and pushed them away. As much as I loved all the physical aspects of my life with Edward, I wasn’t going to allow him to use it to put off the conversation we needed to have this time.

“No,” I said firmly. “Talk.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t know where to start.”

I touched his cheek and waited until he was looking at me again before speaking. “You’re upset about something. I can’t help until you tell me what it is.”

He opened his mouth to speak twice, then bit his lip and shook his head.

“Damn, I wish I could read your mind,” I said. 

His lips quirked into a small smile. “I always wished I could read yours.”

“So the problem is me?”

His eyes widened. “No, Bella, never you. You could never upset me.”

“That’s an obvious lie,” I stated. “And the fact you’re saying it means the problem is me.” I pushed my hair back from my face with a sigh. “Just tell me what it is. You’re making me crazy right now.”

“Crazy…” He huffed a laugh. “No, that would be me.”

I held his face in my hands and demanded harshly, “Talk to me, Edward!”

He took a breath and seemed to steel himself before saying, “Bella, you do love me, don’t you?”

“What kind of question is that?” I asked. “You know I do.”

He looked pained. “Of course, but… How much do you love me?”

I would have laughed had he not looked so upset. As it was, my words sounded more scathing than I intended. “Do you want it on a scale of one-to-ten or should I say to the moon and back?”

He winced. “I’m sorry. I just…”

“You think I don’t love you,” I said, unable to keep the frustration from my voice.

I didn’t see how I’d given him a reason to doubt me. I had loved him from almost the moment we met. I just hadn’t been able to see it for what it was. I’d thought it was fascination because of what had happened between us the first time we’d met, his extreme reaction. I’d been willing to risk my life to be with him again and again. Even when he hadn’t been there, when I had loved others, I had loved him, too. Unadmitted to myself, he’d been in my heart when I had been trying so hard to do anything but acknowledge it. It had been him I’d wanted as I lay with that bullet in my vest, believing I was dying. He was the love of my life, the one I would love forever, now that forever was a real possibility for us.

The fact he couldn’t seem to see that was as infuriating as it was worrying. I could see how much pain he was in, and I knew one way to take away that pain but, selfishly, I didn’t want to do it. I had planned something special with this gift. I’d wanted it to be the right time. He was going to make me throw it away.

Perhaps the fact that that bothered me made me as stupid as him.

I cupped his cheeks in my hands and said, “Look how much…” and concentrated on dropping my shield so he could see into my mind.

I had been preparing to do this for weeks, ever since Eleazar suggested it was possible. I had spent hours upon hours with Kate, Tanya accompanying us for cover, practicing until I could drop it enough to feel her shocks of power. It had felt impossible at first, but I had managed it eventually, and this was supposed to be a perfect moment at Christmas, the best gift I could have given him; insight into my mind.

He gasped, and I knew it had worked at once. “Bella…”

“Look!” I commanded.

I concentrated my mind on the foggy human memories I had of the day we went to the meadow, letting him see the overwhelming love I’d felt that made risking my life with a vampire that thirsted for my blood above all others was less of a risk than not giving my heart the opportunity to find it’s other half. I went further to how it had felt lying on the road, believing I was dying, and my heart and mind crying out for him though I stubbornly refused to accept it. I moved to how it had felt to wake and hear the wolves, to know he was in danger, and how I’d thrown myself between them without any thought for my own safety. I’d just known that I would give my life without hesitation if it meant he was able to live. 

I focused on how it felt to be with him, as if I was being consumed with the power of my love while also perfectly at peace with his touch. I let him see it all.

I allowed the shield to drop back into place and took a deep breath. I felt drained now, as I always did afterward. It was something Kate said would happen until I was more practiced. She’d suffered the same feeling when she was learning how to control her own gift.

I dropped my hands and asked, “Is that enough?”

He nodded eagerly. “More than enough. More than I ever hoped. It’s the same way I feel. I never imagined…”

“You didn’t imagine that maybe I felt the same way about you as you did me?”

He seemed surprised by my acerbic tone. “It wasn’t like that.”

“No? Then what was it?” I forced my tone to be calm as I said, “You left me once because you thought I needed to be protected from you, and you thought I would move on because I was human, fickle. You said my memory was a sieve. Would you like to see how wrong you were, or was what you saw from Charlie enough?”

He looked stricken. “No, Bella. I knew you loved me. I just didn’t know if that would be enough against the other things you want in your life. When you were talking to Aro about joining the guard, I could see you wanted it, and I worried if you wanted that more than—”

“More than you!” I snapped. “Edward, for a century-old vampire with the kind of intelligence you have, you’re so stupid. I do want to serve again, to protect, but I wouldn’t do that at the cost of you. I _love_ you. That’s the biggest thing in my life now I’ve lost my family. If I thought it would hurt you for me to do it, I wouldn’t even think about it. I thought you knew me better than that.”

His hands fluttered uselessly around me and then fell to his sides again. I could tell from the almost tortured look in his eyes that he regretted that he’d asked, but I was glad he had. It made me see his fear laid bare. They were stupid fears, but I could understand them. Though I didn’t see what cause I’d given him to doubt me, how my helping the guard would diminish what I felt for him, I had believed I’d lost his love once, too.

He’d given me an actual reason to believe he didn’t love me, he’d left me, but perhaps our situations weren’t so different. I’d believed what he’d said because he was a good actor and I had never believed I was good enough for him. That was my insecurities letting me suffer. His insecurities were based on the fact I wasn’t the woman he’d left behind. He should have adjusted to the difference in the months we’d been together, but he obviously hadn’t.

His reassurances and vows of love had never been enough for me to trust the way he felt about me back then. And, apparently, my shows of love hadn’t been enough for him.

If seeing my mind wasn’t enough to prove how I felt, there was nothing I could do about that except to stay and to keep showing how I felt about him. Maybe, with time, he’d really see it.

“Are you angry?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m frustrated. You used to say I didn’t see myself clearly. I didn’t realize that you didn’t see either of us clearly.” I gripped the front of his shirt. “I _love_ you. I will always love you. I will never be truly happy again unless I am with you.”

What I didn’t say but was thinking was that the fact I loved him didn’t define me anymore. I was not just his Bella the way I used to be. I belonged to myself, too.

That was something he was going to need to get used to.

“I’m sorry,” he said repentantly. “I knew you loved me, and now I see how much. I promise not to doubt that again.”

I smiled at him, feeling the frustration bleed out of me to be replaced by a faded melancholy. “Good. Because you’re not reading my mind every time you need a little confidence boost.” 

His face fell. “I won’t be able to do it again?”

“Oh, you will,” I said. “But I’m not giving you free access. It’s a lot of work for me to do it, and I like my privacy.” I scowled. “And now you’ve forced me to go shopping again. That was supposed to be your Christmas present.”

He chuckled. “It was the best gift I could have possibly gotten from you. I need nothing else in life.”

“Good, because I hate shopping.”

He pulled me into his arms and clung to me, his face nuzzling into my hair. I relaxed against him, inhaling his soothing scent and tried to banish the sadness I felt from his doubt.

I could see no other way to reassure him, and he said he needed nothing else, but if he faltered again, I thought it was going to be down to him alone to see the truth.

I loved him more than anything, but I wasn’t going to consume myself trying to prove it from minute to minute.

I wanted more from this new life than that. 


	30. Chapter 30

**_Edward_ **

Bella and I walked back to the throne room hand in hand, my footsteps lighter than air.

She loved me just as much as I loved her.

I was angry with myself for doubting it, for upsetting her in the process, but the relief I felt now outweighed it.

I’d not expected her to be angry with me for asking. I’d expected sadness, perhaps, but that was my own fault that I’d not foreseen it. I’d imagined the reaction of the Bella of the past. I had received the reaction of the Bella she’d become without me. But things seemed okay now. She was happy, too. I had seen the truth, and I would never doubt her again. We could move on from my imperfect faith together.

The throne room was occupied by the guard and Aro, Marcus, and Caius when we entered, and eyes followed us. Aro came forward and took my hand at once without indicating a request, but I could see he wanted to know if things had been repaired between me and Bella as he assumed from my relaxed and happy state.

He saw the answer and breathed out in a sigh, “Ah, Edward, I am so pleased.”

Bella shot me a sharp look. “You told him?”

“Not in so many words, Dear Bella,” Aro said. “I cannot control what I see with my touch.”

Bella’s jaw jutted out, and she cast her eyes down. 

_She’s upset,_ Aro mused, still holding my hand and siphoning through my thoughts. _I wonder…_ He released me and said, “Bella, I saw your gift for Edward. I was wondering if I could perhaps have the same blessing. I would truly love to see an in-person demonstration of your ability.”

Bella didn’t answer at once. I worried she’d refuse him, and I wasn’t sure how that would be taken by Aro and Caius—Marcus wouldn’t care. I didn’t want her to offend them. Perhaps we had a relationship with them that went beyond ruler and subject, but they were still used to getting what they wanted.

“Of course, Aro,” she said eventually. Her eyes drifted to me, and she commanded, “Don’t watch.”

I jerked back a little as if her words were a slap. It wasn’t like her to speak to me like this, and while I accepted and encouraged her need for privacy, I wondered what else was in her mind that she wouldn’t want me to see. She’d already proved her love.

Without acknowledging my reaction, she held out her hand to Aro, and he fixed his eyes on me for a moment and ordered, _Do not watch, Edward,_ before he bowed his head over their clasped hands.

It was entirely possible for me to block out thoughts. I spent most of my time trying. It was only when people were trying to get my attention that it happened automatically. The rest of the time, other people were just voices in my mind that I had to focus on to hear clearly.

I made a concentrated effort to block out even that hum, watching Aro’s face as he reacted to what he was seeing. He seemed to hold her for a long time, and Caius watched with narrowed eyes. Had I not been concentrating on hearing nothing at all for a reason, I would have listened to hear what he was thinking about what he was seeing.

They parted eventually, and Aro patted Bella’s hand. “Thank you for that, Bella. That was an interesting experience.”

Bella dropped her hand to her side and said, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I truly did,” he said. “And it answers my questions. But first, I think I should answer yours. The wolves that you call friends.”

“Friends?” Caius spat. “You call those beasts friends?”

“They are to Dear Bella,” Aro said. “They have done her great service in the past.”

Caius glowered, and a murmur swept through the guard.

“And I see the ‘beasts’ are not a threat to those that are not a threat to them,” Aro said. “And keeping the secret of our world is even more vital to them than to me. I saw that some members of the…pack?”

Bella nodded. “That’s what they call themselves.”

“Yes. The pack.” He seemed to like the word, curling his tongue around it. “I see that some of them do not even tell their families what they are unless they are part of the tribe’s leadership system. That must be a struggle for them.”

“It is,” Bella agreed. “But they take what they do seriously. They don’t hunt outside their area, though. They have a pact with my family to only kill vampires that come into their territory.”

Aro looked at me. “Do you think they will hold to that pact now you have been seen to have violated it?”

“I…”

I intended to give a reassuring answer, but I didn’t know if that was right. The treaty prevented them from attacking us, but they came to kill us when they thought we’d killed Bella. The fact she’d been changed instead didn’t stop them trying. They saw her as dead.

“I don’t think the treaty will hold,” I admitted. “They see us as having violated it by changing Bella. It was worded that if we _bit_ a human, it would be voided.”

Aro nodded slowly. “I see…”

There was a louder murmur from the guard, and Caius leaned forward in his throne.

“That doesn’t mean you have to attack them,” Bella said, a note of panic in her voice. “We can warn them, make them stick to their own territory again. Other vampires would be safe if they didn’t enter it.”

I winced. I had no intention of letting Bella go anywhere near the wolves again, not even to ensure their safety. It was too dangerous.

Aro’s voice called to my mind, drawing my attention. _Edward, this is not your choice to make. You’re forgetting who she is again. I see now that it’s hard for you to make the adjustment as I have seen the truth of who she was when you were together, the person you left behind, but that is not Bella anymore. She is at no risk from the wolves. And if this treaty cannot be ratified, if they spread their area, we will have to act against them._

“What?” Bella asked, looking between us. “What are you saying to him?”

Aro chuckled, amused by her boldness. He wasn’t used to this kind of confidence in the face of his power from anyone but Caius and Sulpicia. He enjoyed it, though. Bella was a breath of fresh air to him. He liked her confidence and challenging nature.

“I was saying that we will need to reassert your treaty,” Aro said. “For their protection, of course.”

“We’ll do that,” Bella said confidently. “I’ll talk to them.”

My eyes widened momentarily before I quickly covered the reaction. Aro was right, it wasn’t my choice to make, and I didn’t get to control what Bella did. I would be by her side for the meeting, ready to protect, but with her shield, it shouldn’t be necessary. It did mean going back to Forks, though. I thought that was going to be as difficult for her as it would be to see her former family.

“Then that’s decided,” Aro said. “I’ll leave it to you to arrange.”

Bella nodded. “We’ll go straight away.”

“No need to rush away,” Aro said. “I would like to speak to you about your willingness to work with us.” He shot me a cautioning look and then addressed her. “There is a threat developing with some old enemies of ours that you could be an asset for.”

Bella nodded eagerly. “Sure. Tell me what you need.”

 _So eager,_ Aro said. _She is as willing to serve as any in the guard. If only…_

He quickly covered the thought, but I could guess where it was leading. He wanted her as a permanent member of the guard. He could see the power she had even better now he’d seen the control she’d already gained over her shield, and what he’d seen in her mind had revealed her motivation and need. She would be more than an asset. The guard were mostly dedicated to the mission as a result of Chelsea bonding them together, making them want to please the ancients, whereas Bella was eager to protect for her own reasons.

“It’s not pressing yet,” Aro said. “And you need to prepare. I have seen what you’re capable of with your physical shield, and that will be an asset, but it’s your mental ability that I am most interested in. We’re hearing rumors of a power that could inhibit the skills we currently possess. If you could protect us all, you could be vital should it come to a battle.”

The idea of Bella in a battle made my chest ache, but there was nothing I could do to prevent it. She was her own person, and this was her choice to make. All I could do was stand by her side to assist her.

“So, I need to build the mental shield?” Bella asked.

“Indeed. If you could stretch it over others as well as yourself, we would be protected from any other gift. Do you think that’s something you could do?”

Bella nodded. “I could use the physical to protect my family from the wolves, so I can probably do it with the mental, too. I’d have to find a way to test myself.”

“You’d need to be able to test it in a crowd.” Aro’s eyes drifted to Alec. _Can we spare him? If she could protect others from his influence?_

I didn’t want us to stay in Volterra for Bella to train herself, and I wanted Alec in Alaska even less. He wouldn’t want to be without his sister, and if Aro truly wanted Bella that much, he might allow them both to leave the castle. I wanted Jane nowhere near my family. I was sure she wouldn’t hurt them—she was too dedicated to Aro and he was fond of my family, Carlisle especially—but she was still someone I didn’t want extended contact with. And it would be hard for Tanya, Kate, and Irina to have a member of the Volturi so close to them. They respected their rule more than most and were zealous about the law, but the wounds left by the death of their mother were deep enough without a constant reminder.

“We don’t need that,” I said swiftly. “We will find a way with Jasper’s and my gifts.”

Caius shifted in his seat and said, “What are you thinking, Aro?”

Aro stared appraisingly at me. _You would need to put pressure on her. Jasper would need to create a negative emotion for them to react to and her to protect._

“Bella can handle it,” I said confidently.

“Handle what?” Bella asked, her frustration evident. “We can’t all read minds, Edward.”

I smoothed a hand down her back in apology. “I’m sorry, love. Aro was just thinking that we’d need a strong motivation from Jasper to create a situation. It would be a lot of pressure on you.”

Bella nodded curtly and looked at Aro. “Edward is right. I can handle it.”

“Very good,” Aro said. “In that case, I think it would be best for you to contact the wolves and settle things in that respect before there can be any unfortunate accidents. Work on your shield, and we will be in touch when we have need of you. You can pass on any news through human means. We have a receptionist that can deliver any messages. Edward knows the details.”

“Okay,” Bella said. “We’ll fix things with the wolves and let you know when it’s done.”

“Thank you, Bella,” Aro said, taking her hand from her side and patting it, serving the purpose of a sign of affection and also giving him a last glimpse of her thoughts when she dutifully dropped her shield. I quickly blocked his mind from me, but not fast enough to avoid hearing his initial discovery of Bella’s thoughts of the pack.

She was worried about seeing them again. I was sure it wasn’t the danger they posed to us as she’d already been able to handle them once. I thought it was more the emotional pain of seeing the men and boys she’d once thought of as family with hatred in their eyes.

I was worried for her, but I knew she could handle it. She’d already proven herself strong enough to handle anything.

Aro’s assessment the first time he’d spoken to her was right.

Bella was magnificent. 


	31. Chapter 31

**_Bella_ **

It was too dangerous to go close to Forks without speaking to the pack first, so we arranged to meet Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper at SeaTac airpot.

I’d not wanted them to come, to approach the wolves with a show of force, but Edward had insisted we call them to tell them what we were doing as Alice would see our futures disappear if she was looking, and that would panic them. I didn’t want to do that to them, and I accepted that Carlisle should be there to ratify the treaty he’d helped to make decades ago. Emmett and Jasper wouldn’t let him come without them. Apparently, it had been hard to persuade Esme, Alice and Rosalie to stay behind.

I was worried about how the wolves were going to react to so many of us at once, and I was sure we didn’t need more protection as I would be able to hold them back with my shield, but I’d not been able to make my point heard.

When we reached the underground parking garage, they were waiting for us. Carlisle greeted me with a hug, smoothing my hair and murmuring that everything would be okay, and then released me to greet Edward.

“So, Bella, you’ve arranged for another session with the wolves,” Emmett said rubbing his hands together. “Thanks for that.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’re here to talk, Em. None of them are going to be hurt.”

“And if they attack?” Emmett asked hopefully.

“They were my family,” I said. “I know they don’t see it that way anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to hurt them or let them be hurt. I will stop them again if they try to attack.”

“Of course,” Carlisle said. “And Jasper was able to subdue them for a long time when they came before. Between the two of you, I think we can handle this peacefully. We just need them to agree to the treaty again. This is for their protection, not ours, so it shouldn’t be too hard to persuade them.”

Carlisle was wrong. In a very real way, it was for my protection as well as theirs. I had lost what I once had with the pack, they really weren’t my family anymore, but I didn’t want to lose any of them to the Volturi.

I was pleased that Aro had agreed that they would go unthreatened if they stayed in their own territory. I’d not considered the risk of them knowing when we went to see the Volturi. I’d overlooked Aro’s gift as I’d been so excited to meet them. I saw now just how dangerous that had been, and it could have ended with the deaths of men and boys I loved.

This was the last thing I could give them, their protection, and I hoped they were going to accept it. If they refused to accept the facts and the treaty, there was nothing else I could do. They _had to_ accept it.

Carlisle handed me my old phone and asked, “Are you ready?”

I drew a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. The waterfall, right?”

“It’s the best place,” Edward said. “It’s on the boundary line, and we can use the river to allow us some space from them. Between that, your shield, and Jasper, we should be able to manage the meeting peacefully.”

I dialed Sam’s number and raised the phone slowly to my ear, feeling a sense of deep trepidation for what I was about to do. It rang for a long time before it was answered by a familiar voice that made me gasp. _“Hello?”_

“Emily?”

_“Yes, who is this?”_

Of course, she didn’t recognize my voice. It was so different now; its pitch and tenor had changed along with my body in my transformation. I sounded like a stranger to her now. To her mind and heart, I was a stranger.

“It’s Bella,” I said.

She gasped this time, and when she spoke, I heard anger in her tone. _“What do you want, Bella?”_

In the background of the call was a child’s voice, Lucy, and it made my chest constrict. “Auntie Bella? I want to talk to her!”

“It’s a different Bella, Lucy,” Emily said, her voice slightly muffled as if she’d covered the receiver. “I told you, Auntie Bella is never coming back. She died.”

There was a shout and then soft cries from Lucy that were soon joined by a baby’s that I guessed was their son Harry’s.

“I want Auntie Bella!”

Emily spoke in a bitter hiss. _“What do you_ want _, Bella? I’m sure you can hear what you’ve started with this call. I’ve got to go take care of my children. The ones you used to care about before you turned into a bloodsucker.”_

This was heartbreaking. Emily had been one of my closest friends, and I loved her children. Lucy, though I hardly saw her as I was in college in Oregon when she was a baby, still sent me pictures she’d drawn for me to tack to my fridge, and when she was old enough to hold a conversation, I would talk to her on the phone when I called Emily to chat. I’d lost that connection with her mother and father, which I understood as they thought I was a monster, but it seemed worse to me that Lucy thought I was dead.

I closed my eyes and forced my sadness not to show in my tone. “I need to talk to Sam.”

_“He’s not here. He’s on patrol. There are monsters out there we need to be protected from. Monsters like you.”_

“Then you need to find one of the pack to get a message to him. We need to talk. I’m here with Edward, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper. We’ll be at the waterfall on the boundary line tonight at midnight. He needs to be there. He can bring as many of the pack as he wants, whatever makes him feel safe, but we’re not here for a fight.”

_“You bring your strongest fighters and lure him into the forest and expect me to believe you’re not here to fight?”_

“We’re not. It’s a fight I am trying to protect you from. There are others of my kind that know about the pack now, and they’re not like us. They’re dangerous. If we don’t fix the treaty, they will be a danger to the pack.”

 _“I already know about the others of your kind. Sam told me you threatened us with them. Which of your ‘friends’”—_ she spoke the word with derision— _“are coming for us?”_

Edward stroked my cheek and murmured, “Don’t put yourself through this, love. Just make sure they come.”

I nodded my agreement. It was hurting me to talk to her when she was like this, someone I had once been so comfortable with, and it was better to get it over. “I don’t have time for this, Emily,” I said. “Make sure Sam is there.” I decided a threat was in order, though it was hard for me to say. “If you don’t, if they don’t come, I can promise you’ll regret it one day when you’re a widow.”

She sucked in a breath. _“You—”_

I hung up before she could finish. I didn’t want to hear more of her opinion of me. I knew how she felt. She was wrong, but she couldn’t see that as she was blinded by her beliefs and the stories she’d been told around the campfire.

Edward put his arms around me, and I pressed my face into his chest, feeling his breaths move me.

“I’m sorry you had to do that, Bella,” Carlisle said.

I shrugged but didn’t raise my head. “It’s what we need to do if we’re going to protect them.”

It really was. It was my fault that the pack were in danger from the Volturi, and it was my job to make them safe.

Then, when that was over, it would be over between them and me forever.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

Despite Bella’s warning to Emily, we weren’t confident the wolves would come.

I wasn’t sure what we would do if they didn’t. It was safer to arrange to meet so they didn’t feel they were being attacked, but we might be forced to search for them if they didn’t come. It was too dangerous for them to be left moving freely in our territory.

We stood together on our side of the river, Carlisle at the center, Bella and I on his right, Jasper and Emmett on the left.

“What’s the time?” Bella asked.

“Almost midnight,” I replied.

She sighed and looked around, muttering, “Damnit, Sam.”

“Wait!” I said, reaching out with my mind as I heard the whisper of a voice in the distance. “Yes, I can hear them.”

 _Stay close,_ the commanding mental voice of Sam, their Alpha, said. _No one attack_ _s_ _without my order._

 _We should go in fighting straight away,_ Jacob replied. _It’s only Bella and the males. We can take them._

 _And if they use that freaky power to slow us down? Or if Bella can hold us back again?_ The voice was scathing and feminine.

 _Then we fight harder,_ Jacob replied. _And we don’t know it was Bella. Just because the mindreading leech said it was, it doesn’t mean he was right._

 _Stop!_ Sam commanded. _They’re close no,w and they might be able to hear us. Follow my orders. Jacob, that includes you. I know how you feel about this, but we’re not risking our pack brothers to settle a vendetta._

Though she didn’t respond, I heard the mental curse that was Leah expressing her feelings about the use of ‘brothers’ alone.

“I can hear them,” Bella said, stiffening between Carlisle and me.

“What are they thinking, Edward?” Carlisle asked.

“Their Alpha is in command. He’s telling them not to attack without cause. I think we can make it through this without a fight if we don’t show any sign of threatening them. He’s sensible and is using his ability to enforce his rule over them. They won’t be able to resist it.”

Carlisle sighed. _Good. I don’t want this to be more hostile than is necessary because of them. It’s more than Bella’s need. I don’t want them to be hurt. And I will not risk any of us._ “If they show signs of attacking, we run,” he said aloud. “We do not fight.”

“They’re fast,” Bella warned. “They caught Laurent and Victoria.”

“We’re faster,” Emmett said confidently.

The sounds of the wolves grew louder over the roar of the water cascading over the falls, their pounding paws, and heavy breaths, and then they were there. The black one, Sam, was first out of the trees, and then Jacob appeared, his russet fur glinting in the moonlight on Sam’s left, and the brown-furred Jared joined on Sam’s right.

The other wolves stepped out around them in a wide vee that settled along the riverbank.

Though Jacob had been the most aggressive in his thoughts, he wasn’t straining to attack the way the silver wolf, Paul, was, and it took a command from Sam to make him still, though he still growled as his eyes fixed on us.

“Thank you for coming,” Carlisle said, spreading his hands in greeting. “I know this must be difficult for you. But it’s very important that we talk. Can one of you phase so we can talk?”

 _No,_ Sam said. _We will not make ourselves vulnerable to you, murderer._

“They won’t,” I said.

“Scared?” Emmett said with a hint of glee.

There was a snarl from the female in response.

 _You can talk for us, mind-reader,_ Sam said.

“They want me to speak for them,” I said.

“Of course, if that would make you more comfortable,” Carlisle said.

My eyes sought the sandy-colored wolf, Seth, Bella’s step-brother, to see what his response was to being close to Bella again. He was staring fixedly at Carlisle, but Bella was in his peripheral vision, and I could tell it was hurting him. He was thinking of nothing but the fact he was facing a threat, concentratedly not thinking of Bella, but I was sure Jasper would be able to sense his sadness.

Bella’s gaze kept drifting to him, too, but each time it fell on him, she snapped it back to Sam.

I’d known this was going to be hard for her, and I would have done all I could to persuade her not to come had we not needed her shield. Though that would probably have been a wasted effort as she had shown herself more than ready to make her own decisions lately. I had never wanted to control her. My concern had always been about protecting her, but even that had to be reined in now.

 _Why are we here?_ Sam asked.

“We need to ratify the treaty,” I said.

A snarl rippled along the line of wolves in response.

 _You broke the treaty, not us,_ Sam said. _Why should we do this, leave you free to murder again without consequence?_

“We broke the treaty to save a life,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “And we have no plans to change anyone else. This is for _your_ own protection.”

“It is,” Carlisle said. “Our kind, vampires, have leadership. They enforce the laws of our kind.”

 _You have laws?_ Jacob scoffed. _Is there a quota of murders a year to keep up?_

I ignored the question and nodded to Carlisle to continue.

“The greatest of our laws is that we keep the existence of vampires a secret. If that law is broken, it is punishable by death. Our leaders, The Volturi, enforce that zealously. They also deal with threats to our kind. Your pack is a threat as you’ve shown yourself capable of killing vampires.”

 _Capable?_ the silver wolf asked. _We’re more than capable. We’re more than happy to kill you._

Sam barked harshly. _Quiet, Paul!_ He turned his gaze to me and asked, _They know about us?_

I nodded. “They know. But we have an agreement with them. If you keep to your territory, don’t hunt vampires outside it, they will leave you alone.”

Sam’s teeth showed in a snarl. _As you said, we’re capable of killing vampires. Why should we be scared of these Volturi?_

“Because they’re stronger than you, they have gifts that can incapacitate you to make killing you easy, and there are more of them than you,” I said. “The Volturi are the most powerful group of my kind. They are respected by us all because of it.”

 _How do they know about us?_ Jacob narrowed his large eyes. _Did you tell them so they’d take us out?_

“They know because one of them is gifted. He can read a life’s worth of thoughts and memories with a single touch. When Bella and I met them, they saw you in my mind.”

 _Bella!_ Seth’s thought was as shocked as a slap. _She betrayed us?_

 _Of course she did,_ Leah snapped. _She’s one of them now, Seth._

“We didn’t see the risk until it was too late,” I said. “It is only because of Bella that we have a chance to save you.”

Bella flinched. “They’re blaming me?”

 _Of course we are! You did this!_ Jacob’s voice was a shout. _Tell her that, bloodsucker. You’re supposed to be speaking for us, so tell her we know. Make sure she understands that we see this is what a monster does to the people that saved her life._

“No,” I said stiffly. “If you want to have that conversation, you can phase back and have it yourself.” I knew he wouldn’t as Sam would never allow it.

“What is he saying, Edward?” Bella asked, her jaw jutting out when I didn’t answer at once. “Tell me!”

“They’re angry,” I said.

“Obviously,” Emmett muttered. “They’ve got the tempers of toddlers.”

“That’s enough, Emmett,” Carlisle said mildly.

“What else?” Bella asked.

I didn’t want to tell her, but she had a right to know and I wouldn’t lie to her. “They think you betrayed them.”

Bella winced and then addressed Jacob, seeming to know it was him that had spoken. “I did betray you in a way. I didn’t think of Aro’s gift when I went to meet him. It wasn’t on purpose, though. You know I would never have put any of you in danger intentionally.”

Jacob growled, and her eyes became steely.

“You can think what you want, Jacob Black. I know you’re too damn stubborn and prejudiced to see the facts. That’s not your fault. You’ve only ever heard the legends and were too stupid to listen to me when I told you the truth. You can’t help that.”

Emmett snorted. “Yep, stupidity is a hard thing to beat.”

Jacob’s teeth snapped, and Jasper murmured, “Ease up, Em. They’re getting pissed.”

“I’m pissed, too,” Emmett said. “They’re talking crap about our sister.”

Bella smiled slightly and then became serious again. “You have two choices, Sam. You can agree to stay on your own lands and only kill vampires that cross the treaty line, or we can go back to The Volturi and tell them you’re refusing. They can come hunt you. We’ve already warned you once; not all vampires are like us. This isn’t about you getting some kind of revenge because my life was saved in a way you can’t accept. This is protecting your pack and the tribe.” She shrugged. “It’s your choice. I’m not staying to protect you in case you’re too stupid to listen. I work for them now.”

“You what?” Emmett shouted, his thoughts blank with shock.

Carlisle glanced at me. _Is she joking?_ I shook my head, and he went on. _She’s joining the guard?_

“Not exactly,” I murmured.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Bella said curtly. “Sam, what’s your decision?”

Sam had no choice to make, and I knew it, but as he nodded his head and thought, _We will keep our hunting within the boundaries of our territory,_ there was an explosion of growls and strident protests in the pack’s minds.

“They agree to keep to the treaty lines again,” I said.

“Good,” Carlisle said, ignoring the reaction. “We will leave you now. Be safe.”

He turned and started to walk away, hoping to show them a peaceable exit by showing his back to them in a gesture of vulnerability.

We all started to follow, but Jacob’s mental voice shouted after me as he barked. _Bloodsucker, tell Bella something. We will stay in our territory, but she stays out of Forks completely. She doesn’t come near us or Charlie again. He doesn’t need her anymore._

Across his mind flashed an image of Charlie, crumpled in his recliner with a can of beer in his hand and a desolate look in his face. Though his wife, Sue, was talking to him, kneeling at his side, he didn’t seem to be hearing her.

 _That was yesterday,_ he said. _She did that to him. Make sure she knows._

I refused to pass on the image of Charlie to her, I wouldn’t hurt her like that for anything, no need of honesty was as powerful as that, but I said, “Jacob wants you to know you can’t come back to Forks, Bella.”

I watched her reaction carefully, wanting to know which version of Bella would show, the strong character she’d become or the person that had once called Jacob her best friend. I was relieved when she turned back to him and narrowed her eyes.

“You don’t get to dictate to me, Jacob Black. I will go where I want, when I want. You’re no threat to me. I will come if I want to.”

Emmett whooped mentally but kept his face no more than a little smug as he watched his sister face-off with the wolf. _That’s my girl._

Jacob snarled, and Bella smirked before she turned her back on him and walked away. I hurried to her side and took her hand. We’d gone no more than a dozen feet before her face fell, and she bit her lip.

It was the confident Bella that had answered Jacob, as she’d needed it to be, but it was the more sensitive version that was reacting now.

I was glad that she’d made herself clear—she would come and go as she wished—but I didn’t think she ever would while Charlie lived, perhaps not even after he was gone.

She’d been standing up to the wolf when she said it, but she knew that Forks was a past life for her now, and the place would only bring pain.


	32. Chapter 32

I was in my study, reading a book that Alice had picked up for me in Anchorage on her last visit. It was a new version of a book I’d read in the eighties on psychology, and I was enjoying the new theories and updated beliefs compared to the original.

Psychology was an interest of mine that I didn’t give much time to usually. My time was usually more limited than the rest of my family’s as I would give as many hours to the hospital as I could without arousing suspicion, and the rest to my family and Esme. The time I did spend reading was more often in the field of medicine.

Now, though, I had no job as I’d already worked in all the hospitals and clinics within the reasonable travel area over the years we’d lived here, and it was far too soon for me to go back under another identity. I did miss working, but I was enjoying having this time, and I didn’t think it would be long until we resettled somewhere that I could work again as Bella showed no need for the isolation Denali gave us for her newborn year. She was excelling in her new life in every way.

Though perhaps she would take that new life to Italy.

Other than the brief comment from Bella about working for The Volturi and Edward’s response, I didn’t know what she’d meant when she said she worked for them. We’d not discussed it again as we’d separated in Forks. Bella and Edward had retrieved Edward’s old Volvo from the Forks house, and they were going to drive back to Alaska while Emmett, Jasper, and I flew from SeaTac.

Jasper and Emmett had heard what she said as clearly as I had, but they’d quickly dismissed it as an empty threat for the sake of the wolves. I didn’t think so. Esme had worried it would be a risk, and I trusted my wife’s perceptiveness and understanding of our family.

I was determined not to obsess over it, though. When Bella and Edward arrived, we would be able to talk about it. All that would come of thinking about it before then was stress.

I heard Esme’s light footsteps in the hall outside my study, so I set a bookmark in my place and closed the book in time to look up with a smile as she entered.

She gave me a sweet smile and said, “Alice said Edward and Bella are almost here.”

I got to my feet and crossed the room to kiss her. “Then let’s wait for them downstairs.”

She took my hand, and we walked together back to the living room where someone had set a fire. I warmed my hands by it for a moment, feeling the heat seep into me in a pleasant way, and then took a seat as I heard the Volvo approaching, going a little slower than Edward would usually drive as the snow was thick around the house.

Esme watched through the window as they drove past and then turned into the garage set away from the main house. Rosalie and Emmett were in there, and I guessed they would follow them in.

At least they would if it was Emmett’s choice.

Rosalie and Bella’s relationship was still…difficult. I wished Rosalie would put aside her resentment and open herself to Bella. I loved them both and knew they could be friends if Rosalie allowed it. They were both strong women, both having suffered in their past and found happiness. Bella hadn’t had the trauma of Rosalie’s change, but she’d had the trauma of being hunted by a vampire for months, and her own change had not been smooth. Though she’d changed her mind about being changed in a life or death situation, it wasn’t a life she’d wanted for herself any more than Rosalie had. 

Alice and Jasper came down the stairs together and sat opposite me on the couch. Esme moved to the door and opened it just as Bella and Edward’s footsteps reached the steps to the porch.

They returned Esme’s smile as they entered, and Bella hugged her. Edward made a show of happiness, but I thought he looked tense around the eyes.

_Is everything okay? I asked._

He shook his head the minutest amount to the left then right.

_Is it Bella?_

He nodded slightly.

Bella seemed perfectly happy as she hugged Alice and answered her question of, “How was Italy?” with a grin.

“It was pretty amazing. Volterra was beautiful, and I loved the castle.”

“And the ancients?” I asked.

Edward’s lips pinched together.

“They were great,” Bella said. “We didn’t really talk to Caius, and I’m not even sure that Marcus noticed we were there, but Aro is incredible, not at all what I expected. He’s far more…cheerful.”

I chuckled. “Yes, Aro always was the most excitable of the trio. Did you meet the wives?”

“Yes, I liked Sulpicia. Athenodora was a little different. I think she was more interested in what she was getting from Corin than from me.”

“Yes,” I said. “She’s definitely more affected than Sulpicia by her influence.”

“It’s a little sad,” Bella said. “I wouldn’t want to live my life like that.”

“No,” Esme said. “I can’t imagine it’s a satisfying existence.”

“What about the rest?” Alice asked. “Anything interesting happen?”

Edward shot her a sharp glance, and I raised an eyebrow. Had Alice perhaps seen something of Bella’s future that showed her Bella’s plans with the Volturi?

“Were you watching?” Bella asked, her tone neutral.

Alice looked a little disappointed by the question. “No, I was giving you the privacy you told us you wanted. There was a shift in Edward’s future, though.”

“What was it?” I asked.

“That’s the thing,” Alice said. “It wasn’t very clear. It’s more of a feeling.”

Bella glanced at Edward who nodded slightly and said, “It’s yours to tell, love.” Then he raised his voice and said, “Em, Rose, would you like to come in for a moment? We need to talk to you.”

Esme narrowed her eyes. “Talk about what?”

“In a moment,” Edward said mildly and then frowned as footsteps stomped through the snow and the door opened.

Emmett came in and kicked the snow off his boots then dropped down on the couch opposite Esme and me and said, “Rose is deep in the engine of the Jeep right now, but she’s listening.”

I knew it wasn’t that Rosalie was unable to come in but unwilling. If this conversation took the direction I thought it would, she would be here soon.

Bella shrugged and said, “When we were in Volterra, Aro offered me a place in the guard.”

Esme gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth.

“Wait, what?” Emmett said. “I thought that was a joke, or a threat for the dogs. You’re seriously joining the Volturi? Bella, you do realize they _and the guard_ live in Italy, right? That’s a hell of a long way from Alaska.”

I glanced at Edward to see his reaction to this, but his face was a mask. Jasper was looking at Bella with a strained look on his face that I thought meant he was tasting the emotions of the room and reacting to them. Esme looked stricken and Alice too shocked to respond.

“You’re leaving us!” Esme said, her voice a mere breath. “Both of you?”

There was a furious growl from outside ,and then Rosalie stormed in, her eyes blazing with anger and her hands clawed at her sides. “You’re taking Edward away!”

Bella had been saddened by the reactions to the subject at first, but now she looked angry. “I’m not taking Edward anywhere. I am not joining the guard. I will go when they need me, though, and I will help.”

“Edward?” Rosalie snapped. “What about you?”

“I will go wherever Bella goes,” he said serenely.

Bella smiled at him.

“You’re tearing our family apart so you can run around feeling like a hero with The Volturi,” Rosalie growled. “Haven’t you done enough? Edward was gone five years because of you.”

Bella leaped to her feet, and Edward grabbed for her arm and said, “Bella, love…” but she pulled her arm free and stared at Emmett who had jumped in front of his wife.

“Jasper,” I said quickly, getting to my feet, too, and positioning myself with Emmett.

I felt the room flooding with calm, and my knotted chest eased, but I didn’t move from my spot between my daughters, particularly because Bella didn’t look calm.

“Bella, let me help,” Jasper said.

“No. I don’t need you to control what I feel, thank you,” Bella said stiffly. “And I don’t need you two standing between us like guard dogs. I’m not going to attack anyone.”

“I know you don’t feel like it, but you’re still a newborn, Bella, and your temper can ignite in a moment,” Jasper said. “You need to let me help.”

Bella stared at him for a moment and then nodded. I felt the intensity of Jasper’s influence increased, and Bella’s shoulders relaxed. She moved back and sat down again. Edward quickly sat with her and put his arm around her.

“Everyone, sit down,” I said. “We all need to talk civilly.”

I took my seat beside Esme again, and the others did the same, Emmett towing Rosalie to the couch. My first daughter was wide-eyed despite Jasper’s influence. I don’t think she was expecting Bella’s reaction and the sudden switch of the situation into anger. She was accustomed to saying what she thought and felt without repercussions.

“Okay, Rosalie,” Bella said, her tone a little clipped. “We need to talk.”

I glanced at Jasper, and he shook his head which I took to indicate she’d blocked his influence again. I thought Bella could hold her temper, though, and so wasn’t unduly worried, but I was prepared to step between them again.

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest. “You can talk all you like.”

“I will,” Bella said. “You blame me for Edward being gone for five years, but you know that was in no way my fault, so I’m guessing you’re just trying to make me start shouting about that again to upset Edward.”

“I would never…” Rosalie started.

“I think you would,” Bella said. “I think it bothers you that I’m here and happy but not like you. You might be happy doing the endless cycle of high school and college, but that’s not for me. I’m too old to get away with high school, and I’ve already done college once. We’re different. I’m not like you.”

“I don’t _like_ pretending to be a child,” Rosalie said. “I do it for my family.”

“Which is great. I know how much you love them. But you don’t get to mold me into one of you. I am going to live this life in my own way. I _am_ going to work with the Volturi. No, I’m not going to live with them. I will find another cover when we settle somewhere new. If Edward wants to come with me when I go, that’s his choice to make. It’s not mine, and it’s not yours. Just because you want to slip back into the life you had before he met me, it doesn’t mean it’s possible.”

“It would be if you weren’t so selfish!” Rosalie snapped. “You think school is fun for me? You think I like this…life? You got to change your mind about being changed. I didn’t have that. I was given this, and I make the best of it since I have no choice.”

“Okay, Rose, calm down,” Emmett said, laying a hand on her arm. 

Rosalie yanked herself away from him, putting a foot of space between them on the couch. Emmett looked hurt, and Bella’s eyes blazed again.

“I think we all need space to calm down,” I said, worried by the direction this was taking. Bella was still angry, and whatever Rosalie was feeling was strong enough to beat what Jasper was trying to make her feel. “Bella, perhaps a hunt would be a good idea.”

Bella shot me an angry look. It surprised me as she’d never looked at me like that before. We’d always been friendly when we’d lived in Forks, I’d thought of her as a daughter, and when we met again in Astoria, we’d grown so much closer. We’d never quarreled or been angry with each other.

Bella was angry with me now, and it was a strange feeling. Also, a worrying one.

“I’m going to see Eleazar,” Bella said. “I need his help to build control of my shield.”

“I’ll come with you,” Edward said.

“No.” She looked annoyed, but she softened her voice as she went on. “I could do with some time alone, and I’ll take a walk on the way there.” She kissed him and then slipped from the room out of the door, letting it swing closed behind her.

“Okay, I’m asking,” Emmett said loudly when the sounds of her footfalls were gone. “What the hell was that? She’s been around a while now, human and vampire, but she’s never been like that. Is this some kind of late-onset newborn thing?”

“No,” Edward said. “This is just Bella trying to find her place. She’s not been like this before since there’s been no reason for her to be. It’s partially my fault. I upset her in Volterra when I allowed myself to doubt her love.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “And then there was all the stress of the meeting with the wolves; their reaction to her was awful. I assumed, I think we all did, that Bella would fit into our lives the way we’ve always lived them. I guess she wouldn’t pass in high school, but college would work. But she doesn’t want that. She _wants_ to work with the Volturi. That’s her way of making a new life for herself. I will do it with her because I love her and want to be there to protect her.”

“So you are leaving us for her,” Rosalie hissed. “She gets what she wants, and the rest of us have to fall in line.”

“Rosalie,” Edward growled. “I know you…”

“No!” Rosalie snapped. “I’ve heard enough. And I’m not going to spend any more time discussing her wants and needs. I’m going to hunt.” She jumped to her feet and shot a look at Emmett who looked ready to rise. “Alone.”

Emmett’s face fell but he nodded and said, “Sure, I’ll see you later.”

She stormed from the room and slammed the door behind her.

Esme sighed heavily and said, “What is happening to us?”

“Nothing,” Jasper said, a small smile on his lips. “We’re just living like humans for a while.”

Alice frowned. “What do you mean humans?”

Jasper smiled slightly. “I have to feel them when we’re around them, so I know how it works. For us, things are usually the same. We go from year to year with nothing changing apart from the town we live in. But we’ve got Bella who’s a newborn, even if she’s not acting like it, and she’s also a strong character trying to find her place in a whole new world. That is so human. They’re always having to do stuff like that, especially the ones we surround ourselves with. Imagine Bella is a college senior, it’s almost time to start real life, that’s where her head’s at right now.” He chuckled. “Esme saw it before the rest of us. Bella’s going to want to serve again, and the Volturi can help her do that. It makes sense.”

“This is going to change us all,” Alice said with a hint of frustration. “Nothing is clear anymore. It’s all foggy because nothing’s been decided.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Jasper said. “We could all do with mixing things up a little. It’s not like any of this is dangerous to us. Maybe we don’t move to a new town and start over yet, we give it a couple years or more for Bella to find her feet.”

“Rose is going to love that,” Emmett muttered.

He was hurt by the way his wife had reacted to him when he was trying to help, I could tell. I wished I had words to make it right for him, but there was nothing I could say or do. The only person that held that power was Rosalie, and she’d not settled in the more than seventy years she’d been in my family, so it was unlikely she would now. 

I was worried now for all my family. We would all, perhaps, benefit from living isolated for a while, allow us to settle with Bella in our lives, but it was going to cause tension with Rosalie.

My fear was that Bella’s love for the rest of us wouldn’t be enough for her to put up with Rosalie’s behavior. She might choose to stay with the Volturi, taking Edward with her, instead of being around that kind of negativity. Or Rosalie and Emmett could decide to live or travel as a married couple again.

However it happened, our family might be torn apart by this.


	33. Chapter 33

**_Bella_ **

I was almost out of earshot of the house when I heard Emmett’s voice from a distance, and I stopped. “Okay, I’m asking. What the hell was that? She’s been around a while now, human and vampire, but she’s never been like that. Is this some kind of late-onset newborn thing?”

I muttered a curse. So, the fact I wanted to live my life my way was a ‘newborn thing’? What the hell did he expect from me when his wife was behaving like a shrew?

Edward spoke up, and I calmed a little. “No. This is just Bella trying to find her place. She’s not been like this before since there’s been no reason for her to be. It’s partially my fault. I upset her in Volterra when I allowed myself to doubt her love.”

I supposed it was good he was aware of it. There was a time once when he would have missed what he’d done. The more I looked back on our first months together, the scant six it had been, the more I saw how unequal it had been and how wrong. He’d not really known me, and he’d filled in the gaps with what he thought I should be. He’d loved me, I knew; he’d never stopped. But now we were finally on even footing, and I was glad he was seeing me clearly.

The more I listened, the better I felt about it. He understood me at least partly, even if it wasn’t all of it.

Working with the Volturi was about more than me finding my place. It was the right thing to do. And, it was hard to admit even to myself as if felt stupid, but it was a thrill. I was going to be fighting among the strongest group of vampires in the world. I was going to be protecting our secret. There wasn’t much in my new life that was a bigger thrill than that, except my most private moments with Edward. 

Rosalie spoke up, and I rolled my eyes at her poorly concealed selfishness. “So, you are leaving us for her. She gets what she wants, and the rest of us have to fall in line.”

She didn’t care about what Edward and I did. She just didn’t want her life interrupted in any way. She was the one that wanted _me_ to fall in line.

“Rosalie,” Edward growled. “I know you…”

“No!” Rosalie snapped. “I’ve heard enough. And I’m not going to spend any more time discussing her wants and needs. I’m going to hunt. Alone.”

“Sure, I’ll see you later.” Emmett’s response made me see that he was the one the last harsh word had been directed to, and it banished my calm. She could act however she wanted with me, I could take it, but the way she treated him was wrong. Emmett would move mountains for her if she asked, but she treated him like crap. His face when she’d been talking about how she’d had no choice about the life she lived, the hurt, had gone deep, and that was her doing it to the man she loved.

The door slammed, and I jumped into a tree and watched as she ran north from the house into the park towards the mountain. I stayed on the branch I had taken for a moment, teetering between continuing my intended path towards Tanya’s house or following her, and then I jumped down and started after her.

We were going to have this conversation at last, and even if it didn’t change anything, I would know I had done my best.

She was out of sight, but I followed her scent across the snow to the shore of the Reflection Pond where she was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her shoulders stiff with tension. She didn’t look to see who was approaching, though she would have heard me coming, I saw the moment she caught my scent, and she stiffened even more.

“Go away,” she growled.

“No.”

She turned slightly. “Have you come to attack me now that there’s no one to get in the way? You may be all super-powered and strong, but I will take you down.”

I snorted at the threat. “Sure you will.”

She turned to face me fully, and her teeth clenched in a snarl. “Go away, Bella.”

“No,” I said again. “We need to talk. We’re making things hard for everyone else with things the way they are between us, so we need to fix it.”

“ _You_ care about everyone else?” she asked derisively. “That must be why you’ve been so kind and helpful lately.”

“I have done my best, Rosalie.”

“No!” she shouted. “You’ve spoiled everything. You started this all six years ago, and you’re not going to be happy until you’ve destroyed it all. My family was happy before you came along. We were all living our lives together. Then you show up, almost making Edward kill because of your damn scent, and then, when he was strong enough to resist, when the idiot thought he was in love with you, you put us all in danger from James and Victoria.”

I just stared at her, incredulous at the direction her thoughts had taken at the things that had happened. The fact Edward had been tempted by my scent was hardly my fault, and ‘thought’ he loved me was ridiculous.

I held up a hand. “You can blame me for James since it was my fault. I was the human with the vampires, and I was the one that smelled good. But you can’t pretend to believe Edward didn’t love me because it suits you. He _did_ love me; he _does_ love me. He never stopped loving me even when we were apart, and you and I both know it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Okay, what the hell is this really about?” I asked. “Are you jealous because he loves me? Do you want him to love you like that?”

I knew I was off base by her stunned reaction. Her lips parted, and her eyes widened and then brightened with mirth. “Do I want Edward to love me? No! I love Emmett.”

I held up a finger. “That’s what I thought, and we’re coming back to that point, but why is it such a problem for you that he loves me?”

“Because you spoil everything!” she snapped. “You were the one that made Edward leave us. He was gone years because of you. And then you showed up again, and everyone was so happy to see you, but you were a bitch. You walked out on us, upsetting Esme and Emmett.”

I couldn’t believe she was bringing that up now, how deep her resentment went.

“And then,” she went on in a rush, as if now she’d started, she couldn’t stop herself, “you didn’t want him anymore. After all that time, when we’d finally got him home after you drove him away for years, you hurt him again. When you changed your mind, like the fickle human you are, you refuse to make any sacrifices for him. You expected him to live in the shadows for the rest of your life so you can keep working and doing all that human crap.” She pointed a finger, jabbing it into my chest and making heat flood my veins that I had to concentrate on not reacting to. “And then you fall down the stairs like some idiot and throw everything away.”

Now I reacted. Now I was angry, and it made my words more honest and harsher than I intended.

“I didn’t throw anything away. I didn’t want this! I _fell_ down the stairs and that was it for me. I didn’t choose the change. I’d made peace with how it would end for me as a human a long time ago. Death is a part of life, and that was fine with me. I know I should have died.”

She took a step back and her hand clapped over her mouth. “You didn’t want it? You didn’t change your mind?”

I was still too angry to behave kindly and my voice was a growl. “No, I didn’t. But I got it.”

“Do you hate it, too?”

My anger seeped out of me as I heard the genuine sadness in the question. She really did hate it. I couldn’t understand it. There were difficulties in this life, but there was nothing to hate about it.

“No,” I said. “There are things I don’t like, it’s hard, and I feel stupid for once wishing for it, but I have Edward forever now. I have you all.”

“You lost the rest of your family,” she said.

“I did. And yes, that is awful, but I can make the most of what I have. I get to live still. Isn’t that what you want, too?”

She stared at me for so long that I thought she wasn’t going to answer at all. I expected her to walk away from me, and then she started talking, and I found myself truly seeing Rosalie Hale for the first time in my life. I could finally understand her and why she was the way she was.

“When I was human, I was happy,” she began. “I had a friend called Vera with the most wonderful son that I coveted. I was beautiful, and I’d met the man that was going to give me the life I’d always dreamed of. I would have my own little baby, like Vera…”

I listened in awe as she told me the story of what sounded like an idyllic life, full of dreams of a nice home and beautiful children, that was torn apart one night with the ultimate betrayal and the evil of sexual violence.

I had been trained in how to deal with sexual assault victims in the force, I knew the words I was supposed to use, but I also knew this wasn’t the time for them. Rosalie was spilling this story not for support or understanding; she was giving it to me to make me understand what I was giving up and what I was doing to her.

“I heard them talking about me,” she said. “Edward was cruel, at least that was how it sounded to me, and then he asked what they were going to do with me. Carlisle said it would be my choice. I could ‘go my own way’. I was scared. He’d told me all about my new life as I burned, and I knew I was never going to have the things I’d dreamed of, but I’d thought I wouldn’t be alone. I couldn’t stand it.” She looked at me, and her eyes blazed. “I wanted the family they offered me. When Emmett came, and then Alice and Jasper, I tried to make them matter enough to make up for what I could never have. They were my family. And you are tearing it all apart _again_! And you don’t even care!”

“I care,” I said calmly. “And we can talk about that, but I want to know one thing before we do. Carlisle once told me that the only ones in the family that believed in God were him and Edward.”

She nodded tersely. “That’s right. I don’t believe in fairy tales.”

“So, you don’t believe in Heaven either?”

“Of course not.”

I tried not to smile as I asked, “Then why would you have preferred death, nothingness forever, to the life you have now? To Emmett and your family?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said dismissively.

“No, I don’t think I can because I don’t think you would really want that. I think you’re bitter about your change because of how it came about, and no one would blame you for that. What happened to you was awful, something no one should ever go through, and Royce and his friends deserved to suffer for what they did.”

She laughed softly. “Oh, they did.”

I was sure there was more of a story to that, but I didn’t ask. I went on with my questions, knowing that was how to break through this block she had in her mind that was going to make things impossible for us—and hard for the rest of our family.

“Emmett told me the story of his change,” I said, “how he was saved by his angel, and now I want to know why you did it. If you hate this life so much, why would you do it to him?”

Her eyes hardened and her tone was scathing. “You don’t know?”

“You didn’t want to be alone?” I guessed.

“No, it’s because he reminded me of Vera’s little Henry. His dark curls, the dimples that still showed when he was grimacing in pain, I saw them, and I wanted him. I wanted him so much that I was selfish enough to take him to Carlisle and ask him to change him for me.” She smiled a hard smile. “I know what you’re thinking; I am a monster for dooming him to the life that I hated.”

“I don’t think that,” I said. “Because I don’t believe you hate this life as much as you say you do. I can’t imagine a better way to live as a vampire than the way you all do. You’re together, you’re not hurting anyone, you have love, you have Emmett. I think the anger of what you lost when you were changed, all the things you’d dreamed of, are what make you angry, not what you have now.”

She made a strange sound, half amusement, half sadness. “That’s what you think, is it?”

“Yes,” I said. “And I think your problem with me is because I am complicating that. You think I’m going to mess up your life because I won’t fall into place in it the way you want me to. That’s not going to change my mind. I will still do what I want because it’s not my responsibility to make you happy.” I stared at her until she met my eyes. “That’s not Emmett’s responsibility either. He’s just supposed to love you. And he does. You know that even better than I do. He loves you more than anything in the world, but you hurt him.”

“I would never—” she started.

I spoke over her. “Every time you complain about this life, the things you can’t have, dismiss him like you did earlier, you’re hurting him. I know you love him, and I don’t think you mean to do it, but you do it anyway. You don’t hate this life as much as you think, so you need to stop pretending you do. Next time you get bitter because you see something you can’t have, look at him and remind yourself of what you do have.”

“You really think I’m going to take relationship advice from you? The woman that drove her lover away for five years and then is going to drag him into danger now because she’s too selfish to give up what she wants for him?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to summon patience then said, “I didn’t drive Edward away, and I don’t want to drag him into danger. I just want to live my life and do something with it. Edward is the one that’s choosing to come with me.”

“Do you really expect him to stay behind while you throw yourself under the bus?” she asked.

“I expect him to make his own choices. If he wants to come, that’s up to him. I meant what I said before. I’m not going to limit my life to make it easier for everyone else. I will train my shield so I can be an asset to the Volturi. I will go when they ask me to, and I will do what they need.”

She held up a hand. “You do realize that means killing other vampires, right? The Volturi don’t just hand out speeding tickets the way you did before.”

“I’m aware,” I said. “And I don’t look forward to ending lives, but I have been trained to do it to protect others, and I will.”

“You didn’t shoot that man that was robbing the store. You couldn’t do it.” She smirked. “What makes you think you’re suddenly able to do it now?”

“I made a choice with Max; I didn’t want to end a life, so I shot to wound against protocol. That was a mistake. Other people almost died because of it—I almost died. I learned my lesson. I won’t hesitate next time.”

She didn’t look convinced, but I didn’t much care. I wasn’t worried about what she thought. I just wanted things to be easier for the rest of my family.

“I think we should call a truce,” I said. “You know I am not going to change my mind about my plans because you throw a temper tantrum, and I know you’re never going to like me. I’ll not try to change that, and you control your temper when I am there and when we’re talking about things you don’t like. My plans for example. It will make things easier for everyone else.”

She nodded. “Fine. I can do that. And you stop pretending you know anything about my life with Emmett.”

I shrugged. I thought my message on that subject had been delivered now if it ever would be. Nothing else was going to come of more discussion but more resentment. “I can do that.” I held out a hand. “Are you going to shake on it?”

She stared at my hand for a moment then took it, gripped my fingers tight enough that she would have crushed my bones had I been human still, bobbed them once and then yanked her hand back. The problem wasn’t resolved, but we had at least found an understanding.

“You better go find Eleazar,” she said. “He needs to help you become even more of a superstar than you already think you are. He’s probably going to want to gush over how powerful you are, too.”

I laughed softly. “And you better go find Emmett. It’s been at least an hour since anyone treated you like a princess and you’re probably missing it.”

She laughed, too, and then set off running back towards the house.

I watched her going and then set off walking in the opposite direction, toward the Denalis’ home. I thought over what she said as I walked. I was sure I was making the right choice working with the Volturi. I could do good. And when it came down to it, I was sure I would be able to kill to protect without hesitating.

It wasn’t long before I realized just how wrong I was. I more than hesitated.

And it almost cost the lives of people I loved. 


	34. Chapter 34

**_Edward_ **

I waited impatiently for what felt like forever, forcing myself not to go after Bella, and was almost ready to go when I heard a new voice joining the murmur in my mind. I reached for it and found Rosalie’s thoughts focused on her husband as she ran towards the house. I pulled out before I could hear too much, giving her privacy, but I heard something intriguing before I did.

_What if she’s not wrong. What if that’s what I have really been doing all this time?_

“Rose is coming back,” I said quietly.

Carlisle looked up from the fireplace where he’d been staring, absorbed in the flickering flames, and Esme lowered her sketchpad and said, “Is she okay?”

“I think so. I didn’t listen long.”

Esme smiled slightly, and we all looked to the window as Rosalie ran into sight. A moment later, the door was opening, and she came in, and her eyes roved the room. “Where’s Emmett?” she asked. 

“He’s gone into Anchorage with Alice and Jasper,” I said. “Esme wanted some supplies for her new project.”

“I’m going to…” Esme started to explain and then trailed off as she saw the distant look in Rosalie’s eye. She wasn’t listening.

I was tempted to use my gift to see what was on her mind, but I resisted the urge. Alice and Jasper had been doing their best to give Bella peace and privacy from their gifts since she came into their lives for the second time, and it was fair I did the same for the others in my family in return. I was curious, though, and wondered if Bella would be able to tell me anything. From the glance into her mind, I assumed Bella and Rosalie had spoken after they both left the house, and I wondered what they’d said.

Whatever it had been, I was glad we’d not known it had been happening. It had obviously been a civil conversation, but if we’d known they were alone together after their last face-off, we would have intervened. I didn’t think Bella would attack Rosalie, but I was also aware she was a newborn, and the risk was there even if I didn’t want to see it.

“I’m going to take the SUV,” Rosalie said, leaving the room without a backward glance. There was a short pause and then the thrum of the SUV’s engine coming to life followed by the crunch of tires on the snow.

“I wonder what that was about,” Esme said in a musing tone.

I wondered whether to tell them about what I suspected had happened and decided honesty was best. Perhaps it would calm their minds a little to know Bella and Rosalie had finished their conversation without attacking each other.

“I’m not sure what was said, but Rose and Bella spoke together while they were gone, I think. I don’t know what was said, but it’s apparently given Rose something to think about.”

“Something to do with Emmett,” Carlisle said, his voice musing. “I wonder…” He glanced at me, and I felt no guilt for listening as his next thought was clearly directed to me. _Do you think Bella perhaps gave her a few facts to consider? She’s perceptive, and you have seen her reactions to Rose’s harsher responses to Emmett. If any of us was going to intervene without being invited, to interfere perhaps, it would be Bella._

“I think it’s possible,” I said. “Something Rose was thinking backs it up.”

“Back’s what up?” Esme asked.

Carlisle put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, a satisfied smile on his face, and said, “I think Bella and Rose have had a conversation that made Rose look at things in a different light.”

Esme looked worried. “They were alone together.”

My brows pinched together. “Bella is not a threat, Esme. She’s not an ordinary newborn, and her human life as a cop trained her to handle emotions in a heightened situation.”

“Yes,” Carlisle said with a sense of dawning comprehension. “I didn’t think of that. Perhaps that is what is making the difference to her now. I had no explanation for it before. I wonder… Jasper might be able to give better insight.”

“I am going to find Bella,” I said. “She’s obviously done with Rose now, and I would like to see if she’s okay. She perhaps said something to Rose that made her see things differently, and it’s possible Rose did the same to her.”

“Do you think she made Bella change her mind about the Volturi?” Esme asked hopefully.

Carlisle’s face fell and he pulled her a little closer. “I don’t think anything any of us could say would do that, Esme. I think Bella is decided.”

Esme sighed and looked pained. I sensed she and Carlisle needed time to talk alone, for Carlisle to counsel her through her feelings about Bella’s choice, so I got to my feet and waved a hand in farewell to them before slipping out of the door and running into the park.

I made for the Denali’s house, but before I reached it, I crossed Bella’s scent I followed that instead as it led slightly off the route we’d usually take.

I followed it until it was at its most concentrated and stopped at the base of a black spruce where it was focused. I couldn’t see or hear her, but I was sure she was there.

“Bella?” I said tentatively.

There was a giggle and then the creak of a branch, and she landed three feet in front of me, the tree above quivering from where she’d jumped.

She kissed my cheek and grinned at me. “I figured you’d come sooner or later.”

“Do you mind?” I asked.

“Not at all. I wouldn’t have waited if I’d minded. Did you see Rosalie?”

“I did. She’s gone into Anchorage to find Emmett, Alice, and Jasper.”

“Emmett,” she said smugly. “Good.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked, carefully wording the question.

“You mean at the house when Rosalie was being her usual charming self and you all thought I was going to tear her head off?”

“I didn’t think that,” I protested.

She stared at me a moment, assessing me. “No, I don’t think you did really. Carlisle and Em did, though. Never mind. No, I don’t want to talk about that, but I will show you what Rosalie and I spoke about if you feel you need to know.”

She had framed her words in a way that I would be able to ask without shame, but I didn’t need to know, and she would probably be aware of that. It was curiosity that drove me to ask, not need, so I sighed and said, “No, of course I don’t need to. As long as you’re okay?”

“Not a scratch,” she said. “Want to come see Eleazar with me?”

“I would love to,” I said.

She took my hand, and we ran together. I loved to run with Bella. As much as I missed her clinging to my back, the heat of her body and her breaths on my neck as she clung on, being able to run at her side was even better. She was so much freer when she was doing it herself, the exhilaration of her face was something to treasure.

We came within sight of the sprawling house, and she came to a stop and put her arms around me. She threaded her hands in my hair and pulled my face down to kiss me. I quickly lost myself in it, running my hands up and down her back, and when we pulled apart, I buried my face her hair.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“I love you,” she said.

I pulled back, wondering why it felt like a goodbye but quickly relieved when I saw her serene face. “I know that, love.”

“I just thought I should say it,” she said. “I know things have been tough, and I’ve knocked the wind out of you a couple of times lately, but I love you, and I’m grateful to you for letting me be me even when it’s hard. I know the Volturi isn’t your choice, and I appreciate that you are not trying to change my mind.”

“I know how much it means to you,” I said. “It’s not my choice, but I understand why it’s yours, and I will come with you every time you go because of that.”

“You don’t have to,” she said. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know that,” I said stroking her face. “I don’t doubt that for a moment. I don’t want to come to protect you because you don’t need that. I want to come because I’m the one that needs it. I was without you for far too long to ever let us be parted again.” I stopped and thought over my words for a moment then amended, “I will not leave you unless you want me to.”

She closed her eyes and when they opened, they were filled with pain. “I will never want you to leave me, but I might sometimes need to go anyway.”

“Why?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t know really, but I do know it’s not up to me to decide. This is all on Aro and Caius to decide. They will be the ones that send me wherever I go, and they’ll give the orders for what I do.”

I frowned. I didn’t want her to go anywhere without me, and I thought I could perhaps make Aro see that we were better together, more of an asset to his cause, but if he wanted Bella to go alone, I was going to have to let it happen. It could hurt me to do it, cripple me perhaps, but she’d given herself over to their rule when she’d agreed to work with them, and that wasn’t for me to interfere with.

“You’re right,” I said, giving her a chaste kiss. “I understand.”

She smiled and started walking, eager to get to Eleazar now.

I took the lead to the house, knocking on the door and pausing a moment before entering as was our custom. Bella followed me in, and we were greeted by Carmen and Eleazar drifting down the dark wood staircase and extending their hands to us.

“Bella, Edward,” Eleazar said. “How was Italy?”

“Fascinating,” Bella said. “I was wondering if you can help me with something.”

“If I can, of course,” he said. “Let’s settle.”

He didn’t say ‘make ourselves comfortable’ as, for us, sitting or standing made no difference. We all settled around the fireplace, and Eleazar stoked the dying fire in the hearth, adding a new log before joining Carmen on a loveseat.

“What can I do for you, Bella?” he asked.

“I am going to work with the guard,” Bella said. “And I need to know more about my shield, to master it, before I start.”

Eleazar’s eyes widened and danced with a kind of glee. He was excited at the possibility of seeing Bella’s shield in action, and he was also intrigued by the idea of Bella as a guard. He was proud of his time serving the Volturi, and he would have stayed with them happily if not for Carmen and her aversion to the way they lived. She’d wanted a more compassionate lifestyle, and Eleazar had known of Carlisle’s diet from his time in Volterra in the seventeenth century, so they were going to try it out for themselves. They had met Tanya and her coven within a year of leaving Italy and had found their home and family with them. 

“Have you gained any control of it yourself?” he asked, a quirk to his lips.

“Yes, I can drop it enough to let Edward and Aro read my mind,” she said. “Kate helped me develop it. I can feel her shocks when I concentrate.”

He nodded. “I wondered if you were doing something like that. You spent so long with them exploring the park that has been their home for hundreds of years, and I was sure they would have grown bored of seeing it with you after a time.”

I huffed a laugh. He’d seen what I’d missed completely. For all my time knowing her, the years spent reminiscing on our months together, I’d not ever truly seen her until recently.

Bella grinned. “Yeah, I can drop it. It’s hard and takes concentration, but I _need_ to master it. The physical had always worked easier than that. It’s more automatic, and I can block Jasper, but that’s physical. We were thinking that between Jasper and Edward we could do something with it.”

“Perhaps,” Eleazar said. “I think you will need more than that.” He glanced at me. “That would mean someone is going to be quite uncomfortable while you train.”

Bella frowned and then sighed. “Kate? Yeah, I guess that will work.” She looked at me, a troubled frown on her brow. “Will you be able to do that? It’s going to hurt.”

“Of course,” I said. “It won’t be so bad. And it’s for a good cause.”

It wasn’t going to be pleasant. I’d not felt Kate’s gift, but I had seen Tanya’s memories of it from the time Kate was learning to control it, and I knew I was going to be very uncomfortable for a while.

“Okay,” she said.

Eleazar shot me a shrewd look, and his thought became focused to me as he thought my name and said, _The things you do for love…_

I nodded.

“So, Bella, could you drop your shield for me?” he asked. “It would give me a greater understanding of what we will be working with.”

Bella nodded, and her eyes became focused. I couldn’t resist the urge to dip into her mind, and I heard her mental teasing at once. _I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist. Finding anything good in here?_

“I’m finding my world,” I replied.

We both turned to Eleazar who was wide-eyed, and his lips parted. Carmen was watching him carefully, and she touched his hand. “What do you see?”

His gaze became concentrated. “Dios mío! The potential!”

Bella’s voice disappeared from my mind, and she said, “That’s a good thing?”

“Very good,” Eleazar said. “You could be truly formidable if you could master this.” He became solemn. “It’s not going to be easy, Bella. You will need to work hard and be prepared for it to take a long time. Gifts develop with practice and time.”

“I need to do it fast,” Bella said. “I want to be able to help.”

“Then you are going to need to work exceptionally hard,” he said. “And find the motivation you’ll need.”

Bella leaned against my side. “Edward is going to be hurting. That’s all the motivation I’m going to need.”

“Good,” a voice said from the top of the stairs.

Kate darted down to us and dropped into a chair opposite the fire. She leaned closer to the flames for a moment, warming herself, and then turned to Bella with a glint in her eyes.

“You’ve not seen what I’m really capable of yet, Bella,” she said. “Edward is going to _need_ you to protect him.”

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. “I will.”

Kate glanced at me. _You’re going to have to make this good, Edward. If you can’t fake it, I am going to make you feel it._

I nodded stiffly. “It will be fine,” I said.

I sounded confident, and I wasn’t questioning my choice to help, but I had a feeling Bella’s training was going to be even tougher on me than on her.

It was going to hurt.


	35. Chapter 35

**_Bella_ **

“Again, Bella,” Kate commanded.

I focused on reaching for Edward, imagining him enveloped in my arms though he was standing twelve feet away, and nodded. “Now.”

She grinned and, a moment later, Edward’s back arched, and his knees buckled.

“Not enough,” she said.

“I noticed,” I said between clenched teeth.

Edward got to his feet, rolled his shoulders, and held out his arm to Kate. “I’m ready for more.”

“No, Edward,” I said. “Take a break.”

“Do you need a break, love?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I can do this.”

It was not so much as reassurance for Edward as it was for me. I was the one that needed reminding. Edward already had faith in me.

I had been trying to build this strength for a month, only taking a break for Christmas day so I could be with my family. I alternated with my physical shield, blocking attacks from Emmett and shielding the others from Jasper’s influence with success, but when it came to the mental, I was struggling. If I was holding Edward, I could bring him within its range without difficulty. It was when he was more than a few feet away from me that it was hard.

Eleazar said it was because I was instinctively protecting myself. I needed to break that as it was the only way to protect others. It was so hard to do, though. I could visualize my shield as a featherlight coating that covered my body, and I could raise and lower it so that Edward could hear my thoughts and Eleazar see my ability, but when it came to extending it, bringing others into it, I struggled. I _wanted_ to protect, I wanted that more than almost anything, but I couldn’t make myself give up the protection over myself to do it.

It was so frustrating. How was it that I, who had given my adult years to learning what I needed to know so I could protect others and had made that my career, short-lived though it was, couldn’t give up myself to protect others? I had wanted that more than anything, it had been a need even, but I was failing now. And it was Edward. If there was anyone I wanted to protect more than anything, it was him. 

I gritted my teeth and fixed my eyes on Edward, pressing against the shield around me and stretching it around him. When I thought it was there, I snapped, “Again,” and watched Edward.

Kate wasn’t holding back this time. Edward cried out, and his head flew back, and his eyes rolled as he dropped. Kate didn’t release him this time. She bent with him, still gripping his arm and shocking him. I started running towards her and threw my mental shield between them at the same moment my physical flew from me and slammed into her. Her grip on him dropped as she was thrown back twenty feet to collide with a spruce. The trunk broke, and she was pelted with needles.

I pulled Edward up and put my arms around him, “I’m sorry,” I moaned.

Edward stroked my back and soothed, but there was a smile in his voice as he said, “I’m fine, love. She didn’t hurt me for long.”

I leaned back to look at him. “She had you on your back, Edward.”

Inexplicably, he grinned. “Only until you stopped her.”

“Yeah, when I threw her into a tree.”

“Technically, not then,” Kate said, jumping to her feet and brushing the needles and snow from her hair. “You stopped me a split second before the physical punch. Which, by the way, was painful, so thanks for that.”

“Sorry,” I said. “It was instinct. You weren’t letting up.”

“For a reason. And it worked. I felt your shield blocking me. I was holding him, but I couldn’t reach him. You did it, Bella!”

I glanced at Edward for confirmation.

“You really did, love,” he said. “If you’d not hit her with the physical, you would have kept blocking her.”

“How did you do it?” Kate asked. “What was different?”

“Apart from the fact you were frying the brain of the man I love?”

Edward wrapped an arm around me and murmured that he was fine.

“Yes, apart from that,” she said.

I tried to see through the anger I was feeling towards her for what she’d done and thought about it. I hadn’t reached for Edward this time. I’d thrown the shield at him. It had been urgent. It was so much more than me just trying to protect him. I had felt like I was saving him. In a way, I had been.

“I had wanted it more,” I said. I was ashamed at the way it sounded, as if protecting Edward from any pain hadn’t been enough, but that was what it was. In that moment, I wanted to protect him more than I wanted to protect myself.

I didn’t understand it. I had been a cop. I went out on shift every day, knowing I could be risking my life, and I’d done it with pride. I’d not thought of myself.

And it went back deeper. My love for Edward had been enough for me to go willingly into the forest to the meadow, even though I knew he craved my blood more than anything in his life and that he wasn’t sure he would be able to resist. I’d done that because I loved him, so why wasn’t it enough to want to protect him from pain when I loved him now even more than I had been capable of when I was human?

Edward stroked my cheek. “Maybe that’s enough for today. You should probably hunt.”

“That’s a bad idea,” Kate said. “She’s tapped into it now, Edward. She needs to keep going. If we lose this momentum, we’ll be back at square one tomorrow.”

“She’s right,” I said. “But, Kate, do not do _that_ to him again.”

She shrugged. “He can take it, Bella. You need to be motivated.”

“I can,” Edward said confidently. “We’ll start a little closer this time. It might make it easier.”

He kissed my cheek and then walked back until he was eight feet from me and held out his hand to Kate. She took it and gave me a long hard look then, before I was ready, she started to shock him.

Edward buckled, and she bent with him. Fury rose in me, and I threw the mental veil again but clung to the physical. I was going to protect him without throwing her because if I didn’t, if I couldn’t master this, he was going to suffer these shocks again and again.

I saw the shield settle around Edward like a thin layer of heat haze, between her hand and his arm, and Edward blinked and looked at me.

“I can’t feel it,” he said in an awed voice.

I couldn’t speak as I needed to keep my focus, but I nodded and took a step back. I concentrated on the way it felt to protect him, the warmth of his life spark under my shield, the way it felt uniquely him, strong and familiar, but also fragile. I knew that if I lost the touch of it, that fragile vulnerable thing was going to suffer.

“Go back a bit further, Bella,” Kate said. “Slowly. I’m going to give it full power. Be prepared.”

I obeyed, seeing her fingers tightened around Edward’s arm so they were pinching into his flesh, but he was unaffected. He was looking at me with wonder and pride, and I felt it filling me. I could feel her trying; it was like a prickle of static against the shield, but it didn’t hurt. I wondered what other gifts would feel like.

I walked back another step and felt the stretch of my shield. It was moving with me, not restricting me, and I knew instinctively that I could travel much further before it became a strain. Perhaps it would hold until he was out of my sight.

Kate lifted her free hand and held it out to me. “You still got it?”

“Yes.”

She grinned. “And can you hear her thoughts, Edward?”

“No,” he said, getting to his feet and jumping up, Kate’s grip on him holding still and the static charge still there. “I wonder why that it. Is it two-layered? I wonder if the physical is, too. Can she protect herself physically while using it to attack others?”

“It would be good if she could,” Kate said. “Even better if she could split it. If there was a crowded fight, she could protect individuals when they were apart. We’ll ask Eleazar,” Kate said. “Okay, Bella. You can drop it now.”

I waited until she’d released him and then pulled my shield slowly away from him, relinquishing the touch of his spark against me that felt so good.

I took a deep breath as Edward ran towards me and then it left me in a laugh as he swept me into his arms and spun me. “That was _amazing_!” he said ebulliently. “Bella, you’re incredible.” 

I allowed myself a proud smile. “That was pretty cool.”

“How did it feel?” Kate asked, her gaze intent on me.

“Hard at first, but once I felt him under the shield, it felt good. I could feel this… spark…that was all him. I could feel your power trying, too.”

“We should tell Eleazar,” Edward said. “He might be able to tell us more about the layers, too.”

Kate nodded. “Yeah, I think we can call it a day. Come back tomorrow, Bella, and bring others. I want to try multiple people at once.”

I huffed a laugh. “I’m sure there will be lots of volunteers for getting shocked by you.”

Edward grinned. “I think we can persuade Emmett to help. All it’ll take is you suggesting he’s too scared.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, Rosalie will love that.”

Things with Rosalie were cordial but not friendly. I didn’t mind that overly as the cordiality meant that there was less tension for the other members of our family. And I had noticed a subtle shift between her and Emmett. I didn’t know what had been said as it wasn’t my place to ask about their private conversations, but I thought Rosalie had found a way to make him see that he was enough. I didn’t expect her to pretend to be happy with her life, even if she was, it was too ingrained in her to say otherwise, but she didn’t openly complain about it now.

Christmas had been a much nicer affair than I’d expected without the animosity between us.

Kate ran back towards her house, and Edward and I followed at a slower pace, just taking the time to be alone together after so much time spent among others.

“Are you happy, love?” Edward asked.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “I really am.”

I felt I was gaining something with my shield, preparing myself, and I’d been able to stop him suffering.

Also, there was the way he had felt under my shield, that strong but fragile thing, and it made me feel that I knew the man I loved better than I ever had before. I’d always seen him as so strong, and even though I knew he’s suffered when we’d been apart, I had a better understanding of him now. That was who Edward truly was, strong but just as vulnerable as I could be when I allowed it.

And I loved him all the more for it. 

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I was excited the next day to join Bella, Edward, and Kate on their training session as it wasn’t something I’d been invited to do before, and I’d not pushed myself upon them. I knew Bella needed to be comfortable to be able to work to the best of her ability, and I didn’t think an audience would help with that.

But this time we were invited. Jasper, Alice, Emmett and I were going to join them, and Esme and Rosalie were going to hunt together in the north. Bella had invited them both to come, but Esme had been reluctant, though she’d not said it, and Rosalie uninterested. It had been Esme who suggested the hunt. I thought she’d used Rosalie as an excuse, but I understood it. What Bella was doing was going to hurt us, and my wife wouldn’t want to witness that. I didn’t want her to, and I wanted her to be the one hurt even less.

When Edward and Bella came down from their bedroom, ready to leave, Emmett jumped up from the table where he and Jasper had been playing one of their intricate games of chess, and bellowed, “Finally. Let’s get this party started.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow, perhaps in reaction to the contradiction of what Emmett was feeling and what was coming for us. “You do realize we’re going to be shocked?” he said. “Kate is going to be hurting us while Bella tries to protect us.”

Emmett shrugged. “Kate is going to be _trying_ to hurt us while Bella _does_ protect us. I am looking forward to seeing another one of you ‘gifted’ folks beaten. It’s always fun to see her blocking you, Jazz, and I love nothing more than Edward’s face getting all pinched and annoyed when he can’t get into her head. I can’t wait to see what Kate looks like.”

Edward chuckled. “She looks like she’s pleased, Em. She _wants_ Bella to be able to do this.”

It was true that what I had seen and heard of Kate’s commitment to the cause indicated that she was eager for Bella to learn. It was a contradiction to what I would have expected. The Denali women were all puritans when it came to the law as an aftereffect of what had happened to their mother, but they had never given me any reason to believe they supported the Volturi mission. If anything, they seemed uncomfortable with the topic when it was raised. I knew that it had been hard for them in the beginning to bond with Eleazar because of his history in the guard. The fact Kate was committed to helping Bella so that she could be one of them pleased me and confused me in equal measure.

“I’m ready,” Bella said. “You want to race, Em?”

“Sure,” he said. “As long as there’s something good in place for the loser. I think— Hey!”

Bella was already out of the door and darting across the snow. Emmett’s face fell before he came to his senses and ran out after her. Alice trilled a laugh, and she and Jasper followed them out hand in hand. Edward gestured for me to go out next and then closed the door behind us.

 _How are you, Edward?_ I asked. _I don’t feel like we have much time anymore to just talk alone._

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Bella has needed me lately, and I’ve been distracted.”

_Of course. I understand it. You remember it was the same for me when Esme joined us, and that was without the complication of her needing to train a gift. You are both doing so well. You should be proud._

“I am proud of her. She really is incredible, Carlisle. The control she has already over her gift, not to mention the way she’s handling her first year, amazes me every day.”

_I am proud of you both. She is doing well, yes, but so are you. It’s been a huge adjustment for you to be with Bella again—the different person she is to the one you knew—and that’s without the fact she was changed, which made those differences so much more prominent. We all see it. She wants to work with the guard even. I know that’s not what you want, but you’re supporting her with it. All of that makes me proud._

He allowed himself a small smile. I was always free with my praise for my children as they all deserved it for the way they lived and excelled, but Edward had always taken a little more to please as he was so much harder on himself than them. 

I saw that Edward had caught the thought as he frowned slightly, but I didn’t comment. We increased our pace after the others to the Denalis’ where Tanya, Kate, and Eleazar were waiting on the porch.

They rushed down to meet us, and Eleazar said, “I hear you have something to show me, Bella.”

Bella grinned. “Yeah, there’s that, but I want to do more.”

“Don’t you always?” Alice said with a raised eyebrow. “For what was probably the steadiest human I’ve ever known, you sure are an overachiever as a vampire.”

Bella shrugged. “There’s a reason.”

“There is,” Eleazar agreed. “Would you drop your shield so I can get a sense of it again?”

Bella didn’t answer, but I saw that she had done it as Eleazar’s gaze became concentrated, and Edward's face became as serene as if he was basking in the sun. I knew what it meant to my son to be able to hear Bella’s thoughts.

“Ah, yes,” Eleazar said. “So much more ability there now, and still so much potential. Show me what you have been doing already, and I will see what we can add to it.”

Bella ran from the house into the area of exposed snow surrounded by the trees that would cast shade in the summer and rolled her shoulders. Kate and Edward followed her and came to a stop twelve feet away. The rest of us moved so we were standing a little back from them.

“I’m not starting off easy,” Kate warned. “We’re going in hard and fast, so be ready.”

Bella looked troubled, but she nodded and fixed her eyes on them. Edward smiled serenely and lifted his arm to Kate who gripped it tight and narrowed her eyes. Edward reacted to the pain at once, dropping to his knees and tugging Kate down with her firm grip on his arm, but it only lasted a moment before Edward smiled again and said, “Nothing at all.”

“Full force now, Bella,” Kate said.

Bella nodded.

I saw the concentrated look on Kate’s face, and my troubled eyes found Edward, but he seemed serene. He clearly wasn’t in any pain, which meant Bella was shielding him.

Kate dropped Edward’s arm with a gasp and stepped back. “That’s me giving it my best,” she said. “You’ve got the strength, but you need to work on speed. You’ve got to stop me before I start. Again?”

“Yes,” Bella said.

I saw the concentrated look return to her eyes, and Kate grabbed Edward’s arm in a movement like the strike of a snake. Edward looked startled, but there was no sign of pain. He looked between Kate and Bella and laughed.

“Nothing at all, love,” he said. “You did it.”

Kate released him and said, “Perfect. Now, I need volunteers.”

Emmett darted forward. “You got one. Do your worst.”

“Mistake, Em,” Edward said.

“No,” Kate said with glee. “He’s a big strong guy. He can handle a little shock.”

She snatched out her hand again and seized his wrist, but Emmett just frowned and said, “Let me know when you’re starting Kate. I think you’re set to low voltage right now.”

Kate gritted her teeth and stared at him, and my eyes found Bella. She was looking almost smug as she fixed her eyes on Emmett. As she saw me looking, she gave me a deliberate wink, and I laughed.

My daughter truly was amazing.

“Be ready, Bella,” Kate said through her teeth, and then before I could do more than look back at her, she had her hand on Edward, and he was on his knees. “Block me, Bella!”

I could see that Bella was trying—her eyes were slits, and her breaths heaved her chest—but Edward still writhed.

“Wimp,” Emmett said then, suddenly, he fell forwards and writhed as Edward relaxed. I was sincerely glad that Rosalie wasn’t there to see.

“Bella!” Emmett groaned. “Little… help?”

Bella's eyes flickered between Edward and Emmett, one standing and one on the ground, and then Kate’s feet were lifted from the ground, and she flew back to skid on the snow on her back.

Emmett got up and pointed at Kate who was spitting snow out. “That’ll teach you,” he said. “Screw with me, you’re screwing with my sister!”

Edward went toward Bella, but I was already there. I had my arm around her, and I said, “You did well to block her, Bella. We don’t know if you’d be capable of doing it to two people at a time.”

“He’s right, love,” Edward said, stroking her hair back from her face. “You might be asking too much of yourself. Let’s spend some time on the physical. That will be just as useful. And Emmett can get his own back on Kate for that…” He stopped and looked up.

“What’s wrong?” Bella asked.

I heard it at the same moment. Someone was coming, their footsteps too fast and light over the snow to be human, and they were coming from the south, the opposite direction to the one taken by Esme and Rosalie.

“Can you hear who it is, Edward?” I asked.

He nodded stiffly. “It’s Afton.” He looked at Bella. “It’s time. They need you.”

A smile spread over Bella’s face that seemed to make her look formidable instead of happy. My arm dropped to my side as I took a slight step away.

She didn’t even seem to notice that I’d moved. Her eyes were fixed on the trees to the south of us. She pushed her hair from her shoulders and flexed her fingers then said with obvious relish, “Good.”


	36. Chapter 36

**_Edward_ **

The thoughts in my mind were loud with unease as Afton approached, and I could hear the tension in Jasper’s as he reacted to it. Kate and Tanya were most affected, and I could hear their fight or flight dilemma.

“No one needs to stay,” I said. “Afton is here for Bella.”

Carlisle sucked in a harsh breath, and his troubled voice filled my mind. _I thought I was prepared for this…_

We both did. Now that it was upon us and I could hear the repeated summons in Afton’s mind as he ran to us, I realized I wasn’t. Bella wasn’t ready. She had only managed to block one person at a time. She couldn’t split it yet, if she ever could. She wasn’t the weapon Aro needed her to be.

“Excuse us,” Tanya said, taking Kate’s hand.

They darted away together a moment too late as Afton appeared through the trees. His eyes followed them as he frowned. Then, his orders reasserted themselves, and he came to us.

“I will go with them,” Eleazar said then darted away. I knew he wanted to check on them.

“Hello, Afton,” Carlisle said when the guard reached us. “It has been a long time.”

Afton came to a stop, his grey cloak dragging in the snow, and then bowed his head. “Carlisle, how are you?”

“Well, thank you,” Carlisle replied. “The years have been kind. And yourself? Chelsea?”

“We are both very well,” Afton said. His eyes moved to Bella. “Hello, Bella.”

“Hello, Afton.” There was poorly concealed excitement in her voice. She was eager for this. Perhaps she had been anticipating it since we left Volterra.

“Would you like to come to our home,” Carlisle asked. _It’s better if we give Tanya and her sisters some distance._

“That would be nice,” Afton said. “I was asked to speak to all of your coven, and there are two missing from your number, aren’t there?”

“Our family,” Carlisle corrected. “And yes, my wife, Esme, and daughter, Rosalie, are hunting at the moment.”

“Why do you want to speak to all of us?” Alice asked.

She was perturbed that she’d not known Afton was coming. It could be that his main mission was Bella, and she consciously blocked her, but this involved all of us. I wondered how she’d missed it.

“Those are my orders,” Afton stated.

“Come with us,” Carlisle said, then to me, _Should I call back Esme and Rose?_

I nodded. Afton’s orders were to speak to us all, and he wasn’t going to say whatever he’d come to say until we were all there.

“Emmett,” I said. “Can you find Rose and Esme and let them know Afton is here? They won’t have gotten too far yet. They only left a little while ago.”

“Sure,” Emmett said easily.

He set off running, and the rest of us followed Carlisle back to the house, Afton walking at his side. Bella was close behind them. It felt strange to me to see her like this. Though I knew she wasn’t the woman I first met anymore, the fact she was so eager to throw herself into what was probably a fight, what was definitely dangerous, was a shock to me. I felt that I was discovering her all over again now that she was one of my kind, now that she was someone new.

We reached the house, and Carlisle gestured Afton in ahead of us. I heard his surprised thoughts as he took in how we lived. He noted the couches and fireplace, the lighting set into the high ceiling and the wall sconces. It was so different from the castle. We looked like humans to him whereas they were purely vampires.

Other than the thrones and tables and chairs in the library for ease of reading, there were no real furnishings outside of the living areas for each member of the guard. That was where they had beds and soft furnishings, but they were merely a convenience for their physical desires. The main areas where they were most often gathered, the throne room and feeding room, only had the seats for the ancients and nothing more. They didn’t even have artificial lighting there, having no need of it as vampire eyesight was perfect in light and darkness.

“Would you like to sit?” Carlisle asked.

Afton quirked an amused brow but sat in the armchair by the fireplace and placed his hands on his lap.

I could tell Bella was eager to question him, but she was restraining herself. She was also amusing herself—or perhaps testing herself was the right word—by placing her shield over each of the members of my family in turn then moving on. To my mind, it sounded like a badly tuned radio was playing quietly as they flickered in and out.

I sat down on the couch and pulled her down beside me. She sat and leaned against my side.

Alice, Jasper, and Carlisle sat, too, and there was a moment of silence before Carlisle said, “Have the guard been busy, Afton?”

Bella looked interested as she waited for his answer.

“Not the whole guard, no. The situation I have come about involves the Romanians, so scouts have been sent to them. I have been a few times as I am able to be closer than the others without being seen.”

Alice frowned. “How?”

In all our conversations about the Volturi and guard, none of us had really talked about Afton. There were far more interesting abilities to talk about, and Alice hadn’t been there for it all.

“I am able to conceal myself from sight,” Afton said. “It’s an innocuous skill compared to others, but it comes in useful for situations like ours. Would you like to see?” He smiled. “Or not see is perhaps more appropriate.”

Alice nodded eagerly. “Yes.”

Afton looked concentrated for a moment, and then his form seemed to dim. A breath later, it was gone completely. I could still hear his thoughts, amused as they were by the eyes searching for him and missing him, but to all other intents and purposes, he was gone.

“Is he doing it?” Bella asked.

“You can see him,” Jasper said.

“Yeah. Huh.”

“It’s probably your shield,” Carlisle said. “Afton’s ability is a mental illusion, I think.”

“Or you are particularly strong-minded,” Afton said. “That can beat me, too.”

Alice giggled. “Yeah, it’s probably that. Bella is pretty damn stubborn.”

“He said strongminded, Alice,” Bella said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, I guess you’re that, too,” Alice said. “But you’re definitely stubborn.”

In response to Bella's glare, she stuck her tongue out and Bella laughed and relaxed her arms.

“They’re coming,” I said as I heard the whisper of Esme’s worried thoughts reaching me a moment before Rosalie’s irritated and Emmett’s eager ones.

“They must have been closer than I thought,” Carlisle said, getting to his feet and going to the door to greet them.

Esme and Rosalie slipped inside, Esme stopping with Carlisle and Rosalie going to Emmett’s side and sitting close to him. They both looked wary, Rosalie annoyed, too, and her eyes rested on Bella instead of on our guest.

“So,” Afton said when Carlisle and Esme were seated together. “Now we can talk. Aro has asked me to extend an invitation to all of you to visit Volterra.”

“All of us?” Rosalie asked suspiciously. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Afton said. “I don’t ask for explanations behind my orders.”

“Is there something for me to do?” Bella asked. “With the Romanians?”

“I assume so. He definitely wanted _you_ to come, but the order was to extend greetings to everyone here, and to offer an invitation for you all to join Bella in Volterra.”

“And if we don’t go?” Rosalie asked.

“If you don’t go what?” Bella asked. “It’s an invitation, not a summons.”

“It is a summons for you, Bella,” Jasper said.

“Yeah, which is what I’ve been waiting for,” she said. 

Afton looked confused. He wasn’t used to the Volturi’s invitations being denied. Other than Carlisle and me, the rest of my family didn’t know the Volturi though.

Bella looked puzzled, too. She didn’t understand why they were hesitating. She was eager to go and start whatever it was they wanted her to do. Their deliberation didn’t make sense to her. I myself was wondering why they would want us all. Aro knew I would go anywhere Bella went, so I wasn’t being summoned, but the rest of them would serve no purpose.

Although… Alice would.

“Afton, can you give us a moment to talk?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said, rising to his feet. “You will be able to find me when you’re ready.”

“Please refrain from hunting in the area,” I added. “We have a cover to maintain.”

Afton’s lips quirked into a smile. “Yes, your…diet. I hunted before I left Anchorage, so I am not thirsty. I will wait close for you.”

He slipped from the room, and I held up my hand, indicating silence until I heard his thoughts drift out of my range, and then I said, “He’s gone.”

“Why does Aro want us all?” Rosalie asked. “Bella I get, she’s signed up with them, but the rest of us haven’t. Most of us have never even met them. Why would they want us there now?”

“Perhaps because you’ve never met them,” Bella said, drawing a pinched look from Rosalie. “Aro is all about curiosities, and you would all be interesting to meet. Besides, he’d probably want to see Carlisle again.”

“He would,” I agreed. “When I first arrived in Volterra, after…Bella…he wanted to know all about Carlisle and his life since he’d last seen him. He was more interested in that than he was my relationship with Bella, and that took a lot of discussion.”

“He wanted to know about us?” Bella asked. “Why? Because I was human?”

I smiled slightly. “You’re forgetting our greatest rule, love. You were a human that knew about vampires.”

Bella’s eyebrow flew up, and she looked at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. “You went to them, knowing he would be able to read your mind and that you’d broken the law? What if he’d decided I needed to be stopped?”

I forced myself to meet her eye. In truth, I hadn’t considered that fact until it was too late. I had been deep in my tormented mind at the time, looking to Volterra for a place to hide only. Only when Aro had offered me his hand did I realize what I’d done. He had accepted the news in a way I could never have expected, taking it as a point of interest and trusting my memories of Bella and her devotion to our secret, but I had risked her life when I’d gone. I’d hoped she would never know.

“I did,” I said. “And I would love to be able to tell you I knew you were in no danger when I went, but that would be a lie.”

Bella flinched, and Jasper’s mind whispered, _Be careful, Edward._

I nodded to him almost imperceptibly and went on. “I would have found a way to protect you if it had gone wrong, I swear I would, but it didn’t.”

“How would you have protected me?” she asked, her voice without inflection.

When I didn’t answer, knowing that whatever I said would mean nothing to her as it was an empty promise, she went on.

“You couldn’t have stopped them if Aro had sent the guard.”

“I couldn’t,” I agreed.

“So…what would you have done?”

The room was taut with tension, and my mind was filled with warnings and advice, reassurance from Esme and Carlisle, but I forced my attention back to Bella and tried to find the words. There was one answer, one solution to what I had done, but I couldn’t say it.

Rosalie could. “He would have changed you. It’s the only thing that would have stopped them killing you if they’d decided you were a threat.”

“You would have changed me,” she said thoughtfully. “Even though you wouldn’t do it when I begged, when I wanted it more than anything.”

“To save your life,” Carlisle said quietly.

Bella shot him a glare and then took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Rosalie said. “You hear that and say ‘okay’?”

“Rose,” Emmett said, his voice soft and his hand settling on her arm.

I saw Rosalie stiffen, and I was sure she was going to give an angry retort, but then she glanced at Emmett and calmed. I didn’t listen to her thoughts, but I saw her eyes flicker between Emmett and Bella, the latter of which was giving her an assessing look. I thought that whatever had passed between Rosalie and Bella after their argument was resonating in Rosalie now.

Bella had helped somehow. Whatever she had said to Rosalie that day had obviously reached her in a way that overcame her fiercer nature.

“Yes,” Bella said. “Okay. It was a choice between my life and the change, and he would have made the right choice.” She looked at me and said, “I get it.”

My eyes roved her face, searching for reassurance that she meant what she said. I saw, or perhaps hoped that I saw, it there and smiled tentatively. 

Bella rose to her feet. “I’m going to speak to Afton. I’m already decided what I’m doing, so you need to work out what you’re going to do for yourselves.”

“I’ll come,” I said. “You know I’ve decided to.”

 _Edward, if you want us to come, you need to be here to talk about it,_ Alice thought.

Perhaps I did, but I needed to be with Bella more, and it was only her refusal of my company that was going to change my mind. Besides, I wasn’t sure if I wanted them to come or not.

Bella took my hand, and we left the house together and ran into the park. Bella didn’t seem to be following Afton’s scent path, and I let her lead me wherever she wanted to go.

We ran all the way to Reflection Pond, and Bella sat down on a boulder and gestured for me to join her.

I sat and put my arm around her back, pulling her a little closer to me.

“I do get it,” she said.

“You do?” I asked hopefully.

“I really do.” She looked concentrated for a moment, and then I heard her voice filling my mind. _I wish you had thought of it before you went there, but you weren’t thinking straight. In those first months after you left, before Jacob saved me and I began to become myself again, I wasn’t thinking clearly either._ She looked me in the eye, and she looked almost apologetic. _And I’m doing the same thing to you in a way now, aren’t I? I am going to work with the Volturi, which means you will, too. I’m putting you in danger, and I have no excuse for not realizing that._

“I will be fine, love,” I said. “We both will as long as we stay together. We can protect each other.”

Though perhaps that was an empty reassurance as Bella wasn’t the one that needed to be protected anymore. I was the one that needed it.

“You will,” she said confidently. “And I _am_ fine. I always knew there was a risk to being with you. Maybe I was too young and naïve to see it properly until James, but it never changed the fact I wanted to be with you. You wanted the same thing, and that was why you were in too much pain to see the risk when you went to them.” She shrugged. “Aro didn’t want me dead or changed, so it all worked out. And if you had come back then to change me, before I had a chance to really build my life, when I was still opening myself to Jacob and what he offered, I would have been happy.”

I kissed her lightly on the cheek and then trailed my lips to her mouth and parted my lips. “I love you, Bella. I don’t know how I was lucky enough to have you, how you manage to forgive me for my crimes again and again, but I am never going to take it for granted.”

She smiled against me and the kiss became more fervent.

_I guess we both got lucky. You’re forgiving me, too._

She didn’t articulate it, but I saw her meaning in her mind. She gave no apology for Jacob or the men that had followed, not that any was deserved, but she apologized for her need to go to the Volturi. She didn’t want it as much as she needed it.

Perhaps I would never truly understand it, as I had never felt the urge to protect anything as much as I had her.

But through her, I was going to experience it, and that I thought I would enjoy.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Carlisle_ **

When Bella and Edward were gone, there was a period of silence before anyone spoke. It was Rosalie that did and, as I should have expected, she wasn’t happy.

“So, we’re all going to be dragged to Volterra because _she_ wants to be a hero.”

“None of us are going to be dragged anywhere,” I said mildly. “It’s an invitation. Nothing Bella does has bearing on our decision to go.”

“Except it does,” Jasper said, looking solemn. “I know better than most how you feel about Bella and Edward working with the Volturi. Carlisle, and you, Esme, you don’t want it. You’re worried. We all are. Well,”—he cast Rosalie a glance—“most of us are. I don’t want to send them there to find out what they’re going to be doing through a phone call. I want to be there to help them.”

Esme gasped softly. “You want to work for them, too?”

“Want to? No, not really. Do I think I need to? Of course. It’s Bella, Esme. She’s signed up to do this, and she’s so damn excited I don’t think she sees the risk in what she’s doing. Also, if she’s doing it, Edward is, which means they will both be at risk, even more when you take into account they’ll both be worried about watching each other’s backs instead of their own.”

Esme cast her eyes down and bit her lip. We hadn’t discussed this alone as she had been so against the idea that I didn’t want to bring it up, but now she was forced to face the facts of it.

I was, too.

I’d known what they were going to do was dangerous, but I’d comforted myself with the knowledge they would be together and able to protect each other. Jasper was right, though; they would be focused on each other, and that put them in danger from outside threats. I had faith in them both as fighters, their gifts would support that, but it was still a risk.

“I, at least, want to be there to help them get ready,” Jasper said. “Bella’s never fought as a vampire before. She’s not ever sparred. I know she’s got her shield, but she needs to be able to defend herself. We should have done it sooner, but she was so focused on her shield, and I figured we’d have more time. Years of time. It’s not like the Volturi mark the years passing. Whatever they’re going in for is urgent.” He glanced at Alice who nodded. “I’m going with them.”

“So am I,” Alice said. “I might be able to help. I know Bella doesn’t like us spying on her, but she’s going to have to suck it up this time. We all want to stack the odds in their favor. And if I don’t see them coming back out of it safe, I’ll make sure they don’t go in at all.”

“How are you going to do that?” Rosalie asked. “No one ever says no to Bella in this family.”

Alice gave her a scathing look that also managed to be assessing and said, “I will find a way.” She took Jasper’s hand. “I’m going to Italy.”

“Me too,” Emmett said, pointedly avoiding Rosalie’s eye. “I want a go at that Felix guy Edward said was so tough, and I want to be there if they need us.”

“You’ll go with them on whatever this mission is?” Rosalie asked.

“I’ve not been asked, so I don’t think I need to decide.” Emmett shrugged. “But Edward and Bella are our family. If they need us, I don’t think any of us will say no. Including you, Rose.”

“Well, I am going wherever I am needed,” Esme said. “And it sounds to me like I am needed with you all.”

I squeezed her hand. “I will go, of course, but I think we’re all looking at this the wrong way. Ultimately, it’s not our choice yet whether we go along with them on whatever this mission is. Aro will be the one to ask if he wants us. Then we can decide.”

“If everyone else is going, I’m not staying back here on my own,” Rosalie said, tossing back her hair. “I don’t think Aro or anyone else will want me to help, though. I’m not special like _Bella_.”

A flash of sadness crossed Emmett's face, and then he wrapped an arm around her and said, “You’re the most special of us all, Rosie,” and she preened.

Glad that my family was in agreement, that we were all going together, I leaned back in my seat and pulled Esme against my side. We would wait for Bella and Edward to return, ensure we were all in agreement for the last time, and then we could tell Afton.

And then, after centuries away, I would go back to Volterra.

xXx

I felt Esme’s unease in her hand in mine as we walked along the halls of the castle towards the throne room.

I knew others in my family were feeling the same, and that Jasper was surrounded by it, but I didn’t feel it myself. I was happy to be back in this place of my early vampire life, and I was looking forward to seeing my old friends again.

We were being led by Afton accompanied by Demetri, who had greeted me in a friendly way and made a point of greeting each of my family individually and giving them a shrewd look. That was his way of taking the flavor of our minds for any future need to track us, I knew. I felt no disconcert for it. It was a natural part of his role in the guard. If we were ever needed, he would find us. I saw no threat in being needed by my friends.

We reached the throne room, and I gave Esme’s hand a quick squeeze before Demetri opened the doors and we entered.

Nothing at all had changed in the centuries since I’d been here last, not even the neutral expression on Marcus’ face or Caius’ pointed assessment of us. Jane, Alec, Felix, and Renata—close behind Aro—wore the alert looks of the guard even among this innocuous company.

No, there was one difference, the look of glee on Aro’s face as he stood from his throne and drifted forward to greet us. When we’d parted, he’d been disappointed that I’d not come around to his way of thinking about the ‘natural’ vampire diet. He had been sure I would fail in the New World, that my resolve would weaken, and I would hate myself when it happened and I fed from a human. He’d cared about me and had not wanted me to go through that alone.

“Aro, my old friend,” I said, striding forward to meet him while the rest of my family stayed back, grouped together.

He reached for my hand and then raised an eyebrow in a request. I nodded and extended it as if to shake. He took it with a look of delight and bowed his head over our clasped hands.

“Ahh,” he sighed. “Such a life, Carlisle. I never imagined you would have this kind of success. You amaze me. I am so happy for how it has turned out for you”

“It has been a good life,” I said. “I have been very lucky.”

“Lucky in your family, too,” he said, a gleam in his eye. “Such a talented group.” His eyes moved past me and roved over them where they stood behind me.

Caius shifted in his throne and looked at Bella with a strange look in his eyes. It was almost hostile. It made me uncomfortable.

Aro walked around me, and I turned to watch as he spread his arms and said, “The warmest welcome to Volterra to you all. I am so glad you accepted my invitation.”

“Thank you for inviting us,” Esme said politely.

Aro glanced at Edward, and he nodded then walked forward with his hand extended. I knew he was asking permission to read his mind, and I guessed he was interested to see what the rest of my family were thinking now, too. Edward would not have done it if there was anything negative for him to hear, so I was unconcerned.

Aro smiled as he took in what he was hearing and seeing in him, and then raised his eyes and looked at Rosalie. He didn’t speak, but he smiled knowingly, and Rosalie looked a little nervous.

The pleasantries apparently done, Aro said, “And Bella, I understand you’ve been training.”

“I have,” Bella said. “It’s still not everything I wanted, though.”

“Dear one, you are so young. You cannot master it all at once. You have already exceeded what we could have hoped for. You will be an asset.”

“What do I need to do?” Bella asked.

Aro chuckled, and Caius smirked.

“So eager,” Aro said. “I will tell you, Bella, but I would like just a little more information before I do. We are expecting a scout back tomorrow; Demetri says she is close. In the meantime, would you like to explore the castle? Or perhaps we could have some time to acquaint with one another.”

“I would like to hunt,” Jasper said.

“Me too,” Alice said brightly. “We’ll come back to chat, though.”

“Of course,” Aro said. “Come when you are ready. You will always be welcome. Though you might want to avoid us this evening as we have a meal being delivered by Heidi, and I imagine that will be distasteful to you.”

I remembered the ‘meals’ that were delivered, how I had not left the castle in time once, and I didn’t want any of my family subjected to that ordeal.

“I shall stay until then,” I said.

Aro clapped his hands. “Wonderful. And your lovely mate?”

“I will be happy to stay,” Esme said sweetly, seeming more comfortable now.

“We shall go to the library,” Aro said. “There are many new additions I know you would like to see, Carlisle, and we should have some peace to talk.”

Jane shifted her feet, apparently uncomfortable with the idea of her master being alone with us, but Aro merely held up a hand to her.

I knew the guard would be happier if Aro was accompanied, but that wasn’t because they thought we were a real risk. If we were to attack, it would cost our lives as we could never escape the castle before they killed us. Their worry was rooted in Chelsea’s influence. They were so tightly bound that Aro’s protection meant more to them than any of their own desires or needs.

“I will hunt,” Edward said. “Bella?”

Bella looked disappointed but nodded and said, “Yeah. I should.”

“We’ll come with you,” Rosalie said.

Emmett gave the hulking figure of Felix an appraising look and then said, “Sounds good.”

Aro chuckled. “Don’t worry, Emmett. We will arrange that experimental…bout…between you and Felix before you leave.”

Felix sniggered, and Emmett grinned. “Awesome.”

Rosalie rolled her eyes and tugged Emmett away by the hand. I waited until they were gone and turned to Aro who said, “Let’s not delay. We don’t have long until dinner comes.”

xXx

The next morning, we arrived in the throne room and were met by Aro, Marcus, Caius, and the full guard. The ancients sat in their thrones, and the guard were assembled in a semi-circle around them. A lone vampire stood in front of the guard, and I gasped as I recognized her. I wasn’t the only one. All of my family, except Bella, made sounds of surprise as they saw her.

Jasper was the one that found his voice, “Charlotte!”

She turned to him and gave him a reserved smile. “Hey, Jasper.”

“Of course,” Aro said. “You are old friends with Jasper, Charlotte. I overlooked that.”

I knew that was a lie. Aro was incapable of overlooking anything, and he was close to omniscient of other knowledge with his ability to rove through our minds and remember every detail with perfect vampire recall.

“What are you doing here, Charlotte?” Alice asked.

“Charlotte is my guest,” Aro said.

“What about Peter?” Jasper asked, his voice stiff.

“He’s fine,” Charlotte said, holding up a reassuring hand. “He’s undercover right now. We’ve been helping the Volturi for a couple of years.”

Alice looked startled. I was, too. I wondered why she had not seen this development in Jasper’s former companions’ lives. Had something changed? Was there a new gift among the Volturi, or was Alice’s conscious blocking of Bella somehow affecting other people? She’d seen nothing of impact since we left Forks other than Edward’s path as she had followed that for our sakes. Was it just because those had been quiet years, or had Edward’s request for her to leave Bella in peace somehow limited her?

“I think so, Carlisle,” Edward murmured.

Aro looked between us and laughed. “The convenience of hearing from a distance. I would love to know what you are saying, Edward.”

Edward nodded but didn’t approach to offer his hand. He was looking at Charlotte. Whatever he had heard from her was more pressing to him than giving Aro what he wanted.

“Perhaps later,” Aro said. “I will explain for those of us that are uninformed, and then we can move on with what we need to do next. Charlotte brings news from Romania that we cannot delay our counterattack much longer. There is a gifted vampire among them that needs to be eliminated before we act. That’s your task, Bella.”

Bella nodded. She looked solemn in all but her eyes. They were alit with glee.

“What is the situation with the Romanians?” Jasper asked.

“They have been wanting to strike out against us for centuries,” Aro said. “But they have not created realistic plans until now. We have a vampire in our employ that alternates between us and them. She poses as a nomad that travels Europe, and a long time ago created a…I suppose you would call it a friendship…with them. She heard they were preparing to attack us a year ago, but as they had no forces outside of a select pair and weren’t drawing attention to themselves and our kind, we left them to their machinations. I regret that I didn’t want to dignify their threats by sending the guard after them.”

He sighed and looked to his left to where Caius sat for a moment, and they exchanged a look before Aro went on.

“We do not know the identity of the gifted one as it is a closely guarded secret that not even Afton has been able to discover. We know what they are capable of, though. They are a shield, similar to Bella, but instead of blocking gifts for that person and those protected around them, it negates them completely. Anyone within a range of perhaps a mile around them, that’s the closest we’ve tested, is without their gift. The only one that got closer and was still able to use theirs was Afton.”

“What makes you think Bella will fare better?” Edward asked, a bite of anger in his tone.

I understood the feeling as I felt the same. It sounded to me like he was going to throw Bella at this gifted vampire and hope that she was stronger. I wasn’t confident Aro or Caius would care for more than the loss of gift if Bella wasn’t the stronger one. That worried me, but I knew it wasn’t the time to share that worry.

“The fact Afton was able to evade her,” Aro said. “Their gifts work in similar ways. Bella protects herself and others from abilities with the shield she visualizes as a veil. Afton has the same imagery except he uses it to conceal himself.”

“Still doesn’t sound like it’s a guaranteed thing,” Emmett said.

“It’s not,” Aro agreed. “But I don’t intend for Bella to go for the attack straight away. I want her to infiltrate their group as a volunteer. Are you willing to try that, Bella?”

She smiled. “Of course.”

“Bella,” Edward said, his voice strained by the control he was exerting over himself to sound calm, even though his eyes belied his worry and anger. “This is more than using your shield. You’re going to have to create a cover story and maintain it. If they find out who you really are…”

“They’ll know the rough truths,” Aro said. “They will know Bella was a human that knew the secret and was left by her vampire lover. Bella will tell them that she was changed against her will and since left her maker, you, Edward, behind. She will be looking for a new life, a way to serve a purpose.”

“How will they know about Bella and Edward?” I asked.

Edward hissed. “Elenora!”

Aro nodded. “Yes. I admit I didn’t expect it.”

“What’s going on, Edward?” Alice asked. “Who’s Elenora?”

“She was the human that worked as a receptionist,” Edward said. “She…” He looked at Aro. “She ran away on her own?”

Aro nodded. “She did. I didn’t read her mind as I believed nothing there could hold interest for me, but she failed to arrive for work one day shortly after you left us. I made no attempt to find her, assuming she’d had second thoughts about wanting to be one of us. The news that she was working with the Romanians, that she’d been changed, came from a routine scouting mission Afton undertook. She knew your story, Edward, as she was largely ignored by us all and therefore heard much we discussed, and she will know of Bella and your history with us. That means the Romanians will know.”

Edward’s hands fisted, and he growled, “No! I won’t let that happen!”

The guard shifted restlessly, but Aro chuckled. “No, I didn’t think that part would please you, Edward. The facts are facts, though. You cannot go with her as they will not trust you. A newborn that was changed against her will by the lover that abandoned her, a lover with a connection to the Volturi that she would want to hurt by hurting us, is a prime candidate for their recruitment.”

“I have to go alone?” Bella asked.

“I won’t send you alone,” Aro said. “Charlotte will deliver you to their range, and Peter will be there when you arrive. He’s our spy in their camp.”

“That’s not enough, Aro!” Esme said. Her voice was harsher than I had ever heard from her before. The peril Aro wanted to send her new daughter into had triggered her fierce mothering instincts and love, and she was dismissive of the guard that reacted with hisses and Caius' narrowed eyes.

“Perhaps not,” Aro said. “I did have the same thought. That was why I was wondering if another of your coven would be willing to go with her.” His eyes moved among my family to fall on Jasper. “Are you willing to accompany your new _sister_ , Jasper?”

All eyes moved to him, some wary, some curious like Bella, and some with naked need like Edward.

“Go into the Romanians’ camp and help Bella kill a vampire?” he asked.

“In essence, yes,” Aro replied.

Jasper looked into Alice’s eyes, searching for something and receiving a nod and small smile in return, and then said, “Sure. I can do that.”

Bella grinned. The rest of my family were not so sanguine. I knew that if there was anyone among my family that was capable of fighting and protecting even without the aid of a gift, it was Jasper. He was the very best person to accompany her into this. 

“Wonderful,” Aro said. “If that’s agreed, then I suggest you all have some time together to settle any outstanding difficulties”—his eyes fell on Edward’s face that was twisted with tension—“and then we can arrange your departure.”

Esme grabbed my hand tightly and, without a moment to reply to Aro, I felt myself being towed out in a rare show of bad manners. I understood it, though. Esme was now sending two of her children into a fight, and the stakes were higher than we’d expected.

I’d been confident that Bella would succeed as she was gifted and strong, physically invulnerable if she could control her shield well enough, but this was different. If the Romanians’ shield canceled out Bella’s, if the lie was discovered, Bella and Jasper would be in terrible danger.


	38. Chapter 38

I felt as though I was tied to a stake and someone was approaching me with a flaming torch. With every step closer they came, the greater my fear grew, and the more I clung to the stake as if it could save me.

The stake was Bella. The torch was this mission. It was her body I held pinned to my side as I led my family to the library where we could speak in peace.

I was intentionally not listening to the thoughts around me as individual things, but they buzzed around my mind like wasps in a jar. Everyone was running over everything that had happened, was going to happen, and they were worried.

I was worried, too, close to panicked, and I knew this was only the beginning of what I was going to feel if Bella went ahead with the plan.

I pushed open the library doors and went to a chair along the long table where I pulled out the seat and gestured Bella into it. She took it without comment, just a small quirk of the lips, and when I sat beside her, she held my hand on her lap and leaned against my side.

When the others of my family and Charlotte were seated, each pair sitting close together, Carlisle took a deep breath, thought, _Be calm for them all,_ and said, “Charlotte, how did you and Peter come to be involved in this situation?”

“Maria,” Charlotte said, her voice dark with hatred. “She came north to search for recruits. She wanted gifts and thought she might be able to sense something the way she did with Jasper. We met her in Upstate New York, and she wanted Peter and me to join her again. We refused, of course, and she got…angry. She allowed herself to be seen feeding when we were with her and then ran. The guard came for us, and we were convincing enough in our story that we were brought back to Volterra to see Aro.”

“How was the exposure concealed?” Carlisle asked.

“Explosion in a bar,” Charlotte said. “Sixty-eight people killed. They said it was a gas leak, but it was them.”

“We heard about that,” Rosalie said. “It was in Buffalo.”

Charlotte nodded. “Yes. Maria had escaped before they came, but as Peter and I had met Demetri before, he was able to find us. They’re still hunting Maria now. Aro saw that it wasn’t our fault, but he wanted us anyway. He saw Peter’s history with newborns and warfare and thought he could be of use. We were so damn grateful to be alive that we would have done anything. Peter was sent in as a volunteer for the Romanians, and I have been going back and forth as a spy. He meets me when he hunts and passes on what he learns.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jasper asked. “We could have helped.”

“We didn’t want to drag you into it,” Charlotte replied. “We both thought you’d given enough before. And we figured you’d come if Alice saw so that would be your decision.”

“I didn’t see,” Alice said quietly. “I don’t understand why.”

Carlisle glanced at me. _Would you like to…_

I shook my head, and he spoke aloud.

“Edward and I have a theory about that. You’ve seen nothing of consequence since we left Forks unless you’ve actively searched for it. You saw Edward because you were looking for him, and a few stock market trends, but can you think of anything else?”

Alice considered a moment, her brow pinched. She knew the question as soon as he’d asked it, a vampire’s mind didn’t need time to consider questions like that, but she was hoping for more hidden within; she didn’t want her gift to be failing. “No,” she said eventually.

“I believe it’s because you spent those years consciously blocking Bella,” Carlisle said. “You were so dedicated to Edward’s request that you unconsciously limited yourself.”

Jasper shifted uncomfortably. He was considering the danger of going into this fight with Bella if Alice couldn’t look ahead and see they were safe.

“How do I stop it?” she asked.

“Look harder,” Rosalie suggested. “Forget Bella and Edward’s stupid demands and use your gift.”

Jasper nodded. “You have to, Alice. This is bigger than any one person’s wants. Look ahead now. What do you see?”

Alice’s eyes became unfocused, and I followed in her mind as she searched ahead. She followed Jasper’s path as she was most attuned to him, but the images that formed were blurred the way they were if a decision was still not solid.

“Look for Bella,” I suggested.

She was the one person I was sure was set on her course and all decisions were made. As much as I hated it, she was going to do what Aro asked, so Alice should see her with the Romanians.

Alice obeyed, and Bella’s image came clearly. She was crouched beside a fallen tree in a forest, her eyes fixed on something in the distance and her brow furrowed. She looked wary but not scared. Whatever she was seeing wasn’t too bad, or she was confident enough to not feel fear of it. I couldn’t be sure which it was. She was still an enigma to me at times.

“Do you see me?” Bella asked,

“Yes,” Alice said. “You’re in a forest somewhere. I don’t know where, but I’m guessing…”

“Romania,” Esme sighed.

Alice nodded.

“You don’t see me with her?” Jasper asked.

“No, you must not be decided yet,” I said. Though I tried to conceal it, there was a sense of accusation in my voice. “Can you see me?” I asked, making a solid decision to go with Bella, regardless of the risk and refusals.

She looked, but Bella remained alone. Alice started to shake her head, and then the image faded and reformed with Jasper beside Bella, both of them looking travelworn but calm. 

Jasper’s decision was made.

“It’s both of you now,” Alice said, looking at Jasper. “You’re going.”

“I am,” he said, putting his arm around her.

He didn’t ask if she wanted him to, he didn’t need to. He could feel Alice’s resignation and relief combined. She was worried about her mate, but she had faith in his ability to protect himself and Bella’s power to do the same. She wanted her husband and sister safe and believed that, together, they would be.

Jasper turned to Charlotte. “What are we going into? How many do they have in their army?”

“It’s not much of an army,” Charlotte said. “No bigger than you’ve managed before. There are about twenty newborns, but the numbers rise and fall all the time. They’re killing each other. Stefan and Vladimir are always replacing the ones they lost, though. It’s this shield that’s the problem. No one apart from Stefan and Vladimir knows what she looks like as she stays concealed all the time. They take her meals into her and carry the bodies out. They refer to her as female, though, and they dote on her. She must be something special the way they talk about her.”

“Newborns,” Bella said quietly. “I need to know how to handle them.”

I winced. I didn’t want to think of Bella facing newborns. They were strong and wild. If they were younger than her, they would be stronger than her. And she had no training in combat. The things she would have learned in the academy when she was training to be a cop would be useless in that kind of fighting. Newborns were different.

She had to learn how before she left.

“I’ll teach you,” Jasper said. “Emmett can help.”

“Hell yeah, I can,” Emmett said, cracking his knuckles.

He made a good show of excitement and anticipation, but his eyes were troubled. I dipped into his mind and saw the concern there. He had seen Bella as all-powerful before, with her shield and remarkable calm, but now he was forced to imagine her in combat and that worried him. He wouldn’t be there to fight with her, to protect.

Bella smiled. “That’ll be fun.”

Rosalie made a sound of derision that went unacknowledged by us all.

“Where are they?” Jasper asked.

“A two-hour run from Brașov, deep in the forest. There is an abandoned monastery there that they have settled in. The gifted vampire is kept in the monk’s old quarters.”

“Is there anything else we need to know?” Jasper asked.

“Yes,” Charlotte said. “You’ve got to lie your asses off. They’re not going to trust you right away because of the eyes.”

“What about… Oh.” Bella’s lips parted, and her eyebrows rose.

“Exactly,” Charlotte said. “They’ll know you’re not on the natural diet, and that will make them suspicious. It might be better if you switched for a while.”

“No!” Bella growled, the sound more menacing than anything I’d ever heard from her before. Jasper winced at her sudden anger. “I’m not killing.”

Charlotte shrugged. “Then you’re going to have to work twice as hard to convince them you’re on their side.”

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. “I think we can do that. I can tell them the truth, the way it feels for me to feed on humans with my gift, and Bella can use her change as a reason.”

Bella sighed with relief. “Yes. If we keep it close to the truth, that I was a cop and wanted to protect, they’ll see motivation. And if they believe I was changed against my will…”

Her voice drifted from my attention as Rosalie’s mental one took over. She was looking at Bella with a look that was oddly sympathetic, and she thought _, That part isn’t a lie._

My startled eyes moved from Rosalie to Bella who was looking thoughtful, my chest constricting with pain. What did Rosalie know that I didn’t?

Bella had said she’d changed her mind, she’d wanted to be a vampire if it was a choice between that and death. True, she’d not been able to make the choice in the moment, but I’d done what I’d needed to do, and I’d thought it was right when she’d woken and said what she did.

What if she’d lied?

 _Whoa, easy, Edward,_ Jasper thought. _I get that you’re worried, but I’m going with her. I told you that you’d need to let us help, that this was about all of us, and this is just a more extreme version of that. I will protect her._

I nodded and tried to force away my worries to save him from feeling them. If Bella had lied to me, if she’d not wanted the change, I would… What could I do? It was too late to do anything to fix it.

Bella squeezed my hand, and her mind opened to me. _It’s going to be okay, Edward. Jasper and I will be fine._

I forced a smile and nodded. “I know,” I sounded confident.

I was more confident now. If I couldn’t go with her—and I hated the fact I couldn’t—there was no one I would trust more to take care of her than Jasper. He was the best fighter of all of us, and he had the most honed strategic mind. He would take care of her and make sure she took care of herself.

My worry was less not for Bella’s safety and more for myself. I was scared to ask Bella if she’d lied, if she had been changed against her will, but at the same time, I needed to know.

“I think we should all take some time alone as couples and come back to this later,” Jasper said. “Meet in the park at dusk so Bella can start her training with me and Em.”

There were murmurs of agreement, and chairs scraped back. Bella waited for me to stand before she stood, kissed my cheek, and smiled her beautiful and enigmatic smile.

I returned it, but I was still unhappy.

 _Edward,_ Jasper thought. _Take this time with Bella and sort out what’s going on in your head. It’s more than her safety, isn’t it? You’ve got questions?_ I nodded. _Then get them answered soon. I don’t think we’re going to be able to stick around long once Bella is ready, and you don’t want her leaving with you all in knots like this. It’ll make things harder._

He was right. I needed to know the truth. There may be no way I could make it right if Rosalie’s thought was true, but I would try.

I would ask Bella what she needed and do that.

xXx

When we got back to the apartment I’d occasionally used when I was staying in Volterra, Bella flopped down on the couch in an endearingly human gesture and sighed as her eyes fell closed. “So… Romania.”

“Yes,” I said through tight lips. “You’ll see a little more of the world.” 

She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her smile faded, and she patted the seat beside her. I sat and leaned back when she pushed against my chest and lifted an arm for her to settle under before pulling her close.

“It’s going to be okay, Edward,” she said. “Jasper and I can handle it.”

“That’s not what’s worrying me right now,” I said, which was only partially a lie.

I was worried about that, but the curse and blessing of a vampire mind was the ability to think of multiple things at once and with full concentration. Part of me was thinking of what she was going to do and face, but the dominant part was now thinking about what I had heard from Rosalie.

She sat up so she could look at me fully and cupped my face in her hands. “What else is there to worry about?”

“I heard…” I took a shaky breath. “Bella, you said you were coming back to tell me you wanted to be changed if it would save your life when you fell, that you’d decided to be changed, but I heard something that…”

“Rosalie,” she said, the name sounding like a curse.

The fact she wasn’t denying it made me realize it was true. I flinched and covered my eyes with my hand. “I am so sorry,” I whispered.

She pulled at my hand, forcing it down when I resisted, and said, “No. You don’t get to twist yourself up over this. It’s done.”

“But it wasn’t what you wanted.”

“So? What does that matter anymore? It’s what I’ve got.”

I squeezed my eyes closed, and she sat in silence until I opened them again and fixed my apologetic gaze on her.

“I hadn’t changed my mind,” she said. “I lied about that because I didn’t want _this_! Your feeling guilty and blaming yourself for it, it doesn’t help. I didn’t want to be a vampire, and I did have hope for something after death that Rosalie didn’t have, but I _am_ happy now. I get forever with you and the rest of my family. I get to do things. I am doing _good_ with the Volturi. That’s not so different from what I wanted before.”

“It’s different, love. You lost your family.”

She laughed harshly. “That would have happened anyway. I would have died, Edward. However it happened, I would have lost them. I hate the fact I can’t see them again, and I miss them, but I’m not alone. Maybe I would have seen them again if I had died human, maybe Heaven is real, but this way, I have you.”

I flinched. She might have had Heaven, a chance to be with the ones she loved again, but she would never have had me, and I was selfishly happy to have her still. There was no Heaven for my kind, I was sure. We lost our souls when we were changed, our chance at more. In exchange, we got forever, or at least as long as we could live without facing a hostile vampire or werewolf. They were the only things that could kill us.

“I am happy with what I have, Edward,” she said. “And I want you to be, too.”

“I am,” I said fervently. “I could never be unhappy with you.”

“Then let us both be happy,” she said. “I don’t know when Jasper and I will leave, but I don’t think it will be long to wait. This threat needs to be dealt with soon. So let’s not waste the time we have before I have to go with you angsting over things that are over and done with.”

I nodded, but my face must have shown my hesitation as she sighed and held my face in her hands so I was looking into her eyes, now almost completely gold, just the slightest tinge of her own blood left in their coloring. 

“This is it, Edward. I am hiding nothing else from you, my last secret. Do you have secrets?”

“No,” I said. “Nothing.”

“Then things are perfect for us. Neither of us is concealing anything else from the other. We’re equals at last. Can you let that be the good thing that it is?”

I leaned close to her and breathed, “Yes,” against her mouth before kissing her fiercely.

She kissed me back, her lips parting and her breath filling me, giving something to me that my body no longer needed but yearned for nonetheless.

Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of my shirt, and I replaced her hands with mine and tore it open. She laid her hand over the place my heart should beat and then ran it across my skin, leaving fire in its wake, and began to kiss down to my stomach,

I leaned back against the couch and sighed as her lips traced across me and her fingers trailed down my sides, making my stomach muscles quiver.

She leaned back and unbuckled my belt then opened the buttons of my pants and slowly, excruciatingly slowly, unzipped them. My erection sprang free, and a hungry look came into her eyes.

She slid onto the floor and knelt in front of me, my knees parting to allow her closer. With a grin, she pulled off her shirt and removed her bra, baring her breasts to the air. Her nipples were peaked and rosy with the blood she’d had the day before, and I reached for them.

She ran her hands from her throat, the place I had loved to press kisses when she was human, feeling her pulse against my lips, and then slowly moved them down her chest, stroking over her breasts and to her stomach where she splayed them and tilted back her head.

I wanted to reach for her, to touch, but at the same time, I was mesmerized by what I was seeing and unable to move.

She looked deep into my eyes and then pushed her hair over one shoulder and bowed her head over my lap. Her warm mouth enveloped my cock, and I groaned. 

Her finger curled around the parts her mouth left free, and they traced gently up and down in a way that made my head fly back and a growl rip from me. She made a satisfied sound, and the pressure increased.

My stomach tensed as her hand dipped lower, tearing apart my pants and cupping my balls. The sensitiveness of them and her soft caresses made my eyes squeeze closed and my muscles loosen. Her tongue traced the vein where blood had once pulsed and her hands moved in synchronicity, one tracing featherlight patterns over my balls and the other rising up and down my shaft with firm pressure.

My fingers reached for her hair, to tangle my fingers in it, and she pulled back and said, “No touching, Edward.”

My hands fisted in my lap, and I had to resist the urge to plunge them into her hair regardless. But this was hers to command. I was her prey here.

She lowered her head, and I felt the warmth envelop me once again.

“Bella,” I sighed. “You’re killing me. I need to…”

Her mouth slowly rose, denying me her heat, and she looked up and me and asked, “What do you need, Edward?”

I stared at her, the faint flush of her recent feeding in the cheeks that had once blushed, the look in her eyes that had been there so many times in those first days, the need for more than I had never believed I was able to give without hurting her, and I realized exactly what I needed.

“I need to be in you.”

She smirked and rose to her feet. “You only had to ask.”

She hitched up her skirt and slipped down the scrap of blue lace she was wearing as panties then flicked them away from her with her foot.

She knelt on my lap and I asked, a note of pleading in my voice, “Can I touch now?”

“Hmmm…” She pretended to consider and then grinned. “If you really want to.”

I yanked her close to me with one arm around her back so my face was nestled between her breasts and drew in the scent of her as my hand found her core and stoked across it, pressing the heel of my hand down over the place her clit was nestled.

She sighed happily and then moaned as my mouth found a nipple and my tongue laved over its pebbled peak.

I dipped my fingers between her folds, searching to her clit and then tracing across it. She was so wet with her arousal, and it made my need surge. I pressed a finger into her and felt the heat encircling my finger. As amazing as it had felt to have her hands on me alone, being the one touching her was so much more. It made me feel that my still heart was beating again.

As I added another finger, dipping it in and out of her, she arched her back, pushing her nipples into my mouth, and gasped.

“Are you ready, love?” I asked.

“Always,” she breathed.

She lowered herself, replacing her nipple in my mouth with the curve of her neck where I allowed my teeth to press in, just firmly enough for her to feel it, and lined my erection up with the source of her heat. She sank down onto me, and we groaned in unison.

Her mouth was now close to mine, and I caught her lips with mine and slipped my tongue between them to meet hers.

She made slow circles with her hips, shifting my erection inside her so it traced her deepest places and touched a place that made her throw back her head and cry out softly,

“That’s it, love,” I whispered. “Feel me.”

She rolled her hips again and made the same sound of joy as my hands found her hips and guided her movements. She leaned back to look at me and a wicked smile curved her lips as she rose up onto her knees so I was almost out of her and then drove herself down again on me.

I groaned and my fingers dug into her hips, and she rose up again then slammed down.

“Take what you need,” I urged. “Whatever you need.”

She growled deep in her chest and then began to rise and fall with fervent movements. I let her move, my fingers still gripping her, and just felt the warmth enveloping and leaving me, making my breaths pant, as she took what she needed.

Her walls quivered around me, and I knew she was close to her release. I dipped my hand between us and rubbed at her clit as she moved. She cried out, and her movements became uncoordinated, jerky and frantic.

I felt my own orgasm building, and I moved my fingers faster, wanting to come with her.

“Come, Bella,” I commanded. “Now!”

She rose up and slammed herself down on me then screamed as her orgasm hit her. Her head flew back, and her hips rolled as her walls contracted around me.

My orgasm hit me like a freight train, and I pulled back and gritted my teeth to fight the urge to sink them into her, to mark her. She milked my orgasm from me, and I moaned both in joy at the sensations and ecstasy at seeing her giving herself over to pleasure so freely.

Even when I was spent, softening, she still thrashed, her orgasm drifting into another, and I rubbed at her clit, wanting to prolong this feeling for her as long as I could.

I wanted to give her everything she was capable of feeling.

She finally relaxed, her head falling against my neck and her quick breaths tickling my skin, and I held her to me, feeing fully how precious she was to me, how closely tied my heart was to hers.

I thought nothing could make the moment any better, and then her voice filled my mind, and I heard her sigh. _I love you…_

“I love you, too, Bella.”

She kissed my neck. _And I’m going to be fine. I will go to Romania with Jasper, I will stop this shield, and then I will come back to you, and we can do this forever._

“And if they need you again?” I asked tentatively. “Will you go if they ask?”

I heard the uncertainty in her thoughts, the doubt that she’d never shown when speaking of the Volturi and her desire to protect.

_I don’t know. Maybe._

It wasn’t an outright no, I couldn’t hope for that, but it wasn’t a yes. Maybe this would be it. If I just watched her go now and come back to me after, it might be the last time we would be parted.

That was what I could hope for. 


	39. Chapter 39

**_Bella_ **

Edward and Alice came with us to Faltugnano, and then we were forced to prepare ourselves to part ways.

Edward and I went into the east in Casentinesi Forest, allowing us privacy to say our goodbyes, and Alice and Jasper did the same to the north.

Edward had seemed calmer for the past two days that I spent learning combat techniques from Jasper and tested my strength against Emmett—I was stronger, but he was more skilled, and I didn’t manage to best him until after many hours of Jasper’s tutelage. But when we were alone, when there was no one to put a brave face on for, he wrapped his arms around me, and I felt his stress in his shaky breaths and tight grip.

Though I was upset to be saying goodbye, and I knew our time apart was going to be a struggle as I would have to fight the urge not to run back to him, I felt ready for the mission. I had prepared as much as I was able to; I had learned how to fight, and our most important goodbyes had been said as we lay naked together in bed that evening.

We had decided it was better to leave in the evening as we wouldn’t have to worry about being seen in the light, which would only be a problem until we got out of the populated areas. The rest of our journey was going to be taken on foot in the plentiful forested land between us and Romania, passing through Slovenia, Croatia, and Hungary. I had wanted to travel the world before, and I planned to one day with Edward, but I never imagined it would be with Jasper as we headed toward unfriendly vampires with the mission to join their ranks and kill a dangerous shield so that the Volturi and their guard could mount their attack.

We had decided it was better to go on foot as we would look more travelworn when we arrived. Since we were playing the part of nomads, that was essential.

We had gone over our story, building on it and creating the right words to say what needed to be said, how to mimic the right emotions, until Esme, who was the most perceptive of us with her strong instincts to love, had agreed it was believable.

Edward buried his face in my hair and stroked my back.

“I’m going to be okay,” I said. “And it’ll be over before you have a chance to miss me.”

“I already miss you.”

I smiled. I felt the same way, though I was also eager to go.

“You’ll be coming soon,” I reminded him. “As soon as we’re ready, when I have access, we’ll call you.”

We had agreed that I would wait until I was in a position of trust, was able to be near the shield, before they came, and I would make my move when the guard were in place to finish the fight. If I acted too soon, Jasper and I would be killed. When it was close to time, the guard and some of my family would move to Brașov, ready to come at a moment’s notice.

“I know,” Edward sighed. “And I promise to be the first person there. You will see me before anyone else.”

“You might want to let Alec and Jane come first,” I suggested. “They can eliminate the newborns.”

Edward pulled back and looked me in the eye, letting me see his determination and the intensity of his love. “I will be first to your side.”

I didn’t like the idea, I wanted him behind the lines of protection, but I wasn’t going to take away his choice now. I was sure that when the moment came, Aro would ensure he was in the safest place.

His head snapped up, and I guessed he could hear Alice and Jasper approaching us. I pulled his mouth down to mine and poured myself into a kiss. I wanted him to have this to look back on while we were apart, something to hold, and I would do the same.

When we parted, breathing in each other’s air, I dropped my shield and thought, _I promise to be safe. I promise to be ready for you when you come. I promise to get it done._

“And I promise to be there for you when it’s time,” he vowed.

_I love you._

“I love you, too, more than anything in this world I have ever loved or ever will again.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, and we stood in silence as the sounds of Alice and Jasper approached, then we parted as Alice said, “You ready for this, Bella?”

I smiled. “More than ready.”

She nodded, looking a little sad, and then hugged me and whispered, “Take care of Jasper for me.”

I knew her voice was low enough to not be heard by anyone else, but I thought Edward would hear her words in her thoughts.

“I will,” I breathed.

“And take care of yourself.” She raised her voice. “Don’t be a hero, Bella.”

I laughed. “Like I would. This is strictly a team effort. I’m not going for the medal from the mayor.”

“Good,” she said, patting my shoulder. “Now, you better get going.”

Jasper squeezed her hands, and they stared into each other’s’ eyes a moment, a scene that felt oddly intimate and made me look away. Jasper then came to us, shook Edward’s hand, and turned to me, “Let’s go.”

I kissed Edward once more and then set off running into the forest with Jasper at my side. Heading away from our family; racing towards danger.

xXx

“Can I ask you something?”

Jasper’s voice made me look up from the tree I was preparing to bury the body of the deer I’d just drained, and I frowned. “Sure. What do you want to know?”

“You’re blocking me.”

“I am,” I agreed. “Is that a problem?”

“No, it’s actually quite nice to feel only myself sometimes, but I wondered why. Are you hiding something from me?” He saw my surprise and went on hurriedly. “It’s fine if you are. I know how you feel about privacy, but I was curious.”

Instead of answering, I lifted my shield and allowed him to read what I was feeling.

His eyes widened with surprise, and then a smile quirked his lips. “You’re excited.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. I know that’s not all you felt, since I’m also nervous and missing Edward and the family, but there’s definitely excitement. Aren’t you excited?”

“Would you like to feel what I am feeling?”

He’d never offered me this before, and I nodded eagerly. He looked concentrated for a moment, and then I felt a wash of emotion that was so confusing and different from what I had felt before that I gasped.

There was anxiety, that was clear, and the same sense of yearning that I was sure was what he felt for Alice the same way I felt it for Edward, but there was also something darker. I’d not felt it myself, but it was similar to something I’d seen in another’s eyes. It had been Max’s eyes, and I had been in the target of his gun at the time. It was darkness and determination. The only word I could think of to define it was danger. Jasper was dangerous.

The influence left me, and he quirked an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

“I think I understand what you told me about your wars a little better now. You’re not excited, but you’re ready. Is this how you felt all the time back then when you were influenced by them?”

“No, this is what _I_ feel. Back then, surrounded by newborns and under the influence of Maria and her thirst for power, my feelings were more confused. The confusion and tension of the newborns was dominant, but when I was alone and ready for battle, this is how I felt.”

“You’re ready,” I stated.

“I am.” He lifted the tree I was holding and kicked the deer into the hollow before he dropped the tree back into place. “And you are.”

“I am, but I guess it’s different for me. This is unknown. I was a cop for two years, and I was in the academy for six-months before that. I was _trained_ to be ready to protect and serve, I took the oath and meant every word of it, but I was never ready the same way I am now. It was always so…human before; it was human dangers I faced, and I thought I knew how to handle them. This is unknown, but also…”

“Exciting?” he suggested.

“Yeah. Does that mean something?”

He shook his head with a wry smile. “It means you are not the Bella Swan I met in Forks.”

“Nope,” I agreed. “She was never ready, not the way she should have been.” If I had been ready, I would never have broken so completely when Edward left.

Jasper frowned. “Perhaps not, but she was as brave as you are now. Not only did you willingly surround yourself with vampires on a daily basis, but you also loved them. And you ran from us toward danger, toward your death, because you believed it would save your mother. You were _brave_. The difference is you weren’t excited then.”

“I love a challenge,” I said brightly, dusting off my hands.

He grinned. “You do. Are you ready to move on? We’ve still got a long way to go, and Charlotte is waiting for us in Timișoara.”

“Yep, I’m ready. Want to race to the border?”

Jasper laughed. “Do I want to race the newborn that can _almost_ keep pace with Edward? Do I look stupid?”

I tilted my head to the side and pretended to consider him. “No, maybe not, but you are the man that likes to bet against Emmett, so I’m pretty sure you’re up for a challenge.”

“You could be right, but I’m not…”

Before he could finish, I was sprinting again, using my strength to kick off from the ground and make me go faster. I heard a distant laugh and then his footsteps pounding the twig-strewn ground behind me.

I pushed myself harder and laughed.

xXx

I didn’t really know Charlotte as I hadn’t had much time to speak to her in Volterra as she needed to go ahead of us to warn Peter we were coming. She’d seemed quite a calm person, though, and I’d appreciated that she was taking the situation seriously and in her stride. When we met in the forest close to Timisoara, though, I saw the side of herself she’d been attempting to conceal in Volterra. She was scared.

She met Jasper with a hug, and he’d held on to her longer than I would have expected and said, “It’s okay, Charlotte. He’ll be out of there soon.”

She’d breathed a sigh of relief and said, “I believe that now you’re here.” She looked at me. “And you. You really think you can take this shield out?”

“I do. I’ve blocked everyone else I’ve tried.”

“You a good actor?”

“I… I guess.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve got to do more than guess, Bella. All the power in the world isn’t going to do a thing if you can’t get close to her.”

“Her being the shield?” Jasper said.

“Yes. They call her Violet. The only ones that ever see her are Stefan, Vladimir, and Elenora, and she’s only allowed close when she brings her food. They’ve not even let Peter near her.”

“So, we have no idea what she looks like or what else she’s capable of apart from blocking mental gifts,” Jasper said. 

“Exactly.”

“Why haven’t they let Peter near her?” I asked. “Don’t they trust him?”

“No, I think it’s more that they like her being secret,” she replied. “They’re eccentric. Peter thinks they’ll take to Bella as she’s coming from the Cullens with a grudge and they’ve heard of the family’s connection to the Volturi, and your reputation and scars will do the rest for you, Jasper.”

I glanced at Jasper, seeing the scars that covered his exposed skin in a feathery pattern. I’d been shocked to see them at first, they’d marked him out as a threat, but I saw now that to another vampire with a cunning mind, they would show him as a weapon.

Jasper nodded. “Then we should go. I want to get this over with.” He put his hand on my shoulder and held it for a moment, “Bella, if I give the word, you run, understand?”

“Why would I run?”

“Because if they don’t believe our story, if they think we’re a threat, they will try to kill us. I know you can hold back a handful of vampires at a time with your shield, but there are twenty newborns—”

“Nineteen,” Charlotte corrected. “One was killed two days ago.”

“Nineteen,” Jasper said, “and I don’t believe you could block all of them at once. “We can’t fight that many alone, so we run.”

My face fell. Perhaps stupidly, I’d not considered that we could fail. I’d been so full of confidence, excitement at the challenge, that the idea it might not work hadn’t occurred.

“We can do it, Bella,” he said. “I think we will, even, but I want you to be prepared in case we can’t. Alice only saw us close to them. They’ve not met us, so they’ve not decided what they going to do, so there’s nothing more for her to see.”

I nodded. “Got it. I’ll be ready.”

Jasper and Charlotte exchanged a look. Then, Jasper said, “Lead the way, Charlotte,” and we ran again.

It took another two hours of running for us to reach the forest where the monastery the Romanians were concealed in was located, and I heard the sounds of vampires long before we saw them.

Charlotte left us at the edge of the forest, and Jasper and I went ahead.

We crouched behind a fallen tree and stared at the roughly circular clearing in front of the ruins where the newborns were gathered. It was twilight, and they were grouped in pairs. A blond vampire that I guessed was Peter was shouting commands at them as they sparred. I was surprised by the control they had as Jasper had told me about the unpredictability of newborns, how they had no finesse or skill outside of their immense strength, but these were different. Occasionally one fight would get out of hand, teeth would be used, and Peter would step between them. Jasper held his breath as a particularly large pair circled Peter, but at a bitten off command, they stepped back.

“He’s gotten better,” Jasper whispered. “He’s damn good at it. It’s nowhere near as easy as he’s making it look.”

“That means they’re a bigger threat though, right?” I asked.

“Definitely, but if Alec can use his power on them, they’ll be easy kills. That’s where you come in, Bella. You ready for this?”

“Yes,” I said firmly, feeling both anxious and excited as he rose to his feet.

“Then let’s go meet our new masters.”

We started walking through the forest towards the clearing, and I made sure to smile, to show no sign of my anxiety. If Alice was watching, I wanted to look like I was handling this, ready, because Edward would be watching, too.

Even though I was now realizing just how much danger Jasper and I were about to be in. 


	40. Chapter 40

**_Bella_ **

When the newborns caught our scent, their sparring matches broke apart, and they all dropped into crouches, ready to attack. My nerves kicked up a notch, and I held my breath.

“It’s okay,” Jasper murmured. “We’ve got this.”

I nodded.

Peter looked up, and I had to admire the perfect look of shock and pleasure on his face as he saw Jasper. He was an amazing actor.

“Jasper!” he said happily, coming towards us. Then he turned back and held up a hand to the newborns. “Stand down. Trust me, you do not want to piss him off. Check out his war wounds.”

Jasper rolled up his sleeves, and the newborns’ eyes narrowed as they took in his scars. Some of them tensed, as if ready for danger, and others—I guessed the more mature ones that bore their own scars—looked impressed.

“Vladimir, Stefan,” Peter called. “We’ve got guests.”

Two vampires appeared from an alcove of the ruined stone building behind him. One was so blond his hair was almost white, and the other had dark hair like mine. When we got closer, taking confident steps into the clearing, I saw their skin had the same powdery look of the ancients, but their eyes were clear and crimson from a recent meal.

They examined us carefully, and I concentrated on keeping my back straight and my eyes fixed on theirs, showing none of the nerves I was feeling. I was blocking Jasper, wanting privacy for my own feelings and also to show a good front of control in the situation. I didn’t want Jasper doubting me.

The blond vampire narrowed his eyes., “What do we have here?”

“Vladimir, this is Jasper Whitlock,” Peter said. “And his friend is…”

“Bella Swan,” I said, pleased by the steadiness in my voice.

“Bella!” Peter went on with a look of perfect surprise. “Now, that’s a story I need to hear.

“I think I’ve heard some of it,” the other vampire, Stefan, said. “Are you the human that the Volturi pet, Edward, knew?”

“I was,” I said. “I’m a vampire now.”

Stefan’s lips quirked into a smile. “Whitlock,” he said thoughtfully. “I have heard that name, too. You are the one they called The Major? The veteran of the Southern Wars?”

“No one calls me that anymore,” Jasper said stiffly.

I glanced at him. I’d not heard that moniker before, though I knew that had been his rank in the Confederate Army.

“Perhaps not,” Vladimir said.

“But he’s lost none of the skills,” Peter said confidently. “Jasper, what are you doing here?”

“Yes, I would like to know that, too,” Stefan said.

“We came to join you,” Jasper said. “We had no idea that we would be joining an army, though. We thought we would be the ones to help you build one.”

“I thought you were living among the animal drinking coven now,” Vladimir said.

Peter quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, what’s up with that, Jasper? Where’s Alice?”

“We had a difference of opinion on something recently,” Jasper said. “Alice and I parted ways.”

Peter looked suitably surprised. “Must have been a pretty big difference.”

Jasper looked to me, and his eyes communicated a nudge of reassurance the same way his gift could. “Tell them, Bella.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and formed my features into a look of fury as I recited the carefully prepared lie that felt like a betrayal of the man I loved more than anything. “I was with Edward when I was human, but he left me after six months.”

“Yes, we heard that,” Vladimir said. “We thought that was almost as strange as being with a human at all. Why would he risk everything to be with you only to abandon you? And why didn’t the Volturi kill him for breaking the _law_ they held so dear?”

“He was their chosen one,” Jasper said between his teeth. “After Edward left, he went to Volterra and hid for years. They knew what he had done with Bella, but he was too gifted to be punished.” He sounded furious. “They thought he would join them eventually, and they were willing to be patient while he worked through his… angst.”

Stefan chuckled. “Yes, I can imagine that a gift like that would tempt _Aro_.” He spoke his name with derision and hatred. 

“He didn’t work through it, though,” Jasper said. “Instead, he became demented. Eventually, he realized the only way for him to be happy again was to be with Bella. He tracked her down to where she was living and tried to court her again.”

I spoke up. “I wasn’t interested. I’d moved on from that teen romance, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He kept coming to my home, creeping into my room and watching me sleep.”

“He was obsessed,” Jasper inserted.

“Always knew he had a screw loose,” Peter said. “But how did that end up with you being changed? Wasn’t his whole thing about keeping you human?”

“It was,” I agreed. “And I hated that when I was young. It was only after he was gone that I realized how lucky I was that he’d felt that way. I could have been cursed and tied to him forever.”

“Edward cracked,” Jasper said. “He figured the only way he’d have her back was if she was a vampire. He concocted his plan, with Alice’s support, and they struck. He didn’t want Bella to know he’d done it for himself, so they laid a trap. Alice pushed Bella down the stairs, and Edward bit her to ‘save her life’.”

I hissed with a good imitation of anger that I was able to create because of the anger I was feeling now. I hoped with all my heart that Alice wasn’t seeing this and relaying it to Edward. I didn’t want him to see us telling these lies. He would know the truth, of course, but he would also obsess over what he was hearing.

Edward wasn’t the kind of person that just let things go.

“He sat with me while I burned, and he told me again and again how he loved me, how we could be together now,” I said. “When it was over, when I woke up, I wanted to kill him. I would have but they were all there, watching me, waiting for me. I knew I couldn’t kill him and make it out alive, so the first chance I had, I ran. Jasper found me two weeks later and we ran together.”

“I knew he was cracked, but to do that…” Peter whistled. “And Alice was in on it? Jasper, man, your taste in women sucks. Couldn’t you find a sane one?”

Jasper nodded. “I don’t need a reminder, Peter. I know exactly what I married.”

Vladimir quirked an eyebrow. “Married?”

“Yes, we lived as humans in most ways,” Jasper said. “Carlisle was obsessed with it. The only time we were ever really close to being ourselves was when we hunted.”

“For wildlife,” Stefan said with the hint of a laugh. “And yet I see you’re still not eating naturally by your strange eyes. Why not?”

It was Peter that answered. “Jasper has a little problem with dinners that emote. He’s gifted as an empath; he feels what people feel, and he can influence their emotions. His dinner was obviously scared when he ate, and that spoiled the experience.”

Jasper nodded. “As unpleasant as the Cullens diet is, it’s better for me to feed that way if I am to keep control of myself. When my moods are dark because of others, I become…dangerous.”

Peter snorted. “Understatement, man.”

Stefan and Vladimir eyed him curiously. “Your reputation backs up that danger.” Stefan turned to me. “Why do you stick to that strange diet, young one?”

As rehearsed, I went with honesty. “I don’t want to be a killer. When I was human, I was a cop. I protected life. Just because I’m not a cop anymore, it doesn’t mean I am going to change that part of me.”

Peter looked amused, and Jasper scowled at him and said, “It’s more than that, though she doesn’t like admitting it. Bella is unique. She’s less than six months past her change, and she’s controlled. She was from almost the moment she woke. But she’s also gifted in more ways than one.”

Vladimir’s eyes sparked with intrigue. “You are gifted? How?”

“A shield,” I said. “Physical.” We’d decided not to tell them about the mental ability as they needed to think I was less powerful than their shield.

Stefan and Vladimir exchanged a glance, and I thought I saw greed in their faces before they schooled them into interest again. 

“She also _feels_ ,” Jasper said. “It’s not like me, she’s not an empath, but the part of her that was dominant as a human, the strength of will and need to protect, are heightened. I don’t think she could physically kill a human if she wanted to.”

Vladimir waved away his words and commanded, “Show us.”

I frowned. “Show you what?”

“Your shield. We want to see it in action.”

“Come on, Officer Swan,” Peter said with a smirk. “Show us what you got.”

I smiled sweetly at him, and I let my shield flow out and threw him back until he collided with the ruins and drove a deep divot into the stone walls.

Vladimir said something that I didn’t understand, I guessed it was Romanian, and Stefan answered in a breath.

Though I didn’t know what they were saying, I knew I had impressed them, and they saw value in me now. I was pleased, that was what we had come here for, but still a little nervous. I couldn’t forget that I was standing among vampires that could become hostile in a second, and all I would be able to do was run. I had no more confidence in my ability to hold back nineteen newborns than Jasper did. 

“Why did you come here?” Stefan asked shrewdly as Peter got to his feet and shook off the dust in his hair.

“I told you,” I said. “I couldn’t stay with them after what Edward and Alice did, what they all let them do.”

“No, but you could have lived as a nomad with Jasper,” he replied. “You could have joined the Volturi if you wanted to _protect_.” He sounded amused.

My jaw jutted out, and I spoke with anger. “The Volturi are the ones that gave Edward a place to stay and allowed him to believe he was so important that he could take my life just because he coveted it. They didn’t punish him for breaking the law because they wanted him. Because of that, I lost my life and family. I want them to be punished.”

Vladimir and Stefan exchanged a few more words of Romanian and then Stefan said, “We can help you get that revenge, young one. If it’s what you really want, you can be a part of what we’re doing here. We can find a use for a gift like yours.”

“And Jasper?” I asked. “We come as a pair.”

Stefan and Vladimir laughed, and Stefan said, “We will be more than happy to have The Major on our side. You see we have the newborns, and Peter has done a good job with them so far, but you…” He fixed his eyes on Jasper and Vladimir took up the words. “You will help us swell our ranks even more.”

Jasper nodded stiffly. “I can do that. I want to do that. I have my own grudge against the Volturi. Because of them, through Edward and what he did, my mate was corrupted, and I lost her. I want them to pay for what they took from me.”

There were a few more words spoken in Romanian, and I heard the name Violet mentioned, then Stefan extended a hand to me and Vladimir to Jasper.

I looked into Stefan’s eyes as I shook his hand and said, “Whatever it takes, whatever I need to do, I’ll do it. Just make them pay.”

Stefan laughed. “I promise, young one, we will definitely do that.”

He squeezed my hand, and I felt a thrill of relief along with something a little more daunting. By taking his hand, I felt that I had just entered into a devil’s bargain.

I was strong, I was gifted, the guard were coming in as back up as soon as we were ready, Edward was coming, but deep down I felt a fear that I had just made a huge mistake in my obsession with protecting.

What if my obsession was going to cost the life of someone else?


	41. Chapter 41

**_Bella_ **

I winced as the newborn sank its teeth into my hand before my shield shoved it away, sending it flying so far back it collided with a tree that snapped and fell to the ground.

It jumped to its feet and came at me again, but Jasper held up his hand, and it scowled and walked away.

“How’s it feel?” he asked me, taking my hand and examining the bite mark.

“It stings,” I said with a shrug. “But I’m getting used to it.”

Jasper sighed and traced a finger over the other scars that lay around the new one. “Edward is going to kill me,” he murmured so only I would hear.

I raised an eyebrow and whispered, “Edward is going to suck it up and get over it. It’s not your fault I’ve been bitten, and it’s not like you’re _letting_ me fight…”

He raised his hands, “Stand down, Officer Swan. I’m unarmed.”

I laughed and tugged my sleeve down over the other recently gained scars on my arms. “Sorry. Being bitten makes me pissy.”

“It would,” he said “But—and I’m not suggesting you can’t or that I am in any way telling you what to do—you don’t _need_ to fight with them. Stefan and Vladimir are impressed by what you can do already, even without your shield, and you’re not going to be involved in one-on-one combat when we fight, so why do it?”

“I want to be ready for anything.” I gave him a pointed look. “You never know what’s going to happen.”

He tilted his head and said, “Want to give me a little more?”

I knew what he was asking, and I lifted my shield so he could feel my emotions. He frowned as he took them in and then nodded, indicating that he’d felt enough. I lowered it again and said, “See.”

“We should hunt,” he said. “I’ll tell Peter where we’re going.”

“You should tell him to come,” I said. “A decent meal will do him good.”

Jasper laughed. “I don’t think Peter will agree that a deer counts as a decent meal.”

“No, but a bear does.”

“Still, I don’t think I’ll convince him. I think he’s planning to take a group into the city tonight anyway.”

I sighed. Brașov was taking the losses of the army’s thirst. Stefan and Vladimir encouraged them to hunt often, to build on the blood already in their systems for strength. They fed freely, and they weren’t covering their tracks. They _wanted_ the Volturi to take notice to come for them so that the battle could start. The other option was for them to storm Volterra, and the city wasn’t designed for that kind of warfare. If they could bring the guard to them, they could control the battlefield.

I had heard discussion between Stefan and Vladimir that indicated they were surprised it was taking so long for them to act. Only Jasper, Peter, and I knew they weren’t coming until we called them.

We had been with them a month, and we thought we were close to being allowed near the shield. The fact her gift was purely mental, that Jasper could use his power still, made them value me more. They saw the threat I could be for them and they valued it. Until I was allowed close, though, to test my mental shield against hers, we weren’t ready. I had to know I could kill when it was time, or we needed to come up with a new plan.

Jasper called across the field to Peter, where he was working with a small team of newborns while others lazed around, and told him we were going to hunt. He waved a hand in acknowledgment, and Jasper and I set off. With Vladimir and Stefan closeted away with Violet, we didn’t need to tell them where we were going.

When we were deep in the forest, away from eavesdroppers, Jasper came to a stop and leaned against a tree. It amused me that he still acted human when there was no one else there to see, and it endeared him to me. He was the most dangerous vampire in the family, but he was just as good at playing a human; it was as much a part of him, as any of them.

“What’s with the tornado of angst?” he asked.

“I’m impatient,” I said. “I want to get it done.”

“Yeah, but you knew it was going to take time going in. Things are good. Stefan and Vladimir trust you, and they’re putting out a lot of anticipation, so they’re obviously getting close to letting you near the shield.”

“They are?”

“Yeah. We’re close, Bella. And once you are, once we know you can do it, we’ll get the call out for the others, and it’ll start. It’s coming, Bella. You’ve just got to be patient a little longer.”

I sighed. “You know, it wasn’t all action as a cop.”

He smiled. “I didn’t think it would be in a place like Astoria.”

“Exactly, but we were trained to be ready at all times for when it was. I took long shifts in the quietest hours of the night, and I was patient and prepared at all times. But now…” I shook my head. “My brain works like I never imagined was possible before I was changed. I can focus on so many things at once, so I should be even more patient, right?”

“It would seem that way, yes, but it doesn’t work like that, does it?”

“No!” My lips pooched in a pout that made him laugh. “I just want it to be time. Part of me is always focused on the fight, being ready, and that’s the part that’s impatient. I want it over.”

“You wouldn’t have handled the Southern Wars well. We spent so much time waiting around, training the newborns to fight, killing them when it was time, and there was little else to do but feed. I fed well, I was rewarded, but it helped me to perfect my patience. You’re still young Bella, so it’s going to take time for you to perfect yours.” He patted my shoulder. “Even though you’re Edward’s mate, you’re more like Emmett than him; he has no patience either.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think the fact he’s with Rosalie means he has patience?”

“It does,” he conceded. “But she’s perhaps the only one he has patience with. Emmett is a man of action and is easily bored. When this is over, when we’re home, you will be able to entertain each other.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” I said fervently.

“Being undercover not all you were hoping for?” he asked.

“I don’t know what I was hoping for. It was important to me to protect, and yeah, I was excited about it, but I never really had a clear idea of what it would be like.”

“Are you enjoying it?”

There was intensity in his question, as if he needed my answer more than wanted it, and I answered honestly. “I am. I miss Edward, and I hate that he’s probably worried about me, but doing this… I feel like I’m really me for the first time since I was changed.”

“Yes,” he said thoughtfully. “I can see that.” He pushed away from the tree. “We should hunt before we go back. The more you feed, the stronger you’ll be.”

“Meet you back here,” I said and then darted into the trees, searching for a scent that appealed.

xXx

I was talking with Jasper and Peter in the dead of night when Stefan called my name. I got up from my spot on the grass and jogged towards him, feeling Jasper and Peter’s eyes on me.

“Stefan,” I said, making sure my voice was dutifully respectful. “Is everything okay?”

“I want to talk to you,” he said. “Come for a walk.”

Surprised, neither Stefan nor Vladimir had spoken to me privately before, I walked at his side into the forest. We didn’t run, his pace was more a stroll, and I sensed no tension coming from him, so I assumed this was going to be just more discussion of my shield.

When we were deep enough that the sounds of the newborns had died away, he stopped and turned to me. “Bella, Vladimir and I are pleased with what you have achieved. We can see you are going to be an asset to us.”

“Thank you.”

“And we agree it’s time to show you our other asset.”

I forced my features to remain politely curious, but internally I was reeling. We had done it. It had taken two months of living with them, training with the newborns and demonstrating my physical shield, but it was finally happening.

“Before we go, I want to ask you something. Tell me, Bella, what do you know about the Volturi’s laws?”

“That we keep our existence a secret,” I said.

“Nothing more?”

I frowned. “Is there more?”

All I’d been told about was the need to keep the secret. Jasper said that was why newborns had to be so closely guarded as they didn’t have the same control as a mature vampire and posed a threat of exposure. But what other laws could there be?

Stefan chuckled. “That is perfect. You see, Bella, there are some things the Volturi, and therefore their obedient subjects, see as taboo. We know better. We know that some things are just prejudice. We believe someone as open-minded as you will be able to see beyond appearances to the beauty of the situation.”

The more he spoke, the more confident I felt. I didn’t know what this taboo was, but I could think of no bigger threat than exposure, and if we weren’t talking about that, what could be the problem? However, if there was something I was missing, the Volturi needed to be warned.

“I don’t see taboos,” I said, then decided to try a little more. “And I don’t see that the Volturi are protectors in any way. If they cared about the secret, they would have punished Edward for exposing it.”

He placed a hand on my arm with unexpected pressure. It was almost as though he was testing me. I kept still and smiled up at him.

“You are perfectly correct, Bella,” he said. “And I see you’re ready to meet Violet. Come with me.”

I ran at his side, and when we got to the camp, Jasper got to his feet and started towards us, but Stefan raised a hand and said, “A moment, Jasper.”

He nodded and went back to Peter, looking perfectly relaxed though I was sure he would guess what was happening and was as on edge as I was.

“Come with me, Bella,” Stefan said, pointing to the arch in the wall that Elenora, Stefan, and Vladimir always entered and exited through.

I went through it and followed the stone path down. I heard Elenora’s voice speaking as I approached, talking to someone that didn’t reply. It sounded as though she was encouraging her. There was a thump and then Elenora said, “Very good, Violet. I will bring you more tomorrow. We must keep your strength up.”

The giggle that responded was strange, higher than even Alice’s whose laugh was a bell-like chime and almost childish when she was excited as well as amused. My curiosity piqued, I sped slightly, Stefan keeping pace with me.

Footsteps approached, and Elenora came into view carrying a man’s body over her shoulder that I assumed was the remains of Violet’s meal. I forced myself not to avert my eyes, keeping my cover that I didn’t follow the natural diet as it went against _my_ nature and not because I objected to it, and nodded in return to Elenora’s greeting.

“Go ahead, Bella,” Stefan said when we reached a turn in the stone hall.

I turned and followed the hall into a large room that would once have perhaps been a gathering area for the monks. Sitting in the corner, facing away from me was a small figure with blonde hair that waved down her back. I knew from the scent and lack of heartbeat that it was a vampire, but I had never seen one so small.

“Violet, I have brought someone for you to meet,” Stefan said.

The vampire turned slowly, inching around, and I sucked in a breath when I saw her face.

This was the most entrancing vampire that I had ever seen.

And she couldn’t be older than five years old.


	42. Chapter 42

**_Bella_ **

I had never seen a more beautiful vampire; her natural innocence overpowered even Rosalie’s loveliness. Her lips were a perfect rosebud and her cheeks slightly flushed with her recent meal. Her eyes, crimson with fresh blood, had long blonde lashes that stroked her cheeks when she blinked. Her hair was held back from her face with a pink ribbon, and her red dress accentuated her eyes.

“Violet, this is Bella,” Stefan said.

“Hello, Bella,” she said sweetly.

I moved forward automatically and squatted so we were the same height. “Hello, Violet.”

She beamed at me, her lovely features making her even more enchanting.

“Shall we sit down?” she asked, then, before I could answer, she pulled the folds of the skirt of her dress forward and sank into a sitting position with her legs folded in front of her on a velvet blanket that protected her dress from the dust on the floor.

I sat, too, and folded my hands in my lap. My fingers wanted to reach for her, to stroke the perfect apples of her cheeks, to touch her hair to see if it felt as silky as it looked, but I resisted.

I stared at her, not understanding how Stefan and Vladimir could keep such a vulnerable and wonderful being hidden like this. Her life must be miserable living in secret. She deserved to be in the sunlight.

“How old are you?” I asked.

She held up a hand and splayed her fingers. “I had my birthday before I was taken,” she said. “We had a party and all my friends came.”

“When were you…taken?” I asked.

She shrugged her small shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t see the days.”

I turned and frowned at Stefan. “Why not?”

“I told you about taboos, Bella. Violet would be vulnerable in the open. We protect her by keeping her a secret.”

I didn’t understand the taboo. How could anyone not love this child when they saw her? She was wonderful. Perfect.

But also wrong. Someone so young should not know this life, the burn of the change, the thirst.

“Why was she changed?” I asked.

“Because she was too lovely to not change,” Stefan said. “Don’t you see it?”

Violet looked up at me from under her lashes, biting her lip nervously. I knew she was worried about my question, that perhaps this ‘taboo’, whatever it was, would affect how I felt about her.

“I see it,” I said, unable to keep myself from reaching for her now. I touched my finger to her chin and lifted her face to meet mine. “You are so lovely.”

She beamed. “You’re lovely too. So pretty. I like your hair.”

I stroked the ribbon on her head and said, “I like yours more. It’s like sunshine.”

“Your eyes are funny,” she said. “I like the color more than mine. Elenora brings me a mirror when she does my hair, and they’re not blue now. They’re red. They look funny.”

“I have a different diet to you,” I said, wary of how to approach the subject. How would a child feel about feeding from humans? She seemed so perfectly sweet and innocent that the idea of her sinking her small white teeth into a person to drain them was abhorrent, but I knew that was how she ate.

“I drink animal blood,” I said.

“Does it taste nice?”

I laughed. “Not really, but it’s what’s right for me.”

“How do you catch them?” she asked.

I frowned. “I run faster than them. Don’t you run fast, too?”

She frowned. “I don’t know. I haven’t run since the fire.”

The fire… My change was the most poignant and painful memory of my new life. I remembered how it had felt to burn, how I had found second by second to keep myself from showing that pain to the people I loved. It had been unimaginable, and this innocent child had felt that pain, too. And her reward for suffering through that had been to stay hidden and alone.

I turned to Stefan, and I couldn’t keep my accusation from my voice. “She’s never been free at all?”

Stefan smiled, looking perfectly unconcerned. “Not once. Violet was changed in this monastery, and she’s never left.”

“How long has it been?”

“Just over a year.”

I gasped. I couldn’t imagine anyone keeping another person trapped like this for a year, let alone a child like this. How could they resist the urge to give her whatever she wanted? I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I was completely under her spell. And nothing in my life had ever felt so right as this did. I was supposed to protect, I was right, but it wasn’t the Volturi that needed me; it was this child.

“I’ve been so lonely,” Violet said, her lips pouted.

“I promise you won’t be lonely anymore,” I said. “I’ll stay with you.”

Stefan cleared his throat, an unnecessary action intended to make his presence my focus. “Bella can’t stay forever, Violet,” he said regretfully. “She has things to do, too. A mission.”

“A mission like mine?” Violet asked.

“Exactly. See, you can protect us with your mind from the people that will come to hurt us, and Bella can do the same with her mind in a physical way. She can stop them from touching us. That’s what she’s going to do for you. When the bad men come, Bella’s job will be to stand beside you and make sure no one can get close.”

Violet beamed at me. “You’ll take care of me?”

“I can and I will,” I promised. 

Something whispered in my mind, a nudge that sounded like Carlisle, and for a moment the fog of what I was doing cleared for a moment. I knew it wasn’t really him, it couldn’t be, but was some part of the Bella that had given herself to the Volturi to help. _Test yourself, Bella. Can you use your shield against her? Can you feel it?_

I lifted my shield and pushed it from myself. It was there, strong and perfect, and I was sure I would be able to do it when it mattered.

But who would I now be protecting?

 _Edward!_ Carlisle growled, a sound that shocked me to my core. _You protect him, the one you love._

But this child, Violet, she was…

I shook my head to clear it. I wanted to protect this child, I felt that in my heart, but I _needed_ to protect Edward because he _was_ my heart.

I would stop him from being hurt, him and the other people I loved, but I would protect this child, too. When the battle came, I would make sure she was safe. And then, when it was over, we could go home to Alaska and I could let her run. We would explore the wilderness of Denali together, running free as long as she wanted, and I could help her to feed the way I did. Then she truly would be perfect. No one would doubt her at all when she had golden eyes. The ‘taboo’ whatever it was, wouldn’t matter then.

Edward and I would have a child together.

I’d never considered it with him as I knew it was impossible, but this was a way we could have that. Esme and Carlisle had us all, their children, but Edward and I would have Violet, a real child, to love and care for.

“Violet, Bella needs to go back to her friends now,” Stefan said.

Violet’s lip trembled. “Already?”

“I’m afraid so,” Stefan said. “But she will be back soon, I promise. Bella…”

I touched Violet’s cheek and got reluctantly to my feet. “I’ll see you soon,” I promised, and then turned and followed Stefan out into the open air.

Jasper and Peter were working with a group of newborns, but they both turned to look at me as I stepped into the starlight and I raised a hand in greeting.

“Your friends are waiting for you, Bella,” Stefan said. “But I must ask you to do something for me.”

“Of course,” I said. “Anything.”

“Jasper and Peter are going to want to know about Violet,” he said. “And you can tell them she’s a shield and that you met her, but you _cannot_ tell them how young she is.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s taboo,” Stefan said. “They won’t understand her. I know you see how precious she is, but they will want to hurt her. We can’t let that happen.”

I frowned. “But if I explain about her…”

“They wouldn’t understand,” he said with a sigh. “They have lived with the Volturi’s rules too long. They can’t see the truth the way you do. You must not tell them, Bella.”

“I won’t tell them,” I said, but at the same time I was listening to Carlisle’s voice as it rose in my mind to an order. _You have to tell them, Bella! They need to know. You go to them and get them away from the others. You tell them, and you run with them! You cannot stay here._

I was torn. I knew I should listen to Carlisle, but Violet needed to be protected. What was I supposed to do? If I left, Violet would be vulnerable to the Volturi’s attack. They might not be able to use their gifts on her, but I had no doubt that even Jane or Alec, small and weak though they appeared without their gifts, could kill her. She was so little.

I needed to be there to protect Edward when the battle came, and it needed to come soon, but I had to be there to protect Violet. I couldn’t leave her. If Jasper went with Peter to the family, told the Volturi what happened, they would come to attack. I could help them by stopping Violet’s shield, they would be able to use their gifts, and I could use my physical shield to protect her. The others, Stefan, Vladimir, and the newborns would be killed, but Violet would be safe with me.

Jasper was going to have to go, and I was going to have to make him.

I was going to see just how good of an actor I really was.

xXx

When I reached them, Jasper and Peter walked into the forest, their backs stiff with tension. I was shielding myself so Jasper wouldn’t feel my conflicted emotions and see how torn I was about what had to happen.

As necessary as it was, I was going to hurt my brother. That felt wrong but not as wrong as letting him stay and risking other people I cared about.

When we were deep in the forest, Jasper turned, and his eyes burned as he asked, “Who was she?”

“Violet,” I said.

Peter examined me. “What happened? What changed?”

I sighed. “Everything changed, Peter, and I need you to leave because of it.”

“You mean you need _us_ to leave, right?” Jasper said. “All of us. Why? What did you see?”

“I can’t come,” I said. “I need to stay. But you need to leave. I can see what I have to do now, who I have to protect, and you can’t be here.”

I could feel Jasper’s gift reaching for me, brushing against my shield, and I pushed it away. He tried again, frowning with effort, and I pushed it back firmly. “Stop, Jasper.”

“Let me feel you,” he said.

“No. You don’t need to. You just need to listen to me. It’s not going to be safe for you here. The fight is going to happen, and I can’t protect you. I have to protect someone else now.”

“Who?” Peter asked.

“Violet. I can’t let her be hurt.”

Jasper grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “What did she do to you, Bella? What is she?”

I couldn’t help the small smile that spread over my face at the memory. “She’s perfect.”

Peter sucked in a breath and then pulled Jasper away from me. “How old is she, Bella?” he asked, then rose his voice to a shout. “How old?”

Jasper looked stricken, and he whispered, “No… They wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t they?” Peter stepped towards me. “Bella, she’s young, right? How young?”

I shook my head. This wasn’t going as planned. I couldn’t act well enough. I wanted them to go, but they were guessing. They knew what she was, and I knew from their reaction that they were dangerous. Stefan was right. They’d been under the Volturi rule too long. They believed in the taboo.

I shoved Peter back and said, “She’s young and innocent and perfect.”

Jasper cursed. “Bella, you can’t do this. You have to come with us. We have to warn Aro and come back together.”

“We’re not hurting her,” I said.

“No, we’re killing her,” Peter said. “This changes nothing. The plan is the same. We get to the shield and kill it so the Volturi can attack.”

There was something in the way he said it, the absolute certainty that it was going to happen, that made a red haze slip in front of my eyes. This was my test. Peter was a threat to Violet, the girl that was going to be my child, Edward’s child. I felt my shield drop as the fury flooded me, and Jasper’s eyes widened, and he grabbed Peter and pulled him back.

“Easy, Peter. She’s not in control.”

“Jasper, we can’t let this happen,” Peter said seriously. “Don’t you see the risk?”

Jasper held up his hands and addressed me. “Bella, she’s an immortal child, they’re forbidden. They can’t control themselves. They have tantrums that destroy towns. If she’s let loose in the city, it’ll be a massacre. We will all be exposed.”

“She’s not like that, though.” Though the words weren’t an attack, my voice was a snarl, my anger was building. They were judging Violet by others, these immortal children, the ones that were dangerous. Violet was innocent. 

“Jasper, we’ve got to kill it,” Peter said. “The risk is too big. They could take it into Brașov any time. It would all be over. Now! Bella, shield us while we do it.”

My fury peaked, and I threw myself at Peter and pinned him to the ground. He twisted under me, trying to throw me off, but all my training had paid off. I was stronger as a newborn, and I knew how he would fight me as I’d seen it over and over in the weeks we’d been training here.

Jasper grabbed me around the chest and dragged me off of him, and I spat and growled in rage as I struggled. I felt Jasper’s teeth at the side of my throat, poised to bite into my skin and take my head, and my shield reacted instinctively. It flew from me, knocking him back into the trees, and I threw it at Peter instead.

All things with my shield had worked mostly automatically, instinctively, and it did it again, and part of it gripped Peter’s head and the other his shoulders.

I _could_ split it, I could use it as a weapon, and only Carlisle’s voice in my mind, shouting, _Don’t do it, Bella. Let him go!_

“They’ll kill her,” I growled.

 _They won’t. Just let him go. They will run. Violet will be safe._ He pressed his advantage. _Don’t do this to Alice and Charlotte. Don’t do this to Edward. He’ll never forgive himself for letting you go into this unwarned._

Peter’s eyes were wide with fear, and his teeth gritted. Jasper was running back towards me, his hands raised and his voice pleading with me to let Peter go. For a moment, I was torn. I wanted to fight, to protect Violet, but I also wanted to protect my family. If I did this to Peter, if I killed him, I would never come back from it. None of them would ever look at me the same way. Edward would see me clearly now. He would know I was a murderer.

I dropped my shield from Peter and then shoved them both away from me. They both jumped to their feet and I saw their indecision.

“I will protect her,” I said. “Even from you.”

“Bella…”

“No, Jasper,” Peter said, his voice still scared. “She’s too far gone. We’ve got to go.”

I saw the indecision in Jasper, his need to stay fighting his need to escape, and I allowed my shield to grip his head a moment in warning and tug it just enough for him to feel the strain.

He stared at me in horror, and then, when I dropped it, he grabbed Peter’s arm and they sprinted away.

I stood perfectly still, watching them until they were out of sight, and then took a deep breath. I had succeeded. They were gone, and Violet would be protected. I’d succeeded.

I just wasn’t sure how much of it had been acting. 

I turned back and started walking towards the monastery, feeling only a little surprised when I saw Stefan and Vladimir stood waiting for me at the edge of the forest.

“You told them,” Stefan stated when I was close.

“They guessed,” I replied.

Vladimir nodded. “It was always a risk. And they failed the test. I was sure they would.”

I frowned. “You let me meet Violet as some kind of test?”

Stefan patted my arm. “We knew you wouldn’t hurt her. You _are_ the protector, Bella, and no one deserves protection more than Violet. In truth, I wasn’t sure if you’d kill them. I am glad in a way that you didn’t as they will come back to us when we’re victorious, and Violet is proved to be safe. They’re strong, and will be assets when the Volturi are defeated.”

“Tell me, Bella,” Vladimir said. “Were you tempted to join them?”

“Not even a little,” I said honestly. “I know where I am needed.”

They both smiled knowingly, and I said, “Can I see Violet again now?”

“Of course,” Stefan said. “She will be pleased to see you.”

I thanked him and jogged away towards the monastery.

There was something amazing waiting inside for me.


	43. Chapter 43

**_Edward_ **

I was sitting in the library with my head in my hands. I was close enough to others to hear the hum of their thoughts in my mind but not close enough to hear their voices as they spoke.

The only place I could have true peace was when I left the castle to hunt in the forest, but I hated to be away in case news came when I was gone. Instead, I secluded myself as much as I could and borne the presence of others as best I could when they came.

Esme was the most persistent visitor. She didn’t want me to languish as I had when I was without Bella before, and I tried not to for her sake, but it was hard.

Bella was gone, and I had no way of knowing what was happening to her.

The last vision Alice had of Bella and Jasper was them arriving outside the Romanians’ camp and preparing to enter, and then they’d disappeared. We assumed the shield was blocking her, as Alice was trying her best to see them. Whatever her range was, it covered the places Bella and Jasper were.

Alice felt like she was failing them and us, and she was deaf to all reassurances. I knew I should be with her, helping her, but I felt that I was infecting her with my presence, compounding what she was going through with her fear for her own mate with what I was going through.

I wished I was with Bella and Jasper. I knew that Jasper was the most capable of all my family in warfare, and he would protect Bella, but she was so impetuous. She wanted to protect others, and I couldn’t be sure she would put her own safety first if there was a threat. If Jasper was in danger, or Peter now she’d had time to get to know him, she would do whatever it took to save them, I knew, just like she had when she’d gone to James believing it would save her mother.

That was what scared me. 

The quiet hum of thoughts that I was pushing to the back of my mind rose in volume and clamored at me. I reached for the most familiar, the one I had heard first when I woke as a vampire, and Carlisle’s voice filled my mind.

_How could we have let this happen? Bella… She wasn’t warned…_

I leaped to my feet, snapping the legs of the chair I had been sitting on as it flew back, and I ran towards the voices. Their mental and literal voices became clearer to me, and I heard the panic in them both.

“Edward!” Alice shouted. “You have to come!”

I ran towards Alice and met her at a turn in the hall. She had a phone pressed to her ear and was followed by Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie having gone into the city to the apartment they had been using, and their faces wore identical expressions of panic.

“What?” I asked. “Carlisle, what’s happened?”

“They’ve separated,” Carlisle said. “Jasper and Peter had to leave the camp.”

I knew he didn’t mean to hunt, and my stomach lurched with horror. Bella was alone…

I turned my eyes on Alice and asked, “What happened?”

“It’s Jasper,” she said, holding out the phone to me.

I pressed it to my ear and growled. “Talk, Jasper.”

_“It’s an immortal child, Edward. The shield is an immortal child, and Bella has seen it. She’s…entranced. She almost killed Peter when we threatened it. We had to run.”_

“You left her!” I shouted.

In the background of the call, Peter replied, _“Killed, Edward! She nearly tore my head off. So yeah, we left. We weren’t safe with her!”_

“And who is keeping her safe?”

 _“She’s going to do a good job of that herself,”_ Peter replied.

I heard Jasper cut him off with a curse before he said, _“I’m no happier about this than you are, Edward, but it was stay and die or trust her. I chose trust. She’s safe with them. They think she’s amazing. And even if that changes, Bella has her shield. She can stop anyone from getting near her. We had to run to warn you. We’re in the city now, waiting for Charlotte to meet us. You have to come. Stefan and Vladimir are ready and impatient. They want the fight now. They have thirty newborns working in unison thanks to me and Peter. It’s time to attack.”_

The fact he thought I needed to be told that was ludicrous. Bella was alone now, under the spell of an immortal child. We had to get to her.

Throwing the phone to Alice, I ran towards the throne room, but before I reached it, I sensed Aro’s mind reacting to the sounds in the hall. A door opened a little ahead of me, and he peered out. It was Aro’s private quarters, where only he and Sulpicia ever went.

I held out my hand to him and said, “We need to go. Look!”

He seized my hand, but instead of bowing over it as he usually did, enjoying and absorbing what he was seeing and hearing, he kept his eyes fixed on mine. I saw the horror dawn as he registered the threat of what Jasper had said, and he dropped it.

“Demetri!” he shouted.

I’d never heard him raise his voice before, and it slammed the impact of what was happening into me all over again. He was aware of just how bad the situation was, and he was going to act.

If I had not been so scared, I would have been relieved.

Demitri appeared at the end of the hall. “Master?”

“It’s time to leave,” he said. “We need to go to Romania. Have the guard assemble and prepare the plane. I want _everyone_. Summon all secondaries. Have them meet us in Brașov. I want them all; all spies, all fighters, any covens in the area. We need everyone.”

Demetri nodded his head and ran down the hall.

Aro fixed his eyes on me and said, “We have dealt with situations like this before, Edward. We can defeat them. We _will_ defeat them. Bella will be fine.”

He didn’t mean for me to hear it, it was so quiet I knew he was trying to hide it, but he didn’t have my family’s experience of concealing thoughts from me. When I heard it, I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes closed at the implicit threat. _We will win, with or without Bella. And if it costs us her gift…_

He gave me a steely look, and I nodded. “We need to get Emmett and Rosalie back.”

“Do it,” he said. “The plane is at the airport in Valdera. Go now. We will meet you there.”

I nodded and ran away, Alice on my heels, and Carlisle and Esme behind us. Carlisle was trying to soothe me with his thoughts, calm me, but it was Esme’s panic that was clearest to me as I was feeling the same fear.

_What will they do if Bella stands against them for that child? Is her need to protect stronger than her love for us?_

I should know the answer; she had opened her mind to me and showed me her love. But an immortal child was a powerful tool for inciting protective instincts. And Bella loved with her whole heart each and every time…

What if she tried to protect the child?

I had to be there, in her line of sight from the beginning, so she saw what she was fighting for.

I needed her to fight for me. 

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I was with Violet in the monastery. I had only been with her for around ten minutes, but I knew they would send me away soon. Vladimir was standing behind us, watching with satisfaction as I bonded with her.

I was brushing her hair, lifting each section and running the brush over it and then letting it fall onto her back in a perfect wave. It really was like touching silk, like touching Edward’s hair. There was already so much I saw in her that I saw in him. He was going to love her as much as I did. She really was going to be our child.

A panicked voice ripped along the hall, and we all turned. “Vladimir! It’s happening!” Elenora ran into sight. “They’re coming.”

I jumped to my feet and held Violet’s hand. Her fingers gripped me back tightly, showing her fear.

“It’s okay,” I soothed. “You’re going to be fine.”

“Violet, it is time to come outside,” Vladimir said, his hands steepled under his chin. He looked excited, eager, and I could see the millennia of hatred and patience come to fruition at last in his eyes “Bella, stay with her. You will both need to be at the rear of the battlefield to act. Remember what we said, you must protect Violet at all costs.”

“I will,” I vowed, no trace of doubt in my voice. I would do anything for this child.

“Come, then,” Vladimir said.

With Violet’s hand gripping mine, we hurried along the hall. I felt the tension in Violet ,and I squeezed her hand and said, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“You don’t need to be. I’m going to be at your side the whole time. You’re about to see something amazing”

We reached the exit, and I stepped first into the sunlight. My skin shone and sparkled, and Violet gasped. “Pretty,” she whispered.

“You’ll be pretty, too,” I said. “Come out here.”

I stepped further back, drawing her with me, and then I gasped too as the light reached her skin and made her shine. She was even more beautiful in the light, impossibly more.

She released my hand and lifted her arm to examine. “What does it?”

“Magic,” I whispered.

“Not now, Bella,” Vladimir snapped. “They’re coming.”

I returned my attention to what I needed to focus on, sending out my senses to what was around me. I could hear the newborns snarling as they were ordered into place by Elenora. She didn’t have the control over them that Peter and Jasper had, and she was struggling. I didn’t add my voice to hers as I was focused on Violet, who was still admiring herself in the light.

Past the newborns, I could hear the sound of people approaching, but they weren’t running. They seemed to be moving slowly, carefully, as if in no hurry. I didn’t know what I’d expected from the Volturi attack, but it wasn’t this calm approach. I thought they should have been running into battle, attacking.

“They’re here,” Stefan sighed, falling into place at Violet’s side. Vladimir was beside me. “They are finally here.”

I bent down and whispered in Violet’s ear, too soft for anyone but her to hear. “Do as I say when I say it. I want you to stay with me no matter what, understand?”

“Yes, Bella.”

“What are you saying?” Vladimir asked.

I straightened up. “I’m helping her cope with the fact she’s young and scared, and outside for the first time in over a year.”

“Concentrate on your shields,” Stefan said. “Both of you. Protect us, Violet.”

I stretched my metal over Violet and myself, tucking it into the contours of her body, feeling comforted, and then I spotted the strange haze coming from the forest.

“It’s the boy-witch,” Stefan said. “Violet, shield us!”

I darted a glance to my side and saw Violet’s look of concentration. When the haze reached the very edge of the forest, I saw it hit a wall and raise. Violet was blocking it.

“That’s good,” Stefan said. “Very good.”

I knew I needed to block hers, to let the Volturi had their gifts, but at the same time, I was scared to. If the Volturi had created the taboo about children like Violet, would they attack her with those gifts?

My mind processed the risk, and then I said, "I need her closer to protect so I can move. Violet, climb on my back.”

“You don’t need to move,” Stefan said. “You must stay close to us.”

Violet was listening to me, though. When I bent, she climbed onto my back and locked her arms around my neck.

“Bella…” Stefan said, a warning in his tone.

“I’ve got it,” I said.

“Look, Stefan,” Vladimir said. “They are coming. Aro, Marcus, and Caius.”

Out of the trees came a formation of people in cloaks. At the center was Aro, Marcus, and Caius, in black, and from them spread the other guards in cloaks in gradually lightening shades of grey. They came to a stop at the edge of the trees where Violet’s shield ended, and I gripped her hands at my throat and said, “Just do as I say.”

I was torn. I wanted to be with them, protecting them, but Violet needed me more, and it was too dangerous to take her near them.

I needed to go in the other direction, to the other edge of the battlefield and then shield her so the Volturi could access their gifts. I could see them safe, the Romanians and newborns stopped, and plead my case when it was over. And if they wouldn’t listen, I could run.

“We need to be closer,” I said.

“No, stay with us,” Stefan said.

“I can’t,” I said.

Stefan’s hand fell on my shoulder, and I shoved him away from me with my shield and started running towards the trees on my left. “Drop your shield, Violet,” I commanded. “Let it down.”

“I’m supposed to use it,” she said.

“Do it for me,” I urged. “Drop it!”

“Stop her!” Stefan commanded.

I cursed and dodged right as a newborn, only a month old, one of Peter’s most recent, ran at me, and I shoved it away with my shield. 

“Kill her!” Vladimir shouted. “Kill Bella!”

In response, I heard a roar of rage and a shout of pain, and then Edward’s voice calling, “Bella!”

As if Edward’s shout was the trigger, the newborns surged forward, away from me, to the Volturi who dropped into crouches and launched themselves forward. There was a crash like boulders colliding and Violet flinched on my back.

“It’s okay,” I said. “We’re okay. I’m going to keep you safe.”

Edward shouted for me again. “Bella!”

I froze a moment in indecision. He was close, so close, but his voice came from behind the Volturi ranks and that was where the danger to Violet was.

“What are we doing, Bella?” Violet asked

I stood frozen for a moment, my physical shield spread from me as the battle raged between the Volturi and newborns, and then I said, “I’m taking you to your family.” At the same moment, I changed direction and ran towards Edward’s voice. If I could get behind the Volturi, I could protect them and Alec could use his gift. But even as it stretched from me, I felt what was wrong. It was as if there was a weight over it. I couldn’t overpower Violet’s. I felt it, I could hold it, but I wasn’t strong enough. She was.

They were unprotected.

“Bella!”

Edward ran out past the raging newborns towards me and I flew towards him.

“Who is that?” Violet asked.

“That’s Edward,” I said. “He’s going to be your father. He’s going to love you, too. You have to drop your shield.”

“I don’t understand.”

I reached Edward and grabbed his arm and yanked him away from the raging newborns and guard. We came to a stop in the trees, and I twisted Violet from my back to hold her in front of me. I touched her cheek and said, “Drop your shield, Violet, then I can take care of you properly. Do it for me.”

She looked between me and Edward and then her red eyes narrowed. I followed her gaze and saw the hatred and horror in Edward’s face.

“No, Edward!” I said. “It’s not what you think. She’s going to be ours.”

I didn’t think he meant to say it, it seemed automatic, but his words made Violet flinch against me and then, as I pulled her closer to soothe, her teeth pressed against my throat. 

“That’s a monster, Bella. She has to die.”


	44. Chapter 44

**_Edward_ **

We were ordered to stay behind the Volturi line as we approached. I did at first, knowing I would be stopped if I went ahead, but when they fell into line, I started forward, and I was dragged back and pinned by immovable arms. At the same moment, I was flooded with Jasper’s gift of calm to the point that I couldn’t move.

“Jasper,” I groaned. “Stop!”

“No,” he said. “The guard can handle this. If you go near the newborns, you will be killed.”

“But Bella…”

“Can handle herself. And she needs you alive.”

I slumped in Emmett’s grip and moaned. I wanted to be with her, to protect, but at the same time, I couldn’t make myself move. Jasper’s influence was too strong.

Carlisle stood in front of me and lifted my chin to look at him. I could tell from the concentration in his eyes that he was trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t hear his thoughts. I couldn’t hear any thoughts. I was too close to the shield for my gift to work. 

“I can’t… The shield…”

“Bella is safe, Edward,” he said. “The last thing she would want is you putting yourself in danger.”

“And if she protects the Romanians instead of us?” I asked.

“She won’t.”

My fear surged, and I felt Jasper combat it with an intense wave of his gift. I hated that they were doing this to me, that they were risking Bella like this. I wanted to fight, but Jasper was too strong. Then an accented voice shouted a command, and I felt my own strength born of need surge through me, and I roared. 

“Kill her! Kill Bella!”

I struggled in Emmett’s grip as Jasper’s influence was overpowered by my need for Bella, and I twisted and sank my teeth into his neck.

He shouted in pain, and his arms released me.

“Bella!” I roared.

The frozen line of the newborns broke as I ran forward, and they launched themselves toward the Volturi, who crouched and attacked with crashes and rumbles of vampire bodies colliding. The air was filled with shouts and screams. 

“Bella!” I shouted as I ran around the warring bodies, searching for her. “Bella!”

I saw her then. She was running with the immortal child clinging to her back. The child was tiny, young, dangerous. A threat to us all.

Bella reached me and grabbed my arm and pulled me away to the right. I ran with her into the trees, ignoring the sounds of fighting behind me and hoping against hope that my family were not a part of it. I didn’t see anyone following, they were absorbed by the battle, and I was relieved.

Bella pulled the child around to her chest and touched her cheek. “Drop your shield, Violet,” she said softly. “Then I can take care of you properly. Do it for me.”

The child looked from Bella with adoration on her face to me with hatred. Her red eyes narrowed, and I saw the threat in her as clearly as if she’d spoken in my mind.

She was going to destroy us all.

Hatred and horror filled me, and I glared at her.

“No, Edward!” Bella said. “It’s not what you think. She’s going to be ours.”

The words came from me without thought. I had no ability to restrain them. “That’s a monster, Bella. She has to die.”

The child flinched, and Bella pulled her close, perhaps to soothe, but the child shot me a look of venom and then pressed her mouth to Bella’s throat.

“Stop!” I shouted. “Let her go!”

The child’s eyes fixed on me, and she raised her mouth slightly from Bella’s throat to say, “Bella is _mine_ , not yours.”

I held up my hands. “Yes, okay, she’s yours. But you have to let her go. You’re going to hurt her.”

Bella stroked the child’s hair, no sign of fear in her. “I’m both of yours,” she said. “Edward is going to be your father like I’m your mother. We’re all going to be together forever.”

I didn’t conceal my horror at the idea fast enough, and the child caught it. She sank her teeth deep into Bella’s throat, and Bella’s cried out and then screamed as the child was thrown from her by her physical shield, her teeth still gripping a chunk of her flesh.

I caught Bella and pressed my hand to her throat automatically, as if I was staunching blood. Her skin was slick with venom and there was a sickening hollow beneath my fingers, but Bella made no sounds of pain now. She seemed stunned.

Behind us, the battle raged with shouts and screams, the sound of tearing metal as vampires were torn apart. 

“Bella, you have to shield us,” I said. “The fight… Alec can’t use his gift.”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “Violet is stronger than me.”

“Emmett!” I shouted.

He ran to our side, his eyes wide and fearful as he looked at Bella. I saw him reaching for something to say, but his usual timing and ability to lighten a moment failed.

“Get the child,” I yelled. “She needs to be stopped. She’s stronger than Bella.”

“No!” Bella gasped. “You can’t. She needs to be protected. She’s ours.”

Emmett gave her a look of misery and then ran into the trees where the child was watching us with a strange look on her face. It was half fear, half hatred.

Jasper went after him, and Violet began to run from them.

I turned Bella so she was facing away, relieved that she wasn’t fighting me. If she tried to defend the child, to use her shield, I would be helpless.

“Trust me, love,” I whispered. “I’m going to take care of everything.”

There was a child’s scream of terror that became pain, and Bella jolted as if given an electric shock. The sound cut with a screech of tearing metal, a vampire’s head being torn from its body, and then I heard a rush of thoughts filling my mind as the shield dropped.

I shouted, “Now, Alec!” as the sound died.

I found his mind and saw him at his place beside Jane in front of Aro, Marcus, and Caius, and then I saw the haze of his gift inching from him towards the newborns as the guard fell back behind him.

I hugged Bella to me. “It’s okay, love,” I said. “It’s almost over.”

The snarls and growls gradually faded and stopped as Alec’s influence reached them, and then the sound of vampires being destroyed filled the air.

Bella buried her face into my neck and began to sob. I wanted to help, to get her away from the horror that was happening around her.

I looked back into Alec’s mind and saw that all the newborns were now under his influence. We didn’t need to be there anymore; Bella didn’t need to be there. 

“Come with me, love,” I said, taking her hand and leading her deeper into the trees. She came with me, but there was a distant look in her eyes that became horror when we passed the small head with long, blonde hair and a pink ribbon that lay on the ground a dozen feet from us.

The remains of the child Bella had loved.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

Esme squeezed my hand and said, “Go to them. They need you.”

I smiled and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

I wanted to be with my wife, but I thought Bella and Edward needed me more at that moment, and I knew she was safe. Edward and Bella were the ones suffering the most. Bella had lost the child she’d been entranced with, loved, and Edward was seeing her pain.

Rosalie went to Esme and put her arms around her. Alice stood on her other side. Jasper and Emmett were part of the group dismembering the frozen newborns.

I hurried in the direction that Bella and Edward had taken, finding their scent path going away from the confusion of others that were there, and walked deeper into the forest.

I heard Bella’s cries and Edward’s soothing voice as I approached, and I saw Bella was wrapped in his arms as they sat on the branch-strewn ground.

My heart ached for them both, for Bella’s pain and Edward’s helplessness.

“Bella,” I sighed.

She looked up at me, and her eyes looked tortured. I walked closer and opened my arms. Edward released her, and she got to her feet then walked toward me. Before she reached me, though, there was a rush of movement around us. Edward was bowled over and pinned to the ground by a vampire with the still red eyes of a newborn, a woman, and a pair of arms gripped me from behind and teeth pressed to my throat.

“Carlisle,” an accented voice said, fury deep in it. “So good of you to come.”

“Vladimir, let him go!” Bella shouted. “Let them both go.” She looked back at the vampire that held Edward and growled, “Elenora, stop!”

Edward was pinned by the knees on his chest and his wide eyes fixed on Bella as Stefan walked into my view.

“Don’t stop,” Stefan said. “Kill.”

I could see Bella was torn as she teetered on the edge of movement, trying to see which was the greater risk and who to defend, and I gave her the command that I knew would end with my death but save the person I loved.

“Save him,” I said. “Save Edward.”

“No, Carlisle!” Edward shouted.

I fixed my eyes on him and smiled slightly. _I love you son._

“No!”

Bella threw out her hands, one reaching for Edward and the other for me, and the arms around me tightened. Bella squeezed her eyes closed, and I called to her as the arms around me began to slip away. I was released, and I ran forward to defend Edward, but he was already free, too. Elenora was on her feet, her arms and legs splayed and terror in her eyes. Stefan and Vladimir were held the same. It was as if there were ropes tied to their wrists and ankles, pulling them apart.

“Do it, Bella,” Edward said.

“She won’t,” Stefan said with a laugh. “Bella cannot kill. She is too weak to dare.”

“No,” I said, my voice loud and confident. “Bella is a protector! She’s strong. She’ll protect others from you.”

Bella nodded, and then her head flew back, and there was a sickening tearing sound and screams of pain as their arms, legs, and heads were torn from their bodies.

Edward looked at me in stunned disbelief, and then a smile curled his lips. “She split it,” he whispered.

Bella’s hands dropped to her sides, and she blew out a slow breath. Edward and I moved towards her at the same time, and our arms embraced each other with her held between us.

“You did it, love,” Edward said, his pride clear in his voice. “You saved us.”

Bella nodded slightly and then buried her face into his neck.

I stroked her hair and said, “You were amazing. You were a protector all along.”

Bella huffed a laugh and raised her face. “Yeah, but I was protecting the wrong person at first, wasn’t I?”

“That wasn’t your fault,” I said. “You couldn’t have known what an immortal child is capable of. We didn’t warn you about them. The power they have is immense.”

She sighed. “I guess… I don’t think I want to do this again, though.”

There was movement behind u,s and we broke apart. Aro was standing with Felix and Demetri, who were looking at the pieces of our enemies on the ground.

“Was anyone hurt?” Aro asked.

“No,” Edward said. “Bella saved us when they attacked.”

Aro smiled slightly and fixed his eyes on Stefan’s head. “How did she do it?”

“We can talk about it later,” Edward said pointedly, stroking Bella’s hair.

“Of course,” Aro replied. “Felix, Demetri, add them to the fire.” Felix and Demetri gathered the pieces into their arms and carried them away, and then Aro called after him. “Actually, no, leave Elenora. I have a better idea of how she should meet eternity, and it’s not with fire. She can linger in separate graves.”

“Yes, Master,” they intoned.

Aro clapped his hands together. “Well, Bella, it didn’t quite go as planned, but I think this was a good first test for you. You will have time to practice before we call on you again.”

“I don’t think I want to do it again,” Bella said.

I caught Edward’s eye and saw the gleam in it. He looked surprised but relieved, even though his words oppose it, “You don’t need to decide yet, love. There’s plenty of time for you to think.”

“Yes,” Aro said. “There is. All the time in the world.”

All the time for Bella to decide, to find her new life as a vampire with us, for us all to relax and enjoy the peace.

We had forever for Bella to decide if what she really wanted was to be a protector. 


	45. Chapter 45

**_Carlisle_ **

As the small boat appeared on the horizon, Esme’s hand slipped into mine. I kissed the back of her hand, and we walked together to the end of the jetty.

“Happy?” she asked me.

“Very,” I sighed.

She laughed softly and said, “Me too.”

From the shore came sounds of splashing and laughter as Rosalie and Alice ran out of the waves, and Jasper and Emmett chased them. Alice dodged Jasper’s reaching hands and ran across the sand, but Rosalie was caught and swept into her husband's arms.

We had been on Isle Esme together for three months, and our family was on the point of being reunited again. We had another three months together before we would move into our new house in a small and overcast town in Pittsburg. I was in discussions with a medical clinic in the area to work for a time, and Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice would be starting high school again in the new school year.

We didn’t yet know what Bella and Edward would choose to do, and I thought the envelope on the table inside with its red wax seal was going to be a deciding factor for them.

As the boat drew up and Bella waved from her place standing on the bow, we all gathered, and Esme stepped forward.

Edward steered the boat to a stop, and Bella jumped onto the wooden jetty. I caught her in my arms and spun her as she laughed, and Edward greeted Esme with a hug and kiss to her cheek.

I released Bella, and she was greeted in turn by Emmett, Jasper, and Alice, while Edward hugged Rosalie.

“Oh, I missed you both so much,” Esme said, touching Bella’s cheek and brushing back her hair.

“We weren’t gone that long,” Edward said.

“Six months!” Esme said. “That is long.”

Bella hugged an arm around Esme’s waist and said, “It felt like a long time for me too,” she said. “But we’ve got hundreds of photos to show you, and I got the video of the helmet camera from our skydive.”

“I can’t believe you actually skydived,” Emmett said. “With a parachute. You do realize you could have just jumped without it, right?”

Bella laughed. “Yeah, because no one would have noticed us falling to earth.”

“You could have done it somewhere secluded,” Emmett pointed out.

“We could,” Bella said. “Maybe next time. You want to come with us?”

He grinned. “Definitely! Jazz can fly us.”

Bella raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got a pilot’s license, Jasper?”

“Not yet,” he said with a wink. “But give me a few weeks…”

“Come inside,” Esme said. “I want to hear about every single thing you did while you were gone.”

“And _I_ want to start planning the wedding at last,” Alice said as we started walking to the house. “I’ve been patient, but a five-year engagement is too damn long for anyone. It’s time to get it done.”

Bella shrugged. “Sure. We were thinking Vegas.”

Alice rolled her eyes and linked her arm through Bella’s. “I’m going to ignore that since I know you’re only saying it to hurt me.”

I opened the sliding glass doors, and we filed into the living area of our home on Esme’s island. Emmett threw himself down onto the couch and pulled Rosalie onto his lap. 

Bella and Edward sat in the center of the long couch, and Esme and I sat either side of them while Alice and Jasper shared an armchair.

“Tell us about Africa,” Esme urged. “What did you see?”

Edward chuckled. “I think we saw _everything_. Bella had done her research and had the maps.”

“Any good hunting?” Emmett asked.

“Does elephant count as good?” Bella asked.

Emmett's mouth dropped open. “You didn’t…”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Of course I didn’t, Em. There was good hunting, but we spent more time exploring. We had to do our own safari which was cool since the rangers would have wondered why the animals ran from us. Luckily, we’re faster than cheetahs.” Her eyes fell on the table where the envelope with her name italicized on it sat. She frowned.

“Yes, Demetri brought that a week ago,” I said.

Bella nodded and stared at it.

“Do you want to open it?” Edward asked cautiously.

Bella stared at it for a moment and then shook her head. “If it’s waited a week, it’ll wait another day. I’m not ready to ask myself that question yet.”

Edward wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into his side. I thought that perhaps the letter would be opened sooner than tomorrow, that Bella’s natural curiosity would make her want to know what lay inside, what their need was.

It had been five years since the Romanians had been killed, since the last fight we knew the Volturi had been involved in, but if they wanted Bella now, it meant there was a new threat.

But it wasn’t time for Bella to answer that question yet.

It was time for us to be a family.


End file.
